Is this something I can keep to myself?

[child_of_God85]

I’m a 26 year old woman. Due to my mother ill health I still live with her to make sure she is taken care of. We’re best friends, so I don’t mind taking care of her. I have always told her everything, with us there are no secrets. Except for one, and for me it’s a big one. I’m bisexual. I’ve known it for a very long time, but unil the last year I couldn’t even admit it to myself. I am sexually stracted to both men and women (though I would say more to men, thank goodness). I am still a virgin, so I have never been with another woman, and I don’t plan on ever acting on that part of me, but I cannot deny that it is there.
Over christmas my mom and I were with my two older brothers. Both of them are ver anyti gay/lesbian/bi, and hearing them go on and on about how it’s a choice, and that those people are sick just bothered me so much, and really just hurt me.
I don’t think I would ever be able to tell my brothers, but is it something I have to tell my mother?

 

[Della]

No, you don’t have to tell her this. Your proclivities are your own business–not that you should act on those that would not include heterosexual marriage, of course.

The Church does not hate you or anyone else who has a problem with sexual identity. The Church asks that all non-married people be celibate until marriage or all their lives if they do not marry or are consecrated or ordained (except the permanent deaconate). To live in a sexual relationship outside of marriage for anyone is a sin, not just gays, bisexuals, etc.

Your brothers are off base by making comments like those. We are to hate no one, especially not those who are suffering by having extra challenges most of us don’t have. As with anyone who is suffering our hearts should be filled with love and kindliness. You have my prayers.

 

[Hokomai]

I once made a joke about a homosexual in the presence of an archbishop. He scolded me, saying that I had no idea whether he, the archbishop, was himself a homosexual, and how hurtful my joke would be if he was indeed gay. You could try that line! It certainly made me think about what I said about others, even in jest.

Alternatively I suppose a quick slap is out of the question?

 

[child_of_God85]

I once made a joke about a homosexual in the presence of an archbishop. He scolded me, saying that I had no idea whether he, the archbishop, was himself a homosexual, and how hurtful my joke would be if he was indeed gay. You could try that line! It certainly made me think about what I said about others, even in jest.

Alternatively I suppose a quick slap is out of the question?

Lol, yeah as much as I would have liked to, a slap would most likely have been out of line

Thank so muc for the imput guys. It’s something that has been bugging me for a while.
I do think that next time my brothers start on their anti gay talk I am going to say that they should watch what they say, that it could be hurtful to some people.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I’m a 26 year old woman. Due to my mother ill health I still live with her to make sure she is taken care of. We’re best friends, so I don’t mind taking care of her. I have always told her everything, with us there are no secrets. Except for one, and for me it’s a big one. I’m bisexual. I’ve known it for a very long time, but unil the last year I couldn’t even admit it to myself. I am sexually stracted to both men and women (though I would say more to men, thank goodness). I am still a virgin, so I have never been with another woman, and I don’t plan on ever acting on that part of me, but I cannot deny that it is there.
Over christmas my mom and I were with my two older brothers. Both of them are ver anyti gay/lesbian/bi, and hearing them go on and on about how it’s a choice, and that those people are sick just bothered me so much, and really just hurt me.
I don’t think I would ever be able to tell my brothers, but is it something I have to tell my mother?

It always concerns me when people call a parent their “best friend.” Your mother is your mother, not a friend. I mean, you may have a close relationship but there should be some boundaries between the 2 of you. You are not required to share everything about yourself, your opinions, your thoughts, all of your experiences with your mother. Parents are to guide us during our lifetimes, to love us like no one else on earth, to stand up for us when we need them to, to support us emotionally, etc. but there is nothing wrong with having your own privacy.

Maybe this attraction to women is the need for women friends?

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

If I were you I’d keep it to myself. We are not obliged to share everything with our parents. You are not a child anymore and privacy is a wonderful thing when it comes to sensitive issues.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I once made a joke about a homosexual in the presence of an archbishop. He scolded me, saying that I had no idea whether he, the archbishop, was himself a homosexual, and how hurtful my joke would be if he was indeed gay. You could try that line! It certainly made me think about what I said about others, even in jest.

