Is this serious enough to excuse from Sunday Mass obligation?

[Marybeloved]

Facts
(Please bear with me as I narrate them)

I had put off going for Sunday Mass till Sunday evening due to illness (Saturday Evening) and caring for an ill family member (Sunday Morning + I still also wasn’t feeling too good myself, but I could go to Church still) and then I ended up being late for the 12.00 noon Sunday mass (which is the last of the morning/day-time masses on Sunday) so I decided that rather than go to the noon Mass late, I should attend the Sunday evening mass later in the day.

There was a problem at home with the doctor (he treats the ill family member). From around 3.30 pm to 4.30 pm, there was a bit of a “fight” between the Doctor and family about the manner of his treatment of the ill family member (He’s not keeping time about the times of injections administered to my sick relative) which ended up causing him to refuse to treat the sick person any more and walk away and not give him his injections.

So we ended up looking for another Doctor to give my relative his 2 remaining injections for the day which he was already very late in getting. The new Doctor we found after sometime, through some contacts with my cousin said he was coming around the time after I was supposed to have left for the evening mass (I was late but I knew I could make it if I hurried). To be honest, I didn’t also “feel” like going to mass.

When I started dressing and got ready to go, my mother insisted that I couldn’t or shouldn’t leave her alone to deal with the new Doctor who was on his way and we didn’t know what kind of a doctor he was. So I ended up waiting for him and, long story short, I didn’t leave for the Sunday evening Mass.

My confusion stems from my feelings of *“I really don’t want/feel like going” * prior to the new Doctor indicating his time for coming. This makes me think that I may have only been looking for an excuse not to go and so did not judge or weigh correctly between the seriousness of the expectations for me to remain home that evening from my family and the obligation to attend Sunday mass. Me and my mother are generally alone at home with some hired help and relatives and we share responsibilities when it comes to the sick member and we make decisions together.

Long story short:- Was that a serious enough reason to excuse from the Sunday Obligation or did I commit a grave sin?

 

[HelenRose]

I think that your own conscience is telling you what the answer to this is.

Only you and God know what your motivation was. No one on this forum will be able to give you an realistic answer.

 

[Blacksword]

Facts
(Please bear with me as I narrate them)

I had put off going for Sunday Mass till Sunday evening due to illness (Saturday Evening) and caring for an ill family member (Sunday Morning + I still also wasn’t feeling too good myself, but I could go to Church still) and then I ended up being late for the 12.00 noon Sunday mass (which is the last of the morning/day-time masses on Sunday) so I decided that rather than go to the noon Mass late, I should attend the Sunday evening mass later in the day.

There was a problem at home with the doctor (he treats the ill family member). From around 3.30 pm to 4.30 pm, there was a bit of a “fight” between the Doctor and family about the manner of his treatment of the ill family member (He’s not keeping time about the times of injections administered to my sick relative) which ended up causing him to refuse to treat the sick person any more and walk away and not give him his injections.

So we ended up looking for another Doctor to give my relative his 2 remaining injections for the day which he was already very late in getting. The new Doctor we found after sometime, through some contacts with my cousin said he was coming around the time after I was supposed to have left for the evening mass (I was late but I knew I could make it if I hurried). To be honest, I didn’t also “feel” like going to mass.

When I started dressing and got ready to go, my mother insisted that I couldn’t or shouldn’t leave her alone to deal with the new Doctor who was on his way and we didn’t know what kind of a doctor he was. So I ended up waiting for him and, long story short, I didn’t leave for the Sunday evening Mass.

My confusion stems from my feelings of *“I really don’t want/feel like going” * prior to the new Doctor indicating his time for coming. This makes me think that I may have only been looking for an excuse not to go and so did not judge or weigh correctly between the seriousness of the expectations for me to remain home that evening from my family and the obligation to attend Sunday mass. Me and my mother are generally alone at home with some hired help and relatives and we share responsibilities when it comes to the sick member and we make decisions together.

