Is this normal? A first for me

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My husband and I have our issues and I have even considered divorce.
Well last night something happened that worried me on many levels. Our son who is 8 woke up scared about seeing shadows. I was deep in sleep but apparently my husband heard the first time son yelled for me. So all I woke up too was my husband screaming “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”

I was startled. I woke up and I heard our son crying loudly. So I ran like a bat out of hell for him. I found him at the top of the stairs crying saying “mommy I think I saw a monster. The shadows are scaring me!” So I comforted him and brought him into our room and let him lay down with us. He was asking me if the shadows were really someone outside. I told him no no sweetie. (This is about the 5th time this happened in the last 2 months).

My husband kept hearing our son talking about this and he screamed out “I think it’s about time he goes and sees a psychologist. This is ridiculous!”

So I grabbed his arm to signal to keep his mouth shut. And he just kept on…

My questions. Do parents REALLY think he needs to see a therapist?

And 2) did my husband react in a problematic way?
 
I listened to a noted family therapist once. He remarked that it was amazing how a child’s problems went away when he was able to get the parents into therapy. He would see the child first, maybe once then bring in the parents. Soon he would work with the parents without the child. He said once the parents were “whole” again, the child would return to the happy child they once had.

Perhaps it is family therapy that is needed?

I’ll pray for you and your family.

:console:
 
I would ask his pediatrician about the dreams…

But if he’s getting shouted at because he’s afraid, I would just think it would make him more anxious to begin with.

My daughter is 9. She’s had a couple of dreams where she screams out as if they were real. Your son might be doing that. It probably is similar to the night terrors toddlers get.

Screaming at him is just wrong. So that part isn’t “normal”.
 
My husband reacted in a very similar way when our 18 month old would not sleep at night. He seemed to think that all 18 month olds slept through the night and we should take him to a psychiatrist to see what was wrong with him. I just told my husband to go back to bed and I handled it, which I usually did anyways!! Fortunately, the baby finally started sleeping through the night and we never needed any psychiatric intervention!!

I think it was simply said out of frustration. It’s hard being kept up at night when you’re tired. And 8 year olds have wild imaginations!! Sounds completely normal to me - no therapy needed!!
 
My husband just keeps telling our son that he “needs to go see someone”. I have told him that stating that is very good for anyone. That he needs to feel safe and comfortable … Not like an oddball.

He only changes for short periods and then does something else that I think is often insensitive.
 
mega1 said:
My husband and I have our issues and I have even considered divorce.
Well last night something happened that worried me on many levels. Our son who is 8 woke up scared about seeing shadows. I was deep in sleep but apparently my husband heard the first time son yelled for me. So all I woke up too was my husband screaming “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”

I was startled. I woke up and I heard our son crying loudly. So I ran like a bat out of hell for him. I found him at the top of the stairs crying saying “mommy I think I saw a monster. The shadows are scaring me!” So I comforted him and brought him into our room and let him lay down with us. He was asking me if the shadows were really someone outside. I told him no no sweetie. (This is about the 5th time this happened in the last 2 months).

My husband kept hearing our son talking about this and he screamed out “I think it’s about time he goes and sees a psychologist. This is ridiculous!”

So I grabbed his arm to signal to keep his mouth shut. And he just kept on…

My questions. Do parents REALLY think he needs to see a therapist?

And 2) did my husband react in a problematic way?
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Parents have issues, and children pay the price. The most likely scenario based on what you have described is that your child is reacting to your marriage issues. Children internalize and blame themselves. Get the two of you some counseling - even if you split, you need to do it in a way that respects your child.

You can even get this from pop psychology - its well-understood among therapists. Just tape a few episodes of doctor Phil. This is common.
 
Hello,

I have been reading posts for some time now, but this thread made me register. Has anyone considered this may be real? My daughter told me about horrible dreams and waking up (seeing things) at night in panic. At the time, I ignored it; believing it was child nightmares. However, I later saw things occur that made me wish I would have taken a different approach. After this, I used, and continue to use Holy Water and prayer. It worked for me. Talk to your priest too.
 
mega1 said:
My husband and I have our issues and I have even considered divorce.
Well last night something happened that worried me on many levels. Our son who is 8 woke up scared about seeing shadows. I was deep in sleep but apparently my husband heard the first time son yelled for me. So all I woke up too was my husband screaming “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”

I was startled. I woke up and I heard our son crying loudly. So I ran like a bat out of hell for him. I found him at the top of the stairs crying saying “mommy I think I saw a monster. The shadows are scaring me!” So I comforted him and brought him into our room and let him lay down with us. He was asking me if the shadows were really someone outside. I told him no no sweetie. (This is about the 5th time this happened in the last 2 months).

