Is this vanity?

[Lea101]

I recently find that I cannot go to church/school/etc without wearing makeup (foundation, concealer, powder, highlighter, mascara, lipstick and probably more)

I don’t know if it’s wrong or not. I know makeup itself is fine but when is it sinful? I don’t know if I’m being vain. I find myself so preoccupied with makeup (watching videos, wasting money on products). I even more makeup to school (a catholic convent school, no makeup is allowed but I managed to pull it off)

Weird thing is that my makeup look is natural. Hardly anybody can tell that I’ve got anything on my face. But I just cannot walk around bare faced, I look terrible. God didn’t bless me with a decent face I even put some makeup on at home, just so I would look more presentable to myself. When I look in the mirror.

It just hit my today how crazy this is. I don’t know if it is normal or not for people my age (turning 18) or if it is wrong.

 

[jaimeleglise]

I don’t think it is a sin at all. I do worry a bit if you are obsessed with it, though. Being obsessed with anything is not good for your mental health.

If it is a normal concern for your appearance, then it is a good thing.

 

[Amator_Dei]

I don’t know if this is vanity but I understand how you feel. I too have bad skin and used to wear a natural look just to get by in life. The issue here isn’t so much vanity as accepting yourself. Some of us have bad skin, some of us have flawless skin. Some of us are beautiful, some of us are unattractive. God loves us all.

Don’t worry about whether this is a sin or not at this point. Ask God for help in loving yourself and seeing yourself as He sees you!

For me the best medicine for this was to go cold turkey and quit wearing make up at all. Lent might be a good time for you to try this! It was really hard: emotionally, psychologically, physically. It took nearly a month for my skin to get used to not wearing the chemical soup I had been covering it in. At the end of it though, make up didn’t matter to me. I saw that people didn’t treat me much differently, that my skin did get healthier, and that I was saving lots of time and money. Give it a try!

 

[E_7]

A priest once told us (a group of girls during meditation ) that we must think of going to Church like going on a date with Christ. He continued that we must put on some makeup and wear the best clothes we have on our wardrobe. Why put more effort on other things than when going to Church, etc., he said.

I believe that vanity is reached when you pretty your self up and then make flirty face poses at the mirror, etc.

 

[Sarcelle]

A priest once told us (a group of girls during meditation ) that we must think of going to Church like going on a date with Christ. He continued that we must put on some makeup and wear the best clothes we have on our wardrobe. Why put more effort on other things than when going to Church, etc., he said.

I believe that vanity is reached when you pretty your self up and then make flirty face poses at the mirror, etc.

I disagree. Making flirty faces in the mirror, or silly faces is not necessarily vanity. It may be in a spirit of playfulness.

Vanity is when you measure your self-worth in your physical appearance. Bad enough that society places too much emphasis on physical appearance especially for women but even worst when we do it to ourselves.

 

[E_7]

I disagree. Making flirty faces in the mirror, or silly faces is not necessarily vanity. It may be in a spirit of playfulness.

Vanity is when you measure your self-worth in your physical appearance. Bad enough that society places too much emphasis on physical appearance especially for women but even worst when we do it to ourselves.

Yes. Thanks for clarifying!

 

[puzzledtoo]

Yes op what you’ve described is vanity pure and simple. Blessings to you and yours.

 

[Lou2U]

I don’t think it is a sin at all. I do worry a bit if you are obsessed with it, though. Being obsessed with anything is not good for your mental health.

If it is a normal concern for your appearance, then it is a good thing.

I bolded the above for emphasis. This is really important, OP - you sound as though you have low self esteem, and the most important thing for you to focus on is the positives of your appearance. It’s too easy to focus on the negatives.

The reality is, you don’t look “terrible”. You perceive yourself to look “terrible”. And that isn’t a good thing. Thinking that you look “terrible” or that you don’t have a “decent” face is incredibly damaging, and it isn’t true at all. Thinking this way will have a detrimental impact on your mental health.

When you see people in the media, they have been airbrushed, and photoshopped until nothing natural is left. Things are accentuated, styled and practically painted in order to achieve the “right” effect. Even when you watch videos, the best lighting has been set up in order to get the “right” effect.

I don’t think what you are describing is vanity. I think what you are describing is low self confidence in the way you look. And I get it, I really do - I’ve suffered with this for years, and I still find it hard today. The best thing you can do is get a good moisturizer and use it every day. Use soap that doesn’t harm your skin. Foundation can actually do more harm to your skin in terms of spots because they block up pores that need air to breathe. Use the minimal amount you feel comfortable with, and slowly reduce it over time.