Alternatively I suppose a quick slap is out of the question?

I like that guy!

 

[child_of_God85]

It always concerns me when people call a parent their “best friend.” Your mother is your mother, not a friend. I mean, you may have a close relationship but there should be some boundaries between the 2 of you. You are not required to share everything about yourself, your opinions, your thoughts, all of your experiences with your mother. Parents are to guide us during our lifetimes, to love us like no one else on earth, to stand up for us when we need them to, to support us emotionally, etc. but there is nothing wrong with having your own privacy.

Maybe this attraction to women is the need for women friends?

No, I have alot of woman friends (none of which I’m attracted to). I honestly don’t see a problem with a parent being a friend. She and I are a bit more liberal in our parenting beliefs though.

 

[Schieffelin]

Sorry for your struggles. Please consider using the resources made available by Courage. It’s a Catholic group that compassionately helps people who have same sex attractions. If I were you I would get in touch with some sort of mentor there and talk through things before you bring this to your mom or family members. Their website is couragerc.net/

 

[In_Training]

Your brothers are off base by making comments like those. We are to hate no one, especially not those who are suffering by having extra challenges most of us don’t have. As with anyone who is suffering our hearts should be filled with love and kindliness. You have my prayers.

unfortunately, it is probably most people’s experience that most religious people are not at all prepared to offer love and kindness, but instead have nothing but hatred, insults, and raw prejudice based on things that just aren’t true. i wish i could encounter more people with views like yours, della! you can absolutely love the sinner, not the sin, but most people in my experiences don’t feel that way and instead go off on some kind of ‘gay witch hunt’ in the name of jesus christ.

why do people feel soooooo incredibly strong about feeling that they could and should put an end to a group of people? no one is perfect and everyone is allowed to make mistakes. every day i am around people who do things i don’t agree with, but i don’t attack them - i just occasionally ask god to see their goodness through all the mistakes and imperfections. i understand that i’m kind of a ****ing idiot myself and have done too much dumb **** to be considered a good example by my church, but damn, why are we so quick to persecute others for 1 mistake when we have made so many ourselves? at this point casey anthony would receive better treatment by the catholic community than a kind-hearted gay couple would. a sin is a sin, no matter how big or how small. we all have good and bad sides to us and i don’t think it’s very fair to treat one group of people so harshly when i’ve screwed up so many goddamn times myself i can’t even count. i feel guilty for rejecting others and feel like a hypocrite for asking the catholic community to accept me and my mistakes while rejecting others and their mistakes. i’m not the one that sinners (aka ALL of us) will have to one day answer to. maybe homosexuality is a violation of catholic doctrine but god will find them sooner or later and will do what he sees fit. i have faith that god can handle it himself and does not need my (name removed by moderator)ut. i also like to think that god is present in everyone’s life, even if they aren’t aware of it or feel like they don’t want him there or don’t deserve him.

 

[PrayerShark]

It always concerns me when people call a parent their “best friend.” Your mother is your mother, not a friend. I mean, you may have a close relationship but there should be some boundaries between the 2 of you. You are not required to share everything about yourself, your opinions, your thoughts, all of your experiences with your mother. Parents are to guide us during our lifetimes, to love us like no one else on earth, to stand up for us when we need them to, to support us emotionally, etc. but there is nothing wrong with having your own privacy.

I would say the inclination to tell her mother about her sexuality is because they are close (like CoG’s preceding post states), and that given that her mother sounds like a compassionate woman, she can give consolation to her daughter that such an attraction does not make her a ‘bad’ person. Also given that her mother is the matriarch of the family, having such knowledge about her daughter’s sexuality, allows her to smack down the vitriolic, hate-filled, prejudice that her brothers are spewing forth.

Personally CoG, I think your mother would be cool with your sexuality. Your brothers on the other hand just need to grow up and should probably look for another religion if they want to continue on with the gay-hate.