Is this really Adultery according to the Catholic religion

[Pudgy4]

I am not catholic however my boyfriend is and my divorce isn’t final yet. I am not getting divorced for him I am getting divorced because my husband is an alcholic and abusive. Our issue is that he says that he is commiting adultery if we have sex because my divorce isn’t final yet. However he says that it is fine once my divorce is final even though we still aren’t married. Can someone please clarify if we are commiting adultery or not if we have sex before my divorce is final please.

 

[BillP]

Technically, your boyfriend is correct, but only as to the particular mortal sin you all would be committing. Sexual intercourse between two unmarried people is “fornication” not “adultery”, but its still a mortal sin…

 

[kage_ar]

Sex is only permitted inside a valid marriage.

Adultery or fornication, unless you are validly married to this man, sex is a sin.

Do not date this person, he is lying to you about sex after a civil divorce.

 

[WetCatechumen]

Sex is only permitted inside a valid marriage.

Adultery or fornication, unless you are validly married to this man, sex is a sin.

Do not date this person, he is lying to you about sex after a civil divorce.

Let’s be compassionate.

Her boyfriend does not understand Catholic teaching. It seems that he engages in pre-marital sex (I’m guessing this from the Pudgy4’s post), but he has been taught somewhat about the rules regarding divorce. He just has severe misunderstandings.

Things the boyfriend is missing:

1. Fornication is a mortal sin.
2. Marriage is a sacrament and civil authorities have no effect upon it.

 

[Pudgy4]

Technically, your boyfriend is correct, but only as to the particular mortal sin you all would be committing. Sexual intercourse between two unmarried people is “fornication” not “adultery”, but its still a mortal sin…

So even though my divorce isn’t final it would only be fornication not adultery am I understing this correctly? He said is problem is breaking one of the 10 commandments nothing else.

 

[kage_ar]

So even though my divorce isn’t final it would only be fornication not adultery am I understing this correctly? He said is problem is breaking one of the 10 commandments nothing else.

Fornication breaks the commandments.

This guy is lying to get you into the sack, please, find a good Priest and talk to him.

 

[LilyM]

Hang on, the original poster is still legally married. For all we know the marriage is also sacramental under church law. And for all we know the Catholic party also has a previously existing valid marriage.

Even if only the first circumstance is the case, under church law ANY marriage, Catholic or not, is presumed to be valid until such time as it is investigated by the marriage tribunal and declared not to be valid.

And yes, any person who sleeps with another prior to receiving a declaration that their marriage is invalid IS committing the sin of adultery.

And what does Our Lord say in scripture? ‘Any man who marries a divorced woman commits ADULTERY with her’. Not fornication. So it would appear any sin against marital vows, whether they be your own or the vows of your partner, would constitute adultery under Our Lord’s definition, and thus break the commandment.

Besides which, he is worried, as any good Christian should be, about the fact that YOU would be breaking the commandment for certain. Surely a Christian should be worried about the souls of others and not just their own?

kage_ar, you have it totally backwards. The poster is non-Catholic, she is married and wants to break her vows. Her boyfriend, who is Catholic, is the one who doesn’t want to do so. So he isn’t lying to get her into the sack - on the contrary he DOESN’T want to have sex with her and is trying to tell her why!

 

[budgie2]

If you have been married in the Catholic Church and received the marriage sacrament then it doesn’t matter whether or not you are divorced in law. The only time that it is acceptable for a previously married Catholic to remarry in the Church is if the first marriage was annulled or their first husband is dead. If you have a civil wedding ceremony I think it is still possible for you to get married in the Catholic Church under the Pauline privilege and it depends on whether or not you have received the sacrament of marriage according to the priest and the bishop. You have to ask your parish priest.

 

[SwizzleStick]

So even though my divorce isn’t final it would only be fornication not adultery am I understing this correctly? He said is problem is breaking one of the 10 commandments nothing else.

Others have addressed concerns about your situation (you are married and may be in a valid marriage in the eyes of the Church even if you do get a civil divorce), so I guess I’ll only add a short comment. Fornication does break one of the ten commandments. Fornication is a grave sin, a mortal sin, against the sixth commandment, “Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,” as are a lot of other sexual sins. The sins against that commandment are not limited to “only” adultery or “only” fornication and many of them are mortal sins, i.e. adultery, fornication, masturbation, homosexual acts, using contraception, etc.

