Is this pride, immaturity, a personality disorder or is she possessed by demons?

[CRATUS]

My cousin is one those people prone to extremes. She may be seriously religious - church, confession weekly, talking about God, watching EWTN. After a few weeks or months, something snaps. She becomes angry. Her bad attitude reemerges. She wants to be alone and gets annoyed by everyone. She has ripped her bible in anger. She ripped her rosary. She says she hates the burden of being Christian. We correct a lot on her foul language, often she apologizes and complies. Out of nowhere, one day, she cuss profanities, when we correct her, she says “f…off.” Her good girl act is short-lived. I think as her family it is our duty to correct her. Sometimes she stops talking to us because we tell her the truth or correct, and hangs out with boyfriend, who tells her it is okay to say “damn” once in a while and that we overreact. She says every time we talk to her, we correct her. She makes us feel like the bad guys when we are just trying to help in the long wrong. She said “f…your Jesus Christ.” She is a very nice person for two months or so, then something snaps her in and she becomes a brat again. She does not seem to care how she hurts our feelings. She does things to purposefully start arguments and destroy the peace in our family. She takes slights so personally, when she says something back, she will say something EXCEPTIONALLY CRUEL. I gave her blunt advice on her boyfriend, she tried to fight me, then she went on to say, never wants to see me again, how she hates me, or will never talk to me anymore. A few minutes later, she apologized for being cruel. WHY DID SHE EVEN ASK? She has walked out in the middle of mass, throwing the Missal and using profanity. Our family was so embarrassed. She always has to be the center of attention. When she is angry, she broke our plates, cups, and tried to push people down the stairs. Because she was angry with me, over something petty, she did not feed my dog for hours. She quickly apologizes with the assumption we will forgive her. She comes back to her senses and acts like we will be close friends again like I must forgive & forget and move on, now that she has. She tries to see psychologist & counsellors to talk about stuff. I think she is convinced something is wrong with her. All she ever talks about is herself, her flaws. She does not listen to what others have to say. She whines about everything. She acts very defensive and aggressive when people try to help her. It is A SLAP IN THE FACE TO HELP HER. She will yell at you, cause a scene, cuss you out for trying to help her. She is always asking for advice or to hear the truth or complaining about her problems, the minute someone tells her the STRAIGHT UP TRUTH she gets angry, sometimes even violent. She is determined to do everything on her own, which she cannot do. She does not want to accept herself for who she is. She has hit almost everyone in our household. While I just think it is pride. She wants a psychological excuse or mental illness to excuse her culpability of sin. I think she just has trouble assuming responsibility or growing up

 

[pensmama87]

It doesn’t have to just be one cause. Based on what you’ve described, I’d personally guess there’s a combination of factors at play, and they’re all complicating each other.

Ultimately, though, it may not really matter why your cousin acts the way she does, because from your point of view the only thing that matters is what you’re going to permit her to do to you and how you are going to handle it. It’s not your job to rescue her from herself. She has to decide she wants to do that herself. If she was your minor daughter, it would be different, but she has other people who were/are responsible for raising her.

She obviously doesn’t want your help. So quit offering it and being surprised that she rejects it. I have to think that if the people around her quit tolerating the bad behavior, whatever was in her control to stop would probably stop pretty quickly.

 

[Anglewannabe]

She obviously doesn’t want your help. So quit offering it and being surprised that she rejects it. I.

My first though is how old is she and how old are you. I don’t know very many people who want their cousins correcting them. But then again the age range between you will have a lot to do with this

Also, I would simply no longer go to mass with her if she embarrasses you.

 

[EasterJoy]

No one acts the way you describe in a calculated manner, and yet since there are natural explanations it is premature to suggest anything like “demon possession.” I would think it is most likely that she has a mental disorder, such as a borderline personality disorder. (I can’t diagnose, and it would take someone with a background in child psychology to list the most likely possibilities.)

Now think of how you would feel if you had something wrong with your brain that prompted you to act erratically. Would it help you to hear, “Maybe she is possessed” or “Some Christian she is”? Would it not help you more to hear, "Cratus, this isn’t like you. What’s wrong? No one with as much going for them as you have acts like this unless something is really wrong. You need to get some help. "

That being said, it is up to her to learn how to overcome this problem, and it is OK for you to also say, “Hey, I don’t know what is wrong with you, but this is not acceptable. We’re willing to help you do your best, but we’re not going to let you just treat us this way.” It is extremely important not only that she learn what her issues are, but that her family learns what her issues are and how to best deal with them. I do not mean that the family lets her run rough-shod over them. I mean that they learn how to enforce natural consequences for her behavior that are more likely to help her learn to get a grip on herself than those consequences that will unwittingly be counter-productive, making it harder for her to get a grip on herself.