Long story short:- Was that a serious enough reason to excuse from the Sunday Obligation or did I commit a grave sin?

You were caring for an extremely ill family member and dealing with a lot of emotional issues. I don’t think missing mass one week is something to add guilt to the mix over this. Prayers for you and your family.

 

[paperwight66]

You were caring for an extremely ill family member and dealing with a lot of emotional issues. I don’t think missing mass one week is something to add guilt to the mix over this. Prayers for you and your family.

I agree with this.

 

[GEddie]

You were preparing to attend Mass, when you were confronted with another’s need and in meeting it, you missed Mass. There’s no fault there, from this sinner’s perspective.

The fact that you didn’t feel like going doesn’t count, provided you would still have gone.

ICXC NIKA

 

[Truegrit]

I think your reasons were excusable, but here is what I wonder about: A doctor can set times for injections or as needed…PRN…but I would think that it would be up to the care giver to note the times the med. is given and to chart them, or at least keep some type of log. This may be why the Dr. was mad and left. Dr’s really are on the front line of government oversight and lawyers. My Dr. pays over $13.000 for insurance and he is elderly with a limited practice. Consider all aspects.

 

[Stumblesalot]

Hi,

I am not surprised that, after what sounds an extremely stressful day and recalling that you were still recovering from your own period of illness, you didn’t really feel like leaving your home so late in the day. The fact of the matter is that had circumstances dictated you could have attended mass, you would have done so. I understand that you are upset at missing mass but, and this is a personal opinion only, I don’t think I would consider missing mass in these circumstances to leave you in mortal sin. However, just to be sure, I would attend confession ASAP before I would receive the Eucharist etc.

God bless you and your family

 

[curlycool89]

Facts
(Please bear with me as I narrate them)

I had put off going for Sunday Mass till Sunday evening due to illness (Saturday Evening) and caring for an ill family member (Sunday Morning + I still also wasn’t feeling too good myself, but I could go to Church still) and then I ended up being late for the 12.00 noon Sunday mass (which is the last of the morning/day-time masses on Sunday) so I decided that rather than go to the noon Mass late, I should attend the Sunday evening mass later in the day.

There was a problem at home with the doctor (he treats the ill family member). From around 3.30 pm to 4.30 pm, there was a bit of a “fight” between the Doctor and family about the manner of his treatment of the ill family member (He’s not keeping time about the times of injections administered to my sick relative) which ended up causing him to refuse to treat the sick person any more and walk away and not give him his injections.

So we ended up looking for another Doctor to give my relative his 2 remaining injections for the day which he was already very late in getting. The new Doctor we found after sometime, through some contacts with my cousin said he was coming around the time after I was supposed to have left for the evening mass (I was late but I knew I could make it if I hurried). To be honest, I didn’t also “feel” like going to mass.

When I started dressing and got ready to go, my mother insisted that I couldn’t or shouldn’t leave her alone to deal with the new Doctor who was on his way and we didn’t know what kind of a doctor he was. So I ended up waiting for him and, long story short, I didn’t leave for the Sunday evening Mass.

My confusion stems from my feelings of *“I really don’t want/feel like going” * prior to the new Doctor indicating his time for coming. This makes me think that I may have only been looking for an excuse not to go and so did not judge or weigh correctly between the seriousness of the expectations for me to remain home that evening from my family and the obligation to attend Sunday mass. Me and my mother are generally alone at home with some hired help and relatives and we share responsibilities when it comes to the sick member and we make decisions together.

Long story short:- Was that a serious enough reason to excuse from the Sunday Obligation or did I commit a grave sin?

I think GEddie said it best:

The fact that you didn’t feel like going doesn’t count, provided you would still have gone.

We tend to confuse and conflate feeling with choices a lot.

