Is This Specific Case of Disobeying Parents A Mortal Sin?

[DonGioseffo]

Hello. I just joined CAF after years of observing from afar. This question is one that is urgent for me and particularly thorny. I apologize in advance for this long question.

I vape - I’ve been vaping regularly since December 2019, if my memory is correct. My parents knew I used to vape for a short period of time back in 2018, when I was about 19. I’m now 22, but I live with my parents when I’m not attending college from my dorm. I’m almost entirely reliant on them financially, though I have a very modest part time job. This is important for reasons that’ll become apparent.

My mother, when she found out I was vaping again last Christmas, gave me the ultimatum that I either would have to give up vaping entirely (as she does not want to support that habit with her money), or I can continue to vape, but without the allowance she continues to give me every few weeks, and if choose the latter, I could not vape in the house. I told her I would give up vaping. In reality I did not. I gave her my vape and simply went out and bought a new one, and continued to use that in the house. I new it was a sin, and on some level I feel sorry for it.

The big problem here is that I am in some part dependent on it, at least mentally. It’s now a way for me to relax and to relieve my extreme stress, though there have been no adverse health affects from its usage; I’m simply dependent on something that brings me happiness, and the only reason I wish to stop is for respect of God. In truth, I don’t fully respect my mother’s request because, since I have my own job, I can continue my vaping habit without using her money. She didn’t entertain that thought. I do understand and respect the fact she is doing what she thinks will help my health.

So now I ask, is this a mortal sin, or a venial sin? Because I have other sins I am wishing to confess to my priest, but I can’t truly confess them sincerely unless I also resolve to stop making this mortal sin, can I? This is a habit that as far as I have researched, and from my own experience, doesn’t damage my health. Vaping itself isn’t intrinsically a sin. So where does the grave matter come from? I have used my mother’s allowance in the past to supply the habit, but am no longer doing that; so I am not stealing in any way. I’m just disobeying.

I would really like some advice on if this is a mortal sin, and would appreciate it if we could all be as objective as possible - I know vaping is a controversial issue, and there is a lot of contradictory and sometimes misleading information concerning its health effects, and everyone’s opinions will likely shape their answers in different ways, which would just bewilder me even more. I’m afraid that even two different priests would give two different answers.

 

[Mintaka]

Dude. (Or Dudette, whichever one.)

You are an adult. This is not a matter of sins of disobedience; this is a matter of contract.

You can vape if you want, and the heck with the money; or you can not vape, and take the money. The only sin would be the sin of lying/fraud, if you continued to vape and also took the money under false pretences.

If it’s a small amount of money and a small amount of deception, it’s a venial sin. If you somehow managed to weasel around the wording of your mother’s request, it might not be a sin at all. (Although obviously it’s not great as a way to live and grow as a person.)

If we’re talking large amounts of moolah from your parents, your position is a lot more invidious. It might amount to a mortal sin.

Vaping is probably not harmful, and sure, your mother is probably wrong to object. (Although it’s her house, and she has a right to object to pretty much anything.) But as long as you live in your parents’ house, you have to go by their rules, as long as those rules aren’t abusive. Obviously it’s not easy to move away in these times, but it’s still their house.

If you only vape outside your parents’ house, such as in your car or outside and off their property, you would have a lot better argument. But if you’re essentially getting paid not to vape, and that’s a big chunk of cash, it would seem that you should not vape at all.

Shrug. I don’t know your parents or you, or your special circumstances. I do know that parents tend to find stuff out, if you are living in the same house, even if you think they have no way to discover it. The whole thing sounds like setting yourself up for unnecessary drama.

Think about it now. If you rent an apartment in the future, your landlord will have rules. If you buy a house, your city will have rules about maintenance. This is about being a tenant, essentially.

 

[aroosi]

Vaping is probably not harmful, and sure, your mother is probably wrong to object.

Not really…

What Does Vaping Do to Your Lungs? | Johns Hopkins Medicine

 

[Lou2U]

This is something that is best answered by your Priest. Talk to him about dependency and how it affects your ability to sin.

I do think you ought to respect your mother’s wishes and not vape in the house. It’s common courtesy and respectful. Not to mention if you one day move out, if you live with others or you rent, you may find there is a clause against vaping, or a request you don’t vape in the house.

 

[dscath]

“Is (fill in the blank) a Mortal Sin?”, is a common question here.

