Is this Masturbation? Is this a sin?

[Sunfish]

Sorry for the awkward question, I just need to know if this is a sin and if it’s something I need to confess. I’ll try not to be graphic, but if please don’t read any further if you’d rather not. I’m a teenage girl and I’ve never had an orgasm. Recently, one of my friends started having oral sex. I don’t want to have sex until I’m married, but I wanted to know what that felt like. I read online that you can get an orgasm by…[edited]. I tried it, felt nothing, and I stopped. I guess I now feel guilty for doing this because I know masturbation is wrong. However, I always thought that the reason for this is that usually, masturbation involves thinking about other people in a lustful way, as Jesus tells us not to do in the Bible. I honestly had no lustful thoughts as I was doing this, just curiosity about the way my body works. I’ve decided not to try this again (although I’m still really curious), because I guess it’s wrong, I just don’t understand why. I mean, I sometimes like to make myself sneeze because I think it feels cool. That’s not the purpose of sneezing, but it’s not a sin either. If I’m not having sex outside of marriage or thinking lustful thoughts (both of which are sins, per the Bible), why is this any worse than making myself sneeze just because it involves a different body part? Am I now in a state of mortal sin? Do I need to confess to masturbation? I’m confused.

 

[Holly3278]

Yes, that is masturbation and is a sin.

 

[pierced77]

Sunfish,
It sounds to me, that your conscience is speaking loudly. For you to continue this behavior your conscience will soften and you will become more confused for that is partly what sin does, it clouds your vision. If you listen to your conscience it will sharpen. “and a pure heart shall see God.” Trust God, learn his voice and you will grow in wisdom and understanding.

 

[ljprevo]

Hi there,

I don’t want you to think I am leacturing you here. My comments are more of a general nature, just by you asking us about your situation shows you care, I HIGHLY commend you.

1st, yes you need to goto confession and get this sin off your soul.

Next I have a question.

"I wanted to know what that felt like. "

It sounds like self satisfaction here.

My question is this. Why wouldn’t you want to experience this the 1st time in your life with your newly married husband? To share that feeling together, BOTH for the first time? How wonderful and exciting it is TOGETHER! With no sin at all.

Our priest told us that the closest feeling that you can get of heaven as a human is at the height of a sexual orgasm. Why oh why would we as humans not want the feeling when it is PURE? Not slamming you.

Think of this, your future wedding day.

Big beautiful church wedding, big reception, then its all over, off to the hotel you go with your spouse, possible a fireplace, rose pedels, a hot tub, lotions, etc.

Then think, two people get to that level, slowly, gradually, and then wow!

Instead, we as humans use other methods to get a quick feeling. Buzz, wham, done.

No REAL meaning and REAL feeling that goes with it.

I am not saying I am perfect, I am not and have sinned many times in my past, however, my wife, we did NOT inappropriate before we were married and trust me, from experience, it was the best EVER!

Just food for thought.

Is this what we have come to as humans, getting off to feel good?

 

[dan1el]

First of all, you are right to bring this deed into the light, so that it may be corrected, so, as a brother in Christ, I am very proud of you that you had the courage to do this and obey your conscience and the Holy Spirit in revealing this to others. However, just as your conscience had told you, this is a sin just as others here have counseled you. Follow their advice!

God bless you!

However, I have a problem with something someone said:

Our priest told us that the closest feeling that you can get of heaven as a human is at the height of a sexual orgasm.

This statement is SO FAR from the truth: the love of God is stronger than any love, and BY FAR outweighs a simple physical pleasure - so as to make it hateful, since the love of God is concerning the soul and spirit, which are, proportionately, larger and more need parts of our being.
It is written that “No flesh will inherit the Kingdom of Heaven” - so how can you compare a mere temporal, passing pleasure of the body to the eternal glory, love and joy of Heaven?
Pleasures of the flesh are NOTHING compared to Heaven!! The things of Heaven are so superior that,

"But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God."
1 Corinthians 2:9-10

The love of God is so supreme that it makes me HATE pleasure. Either that, or I am being too scrupulous?

Ask the Holy Spirit of God to fill your heart, and to teach you these things and to talk with you, since you are the Temple and Home of God, and He will !

And listen to these good people! And read the Scriptures!
I thank God for these people and this forum.

 

[ljprevo]

He was not talking about the orgasm itself, he was referring to the bond between a husband and wife. That during the marital act, it is something that is to be shared between a husband and wife only, it is a wonderful gift that God has given us. And for you to say heaven will not be pleasurable, I think you are off on that point. Back to the topic at hand…

 

[dan1el]

Well, God bless you.

Is that what you meant? haha

I didn’t mean “Heaven won’t be pleasurable”; but that the pleasures of Heaven are infinitely greater:

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. "Romans 8:18
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“But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none” 1 Cor 7:29
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"…I die daily."1 Cor 15:31
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“Although He was a Son, He learned
obedience from the things which He suffered.” Hebrews 5:8​

To die to yourself to the point of where you live as though you were not married (though married), in order to avail oneself to the service to the Lord Jesus 100% (1 Cor 7:35), is a suffering - and it is not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed.

