Is this normal?

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My husband asked me to meet him at the restaurant for dinner tonight. He would pick up our son and meet me. So I get a barrage of texts… Son (6) is being a royal pain he says… Has to go to bathroom. Then I say ok I’ll be waiting… I’ve been waitive over 25 minutes. He now texts over and over saying the dog (who is house trained w a watchful eye) has peed on the rug and he’s angry he has to clean it. He has texted over and over about how awful things are for him. As I sit and wait. I offered to come home. He said no…

Is this typical? It is in my house, but I’m starting to “see the light” I think…
 
It is in my house, but I’m starting to “see the light” I think…
Could you explain a little more as to what you mean by this?

And, I don’t know about typical, but he could have just been keeping you updated on things that were keeping him from getting there, so you’re not just sitting there waiting and not knowing what’s going on instead of him just complaining.
 
Murphy’s Law strikes, sometimes, yes. It is also common for people to express a lot of anger over things that keep them from keeping a commitment. Not only is it a way of showing that they do care and to fend off criticism for being late, but if you have your heart set on a night going right and it goes all wrong, it can make you pretty cranky. If you had it in your head that you’d be a hero and then you’re turning out to be a goat, it can even make you whacko cranky. If the stress level is high, it can even make a dog nervous enough to pee when it normally wouldn’t do that…dogs do that when they’re anxious.

These things happen to those brave enough to keep children and dogs. Try to be calm about it. If this is the worst thing your marriage goes through, you’re abnormally lucky. 👍
 
When someone asks me that question, my almost immediate response is, what is normal? It’s a way of saying that one has to decide that for one self and who has the right to say what is and what isn’t normal…but … parallel to your concern… I think people and families can have their own quirkiness about them, there’s nothing right or wrong about it However, some are truly asking for some guidance as to the whether this or that is a sign of something wrong… again parallel to your concern, it sounds quite normal. … It strikes me that he is complaining, that you care enough to read/reply to his texts, and that he can handle it…or at least, likes to think he can handle it. Please, no offense, but the posting is quite amusing. Sounds like home life to me. 🙂
 
Sorry. It seems I missed the important point of how you were stood up. That, is no amusing matter. And whatever humor comes your way, I hope it helps to foster the relationship. All the best.
 
For the most part, men think “in a straight line.” They have a goal, they point themselves towards that goal, and they get there. Many men are able to utterly ignore any distractions–in fact, they don’t even notice the distractions–and climb right over obstacles without noticing them. This is one reason why so many men achieve high levels in business and politics–they keep moving and never look back or to the side. They are not easily distractable.

For the most part, women do not think in a straight line. They have a goal, and point themselves towards that goal, but then they see another goal, and point themselves towards that goal, too, and then yet another goal, and now they are going back and forth between three different goals (or more). And on the way to these goals, they are distracted by many different things, especially human events (e.g., a child who has a need) and instead of just ignoring these obstacles or climbing over them, women instead stop to deal with the obstacles.

Can you see yourself and your husband in this?

For men, it’s very hard for them to have that goal in mind, and then get pulled away from it by some urgent event that truly can’t be ignored; e.g., a son who has to go to the bathroom, and a dog who pees on the rug. For men, this just shouldn’t be happening, and they get angry and frustrated.

This is one reason why men usually have a difficult time being “house-husbands,” because housework and child-rearing is never “straight line,” but instead, is full of a myriad of little events and interruptions and crises (small crises, e.g., a child falls and skins their knee) throughout the day, and men have a hard time dealing with this and staying balanced!

Women are used to being pulled away from our pursuit of our goals by a bazillion little things that simply have to get done, and we’re used to just stopping and doing those things. If we don’t do these little jobs, no one else will. And although some women complain about this, most don’t–we’ve just gotten so used to doing these things without making a big fuss.

This difference between men and women often becomes apparent in a couple’s sex life. The man can be ready to go in a minute, and is able to make love in any room with any noise going on, and even if kids are crying, the phone is ringing, and something smells like it’s burning in the kitchen.