Remember, mortal sin is when you have chosen to do something that breaks your relationship with God (usually it means rejecting something God has said “thou shalt do this”). Feeling can be precursors to choices, but ultimately it boils down to the choice. When you can’t make a choice apart from your feelings then you are not free to make a choice; you’re enslaved to your passions (this can mitigate the “complete consent” part required to make it a mortal sin).

Since you were getting dressed and ready to go, I’d say your intention was to go to Mass whether or not your felt like it.

In any case, as others have said, caring for a sick relative and being sick yourself are valid reasons to miss Mass anyways.

 

[anruari]

Just to add a superfluous vote to the existing swarm of answers:
No you did not commit a mortal sin by missing mass that day. YOu did not have a free choice. you had Grave family reasons in favour of missing mass.

As I understand it there are documents which specifically state that a parent is excused from the Sunday obligation to look after their children (who could otherwise be dragged along) - your situation was very much more pressing.!!!

 

[Marybeloved]

Thanks everyone for the kind responses.

I suppose that the main confusion comes from the Church saying that you are excused from the obligation to attend Mass on Sunday and Holy days of obligation if you’re ill or are caring for an ill person. I don’t know how much can be included in the category “caring for an ill person”.

I just didn’t know if my staying home to speak with the new doctor was “caring for an ill person”- I wondered if I should have just left it to my mother and the other distant relative who was at home to deal with him and left for mass. At the time, when my mother insisted that “you have to be here when the Doctor comes”- I really felt that given our sharing of responsibilities and decision making, we should have both been there to speak with him. Then sometime later, I started feeling guilty and that I have finally gotten to a place where I have just easily committed a mortal sin. This used to be a weakness of mine in my first two/three years and whenever I confessed a mortal sin it would be this (skipping obligatory mass) or one other sin (two kinds of sins were my bane)-But in the past two years, I had gotten past this cycle and not been missing mass or habitually committing mortal sins.

I’d also wonder if there is a priest here at CAF who may have an opinion on this?

 

[Spirithound]

At the time, when my mother insisted that “you have to be here when the Doctor comes”- I really felt that given our sharing of responsibilities and decision making, we should have both been there to speak with him.

This is a good reflection. I think you acted prudently.

 

[floresco]

If there is any doubt in your mind, why not go to Confession? You can say that you missed Mass and are unsure if you did it for a good reason. The priest may ask some questions to determine if it was a sin or he might simply absolve you.

 

[EasterJoy]

You were preparing to attend Mass, when you were confronted with another’s need and in meeting it, you missed Mass. There’s no fault there, from this sinner’s perspective.

The fact that you didn’t feel like going doesn’t count, provided you would still have gone.

ICXC NIKA

Yes, I agree with all the posters who have said this. OP, you should not go to Mass if you are a danger to others and have something contagious, even if you want to, and likewise if other obligations keep you, you are excused, even if you didn’t want to go. Your emotions about it don’t have a lot to do with it.

If you were sick enough to stay home earlier in the weekend, I wouldn’t be so sure you ought to go on Sunday night, even if you had wanted to. You have to keep the faithful of frail health who attend each Mass in mind, too, and be careful about what you expose them to. My rule of thumb is that if it is something I wouldn’t send the kids to school with, we don’t go to Mass with it, either, including a little time after all appears to be well, to be on the safe side, if the illness is of the kind that really knocks people down.

I can tell you are concerned by this, though: “This makes me think that I may have only been looking for an excuse not to go…” Do you worry you are becoming lukewarm? Is it possible that you are being scrupulous, instead? I think this is one of those things that are well-dealt with in prayer. Make an act of love to the Lord, and reflect on that. If you are lukewarm, ask to become more fervent. If you are beating yourself up and fearing that you might be punished for motives you’re not even aware of, you might ask for comfort or greater trust. The two are hardly mutually exclusive. But do not worry about whether your emotions are all charged up or not. The great saints experienced both great ecstacies and long periods of aridity. Neither condition is indicative of the fervor of your will, but rather reflect the sort of spiritual terrain over which you travel.