People are not even told to marry unless they cannot control themselves - priests or not.

To make things clear, I didn’t say there wouldn’t be any pleasure in heaven, but that it would be an eternally greater order of pleasure - that of the spirit:

“…In Your presence is fullness of joy;
in Your right hand (Jesus) there are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11

I garauntee you the pleasure the Holy Spirit was talking about through David wasn’t talking about the forgettable pleasure of sex, because…

“… in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.” Matthew 22:30

… but rather a far greater pleasure, the weight of which is not to be compared with suffering the losses of the selfish pleasures in the current age - and these things are revealed to us in part through the Holy Spirit today:

“…But God hath revealed them unto us by His Spirit…” 1 Cor 2:9-11

God has revealed the pleasures He has prepared for us through His Spirit, which is the down-payment and foretaste of the Promise of Eternal Life - and the pleasures are spiritual in nature.

• Just a thought!

 

[ljprevo]

I totally agree with you, and so does/did our priest. It was during our marriage prep class when we talked about “sex” in marriage. He did say the orgasm between a married couple is as close as you can get to the feeling in heaven, making sure we realize that heaven is much greater than that. God gave the orgasm as a great gift for a married couple. My point here is why have one when it is not pure of heart and soul.

It is like any other gift that God has given us. To experience it with sin, then makes that gift not so great.

I hope you understand what I mean.

I in no way am saying that the orgasm is what heaven feels like. Maybe I am having a hard time trying to type here what I mean.

God gave us this great experience as a human, yet says that this is reserved for a MARRIED man and woman and nobody else EVER.

When you enter it and have the orgasm on God’s terms, the is much more joy and love to be obtained. Not an orgasm with just anyone or by yourself.

I was merely trying to point out to the OP to think about obtaining a orgasm on the spritual side, with your spouse as God intended it to happen.

I hope I did not lose you here

 

[rebusrms]

I just wanted to commend you and tell you how special you are to be brave enough to share. Like another said. sex within marriage is much greater than any type of sex you can have before marriage. Please continue to listen to your conscience. Sometimes when I’m not sure whether something is a sin or not I ask my priest in confession. In short I confess it and wait to hear from the priest whether or not its a sin. I know my priest is very understanding and I’m sure so is yours. I wish you well.

may the Blessed Mother pray for us all

 

[dan1el]

I think that what you intended to say flew right over my head

That the intimate, face-to-face disclosure and being known of one another, and the spiritual connection and love had between a man and woman – not the physical aspect? – is comparable?

I would agree with that, since Jesus even used the analogy, calling Himself the Husband and the Church the bride, analogously.

God bless you and have a good day, I gotta continue looking for a job! lol

 

[Jennifer_J]

A couple of articles dealing with the OP’s concern and esp about Chastity:
therealpresence.org/archives/Chastity/Chastity_010.htm
therealpresence.org/archives/Chastity/Chastity_009.htm

And here’s the Catechism on the “foretaste of heaven”
<<1642 Christ is the source of this grace. “Just as of old God encountered his people with a covenant of love and fidelity, so our Savior, the spouse of the Church, now encounters Christian spouses through the sacrament of Matrimony.” Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses and so follow him, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear one another’s burdens, to “be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ,” and to love one another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love. In the joys of their love and family life he gives them here on earth a foretaste of the wedding feast of the Lamb:
How can I ever express the happiness of a marriage joined by the Church, strengthened by an offering, sealed by a blessing, announced by angels, and ratified by the Father? . . . How wonderful the bond between two believers, now one in hope, one in desire, one in discipline, one in the same service! They are both children of one Father and servants of the same Master, undivided in spirit and flesh, truly two in one flesh. Where the flesh is one, one also is the spirit. >>

Remember the marital embrace is a renewal of the marriage covenant. It’s sacramental.

 

[dan1el]

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO, so there is a significance given to “bearing fruit” with God… yes, this makes sense…“abide in Me, and I in you, as a branch can do nothing of itself” - bearing the fruit of the Holy Spirit.

 

[Joysong]

Recently, one of my friends started having oral sex. It sounded interesting and I wanted to know what that felt like. I don’t want to have sex until I’m married, but I read online…

With the matter of oral sex, do you honestly believe that God, who created our bodies to function a certain way for procreation, would approve of oral sex? This act in itself would be contraceptive, let alone humanly degrading.

As for the other bolded section, what on earth are you doing online looking at sites like this? What you permit your eyes to gaze upon will eventually lead you into depravity if these are porn sites. There is no way you will safeguard the chaste sacredness of your person by indulging in this fantasy and curiosity that has no lawfulness outside of marriage.

May I also warn you that once you begin indulging in these solitary acts purely for pleasure, they are addicting and extremely difficult to break. We hear much testimony from smokers who wish they had never taken that first cigarette, or drug users who mourn the curiosity of that euphoric high that leads them into a vicious downward spiral of dependency.