As for you, when she apologizes, you can say, “OK, I believe you’re sorry, but I’m getting tired of this. What are we going to do next time? What if you do this yet again? I need a code word or something, because this needs to stop. Will you do that for me? We love you, but throw us a bone, here.”

You might have your parents talk to her parents about what her diagnosis is and what the rest of the family needs to know in order to most effectively deal with her condition. Again: I don’t mean walking on eggshells. I mean learning what is wrong with her when her behavior goes off the tracks and how to respond in a way that at least does not make it worse. For instance, you may learn that she has some sort of a brain misfire that gets worse if everyone around her gets excited. You may learn to say, “C’mon, let’s get your mom. We have an agreement with her. You need some place quiet. When you get a grip, we’ll talk and you can make your complaints, but not until you get a grip.”

 

[faithfulwannabe]

Why does she sound like me? Lol.

I’ve hit my brother & mother in the past. Slight offences can make me snap. I tried to be nice, but it actually feels very fake.

I think she needs a lot of space for herself. She needs to be left alone but not necessarily alone forever, lol. If you know what I mean.

We human need to express ourselves, unfortunately sometimes the too ordered religious activities made us very very bored & want to change circumstances & stuff.
This perhaps she’s still a teenager as well, perhaps?

This is just my guess, might not be true for her.

Yes, EasterJoy could be right, she might have borderline personality disorder. Which I think I might have, but I haven’t checked in psychiatrist, due to that I have no fund for that yet.

 

[faithfulwannabe]

I’m not proud with what I did though… it’s shameful.

 

[SpidersfromMars]

Sounds to me like she has some serious emotional problems/mood swings. Has she seen a doctor/therapist? I think it’s best to work on this angle before considering demonic possession. Indeed, that’s what the Church does too (look into medical background, etc) before performing exorcisms and the like.

Also if she were possessed by demons wouldn’t she be her ‘angry’ self all the time?

 

[oneofmany]

It sounds like bi-polar disorder. Has she been to a doctor or a psychiatrist? These mood disorders use to be thought of a demon controlled but with modern medicine we know differently now.

She may need to be on meds to stop her highs and lows. I think she needs help and really can’t stop feeling the way she does on her own. She can get the help she needs from some professionals who treat such disorders.

 

[Jack007]

i think it is a personality disorder, maybe bi poloar.

 

[CB_Catholic]

The poor girl sounds as if she needs some medical help. This sounds rather extreme.

 

[captainrick]

I can’t give medical advice here, but it sounds more like borderline personality disorder (as other posters have said), rather than bipolar. In either case, seeing a professional would be in order, although these people rarely think there’s anything wrong, and must be convinced by friends or relatives to seek help. I’ll pray for your cousin.

 

[Mintaka]

Heck, you don’t even have to be bipolar to be someone with quick changes of mood, or strong emotional reactions. In our society, we tend to have very little tolerance for someone who vents their anger openly or by attacking objects, but there have been plenty of cultures where such behavior would just be regarded as evidence of a normal quick temper. In many of the same cultures, it is regarded as perfectly normal to be smiling one minute and raging the next, whereas here we worry about people’s hormones.

Of course, your cousin has to live in this society (unless she moves to Italy!), so she does have to look into controlling her temper. Exercise can help a lot. So can finding ways to express her feelings, such as through art, music, or dance. Her personal problems or bad events may make her worse, whereas happy times or personal peace may make her easier to deal with.

 

[rayne89]

Its hard to answer your questions with out more info -specifically age would be helpful although I think its pretty safe to say demon possession is probably not the problem. If she’s a legal adult on her own -than stop offering her unsolicited advice, if she reacts this way when you offer advice that she’s actually asked for then I wouldn’t offer advice even then. You mention you gave blunt advice -maybe its how your delivering your advice, tact and sensitivity are important if you expect someone to be receptive.
If she is not an adult than its her parents job to parent her -so in that case leave it to them.