Women, on the other hand, are constantly distracted before, during, and after sex–they can be right in the middle of things, and look up at the ceiling and think, “Wow, look at the cobwebs. I really should do some fall housecleaning. And maybe we should paint that ceiling. Is that a crack? I wonder if I should call a carpenter? Maybe we have a leak in the roof. And that reminds me, the gutters need to be de-leafed. I’d better do that this weekend…”

I hope this information is helpful to the OP.
 
My husband asked me to meet him at the restaurant for dinner tonight. He would pick up our son and meet me. So I get a barrage of texts… Son (6) is being a royal pain he says… Has to go to bathroom. Then I say ok I’ll be waiting… I’ve been waitive over 25 minutes. He now texts over and over saying the dog (who is house trained w a watchful eye) has peed on the rug and he’s angry he has to clean it. He has texted over and over about how awful things are for him. As I sit and wait. I offered to come home. He said no…

Is this typical? It is in my house, but I’m starting to “see the light” I think…
What light are you starting to see ?

All the above posts I hope will help you relax a little and realise that for your husband it was a bad night. Things weren’t happening how he wanted. He wanted a romantic meal with his wife. One thing after another happens to him and he’s angry because he failed at given you a romantic meal. He also be aware that you beginning to question his motive. He will feel very bad about that. All he wanted was a romantic meal and all he got is everyone giving him a little grief. Hold out a helping hand and don’t make him feel he has done wrong. He may well be aware you have thought the worst of him. That isn’t going to help him feel good either way. A little bit of forgiveness and love is required. A local priest used to say at weddings that every night before you go to bed, you say to each other, I’m Sorry and I love you. Even if you not aware of anything to be sorry about, just make sure you both say it at some point in the day and that will hold you both together if you both mean it and times like last night for your husband will melt and he will wake up feeling afreshed and so will you because you are learning to understand one another. It takes a life time. We think about forgiveness for ourselves but forget forgiveness to be given for each other.

peace
xxx

and rebook that dinner date as soon as you both can:thumbsup:
 
My husband asked me to meet him at the restaurant for dinner tonight. He would pick up our son and meet me. So I get a barrage of texts… Son (6) is being a royal pain he says… Has to go to bathroom. Then I say ok I’ll be waiting… I’ve been waitive over 25 minutes. He now texts over and over saying the dog (who is house trained w a watchful eye) has peed on the rug and he’s angry he has to clean it. He has texted over and over about how awful things are for him. As I sit and wait. I offered to come home. He said no…

Is this typical? It is in my house, but I’m starting to “see the light” I think…
Are you looking for a reason to leave your husband? I don’t know you, but how can we possibly know if something is “typical” or “normal” for your household? Yes, some men do tend to get impatient if they have a goal and suddenly are interrupted/distracted/imposed upon. It is not unusual for males to focus on an outcome and get impatient with distractions along the way. But this is not gender-specific behavior - many women get this reaction too. Usually, we are ready to deal with whatever happens but I have known other women who go from calm to frustrated in a few seconds when something goes wrong.

It helps to know who you are dealing with. I will give you an example from my own life. My husband is a nervous flyer. Always has been, probably always will be. I used to take offense when I would try to talk to him during take-off and he would get angry at me. I let my feelings get hurt. After a long time, I recognized that he is really afraid during those times (take-off and landing especially) and I cannot expect him to interact with me in a normal way, so I just do my own thing now and I try not to talk to him. Same with when he’s getting ready for a trip - he has checklists he goes through and me chatting to him is a distraction and a bother. I know that about him and I don’t take it personally. If I just hush up and let him go through his mental process to get ready, then after a while, he can talk to me again. If not, there’s a scene and he can be very nasty. Now, that’s not an excuse to allow him to abuse me, but awareness of his quirks goes a long way toward forgiveness and prevention of a problem.