My husband kept hearing our son talking about this and he screamed out “I think it’s about time he goes and sees a psychologist. This is ridiculous!”

So I grabbed his arm to signal to keep his mouth shut. And he just kept on…

My questions. Do parents REALLY think he needs to see a therapist?

And 2) did my husband react in a problematic way?
Click to expand...
To get rid of monsters, I suggest a spray fragrance. 😉 Any pleasant room de-odorizer can work–it doesn’t have to be fancy. Call it a “monster repellent” or create your own child-friendly term for it. The smell is perceivable in the dark and that can provide comfort to the child at night.

Children sometimes interrupt their parents’ sleep and what you’ve described doesn’t sound unusual. If there is something within your home that threatens to tear apart your child’s parents’ marriage, then your child does have cause for concern. And so does your husband. And so do you. Since you are the one posting this question, I suggest that you be the one who starts with making the changes. Your husband’s reaction was not something that would bring comfort to a child and it sounds like it could make the problem worse and keep the child up longer, (but it’s also possible that maybe the child wasn’t fully awake and that may be why a parent would yell.) The goal is to get the child to calm down so you all can get back to a peaceful sleep.

Try a mist of “monster spray” every night before bed. Get up first if your child awakens at night, and try another squirt of the spray. Privately, say prayers for your husband and your marriage every night. If you aren’t already saying bedtime prayers with your child, do that together with your child. If you don’t already have a rosary at the child’s nightstand and a crucifix in the room, add those too. If the child wakes up at night, spray the room again with a light fragrance and lay down next to your child and pray the rosary together.
:highprayer:
 
SimpleChristian said:
Hello,

I have been reading posts for some time now, but this thread made me register. Has anyone considered this may be real? My daughter told me about horrible dreams and waking up (seeing things) at night in panic. At the time, I ignored it; believing it was child nightmares. However, I later saw things occur that made me wish I would have taken a different approach. After this, I used, and continue to use Holy Water and prayer. It worked for me. Talk to your priest too.
Click to expand...
“Shadow People” do exist and that should be determined if you have one in your house. For this i would definitely bring in your priest. AS for your husband, sounds like couples counseling may be beneficial.
 
While children do have bad dreams and wake screaming with fear. And parents can react inappropriately, especially in the middle of the night. I think it possible your son’s monster dreams reflect the toxic soup in which he finds himself living. He may well need counseling, as do you and your husband. Although I seem to recall that you are seeing a counsellor at present?
 
Yes that’s true. I am back in therapy and I will discuss this with the therapist later this week.

But I guess I just worried for many reasons. Because of my work, my husband spends the bulk of the time with him. I am not home at bedtime. I don’t get to tuck him in. I am working until 10pm every night. I have a lot of concerns about it all…but they may be unwarranted.
 
He’s eight and this is the first time it has happened? No, I would not worry about it. We all have awful dreams once in awhile. If this is a recurrent problem or he seems upset about these dreams in the day time or if he has worries about going to sleep that persist for longer than a week or so, then that might be a concern. As it is, this is entirely within the range of the typical. It will probably worry you both for a week or so, and that is typical, too. If he seems worried, tell him that being worried is not necessary, but is understandable and totally typical, because nobody likes having scary dreams.
 
I think therapy might be a good start. It might be a way for your son to get comfort from the both of you.That whatever the family dynamics it upsets him and it comes out through these dreams.
I would try this first. Yes’there are ghosts and shadwo people but that doesn’t mean that is what’s going on. If he has never done this before and you yourselfs havenot had any paranormal activity going on then it just might be a little boy who loves his parents but is scared
of the tension going on.
Also; your husband spends aparently a lot of time with him. maybe he is taking some of his
hissy fit with you on your son.That does happen.Maybe you ought to do a nanny cam to later on view and see how they interact together when you are gone.
It sounds like your husband needs help.he might be reliving when he was young and the way his father acted towards him when scared;hurt;etc.

This is what i’d try first. Oh;and by the way;the nanny cam could catch any shadows or odd acivity in the house;but i don’t think this is what’s going on. The monster spray is a good idea
and maybe some prayers like to St.Michael the Archangel.Let us know how things are going.
 