Speaking of that, OP, the care of the sick is traditionally a great avenue to act upon your love of the Lord. I’d like to leave you with this wisdom of the Desert Fathers:

A brother asked one of the elders, saying: There are two brothers, of whom one remains praying in his cell, fasting six days at a time and doing a great deal of penance. The other one takes care of the sick. Which one’s work is more pleasing to God? The elder replied: If that brother who fasts six days at a time were to hang himself up by the nose, he could not equal the one who takes care of the sick.

Do not discount the great spiritual work you have in taking care of your sick family member and seeing to the welfare of the other caretakers. That is a great spiritual work. Get to Mass as often as you can; it will nourish you for that work. Do not worry that you will disappoint the Lord if you tend to one of his least ones instead of doing what otherwise would be the greatest spiritual works, however. Rather, try to keep yourself as well-prepared as possible by attending Mass when it is possible, by taking your spiritual obligations as binding because God insists the Body of Christ see to its own mutual care by availing itself of the care God gives in the sacraments, and then use that preparation to give of yourself without reservation, as the Lord commanded us all to do, even if there are times when that conflicts with the regular care you would otherwise be bound to render to the Body of Christ, and the Body of Christ to you.

 

[Marybeloved]

Yes, I agree with all the posters who have said this. OP, you should not go to Mass if you are a danger to others and have something contagious, even if you want to, and likewise if other obligations keep you, you are excused, even if you didn’t want to go. Your emotions about it don’t have a lot to do with it.

If you were sick enough to stay home earlier in the weekend, I wouldn’t be so sure you ought to go on Sunday night, even if you had wanted to. You have to keep the faithful of frail health who attend each Mass in mind, too, and be careful about what you expose them to. My rule of thumb is that if it is something I wouldn’t send the kids to school with, we don’t go to Mass with it, either, including a little time after all appears to be well, to be on the safe side, if the illness is of the kind that really knocks people down.

I can tell you are concerned by this, though: “This makes me think that I may have only been looking for an excuse not to go…” Do you worry you are becoming lukewarm? Is it possible that you are being scrupulous, instead? I think this is one of those things that are well-dealt with in prayer. Make an act of love to the Lord, and reflect on that. If you are lukewarm, ask to become more fervent. If you are beating yourself up and fearing that you might be punished for motives you’re not even aware of, you might ask for comfort or greater trust. The two are hardly mutually exclusive. But do not worry about whether your emotions are all charged up or not. The great saints experienced both great ecstacies and long periods of aridity. Neither condition is indicative of the fervor of your will, but rather reflect the sort of spiritual terrain over which you travel.

Speaking of that, OP, the care of the sick is traditionally a great avenue to act upon your love of the Lord. I’d like to leave you with this wisdom of the Desert Fathers:

A brother asked one of the elders, saying: There are two brothers, of whom one remains praying in his cell, fasting six days at a time and doing a great deal of penance. The other one takes care of the sick. Which one’s work is more pleasing to God? The elder replied: If that brother who fasts six days at a time were to hang himself up by the nose, he could not equal the one who takes care of the sick.

Do not discount the great spiritual work you have in taking care of your sick family member and seeing to the welfare of the other caretakers. That is a great spiritual work. Get to Mass as often as you can; it will nourish you for that work. Do not worry that you will disappoint the Lord if you tend to one of his least ones instead of doing what otherwise would be the greatest spiritual works, however. Rather, try to keep yourself as well-prepared as possible by attending Mass when it is possible, by taking your spiritual obligations as binding because God insists the Body of Christ see to its own mutual care by availing itself of the care God gives in the sacraments, and then use that preparation to give of yourself without reservation, as the Lord commanded us all to do, even if there are times when that conflicts with the regular care you would otherwise be bound to render to the Body of Christ, and the Body of Christ to you.

Thanks so much, EasterJoy- I found your post very helpful!