Is this normal????

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Lillith

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Hello everyone…

I need to find out if my reaction to stress is normal…would you feel the same way in this situation? Basically I need to figure out if I should seek help.

There is a whole bunch of yucky stuff happening in both families (Husband and mine)…Affairs…alchoholism…unwed mommies…I haven’t seen a brother for over a year (turns out he’s mad I didn’t know 'til recently) you name it. I try to watch that like it’s a soap opera…not letting it affect me…but I think it takes a toll.

my immediate family is great, But The childrens worries become mine. It’s as if everything that happens to them is happening to me…only it feels worse than when I went through it.

Oldest D(17) is applying for scholarships and colleges, and has overextended herself…two part time jobs and volunteering…and captain of this president of that, stress is oozing from her pores. I am insisting that she quit something which causes fighting a bit…she is separating from me…I cry a lot.

I have a 13yr old…need I say more? lol. Her self esteme for the moment is very fragile…normal for her age, but nonetheless stressful.

I have a very high strung 6yo…who occasionally cries when I drop her off at school…she did this a.m. It’s awful to see her there crying as I drive off…I imagine her doing it all day. Is it possible that my stress has rubbed off onto her??? This made me cry.

My H is out of town…my D’s car broke down so I had to take her to all those activities…including the job …college…ballgame. I ran her everywhere mon. and tues. (car was fixed by Tues. $250.00 which bothered me!!!)

There is a new policy at work (I’m an x-ray tech.) Any mistake whatsoever and there will be an automatic write up. I have two (wrong History for a patient and I accidently marked a left when it was a right arm) At six there is suspension or firing…I have friends who are at four already. I try not to let that bother me…I am not the main bread winner…I only work every other weekend…but I think it is taking a toll.

I can literally feel my nerves. They are buzzing a lot. I jump from one worry to the next (including the yucky extended fanily stuff) just mulling all day. I am having periods when I breath fast and my fingers get numb, I am sinfully unproductive and I’m even having trouble praying…though I still talk to God a bunch…just not the rosary but maybe once a week in front of the blessed sacrament.

Have you ever felt symptoms like that…or is that not normal. I know a lot of people have stress…I’m just trying to figure out if I should go to some psychiatrist or something…I prefer not to!
 
Lillith said:
Oldest D(17) is applying for scholarships and colleges, and has overextended herself…two part time jobs and volunteering…and captain of this president of that, stress is oozing from her pores.
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I feel your pain on this one. This is a great description of our D(17) too.

Alan
 
Lillith,

In your post I’mr eading the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Your daughter and you have similar over-extended lives.

Just this week, I was talking to a long-time sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous. (I’ve been sober a long time too.) She was explaining how, a while back, she went to her dr. with very similar symptoms as yours, all the way up to mid-level panic attacks, even some light-headedness. Her doctor, a seemingly brilliant man said to her, “you have two choices: Medicate or Moderate. But remember, there’s still only 24 hours in a day.”

She realized everything had become, essentially, the hill she chose to die on! She decided to moderate. She said she feel so much better.

A couple of thoughts:
*instead of imagining if your daughter is crying all day at school, call. find out. if she’s not, let it go.
*kindness is everything for the fragile thirteen year old. and it’s simple, too, dispensing with all the psychoanalysis I might be inclined to do as a mom.
*for the 17 YO, you’re the mom. Insist she scale down the schedule, but let her choose how. if she’s pulling more than one extracurricular activity on ANY day of the week, it’s too much. (there might be a good amount of disagreement here, but that’s my educated opinion.) even one per day is a LOT. where’s time for family? chores? rest? prayer? boredom???
*pray before you begin work. offer it to God. then be at peace. your performance at work will be good enough to fulfill God’s will.

I hope this helps.
 
Thank you Monicatholic, for that very thoughtful post. So…those are anxiety symptoms? That makes a lot of sense. I thought maybe.

I wish there were some way to control my thought process…all the thinking in the world won’t fix these problems and most days I literally think myself into trouble.

It also makes me feel unfaithful to God. I am not supposed to worry…He’s in charge…intellectually I know this but it hasn’t taken hold in my heart.

I will try to get D to scale back…she’s 18 in a few months, and I had thought that it might be neccesary for her to learn that lesson on her own.

I will pray before work…

God Bless friend.
 
As a mom my heart aches for you. I do the same thing with stress…mine tends to stay bottled up inside and turn into vicious headaches.:ouch:

I don’t know what it’s like in Kentucky this time of year…but is there any way you can get outside with your kids for a daily walk? It may sound silly or simplistic, but it REALLY helps us to get out for even 45 minutes or an hour of fresh air, some exercise and conversation. It clears your head, unknots your nerves and gives you a chance to unwind and even laugh together. I can’t promise you won’t come back home to the same problems…but you will come back with a refreshed attitude and renewed energy (and it doesn’t cost a dime or require an appointment). It’s worth a try…best wishes.
 
Everyone acts and reacts differently. Sometimes having a neutral 3rd party to vent to and bounce stuff off of is helpful. —KCT
 
Oh Girl, Its that terrible thing they call life. And as sad as it is to say yep, its normal. But you dont believe me now but a few years from now you will laugh. But i know its not funny now. It will get better, trust me been there done that. Hang in there you can do it.
 
Thank you so much for all the advice…I am thinking these are definately anxiety symptoms which are normal. Walking is an excellent suggestion as is/was praying before work.

Intellectually I understand that God is in charge…It needs to settle into my heart…That would be the most helpful…
 
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