But disobeying a parent is the secondary issue, in the mind of this humble catechist.

The primary issue is the understanding of what constitutes Mortal Sin.

Mortal Sin requires three things:

1. Grave Matter
2. Full Knowledge
3. Willful Consent

If any of the three are missing, the act may be sinful (Venial) but is not Mortal.

So let’s look at “disobeying parents”, and your scenario:

Grave Matter - this is a tough one, given your age. Failing to “honor” your mother and father is a violation of God’s commandments, so that would be Grave Matter. The question in this case is disobedience a failing to honor…Worst case yes, best case no, or even perhaps. Let’s take the worst case, and say your disobedience is failure to honor your mother…Grave Matter would exist.

Full Knowledge - Given the fact you are asking whether or not your action was a Mortal Sin, we might assume you do not have Full Knowledge that your act was sinful.

Willful Consent - Willful Consent requires Full Knowledge. Willful Consent is when you know grave matter is involved, you know acting in such a manner is sinful, and you willfully commit the act anyway. Also if addiction drives your actions, you are not necessarily giving willful consent, but being controlled by the addiction.

To me, it does not sound like all three elements of Mortal Sin are present.

HOWEVER…my very wise and holy spiritual director told me if something is bothering my conscience, and I cannot discern whether it is a mortal sin or not, take it before the Lord through the Sacrament of Confession!

May you find peace!

 

[Cruciferi]

It’s very simple. While you’re living with your parents, abide by their rules.

 

[ZemD]

I’m now 22, but I live with my parents when I’m not attending college from my dorm. I’m almost entirely reliant on them financially.

I think you need to quit vaping if you want your parents to support you. If you want to keep vaping you need to move out and support yourself. You sinned by lying to your mother, you should confess that.

If I was your mother and found that vape after you told me you would quit in order to keep getting an allowance you would soon be cut off anyway. Something else you may want to consider.

 

[kapp19]

First, make a good act of contrition. Always the first step.

Now…

No. It’s almost certainly not a mortal sin, unless you are taking a lot of money dishonestly (and you should probably give them the money you have taken dishonestly back, even secretly, unless you want to come clean and ask if you need to) but it’s kinda lame, and it seems like that is a better attitude to have. So don’t do this silly venial sin any more.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

The sin here is that you lied to your mother (Lying is a sin) and disrespected her by doing something in her house that she doesn’t want done in her house (Disrespecting your parent is a sin).

Also, the fact that you’re making umpteen excuses for your vaping habit suggests to me that you’ve allowed yourself to fall into either an addiction or at least an unhealthy dependency. This could also be sinful.

Finally, if your conscience isn’t developed enough that you can see how you’re sinning here, you need to be talking to a priest, not to a bunch of strangers on the Internet. Because this is primary-grade level stuff. You should be able to see where you’re sinning here, at your age.

IDK if your sin is mortal or not because it’s not my place to make those determinations for people, but it seems like you do have a whole lot of violations of various commandments you’ve violated here with your lies, your disrespect to your mom, and your overdependence on a substance.

Furthermore, the fact that you seem to be trying to dismiss them as venial so you don’t have to repent from your sins and quit doing them, is disturbing. When you go to confession you need to repent from ALL YOUR SINS, not just the mortal ones. You only have to mention the mortal sins, but that does not give you a free pass to just skip repenting from the venial sins whether or not you mention them. So either have contrition for ALL your sins, or just don’t bother going to confession because your absolution won’t be any good.

 

[cjsm93]

As others here have already stated, being that you are an adult and you are using your own money to fund this habit, there is likely no mortal sin involved in this situation. At your age, you are not obligated to follow everyone of your parents’ rules, and you are entitled to make your own choices in your personal life. If you are really concerned, maybe you could arrange to have a meeting with your priest. Not for confession, but just to sit down and address these worries you have. He can give you much better advice than we can.

What concerns me, is your statement that you’ve become somewhat dependant on vaping. That, in and of itself, does not sound particularly healthy to me. I can understand wanting to have something that can help you relax at the end of the day, but when it starts heading in the direction of a possible addiction, that can become an issue. Whether or not anyone can officially say that it carries some potentially harmful health problems is controversial. However, I can personally say that I know someone who also enjoyed vaping, but eventually had to quit due to the effects that it had on his own health.

All things considered, you are an adult and you are certainly allowed to live your life and make your own choices and have your own opinions. God bless you.