Yep, scrupulous. Another scruple some have (I did) was seeing something like a bit of leaf or Kleenex on the floor of the church and fearing it was a crumb of a consecrated Host. I mean, it would be one thing if it was obviously the entire round Host lying there or if you actually saw particles drop from one, but I was freaking out about every pale-colored thing.
Anyway, what helped me at the first was reading the Scrupulous Anonymous newsletter and the advice of a wise priest writing in there who said “Give the Angels something to do.” In other words, if there were crumbs of an actual Host (which is rare, because the priest and Eucharistic Ministers are trained to be careful, so probably I was just seeing leaves and Kleenexes!
), God’s Angels would guard Jesus - that’s their job!
Then later I got more brave and could verify for myself that the things I was seeing were ordinary mundane bits of stuff.
And another friend pointed out to me that Jesus makes Himself vulnerable to us in the consecrated Host, and that He knows what He’s doing, just as when He came to Earth and ultimately made Himself vulnerable to being nailed to a Cross - for US! :bigyikes: Us sinful people! This is not to say we should ever deliberately desecrate the Eucharist, of course not, but that Our Savior’s love and mercy toward us sinful people is so much greater than we can imagine. We should reflect on the love rather than the fear.
Sacramentals such as Holy Water can be dealt with using the same principle. Be focused on the positive of them - reflect on how the Holy Water is a reminder of our Baptism - being freed from sin, becoming a member of the Body of Christ. :getholy: Say a joyful “Thank you!” to God for that. And God, who created the physical universe, all the atoms and molecules that make up the water, and the graces that enable the priest to bless and sanctify some water in a special way - God is in charge of all that, and He knows what he’s doing! We don’t have to micro-manage it all ourselves! He doesn’t want us to do that!
Easier said than done sometimes with scrupulosity, but keep practicing and it will become easier! God bless you! :hug3:
Yes, sometimes theology uses words differently than most casual conversations. Just look up the word “economy” in the Catechism some time. 