Seeing a therapist over a child that is afraid of shadows seems like a waste of money to me. Lots of kids get afraid at night. Screaming at the kid sounds like a horrible approach. Why don’t you just read him a book or something and teach him about his guardian angel, etc.? This seems like an extremely normal situation and you want to send him to a shrink?
 
TK421 said:
Seeing a therapist over a child that is afraid of shadows seems like a waste of money to me. Lots of kids get afraid at night. Screaming at the kid sounds like a horrible approach. Why don’t you just read him a book or something and teach him about his guardian angel, etc.?
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Because of the conjunction of the child’s increase in fear with the family’s problems. This is a common indication that the family’s problems are harming the child.
 
EasterJoy said:
He’s eight and this is the first time it has happened? No, I would not worry about it. We all have awful dreams once in awhile. If this is a recurrent problem or he seems upset about these dreams in the day time or if he has worries about going to sleep that persist for longer than a week or so, then that might be a concern. As it is, this is entirely within the range of the typical. It will probably worry you both for a week or so, and that is typical, too. If he seems worried, tell him that being worried is not necessary, but is understandable and totally typical, because nobody likes having scary dreams.
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And the first time it happens just happens to be at the same time the family is having significant issues - and the father is reacting this way? Those are all strong indications that the child may need assistance, and its better safe than sorry.
 
No this has happened about 5 times in the last 2 months or so. Last night our son was fine but apparently got up to get some water (in the dark) and got very scared. That’s why he started crying and yelling. I didn’t hear the first cry (different level of the house) and then I was awoken to my husband screaming at the top of his lungs in response …, so I was just so startled.
 
If your husband is an engineer or a pharmacist, then send your kid to a shrink. Otherwise I don’t know how prudent it would be, especially given how solvable something as common as this ought to be.

If your husband stopped acting like a juvenile delinquent, that would be a good start (don’t word it like that :p). Who on Earth screams at an 8-year-old because he was afraid at monsters at night? That sounds so surreal. Talk about “Out of the frying pan and into the fire.”

Is there a system at your parish that you attend where married couple can hook up and discuss problems with other married couples?
 
kbachler said:
And the first time it happens just happens to be at the same time the family is having significant issues - and the father is reacting this way? Those are all strong indications that the child may need assistance, and its better safe than sorry.
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You wanted him to wait until the family wasn’t having issues? Seriously, sometimes when someone with psychological issues has an upset stomach, it was only that the potato salad was left out too long. Families with atypical issues do not get a pass on typical issues.

This was a bad dream, not a suspicious lump. I would treat it like one of those things that bear watching, but nothing more. There is enough worry in that household.
mega1 said:
No this has happened about 5 times in the last 2 months or so. Last night our son was fine but apparently got up to get some water (in the dark) and got very scared. That’s why he started crying and yelling. I didn’t hear the first cry (different level of the house) and then I was awoken to my husband screaming at the top of his lungs in response …, so I was just so startled.
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You could just ask your son about it–“you seemed pretty upset last night. Was that just one of those bad dreams that people have, or does this have you worried?” If he isn’t worried, then let it go. Let him know that everybody has bad dreams once in awhile, because they do, and sometimes the dreams are bad enough or happen too often and you get help because for crying out loud, you don’t do well when you can’t sleep. IOW, make it normal to work some things out for himself and to ask help for other things. It is not awful to have to work out your own problems. It is not awful to have a problem that is too much for you and to ask for help in order to get over it better. This is what typical people do, even if they don’t always let on.

When our kids were little and would fall down, I’d say, “wow, that looks like that hurt. You OK?” I don’t believe in saying “that didn’t hurt you” when any idiot can see that it did hurt or to say something wasn’t scary when it was. I prefer to say life has some things that hurt and some things that are scary. Sometimes the suitable thing to say is “wow, that hurt, but I am OK.” Sometimes, it is “hey, I’m hurt over here, give me some help, if you would.” Handle what you can on your own, which will be some of the time, and when it is too much, then ask for help. Everybody needs help some of the time, too. That’s OK.
 
mega1 said:
My husband just keeps telling our son that he “needs to go see someone”. I have told him that stating that is very good for anyone. That he needs to feel safe and comfortable … Not like an oddball.

He only changes for short periods and then does something else that I think is often insensitive.
Click to expand...
When a child’s anxieties are brushed off, it only increases the anxieties. Empathy such as loving, encouraging words, and also saying a prayer with them helps. When a child is frightened it usually is a cry for love and understanding.
 
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