Is this ok to talk about?

[Saphire]

I started a new thread yesterday, but it did not get posted. Possibly, because of the way it was worded. So I will start over and try to convey my message as well as possible. I overheard a woman talk about shopping with her granddaughter for a certain piece of under clothing. The woman used graphic language in describing her granddaughter’s body area that the certain piece of clothing was for. I was mortified to hear what she was saying. Do I need to lighten up and go with the times?

 

[Bridgit_Andrews]

My mother started doing something similar and I was appalled. It wasn’t so much graphic description of my daughter’s body, as a bodily function. This was something she would never have talked about in public when I was growing up.

I wondered if it was a sign of dementia. And to be honest I still do because the off the wall remarks happened more than once over the last couple years. I try to down play the craziest of it because we do shelter my kiddo to a certain extent. Add to it grandma talking about body functions in front of dad and granddad was embarrassing.

I don’t know what to tell you. I’m an older mom and wouldn’t dream of saying out loud in mixed company anything about body functions or parts. So I don’t think it is a sign of the times.

Peace,
B

 

[ShrodingersCat]

A post like this is too vague for anyone to give an opinion on. Regardless I don’t see the point in being offended by another person’s language.

 

[St_Francis]

Just because other people are doing something doesn’t mean you need to do it.

 

[EasterJoy]

Staying out of conversations not intended for you is very traditional. Just do that.

Keep in mind that there are both grandmothers out there who had no sense of propriety to begin with and once-proper grandmothers out there who are both loud and inappropriate because they’re losing their buttons for some reason. (For reasons that can range from Alzheimer’s all the way to an undiagnosed urinary tract infection.)

I would have been mortified at some of the things my mother said when she began to become demented but was still well enough to go out for lunch and that kind of thing. I certainly could not have corrected her in public, because she would have just loudly continued talking along the same vein. She no longer knew what she was saying nor how loudly she was saying it, so she’d really stick to her guns that she was just fine. Most of the time, actually, she was fine. You’d never know until she popped out with a corker.

That’s one good reason why you don’t want to draw any conclusions about what is “OK nowadays” from overheard conversations. You just never know.

 

[RomanoAmerio]

Dear Saphire,

The virtue of modesty dictates that such matters should not be discussed in public, and certainly not using graphic or explicit language.

Unless this woman is suffering from a mental illness, she is certainly guilty of a grave sin. It is not “okay”. Offenses against modesty and chastity are an insult to the Immaculate Heart of Mary.

 

[acadiANNA]

Poor taste, poor manners. Not everything a person is thinking has to be said. Some things are personal, better kept to yourself and in the confines of your own home, and not in public. Unless it is important, which in this case probably, was not. My ‘humble’ opinion.

 

[AnnArbor]

Dear Saphire,

The virtue of modesty dictates that such matters should not be discussed in public, and certainly not using graphic or explicit language.

Unless this woman is suffering from a mental illness, she is certainly guilty of a grave sin. It is not “okay”. Offenses against modesty and chastity are an insult to the Immaculate Heart of Mary.

Huh? We don’t even know what was said. There’s no way to know whether it was a “grave,” nor even a venial, sin.

 

[AnnArbor]

Poor taste, poor manners. Not everything a person is thinking has to be said. Some things are personal, better kept to yourself and in the confines of your own home, and not in public. Unless it is important, which in this case probably, was not. My ‘humble’ opinion.

But we really don’t know. The piece of underclothing could have been a bra – the word could simply have been ‘breast.’ The OP might just be easily offended. There’s really no way to know whether it was poor taste or poor manners.

Fortunately, what is good manners constitutes the OP staying out of other people’s conversations.

 

[Saphire]

Well, I wasn’t sure if I could post what the woman said. I heard that woman talking to a man that she took her granddaughter shopping for a bra and then she said that she thought her granddaughter’s breasts were so cute and perky. That’s the part I thought was wrong of her to say.

 

[Bridgit_Andrews]

Well, if I was the teen, I would have been mortified. As an adult and mother of a teen girl, I don’t think what you overheard was at all appropriate for mixed company.

Peace,
B

 

[Elena321]

Staying out of conversations not intended for you is very traditional. Just do that.

Keep in mind that there are both grandmothers out there who had no sense of propriety to begin with and once-proper grandmothers out there who are both loud and inappropriate because they’re losing their buttons for some reason. (For reasons that can range from Alzheimer’s all the way to an undiagnosed urinary tract infection.)

That’s one good reason why you don’t want to draw any conclusions about what is “OK nowadays” from overheard conversations. You just never know.

I agree with what Easterjoy said.
Some women are already a certain way and others could have Dementia.
Regarding the “pert and cute” comment,it does seem out of place especially when there was a male around.
Another possibility might be that the grandmother was reflecting wistfully about her own body when younger but to say this out loud seems very poor judgement.

 

[RomanoAmerio]

Well, I wasn’t sure if I could post what the woman said. I heard that woman talking to a man that she took her granddaughter shopping for a bra and then she said that she thought her granddaughter’s breasts were so cute and perky. That’s the part I thought was wrong of her to say.

Dear Saphire,

You are right to reject such language.

Such parents and grandparents, by sexualizing a child, are preparing her ruin in this world and the one to come.

We would do well to heed Our Lady of Fatima’s words regarding immodesty.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Well, I wasn’t sure if I could post what the woman said. I heard that woman talking to a man that she took her granddaughter shopping for a bra and then she said that she thought her granddaughter’s breasts were so cute and perky. That’s the part I thought was wrong of her to say.

Well, if the woman had all her marbles, that is just sad to say the least. If you don’t persoally know the woman and just overheard her say it, say a prayer for her.

