Is this normal?

[SusanneT]

I completely agree with Trishie. You are not unusual, you are probably more in tune with your feelings than many other girls. As she points out, they are looking for someone to love them and think they will find it in sex. Promiscuous girls are much more at risk of depression than those who wait for marriage; subconsciously they know they are allowing themselves to be used.
Hopefully you will meet someone you really respect and who loves you, and your perspective will change. I have observed that there is nothing sexier than holiness. Maybe I should say, more appealing than holiness. I hope you will find a man who exemplifies all the virtues.

Beautifully put !

 

[SusanneT]

I would identify with the experience of your wife also. The thing is that taking chastity seriously and believing in the great good of marital intimacy, gird you against lust and temptation. It doesn’t have anything to do with libido which grows with the advent of sexual intimacy. The fact that todays young women are highly sexually active with greater appetites for regular sex is not a sign that they have greater libidos than women of the past who honoured the taboo around premarital sex… it is just the result of the highly sexualised society we live in. Much of that heightened sexual desire is attributable to lust which grows more hungry when it is fed.

I agree completely.

 

[SusanneT]

I would be careful with generalizing. Sex drives vary enormously. My wife tells me she has never, prior to marriage, felt a “need” or desire to have sex. Never masturbated nor felt tempted to do so. In the marital setting, the situation evolves, and we enjoy a full sex life. But it is not in her makeup to feel the “need” for sex in the sense you have described.

I agree and I think it is a shame that young women are made to feel as though they are abnormal or repressed, just because they do not feel the need to have sex.

 

[His_helpmeet]

Hi,

I’m a 19 year old girl. Is it normal that I still feel like sex sounds unpleasant (and even a little scary)? Am I supposed to find it appealing? I feel like a might be called to marriage…but is this a sign that I’m not? I mean, eternal virginity doesn’t sound unappealing to me either. Do these feelings about sex change when you meet a guy who you REALLY REALLY like and trust?

I guess I ask this because I know a LOT of my peers are hooking up. I would never hook up—that’s immoral. But the fact that my peers hook up implies that they find sex appealing. Am I the odd one out?

My dear, I used to feel the same way. (Incidentally, we also both have the same name - cool!) I thought that sex was gross. For many years I wondered if I was called to marriage because I couldn’t find a spouse - but being single for eternity didn’t seem the greatest idea to me, either. When I was 25 I met the man who would become my husband. We’ve been married for 3 years and have a normal marital relationship. Indeed, your attitude towards sex will likely change when you meet someone you really love - I know mine certainly did. (I actually had to ask my DH in advance, “Um, so how do we get from, you know, sitting on the bed looking at each other to actually doing it?” He had converted to the faith as an adult, and had been married previously (it was declared invalid) so he had some experience in these matters.) The best advice I can offer you is to pray. Ask St. Anne and St. Joseph to pray that you will find a good husband. Leave your life up to the Lord - that’s what I did, and there’s little more I could ask for.

In very rare circumstances, some people actually have a psychological disorder that affects their ability to have sex. Given what you’ve said, this sounds very unlikely. If you do get to a point where you are seriously in love with a man and still have issues regarding sex, you might need to get it investigated, but at the moment I would not be concerned. I only mention this so that if it comes up in the future (again, it’s rare) you’ll understand that it is a valid condition and can be treated.