Is this uncharitable?

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DeniseNY

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Wasn’t sure where this belonged, so I just stuck it in family life. 🙂

I go to a thrift store every weekend. I find it enjoyable and searching for hidden “treasures” is a lot of fun for me.

The problem is this. There are a couple of other customers who always seem to cause some sort of problem, and they try to drag me into it, just because I’m a regular customer, too.

The most recent was the two of them fighting over a rack of clothing. I happened to be standing near them, and when the commotion started, I walked away. I don’t know who started it or how it ended, I just wanted no part of it. I guess it boiled over between them and the next time I saw the guy involved in it, he said he wanted to call the police and wanted me to be his “witness”. I told him that I don’t know what happened, but from what I saw (the both of them yelling and tugging on the rack), they both behaved badly. He kept telling all the employees there that I was his “witness” and that I saw what happened.

I just want to be left out of it. I don’t even want to speak to him. And I want to know if that’s uncharitable of me.
 
I would stay out of it, and tell everyone who asks that you are staying out of it. If the police question you, tell them exactly what you did see, no more, no less.
 
I don’t think it’s uncharitable at all - you just want to stay out of something that shouldn’t involve you anyway.
 
If you genuinly saw nothing, then it would be uncharitable to be his witness !

If the police approach you and ask, you are bound to tell the truth. But until then, go on with your life and forget about it

CM
 
I recently read what I think is a good rule. I read it in some writing by a holy rabbi of the past. He said that to be holy, make it a rule to never say anything negative or critical about someone unless it is absolutely necessary. Even though I saw this in the writing of a rabbi, I believe our Catholic Faith teaches the same thing.

So, in this case, when this person wants you to take his side in his dispute with that other person, you could perhaps say things like:

YOU: “I enjoy shopping with you at the thrift store. I can tell that you are a really expert shopper. I bet you really get good things for your family, and they really appreciate it. I admire your desire for peace and justice to prevail in the thrift store.”

OTHER GUY: (the “neighbor” in the “Love thy neighbor as thyself,” and so, another “self” too): But I want you to be my witness, to get that other guy in trouble! You were right there. I know you saw what the offensive person did! Are you on the side of good or not? Will you be my witness or not?"

YOU: (the neighbor and “other self” to the Other Guy): “I am only a customer at the store. I don’t want to interfere with the authority of the store managers. I respect the store managers, and want to let them do their job, just as when I am my job I want others to let me do my job. I have lots of faith in the store managers. It’s a really great store, isn’t it? I love shopping there! Hope to see you again there soon! Oh, gotta go. See you later!”

Ah, that’s not that great. I tried! Good luck!
 
cmscms said:
If you genuinly saw nothing, then it would be uncharitable to be his witness !

If the police approach you and ask, you are bound to tell the truth. But until then, go on with your life and forget about it

CM
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Agree!!!

and most especially since you already told him that, from what you saw, " …they both behaved badly", he wouldn’t be happy with what his “witness” tells the police.

Best bet is to try to avoid these people, and if they DO try to involve you in their squabbles, just take the most Christian approach possible and tell them that instead of fighting over who “gets” something, they should be fighting over who “gives” something.

Peace
James
 
Thank you. I really did not see who started it or how it ended. When I heard the ruckus and saw them both pulling at the same rack, I did walk away. That was the extent of it. If i were asked by the police, that’s what I would tell them.

I guess what I think would be uncharitable is not wanting to speak to the guy at all. He’s tried to make conversation with me since this happened, and I just kind of ignore him. I feel badly about it, but I just don’t want to be involved with either of them.
 
DeniseNY said:
I guess what I think would be uncharitable is not wanting to speak to the guy at all. He’s tried to make conversation with me since this happened, and I just kind of ignore him. I feel badly about it, but I just don’t want to be involved with either of them.
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There is absolutely nothing wrong with a boundary. I would simply say ‘It really made me uncomfrotable when you asked me to be your witness. I would love to have friendly conversations with you as long as you respect me and don’t ask me to get involved in your aguments with others’

If he can’t respect you then don’t talk to him

CM
 
DeniseNY said:
Thank you. I really did not see who started it or how it ended. When I heard the ruckus and saw them both pulling at the same rack, I did walk away. That was the extent of it. If i were asked by the police, that’s what I would tell them.

I guess what I think would be uncharitable is not wanting to speak to the guy at all. He’s tried to make conversation with me since this happened, and I just kind of ignore him. I feel badly about it, but I just don’t want to be involved with either of them.
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We all do this from time to time with different people and sometimes it’s kind of a hard call sometimes whether it’s uncharitable or not.
After all, some people are alone and lonely. This can be especially true with older people who might have lost a lot of their old friends, or have medical (physical or mental) conditions that prevent a lot of social contact.
Then there is the type who may simply have a “bad personality”. They grate, they grouse, they are just plain unpleasant to be around.
On short there are a lot of different things that might be at play. About all I can suggest is to try to limit your contact consistent with a loving, but honest, approach.
For instance…If this person likes to gripe a lot, don’t be shy about disagreeing with him. Do it politely of course, but agreeing - even just nodding - will only encourage him to pursue you. On the other hand, if you are honest, like you were about how they we both acting - and how uncharitable that action was,
…Well…
It won’t take long had he will start avoiding you…So in this way you remain honest, friendly, Loving as Christ commands us to be, and it is the other person who cuts off contact…

Worth a try anyway.

Peace
James
 
*Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to share the inheritance with me.” He replied to him, “Friend, who appointed me as your judge and arbitrator?” Then he said to the crowd, “Take care to guard against all greed, for though one may be rich, one’s life does not consist of possessions.” * Luke 12:13-15

With no failure of charity whatsoever on your own part, you may freely excuse yourself from the greedy quarrels of others. In fact, I would highly encourage you to do so! 👍
 
If this happens on a regular basis, or even sometimes, I would find another charity shop!

😛
 
DeniseNY said:
Oh, no! I find too many nice things there!
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Well, you have to take the bad with the good, I suppose.

I visit one charity shop that gives out vouchers to people if they come through the church ministries…some of them are in pretty rough shape…This shop always has security present. It’s also in a bad area, and may have been robbed in the past.

😦
 
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