If you do know the woman, be very careful what you tell her

 

[AClaire11]

Well, I wasn’t sure if I could post what the woman said. I heard that woman talking to a man that she took her granddaughter shopping for a bra and then she said that she thought her granddaughter’s breasts were so cute and perky. That’s the part I thought was wrong of her to say.

That’s… creepy. Not really graphic, but still inappropriate and very off-putting.

 

[mommy_k]

We are supposed to protect God’s children not the opposite. This grandmother has extremely poor judgement.

I feel sorry for this poor child.

 

[EasterJoy]

Well, I wasn’t sure if I could post what the woman said. I heard that woman talking to a man that she took her granddaughter shopping for a bra and then she said that she thought her granddaughter’s breasts were so cute and perky. That’s the part I thought was wrong of her to say.

Let’s just say this: I doubt if it is the only inappropriately personal comment she’s made recently. This is the kind of thing grandmothers say when they aren’t too with it. Whether that is “ever” or “any more” is hardly our concern. It is hardly something to call child protective services about, however. Some people somehow forget that although they changed a younger relative’s diapers at a time that seems like it was last week, there gets to be a point where you don’t talk about young people as if they were babies unaware of what you’re saying.

It is gracious (and the least mortifying to the young people) to just pass over personal comments that people make about their younger relatives as if you didn’t hear them. Just change the subject as you would for any other “TMI” comment someone might make. Put in the place of their relatives–the young lady or her parents–that’s what you would want, right? Let them correct her in private.

 

[EasterJoy]

In answer to your first question, you are right to have considered the comment (in spite of how innocently she might have meant it) to be a rude, vulgar and inappropriately personal remark, not to mention (and again, I can’t imagine she meant it this way) objectifying remark. Of course it is not OK. Miss Manners could tell anyone that; it doesn’t take a sense of the moral law any higher than what any purely secular person might have.

Sometimes, though, people get to be up in years and think that the things they say don’t mean the same thing they would have if they had said them when they were younger. There are a variety of reasons, but some of us let the inhibitions and our previous common sense go out the window when we start to think of ourselves as old. Some of us–let us be blunt–do it because we realize no one will stop us. There aren’t many avenues that open up as we age, and a lot that close down.

We should not give ourselves permission to let go of our control of our tongues just because we’ve gotten older, but since the mind does get weaker in some of us, we also do well to take these remarks in the most charitable way we can. That loose-tongued old woman could be any of us one day. It is a good show of respect for older persons to overlook these things.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

Sometimes, though, people get to be up in years and think that the things they say don’t mean the same thing they would have if they had said them when they were younger. There are a variety of reasons, but some of us let the inhibitions and our previous common sense go out the window when we start to think of ourselves as old. Some of us–let us be blunt–do it because we realize no one will stop us. There aren’t many avenues that open up as we age, and a lot that close down.

We should not give ourselves permission to let go of our control of our tongues just because we’ve gotten older, but since the mind does get weaker in some of us, we also do well to take these remarks in the most charitable way we can. That loose-tongued old woman could be any of us one day. It is a good show of respect for older persons to overlook these things.

Would you say the same thing if it was a grandfather making comments about the “perky” breasts of a young woman?

I can think of two separate instances, both in my schooling and my employed life, of “dirty old men” whose off-color comments, and “handsy” behavior were overlooked for years due to the same kind of “charity”, and because they were otherwise accomplished in their fields of work.

But both of the men involved were eventually hustled off into an earlier-than-planned retirement. In the case of one man, someone actually did file a formal sexual harassment claim, and in the case of the other, “new management” took over and didn’t feel the same loyalty to him as his old cronies, certainly not enough to risk a sexual harassment suit that would have affected the whole company negatively.

Due to our really messed up sexual mores, I think many people are actually longing for some boundaries to what is permitted, and in the case of “sexual harassment” or “nonconsensual sexual contact”, they are happy to come down hard on those who transgress those minimal boundaries. Certainly, I wouldn’t expect much charity for those seniors who are still employed even if they have lost control of their frontal lobes.

 

[pensmama87]

Would you say the same thing if it was a grandfather making comments about the “perky” breasts of a young woman?

I can think of two separate instances, both in my schooling and my employed life, of “dirty old men” whose off-color comments, and “handsy” behavior were overlooked for years due to the same kind of “charity”, and because they were otherwise accomplished in their fields of work.

But both of the men involved were eventually hustled off into an earlier-than-planned retirement. In the case of one man, someone actually did file a formal sexual harassment claim, and in the case of the other, “new management” took over and didn’t feel the same loyalty to him as his old cronies, certainly not enough to risk a sexual harassment suit that would have affected the whole company negatively.

Due to our really messed up sexual mores, I think many people are actually longing for some boundaries to what is permitted, and in the case of “sexual harassment” or “nonconsensual sexual contact”, they are happy to come down hard on those who transgress those minimal boundaries. Certainly, I wouldn’t expect much charity for those seniors who are still employed even if they have lost control of their frontal lobes.

What are you going to do about it if it’s just strangers in a store, though?

If I heard someone say something like that and I actually knew them, sure, I might try to figure out if something is going on besides just rudeness. But I think it’s frankly odd for the OP, at least based on the information provided, to be so concerned about the sayings and doings of total strangers. Is it unfortunate? Yes. A sign of the times? Potentially.

But what is the use, really? I am not trying to be flippant. I’m annoyed when people talk loudly in front of my kids and use coarse language. I’m annoyed if it’s just me, too, because frankly I don’t want to hear it. But at some point you have to let that stuff roll off your back. That’s NOT at all the same thing as saying that it is OK or permissible talk. There have always been rude people saying or doing rude things.