Is This Scandalous/Sinful?

[Aureole]

I have been invited to a friends house who lives quite a distance away from me. If I do go to visit her I would be staying in her house, of course in a room other than hers. I couldn’t afford a hotel while down there and I know no one but her, so I would have to stay with her or not go.

Now, I know it is scandalous/sinful to live in the same house with someone of the opposite sex, but is it still considered scandalous/sinful if they are not alone? (She lives with her mom and grandparents.)

I’m fairly sure I know the answer, but I want it to be very clear so I can’t try to rationalize staying there if it is scandalous/sinful.

 

[St.Curious]

I’d say you’re more than okay. You are going there to visit and need a place to stay. You aren’t staying in the same bed/room with her, and she also has family in the house, no problem.

The only problem that could result is in lustful thoughts, which we all battle with. If I were you I’d search your thoughts and heart about this girl. If you are feeling guilty beforehand then you need to realize why.

 

[cmgeo]

I think it would nt be sinful even to sleep in the same room
as long as you don’t have any intention to do anything sinful.
If your intentions are clean why bother yourself?
If they invited you and they would like you to stay over
it does nt in itself cant be scandalous
However it all depends on the type of relationship you have with
this friend.

 

[Aureole]

Well seeing as the relationship between us does count I should probably include that.

We are friends at the moment, though we both have romantic (For lack of a better word) feelings about the other. We could end up dating at some point or we could not. The relationship likely won’t progress “to the next level” so to speak until I get there. Though I do think it will progress after I get there.

Both of us are Catholic and have no intentions of having sex outside of marriage either, we already established that.

Does this change anything? Should I be clearer?

 

[JKirkLVNV]

Aureole:

.

Now, I know it is scandalous/sinful to live in the same house with someone of the opposite sex, but is it still considered scandalous/sinful if they are not alone? (She lives with her mom and grandparents.)

.

The above depends on circumstances. I’m renting a room from a female friend while I’m saving to buy a house. Everyone we’re friends with knows we have a platonic relationship and the circumstances.

 

[AsStAnselmPrays]

Aureole:

I have been invited to a friends house who lives quite a distance away from me. If I do go to visit her I would be staying in her house, of course in a room other than hers. I couldn’t afford a hotel while down there and I know no one but her, so I would have to stay with her or not go.

Now, I know it is scandalous/sinful to live in the same house with someone of the opposite sex, but is it still considered scandalous/sinful if they are not alone? (She lives with her mom and grandparents.)

I’m fairly sure I know the answer, but I want it to be very clear so I can’t try to rationalize staying there if it is scandalous/sinful.

You’re fine, man. You’re a grown man, you can control yourself. She’s a friend, and really, her family resides there, too. So, once again, I think you’re just find.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Aureole:

Well seeing as the relationship between us does count I should probably include that.

We are friends at the moment, though we both have romantic (For lack of a better word) feelings about the other.

Do her mom and grandparents realize that you are interested in her as more than a friend? This may change their views a bit. Or it may not. But since it is their home I think everything should be upfront and then they can make a decision.

I don’t think you have to worry about appearing scandalous either way though. I would worry more about other potential sins that could come of this situation.

I hope you have a great visit no matter where you stay!

Malia

 

[Aureole]

Feanaro's Wife:

Do her mom and grandparents realize that you are interested in her as more than a friend? This may change their views a bit. Or it may not. But since it is their home I think everything should be upfront and then they can make a decision.

No, I don’t think they know I’m interested in her as more than just a friend. I’ll bring it up to her next time I’m talking to her. Actually, I think the only one who proved less than excited at a guest coming over was her grandfather, but I’ll make sure that they know I am interested in her as more than just a friend just in case.

Thanks for all the response everyone, I really appreciate it. I’m a bit surprised, as obviously I thought it would be scandalous at least to stay with her and her family. Thanks for dispelling that idea and clearing up a few things.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Aureole:

Actually, I think the only one who proved less than excited at a guest coming over was her grandfather.

Could be because he is also a man and knows how men think, lol.

I think it would be wise of you to speak to her grandfather either beofre your visit or right at your arrival and have a good chat.

Just let him know what kind of person you are and why you are interested in his granddaughter. Let him know of your decision to not have sex before marriage etc.

I’m sure that would go over very well with any father/grandfather. If he had any doubts about a boy staying in the same house that should help to put him at ease.

As to the sin of scandal, I would think that it would have to be a situation that looks like what it is not in order to even qualify.

Like if this girl lived on her own and you were to stay with her and tell everyone that “nothing happened”. No one would believe you and therefore it would look like a good Catholic doing something very unCatholic, know what I mean? I’m sure someone here can give a better explaination, lol.

Malia

 

[Aureole]

Feanaro's Wife:

Could be because he is also a man and knows how men think, lol.

I think it would be wise of you to speak to her grandfather either beofre your visit or right at your arrival and have a good chat.

Just let him know what kind of person you are and why you are interested in his granddaughter. Let him know of your decision to not have sex before marriage etc.

I’m sure that would go over very well with any father/grandfather. If he had any doubts about a boy staying in the same house that should help to put him at ease.

As to the sin of scandal, I would think that it would have to be a situation that looks like what it is not in order to even qualify.