In your situation, I might have told my husband, “Let’s call this off for tonight and order in. I will pick up some carpet cleaner on the way home, we’ll let our son play video games and we’ll have a nice dinner in the dining room. And try again next week.”
 
I think this is your third post in the last 2 weeks about your husband/marriage. I really think you need to seek professional counseling at this point. We are not the ones who should be helping you out at this point.
 
I think this is your third post in the last 2 weeks about your husband/marriage. I really think you need to seek professional counseling at this point. We are not the ones who should be helping you out at this point.
Yes, I noticed that too. Considering those posts and this one, it really does seem that some professional counseling would really bring you the most help. What happens in your marriage is caused by both of you. It’s not just him and it’s not just you, but the way you both interact, communicate and handle what is thrown at you by life.
 
For the most part, men think “in a straight line.” They have a goal, they point themselves towards that goal, and they get there. Many men are able to utterly ignore any distractions–in fact, they don’t even notice the distractions–and climb right over obstacles without noticing them. This is one reason why so many men achieve high levels in business and politics–they keep moving and never look back or to the side. They are not easily distractable.

For the most part, women do not think in a straight line. They have a goal, and point themselves towards that goal, but then they see another goal, and point themselves towards that goal, too, and then yet another goal, and now they are going back and forth between three different goals (or more). And on the way to these goals, they are distracted by many different things, especially human events (e.g., a child who has a need) and instead of just ignoring these obstacles or climbing over them, women instead stop to deal with the obstacles.

Can you see yourself and your husband in this?

For men, it’s very hard for them to have that goal in mind, and then get pulled away from it by some urgent event that truly can’t be ignored; e.g., a son who has to go to the bathroom, and a dog who pees on the rug. For men, this just shouldn’t be happening, and they get angry and frustrated.

This is one reason why men usually have a difficult time being “house-husbands,” because housework and child-rearing is never “straight line,” but instead, is full of a myriad of little events and interruptions and crises (small crises, e.g., a child falls and skins their knee) throughout the day, and men have a hard time dealing with this and staying balanced!

Women are used to being pulled away from our pursuit of our goals by a bazillion little things that simply have to get done, and we’re used to just stopping and doing those things. If we don’t do these little jobs, no one else will. And although some women complain about this, most don’t–we’ve just gotten so used to doing these things without making a big fuss.

This difference between men and women often becomes apparent in a couple’s sex life. The man can be ready to go in a minute, and is able to make love in any room with any noise going on, and even if kids are crying, the phone is ringing, and something smells like it’s burning in the kitchen.

Women, on the other hand, are constantly distracted before, during, and after sex–they can be right in the middle of things, and look up at the ceiling and think, “Wow, look at the cobwebs. I really should do some fall housecleaning. And maybe we should paint that ceiling. Is that a crack? I wonder if I should call a carpenter? Maybe we have a leak in the roof. And that reminds me, the gutters need to be de-leafed. I’d better do that this weekend…”

I hope this information is helpful to the OP.
It was helpful to me. I’m going to make sure we don’t have any cobwebs in our bedroom. 😃
 
Yes, I noticed that too. Considering those posts and this one, it really does seem that some professional counseling would really bring you the most help. What happens in your marriage is caused by both of you. It’s not just him and it’s not just you, but the way you both interact, communicate and handle what is thrown at you by life.
Sometimes when a marriage is going through a normal stress, that can feel very scary. If the OP is merely wondering if this is the kind of difficulty that normal happy couples sometimes go through, the answer is yes. If she finds herself being overly critical or being the target of a stressful level of “critical surveillance”, if anyone seems to be making mistakes into character defects in the spouse, feeling that no one can complain without getting defensiveness or countercomplaint in return, or if someone is starting to respond to complaints by just checking out, though, those are big red flags. If there is merely a lot of tension but these are followed by “repair attempts” in which one or both try to dial down the tension, though, that is a good sign.
 
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