 

[nownzen]

My cousin is one those people prone to extremes. She may be seriously religious - church, confession weekly, talking about God, watching EWTN. After a few weeks or months, something snaps. She becomes angry. Her bad attitude reemerges. She wants to be alone and gets annoyed by everyone. She has ripped her bible in anger. She ripped her rosary. She says she hates the burden of being Christian. We correct a lot on her foul language, often she apologizes and complies. Out of nowhere, one day, she cuss profanities, when we correct her, she says “f…off.” Her good girl act is short-lived. I think as her family it is our duty to correct her. Sometimes she stops talking to us because we tell her the truth or correct, and hangs out with boyfriend, who tells her it is okay to say “damn” once in a while and that we overreact. She says every time we talk to her, we correct her. She makes us feel like the bad guys when we are just trying to help in the long wrong. She said “f…your Jesus Christ.” She is a very nice person for two months or so, then something snaps her in and she becomes a brat again. She does not seem to care how she hurts our feelings. She does things to purposefully start arguments and destroy the peace in our family. She takes slights so personally, when she says something back, she will say something EXCEPTIONALLY CRUEL. I gave her blunt advice on her boyfriend, she tried to fight me, then she went on to say, never wants to see me again, how she hates me, or will never talk to me anymore. A few minutes later, she apologized for being cruel. WHY DID SHE EVEN ASK? She has walked out in the middle of mass, throwing the Missal and using profanity. Our family was so embarrassed. She always has to be the center of attention. When she is angry, she broke our plates, cups, and tried to push people down the stairs. Because she was angry with me, over something petty, she did not feed my dog for hours. She quickly apologizes with the assumption we will forgive her. She comes back to her senses and acts like we will be close friends again like I must forgive & forget and move on, now that she has. She tries to see psychologist & counsellors to talk about stuff. I think she is convinced something is wrong with her. All she ever talks about is herself, her flaws. She does not listen to what others have to say. She whines about everything. She acts very defensive and aggressive when people try to help her. It is A SLAP IN THE FACE TO HELP HER. She will yell at you, cause a scene, cuss you out for trying to help her. She is always asking for advice or to hear the truth or complaining about her problems, the minute someone tells her the STRAIGHT UP TRUTH she gets angry, sometimes even violent. She is determined to do everything on her own, which she cannot do. She does not want to accept herself for who she is. She has hit almost everyone in our household. While I just think it is pride. She wants a psychological excuse or mental illness to excuse her culpability of sin. I think she just has trouble assuming responsibility or growing up

She has a host of problems. Full-blown possession is anecdotal and is not, IMNASHO*, demons’ ususal modus operandi. Borderline personality might be it, immaturity for sure, ADHD often comes with lots of unpleasant tag-alongs (defiant personality disorder, anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, rage etc.). It might be bipolarity, and it can be a hellish combination of bits and pieces of all those. Investing myself in something, barely being able to think of something else, then moving on to something else because I just lost interest overnight or because I realize it’s not for me/not who I am. Everytime I try the Christian thing, my anxiety gets more intense, I get scrupulous, I’m obsessed with sin, I feel oppressed by all the demands God has, sexlessness makes dealing with life near impossible. The Christian life to me equals frustration, constantly watching myself and keeping everything in check, both of my feet constantly on the brake pedal. Two weeks of that is bearable, a lifetime, inconceivable. It’s not fun being me, I assume it’s not fun being her, have mercy, that is all. Apart from God’s mercy, there is no hope of eternal salvation for me and for her. God spent no time at the drawing table, I’m the biological product of both of my parents’ genes. The result is, objectively, not pretty. Nobody’s fault but my parents’ not-optional-in-any-aspect-however-you-want-to-look-at-it genes. Yeah people like us do exist.

*I was being facetious: in my not always so humble opinion.

 

[acadiANNA]

You certainly have a challenge. Seems your cousin has developed a pattern over time for this behavior. Asking the Holy Spirit to place in her heart a desire to control her actions, that she will understand that lashing out is not acceptable. You may need to look into the proper way to respond to her at the time of the outbursts. Saying and doing the right thing can help her to eventually take a second look at what she is doing. True, it may not be as simple as that. It may be an underlying biological or medical issue. Praying for her physical and spiritual well-being and for all of her family.

 

[EasterJoy]

i think it is a personality disorder, maybe bi poloar.

Children and adolescents act out for a variety of reasons.

It is unfortunately not out of the question that this girl acts out because she is the victim of sexual abuse. Behavior like this is something that people who go through training to protect the victims of abuse are taught to see this as a possible sign of hidden abuse. A victim who is keeping any kind of abuse secret because the perpetrator has threatened something like “everyone will blame you” and “you will ruin the whole family if you tell” or “I will harm your parents if you tell” or “you’ll be put into foster care if you tell” can understandably act erratically. She could feel God has abandoned her. She could resent that she is having to handle it alone, not knowing that she is being lied to and has many people who would believe her and help her.

