Is This Vain Repetition?

[Freischutz]

I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD, but I definitely exhibit some symptoms. Before, I would have the intense urge to repeat certain actions for the sake of symmetry. For instance, if I waved my left, I’d have the urge to wave my right hand for no logical reason besides a need for symmetry Fortunately, those compulsions eased down after a couple years, though I still have them.

Then, two years ago, I got a new compulsion: prayer. It started with saying a short, silent prayer randomly. It was the same prayer every time and I would just be reading a book or going for a walk when I’d get the sudden urge to say the prayer. At first, I thought, “Sweet, I’ve got an intense desire to pray.” Eventually, though, it started to get annoying. I’d be talking to someone only to end the conversation abruptly so I could say the prayer in my head.

I don’t know why, but six months in, I thought, “Why not improve the prayer?” So I added more words to it. BIG MISTAKE. Whenever I got the urge to say that prayer, I had to say the longer and “improved” prayer. I didn’t just make it longer once, though. I added more and more to it. At some point, I wasn’t even making it longer because I wanted to. If I thought for a minute that something was wrong with the prayer, I had to fix it (which meant revising it and/or making it longer). Keep in mind, that when I got the urge to say it, I had to repeat it over and over… in multiples of three and five (sometimes two). If I couldn’t remember how many times I said the prayer or messed up a sentence or phrase, I had to start over and say it until I got to a number I was comfortable with.

My question is whether or not this is vain repetition. If it is, what should I do?

BTW, the first time I wondered if it was vain repetition, I compulsively added a part to the prayer that asked for forgiveness if it was a vain prayer. Irony at its best(cruelest?)…

 

[Iron_Donkey]

The compulsion element would be enough to take away any sin even if it would normaly be there, whether or not the repetitions were vain, so no need to worry there. As to whether or not they are - that seems somewhat difficult to say. Certainly the OCD is pushing them that way, but whether or not a particular instance of saying the prayer is saying the words without prayerful intent depends on what else is going on.

I would suggest seeking professional help to get this stopped. It sounds unhealthy. I know “I need to stop praying” is probably the opposite problem that most of us have, and perhaps if you find a therapist you could discuss setting aside certain fixed times for prayer and refusing to say the prayer outside them, so that you still do pray - but to emphasize, I know next to nothing about such things and don’t know if that would be possible within the context of therapy, so whatever your therapist says.

 

[Elizium23]

Regardless of whether or not it is vain, you should seek professional help from a spiritual director or a Catholic psychologist. You should not be suffering from these compulsions and your quality of life is not what it should be. You will be in my prayers.

 

[Bookcat]

Saw a site that CA staff too mentioned catholictherapists.com/.

As to “vain repetition” such was describing how some prayed (such as pagans) thinking just the number of words would get an answer. Such was not about compulsive ideas or thoughts.

As to prayers. Short prayers that are repeated during work or recreation etc are very good and very ancient.

But such is not referring to doing so in a compulsive way.

I recommend too a regular confessor who can guide you in your way forward.