Like if this girl lived on her own and you were to stay with her and tell everyone that “nothing happened”. No one would believe you and therefore it would look like a good Catholic doing something very unCatholic, know what I mean? I’m sure someone here can give a better explaination, lol.

Malia

Yes, it could be because he knows how men think. I have to agree, it would be wise to talk to him either before or just upon arriving. I don’t think he has doubts, though he may.

Thanks for making it very clear, you gave a great explanation.

God bless.

 

[Topher]

Aureole:

No, I don’t think they know I’m interested in her as more than just a friend. I’ll bring it up to her next time I’m talking to her. Actually, I think the only one who proved less than excited at a guest coming over was her grandfather, but I’ll make sure that they know I am interested in her as more than just a friend just in case.

Thanks for all the response everyone, I really appreciate it. I’m a bit surprised, as obviously I thought it would be scandalous at least to stay with her and her family. Thanks for dispelling that idea and clearing up a few things.

There is no problem here at all. I think that since her family will be there, you are both devout Catholics, you will be sleeping in separate rooms, and the arrangement is not permanent but just for the length of the visit, the is very little danger of sin and there is most certainly no scandal involved here. Unless you really feel tempted to sin with this young lady, you are absolutely fine. Don’t ever become over scrupulous.

 

[space_ghost]

…i was raised in a time, when you wouldn’t have put the other person in the position of being questioned… the fact that parents and others are there do help…

…the difference in you and me, is i would not give anyone the opportunity to say, “hey, he spent the night”… i would not create the doubt… or the possibility of impropriaty… but, the world is different today… kids think nothing of the reputation of the other or themselves… it’s only when they become parents themselves that these issues arise…

IMHO…

http://mediasoftware.free.fr/index.1.jpg

 

[Orionthehunter]

Topher:

There is no problem here at all. I think that since her family will be there, you are both devout Catholics, you will be sleeping in separate rooms, and the arrangement is not permanent but just for the length of the visit, the is very little danger of sin and there is most certainly no scandal involved here. Unless you really feel tempted to sin with this young lady, you are absolutely fine. Don’t ever become over scrupulous.

Great comment about being over scrupulous. It leads to a false piety and thus becomes sinful.

In fact, this can be a great witness at least between the two of you about your respect for her. In this age where we are bombarded by immoral presentation of sexual innuendo and images and that anything goes, it is good that you have the clarity to overcome it.

Nostagically, I recall my college years. In high school, I ran with a group of girls and guys for whom we still have a great deal of mutual affection. Several times (especially after we moved off campus) some of us got together and stayed in teh same house without the slightest hint of impropriety. As we were now attending different colleges, when we got together we had much catching up to do. One night in particular I recall a girl and I laid on her double bed all night talking until we dozed off. While I can’t absolutely be sure she never had an impure thought, I know I didn’t. Remarkably, our parents knew we were all getting together and knew of hte arrangements. If they had any reservations, they never expressed them. I wonder if I’ll be as understanding if my daughters sometime present similar arrangements.

Upon reflection, I believe that this inter-mingled relationships have contributed to our healthy marriages and respect for people of the other sex. Because we never confused our love and affection for each other by adding sex to the equation, to this day we have great personal relationships. There is seldom a week that I don’t get a phone call or email from one or all.

 

[Aureole]

Topher:

There is no problem here at all. I think that since her family will be there, you are both devout Catholics, you will be sleeping in separate rooms, and the arrangement is not permanent but just for the length of the visit, the is very little danger of sin and there is most certainly no scandal involved here. Unless you really feel tempted to sin with this young lady, you are absolutely fine. Don’t ever become over scrupulous.

I don’t intend to become over scrulpulous. Since I wasn’t sure, but leaning into one direction, I thought I would ask and look like a fool for a day. Thank you for your post because it made things very clear.
space ghost:

…the difference in you and me, is i would not give anyone the opportunity to say, “hey, he spent the night”… i would not create the doubt… or the possibility of impropriaty… but, the world is different today… kids think nothing of the reputation of the other or themselves… it’s only when they become parents themselves that these issues arise…

Actually, I was quite worried about her reputation. I would be staying somewhere that no one knows me, but everyone knows her. I wouldn’t have to worry about my reputation in the least.

Orionthehunter:

In fact, this can be a great witness at least between the two of you about your respect for her. In this age where we are bombarded by immoral presentation of sexual innuendo and images and that anything goes, it is good that you have the clarity to overcome it.

I heartily agree.

Orionthehunter:

Nostagically, I recall my college years. In high school, I ran with a group of girls and guys for whom we still have a great deal of mutual affection. Several times (especially after we moved off campus) some of us got together and stayed in teh same house without the slightest hint of impropriety. As we were now attending different colleges, when we got together we had much catching up to do. One night in particular I recall a girl and I laid on her double bed all night talking until we dozed off. While I can’t absolutely be sure she never had an impure thought, I know I didn’t. Remarkably, our parents knew we were all getting together and knew of hte arrangements. If they had any reservations, they never expressed them. I wonder if I’ll be as understanding if my daughters sometime present similar arrangements.

Upon reflection, I believe that this inter-mingled relationships have contributed to our healthy marriages and respect for people of the other sex. Because we never confused our love and affection for each other by adding sex to the equation, to this day we have great personal relationships. There is seldom a week that I don’t get a phone call or email from one or all.

Thanks for sharing that! For some reason I can see you as a great story-teller.