Another experience I have had was a formerly-model student acting out and drawing attention to herself all of a sudden. It really puzzled me, so I ask the director of the program about it. I’m glad I did. The girl’s mother had just walked out on the family. Left. Gone. Out of there. It was just the father taking care of all the kids. The whole family was devastated. She didn’t act sad. She acted like she had gone a little crazy. Well, she had a good reason to not know how to act and a good reason that acting very differently seemed like a necessity to her, I am sure.

That is why I would handle this with a: “What is going on? You are not acting like yourself. Is there something you are not telling us? We don’t like the way you’re acting, but mostly we are worried about you. What can we do for you?”

 

[CRATUS]

Its hard to answer your questions with out more info -specifically age would be helpful although I think its pretty safe to say demon possession is probably not the problem. If she’s a legal adult on her own -than stop offering her unsolicited advice, if she reacts this way when you offer advice that she’s actually asked for then I wouldn’t offer advice even then. You mention you gave blunt advice -maybe its how your delivering your advice, tact and sensitivity are important if you expect someone to be receptive.
If she is not an adult than its her parents job to parent her -so in that case leave it to them.

She is in her mid-twenties. I do not know what triggers it though. Could be having a great time, then all of sudden, she becomes angry. Pushing someone down the stairs is TOO MUCH FOR ME. She said she is tired of her father still telling her what to do. My friend said, it is good at least she is going to see a counselor. Her father is convinced there is nothing wrong with her. What is the difference between a normal spoiled brat versus a chemical imbalance? Should we just leave her alone? She complains that we are too there and in her space.

 

[EasterJoy]

She is in her mid-twenties. I do not know what triggers it though. Could be having a great time, then all of sudden, she becomes angry. Pushing someone down the stairs is TOO MUCH FOR ME. She said she is tired of her father still telling her what to do. My friend said, it is good at least she is going to see a counselor. Her father is convinced there is nothing wrong with her. What is the difference between a normal spoiled brat versus a chemical imbalance? Should we just leave her alone? She complains that we are too there and in her space.

I don’t know if this will be any comfort, but it isn’t your worry whether the way she behaves is her fault or not. I don’t know what her problem is, but she does have a problem. It is not for you to judge her or diagnose her. It is totally OK for you to draw your own boundaries concerning how you will let others treat* you* and anyone in your protection. If she abuses someone else and no one else will intervene, then of course you can step in and defend the person. You don’t have to stand by and watch as if she’s doing nothing wrong to anyone. You can treat the victim of her abuse as you would want to be treated under the same circumstances.

There is no excuse for anyone pushing anyone else down stairs nor verbally abusing anyone else nor anyone acting as if they are entitled to disrupt the social occasions of others nor to constantly put themselves at the center of attention. Either she is unable to control herself, in which case she needs to be confined by others in accordance with her lack of self-control, or else she can control herself, in which case she needs to do that.

If one of my relatives felt it was her right to abuse me or put me in danger and said I was “too there and in her space,” then I’d take that as my opportunity to give her all the space I felt inclined to give her, which would be an awful lot. I’d hope whatever was wrong with her could be cleared up, but sometimes you have to just let go and let the person make an overture when they feel they’ve driven you too far away.

 

[oneofmany]

You can go on www.youtube.com and look up mental illness. They have psychiatrists on there that explains many illnesses and their treatments.

To me it seems to be a personality disorder or a bi-polar one when she is happy one minute and sad and angry the next. It can’t be great to live that way, Either for her or for those around her.

 

[Jack007]

Children and adolescents act out for a variety of reasons.

It is unfortunately not out of the question that this girl acts out because she is the victim of sexual abuse. Behavior like this is something that people who go through training to protect the victims of abuse are taught to see this as a possible sign of hidden abuse. A victim who is keeping any kind of abuse secret because the perpetrator has threatened something like “everyone will blame you” and “you will ruin the whole family if you tell” or “I will harm your parents if you tell” or “you’ll be put into foster care if you tell” can understandably act erratically. She could feel God has abandoned her. She could resent that she is having to handle it alone, not knowing that she is being lied to and has many people who would believe her and help her.

Another experience I have had was a formerly-model student acting out and drawing attention to herself all of a sudden. It really puzzled me, so I ask the director of the program about it. I’m glad I did. The girl’s mother had just walked out on the family. Left. Gone. Out of there. It was just the father taking care of all the kids. The whole family was devastated. She didn’t act sad. She acted like she had gone a little crazy. Well, she had a good reason to not know how to act and a good reason that acting very differently seemed like a necessity to her, I am sure.

That is why I would handle this with a: “What is going on? You are not acting like yourself. Is there something you are not telling us? We don’t like the way you’re acting, but mostly we are worried about you. What can we do for you?”

Either way, a consultation with a qualified psychiatrist will help clear up things.