 

[kage_ar]

kage_ar, you have it totally backwards. The poster is non-Catholic, she is married and wants to break her vows. Her boyfriend, who is Catholic, is the one who doesn’t want to do so. So he isn’t lying to get her into the sack - on the contrary he DOESN’T want to have sex with her and is trying to tell her why!

If you look above, he is “catholic” and told her it would be okay to have sex after she divorces. The divorce thing was explained by others.

She lists as Baptist, Baptists do not believe in extramarital sex either.

 

[bpbasilphx]

Pudgie, the Church will assume you are still married unless, to marry this man, YOU get a declaration of nullity from the Catholic church through the marriage tribunal.

 

[LilyM]

If you look above, he is “catholic” and told her it would be okay to have sex after she divorces. The divorce thing was explained by others.

She lists as Baptist, Baptists do not believe in extramarital sex either.

My apologies - must need my eyes tested And this baptist (the poster) is obviously considering (at least) having sex even prior to her divorce being final.

 

[reginacaeli]

To further clarify, in order for sexual relations to occur between OP and boyfriend without adultery or fornication, the following needs to occur:

1. OP’s civil divorce becomes final
2. OP and the boyfriend determine that they want to marry pending the outcome of OP’s petition for nullity of her current presumed sacramental marriage. She would ask a parish Priest for counsel about how to approach this. She would need to do this regardless of whether she intends to remain in her current faith or convert to Catholicism.
3. The diocesan tribunal would review the peitition and make a determination. If a declaration of nullity is granted, OP would no longer be considered sacramentally married.

If boyfriend is civilly divorced but has no annulment (declaration of nullity from the Church), he would need to follow step 2 and 3 as well. Before the end of step 3 for both of them, if they engaged in sexual relations, the Church would consider it adultery. If they were to engage in sexual relations after step 3 and before step 4, it would be considered fornication.

1. After all of this, the OP and boyfriend would get married within the Catholic Church. At this point, and only after all of this, would they have conjugal relations without sinning either against adultery or fornication.

 

[estesbob]

I am not catholic however my boyfriend is and my divorce isn’t final yet. I am not getting divorced for him I am getting divorced because my husband is an alcholic and abusive. Our issue is that he says that he is commiting adultery if we have sex because my divorce isn’t final yet. However he says that it is fine once my divorce is final even though we still aren’t married. Can someone please clarify if we are commiting adultery or not if we have sex before my divorce is final please.

If you have sex with hin now you are commiting the sin if adultery. if you have sex after your divorce in the eyes of the Church you are still commiting adultery as the Church does not consider the divorce to be valid. Now heres the tricky part-if you marry yor boyfriend but dont get you former marriage annulled you are still commiting adultery in the eyes of the Church.

 

[noclevername]

One thing that bothers me is that she is already dating someone before she is divorced civilly or by annullment from her current husband. This is not the ideal situation. I have been through divorce and I firmly believe one should be alone for about a year before moving on. It’s good for the soul.

 

[FastLearner]

One thing that bothers me is that she is already dating someone before she is divorced civilly or by annullment from her current husband.

She’s Baptist, so I doubt she cares about the Catholic annulment. I don’t pretend to be an expert on Baptist beliefs, but what I’ve been told is that there are several cases where divorce is recognized automatically (i.e. adultery or when one partner is non-christian). In addition, since some divorces take years (not even including separation), it’s possible that she’s been emotionally and physically alone for years.

I’m not trying to make a series of assumptions to justify a point here - I’m just making the claim that it’s possible that in her religion, what she is doing is not wrong.

Do not date this person, he is lying to you about sex after a civil divorce.

This guy is lying to get you into the sack, please, find a good Priest and talk to him.

It’s possible the guy is misinformed, or that he disagrees with the Church’s teaching that fornication is a mortal sin (let’s not get into that - just recognize that some people believe that).

Again, I’m not make assumption, I’m just making the case that there’s a good possibility that the guy isn’t lying.