Guard your eyes, my dear, and let your virginal heart belong only to Christ until such time that He calls you to marriage, IF that is His will for you.

Peace.

Carole

 

[ljprevo]

Thank you Jennifer, exactly what I was trying to explain.

P.S.

Father Hardon was a priest at my church

 

[Jennifer_J]

whether it’s allowed within Catholic Marriage all the way to climax is a different topic alltogether…and probably not for this particular thread…

 

[Joysong]

I’m a teenage girl and I’ve never had an orgasm. Recently, one of my friends started having oral sex. It sounded interesting and I wanted to know what that felt like.

It speaks to me that “one of my friends” would also be a teenager like herself, who is no doubt unmarried, yet engages in this activity with another teenage partner.
She wants to experiment to “know what it felt like?” http://bestsmileys.com/surprised/1.gif

Maintaining a friendship with someone of this caliber is a very serious matter, because her friend’s conversations, lifestyle, and sinful advice to the OP is going to lead her down a treacherous sinful path. If it was my daughter, the friendship would be over.

 

[CathPhilosopher]

I’ve decided not to try this again (although I’m still really curious), because I guess it’s wrong, I just don’t understand why. I mean, I sometimes like to make myself sneeze because I think it feels cool. That’s not the purpose of sneezing, but it’s not a sin either. If I’m not having sex outside of marriage or thinking lustful thoughts (both of which are sins, per the Bible), why is this any worse than making myself sneeze just because it involves a different body part?

Your question is a good one. The reason why sex apart from marriage is a sin is not that it is contrary to nature in just any way at all, but because it is contrary to one of the great goods to which sex is ordered by nature–the good of companionship, and/or procreation and education of children.

St. Thomas Aquinas, after stating that sex outside of marriage is wrong because, according to the order established in human nature, one should only have sex where allowance is made for the due generation and education of children–goes on to say, “One shouldn’t consider sex in separation from the appropriate goal of generation and education to be a light sin, because it is either a light sin or no sin at all to use another part of the body for a purpose other than its natural purpose, e.g., to walk on one’s hands or to do some work with one’s feet that would appropriately be done with the hands; for by unorderly acts of this kind human good is not much hindered, whereas unorderly sex is contrary to the good of nature, the preservation of the human species.”

More could be said about this, but the basic point is: precisely because sex in the appropriate certain circumstances is such a good thing, and indeed such a holy thing… to have sex, or even to use the sexual organs in inappropriate ways or circumstances, is much worse than using other parts of one’s body in such ways.

Am I now in a state of mortal sin? Do I need to confess to masturbation? I’m confused.

When we do something without really realizing its wrongness, we are not then in a state of mortal sin. You or your confessor or spiritual director are the only ones in a position to judge this. But for the sake of safeguarding our conscience, it’s generally a good idea to confess things we do that are objectively seriously sinful, even if we didn’t entirely realize their sinfulness beforehand. The exception would be if a person is inclined to be scrupulous… but a confessor should give warning if there is a danger of scrupulousity.

God bless,
Joseph

Paths of Love

 

[dan1el]

If it was my daughter, the friendship would be over.

I heard that!

“Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals.’” 1 Cor 15:33
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“But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person… – not even to eat with such a one. …Do you not judge those who are within the church?..REMOVE THE WICKED MAN FROM AMONG YOURSELVES.” 1 Cor 5:11-13

 

[Joysong]

Sunfish:

I sometimes like to make myself sneeze because I think it feels cool. If I’m not having sex outside of marriage or thinking lustful thoughts (both of which are sins, per the Bible), why is this any worse than making myself sneeze just because it involves a different body part?

Yet another slippery suggestion coming right out of the pit from satan. If he can get you to believe it is simply an innocent function with a different body part, you can become entrapped in a sinful habit and increase it due to deception. Others who were freed from this sinful passion have born witness that they experienced similar deceiving thoughts; i.e., that there is nothing really wrong with it.

Honey, it sure looks to me like you are facing several serious issues that need a real change of direction: fantasy in imagining an unlawful experience, viewing online material inappropriate for a teenager, maintaining an immoral friendship with one who tried to influence you, and belief that this is just a simple matter like sneezing … all of which will lead you mortally astray.

 

[Augustine]

… I read online that you can get an orgasm by…[edited]. I tried it, felt nothing, and I stopped… Why is this any worse than making myself sneeze just because it involves a different body part?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church explains:
#2352:

By *masturbation *is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure.

It seems that your intent was to achieve sexual pleasure, supposedly by stimulating your genitals. If so, then, yes, it was masturbation.

About your second question, sex is not a mere sneeze. Sex has a sacred role in bringing forth life and bring spouses closer. Whereas a sneeze is nothing to sneeze at…

Now, whether it was a mortal sin or not, given that you apparently ignored the gravity of your actions, only a priest will be able to tell when you pour your heart about your state of mind then at confession.