For some reason, it seems like many people (not just Catholics) just want to jump to some sort of conclusion and condemn (or even judge) a person without knowing the full situation.

 

[kage_ar]

I’m not trying to make a series of assumptions to justify a point here - I’m just making the claim that it’s possible that in her religion, what she is doing is not wrong.

Her religion, my religion, the boyfriend’s religion are all the same religion - Christianity.

Catholicism is Christianity.

Baptists to back to a group that split from Catholicism many years ago, but they are still Christian by virtue of trinitarian Baptism. So, if the OP has been baptized, she and I are both Christians.

The rules about marriage and the permanance of marriage are directly from Christ. They are binding on all. The fact that those who broke away from the Catholic Church and now call themselves Baptist have seen fit to change the laws of Christ does not make them any less true.

Same for the laws about sex outside of marriage, these apply to everyone - Baptist or Catholic or Druid or monkey worshipping pagan.

 

[estesbob]

Again, I’m not make assumption, I’m just making the case that there’s a good possibility that the guy isn’t lying.

For some reason, it seems like many people (not just Catholics) just want to jump to some sort of conclusion and condemn (or even judge) a person without knowing the full situation.

I wasnt comdeming or judgeing-I was just anwering her question.

 

[noclevername]

She’s Baptist, so I doubt she cares about the Catholic annulment. I don’t pretend to be an expert on Baptist beliefs, but what I’ve been told is that there are several cases where divorce is recognized automatically (i.e. adultery or when one partner is non-christian). In addition, since some divorces take years (not even including separation), it’s possible that she’s been emotionally and physically alone for years.

Not to be insensitive but it doesn’t matter. She is still legally married. In the protestant religion, she is still married until the civil divorce is final. The only religion I have ever heard of where the marriage is over automatically when one partner commits adultery is Jehovah Witness. But Baptist is Christian just like Catholic is Christian. And as I said in my previous post, since she is still married civilly then she should not even be dating or calling someone a boyfriend.

I’m not trying to make a series of assumptions to justify a point here - I’m just making the claim that it’s possible that in her religion, what she is doing is not wrong.

Not sure what your point is but in all Christian religions what she is doing is very wrong. Religions that are not Catholic still have high morals.

It’s possible the guy is misinformed, or that he disagrees with the Church’s teaching that fornication is a mortal sin (let’s not get into that - just recognize that some people believe that).

Again, I’m not make assumption, I’m just making the case that there’s a good possibility that the guy isn’t lying.

I honestly believe with everything I have that this guy KNOWS that sex outside of marriage is wrong. If he is familiar with the Ten Commandments and since he knows what adultery is, he knows that sex outside of marriage is wrong too. And again, this is the same in ALL Christian religions, not just Catholic. He may not know that a marriage is still valid until it has been declared invalid by the tribunal and until that happens she is technically still married to her first husband. There are a lot of people who don’t understand this. But I guarantee he does know that sex outside of marriage is wrong. Heck of the OP was raised in a church, she knows that it’s wrong too.

For some reason, it seems like many people (not just Catholics) just want to jump to some sort of conclusion and condemn (or even judge) a person without knowing the full situation.

Then don’t jump to the conclusion that other religions have lower morals than Catholics. They don’t.

 

[1ke]

I am not catholic however my boyfriend is and my divorce isn’t final yet. I am not getting divorced for him I am getting divorced because my husband is an alcholic and abusive. Our issue is that he says that he is commiting adultery if we have sex because my divorce isn’t final yet. However he says that it is fine once my divorce is final even though we still aren’t married. Can someone please clarify if we are commiting adultery or not if we have sex before my divorce is final please.

Pudgy, as a Baptist Christian you are well aware that adultery is a sin-- which is what you would be committing if you have sexual relations with a man who is not your husband.

So, I’m not really sure why you are contemplating having sexual relations with your boyfriend or why you are trying to split hairs about whether it’s adultery or fornication. It’s a sin against the Ten Commandments either way.

And, it’s not a sin just for Catholics. Last time I checked, the Baptist church also recognized adultery and fornication as sins.

You should go talk to your pastor about why these things are wrong if you do not understand. And, you might try to find a boyfriend who wants to follow God’s law, not break it.