It isn’t wrong to want to look good. You just have to consider why you do so, and how you feel without it. From your post, you sound like you can’t cope without make-up, which shows the negative effect on you.

One last thing - don’t watch those videos. If you want to know how to apply something, fine. If you want to stop dragging down your self esteem, don’t watch them. You won’t know how much they affect you until you stop. I used to watch a TV show in which girls were told to change the way they looked to get a boyfriend. This ranged from dying hair and wearing make up to getting plastic surgery. If the girls did not do this, or were shown without make up, they were classed as “not pretty” and dismissed. I never realised how badly it was affecting me until I stopped watching it. You have to consider how it makes you feel.

Lou

 

[Lea101]

I don’t know if this is vanity but I understand how you feel. I too have bad skin and used to wear a natural look just to get by in life. The issue here isn’t so much vanity as accepting yourself. Some of us have bad skin, some of us have flawless skin. Some of us are beautiful, some of us are unattractive. God loves us all.

Don’t worry about whether this is a sin or not at this point. Ask God for help in loving yourself and seeing yourself as He sees you!

For me the best medicine for this was to go cold turkey and quit wearing make up at all. Lent might be a good time for you to try this! It was really hard: emotionally, psychologically, physically. It took nearly a month for my skin to get used to not wearing the chemical soup I had been covering it in. At the end of it though, make up didn’t matter to me. I saw that people didn’t treat me much differently, that my skin did get healthier, and that I was saving lots of time and money. Give it a try!

I was planning to give it up but I’m so scared!!

 

[Ridgerunner]

I was planning to give it up but I’m so scared!!

DON’T DO IT THEN!

Not so very long ago, I had occasion to talk to a female friend. She knows my son well, and was interested to know whether I had a picture of his family. I did on my cell phone and showed her. “Oh! A natural!” she exclaimed, referring to my son’s wife. She might wear a little lipstick, but that’s usually it. She doesn’t wear makeup, but looks as if she does. I was kind of surprised at the friend’s thinking that so unusual, but I guess maybe it is. I guess women can see makeup and the absence thereof better than men can. Maybe “a natural” isn’t something other women say, but I got the impression that it is.

I remember a long time ago discussing life with a lady whom I had more of a friendship going than a romance, but some of both. Anyway, we were talking about men and women and how it was with each. I expressed to her that I thought women had it a lot harder than men, though men don’t think they do. Men are pretty demanding of women, and aren’t as good to them as we should be, generally speaking. We actually talked about makeup and all the frills and clothes and all that, and what trouble it is, but how I admire women for going through that trouble. And I meant it sincerely.

I told her then, and I maintain to this day, that I don’t begrudge or blame women in the slightest for making themselves as attractive as they possibly can. It’s not only men who have come to expect it, but women are even more critical of women than men are.

Maybe that’s all terrible, but maybe there’s just something natural to it. I remember reading how women in the Russian prison camps would pinch their cheeks or prick a finger to rub a little blood on them just to look a little better in front of the men there. Why? To look healthy and vibrant. Somehow it’s just more attractive, though nobody can say why. I have sometimes wondered whether it might be a throwback to an age when young women were out in the sun or the wind a lot and that look bespoke health.

Men are naturally more sanguine. We have more surface blood in our faces. It’s just natural. We tend to get more sunlight. It’s the usual fashion to wear our hair short and plain. Our eyebrows are big and full. Nobody, including women, expects more of us in the way of appearance. If we’re “under-dressed” somewhat, nobody much cares. Nobody expects us to wear bright colors or have exceptionally well-coordinated apparel. Mens’ suits are what? Black, blue, brown mostly. If our fingernails are merely clean, that’s good enough, and sometimes they don’t even have to be very clean. A little trace of dirt bespeaks work of some kind; a man who knows how to do things, and does.

I think women are entitled to every advantage of appearance they can muster. If women go through trouble to make themselves attractive, then frankly, I think maybe God put that in their psyches in order to ensure the continuity of the human race.

So health, then; perhaps strong attention to detail, a certain artistry. All of those things are positive attributes, and women telegraph those attributes in their appearance. And most mean to do just that.

Please don’t “go plain” if you’re not a “natural”. And don’t worry about it if you aren’t. Look as good as you can manage, and be of good cheer. Take joy in how you look in the mirror. It’s not for you that you’re doing it. It’s for the beauty and glory of womanhood.

 

[littlestsouls2]

A bit of makeup is generally fine. St. Thomas writes:

“… it is one thing to counterfeit a beauty one has not, and another to hide a disfigurement arising from some cause such as sickness or the like. For this is lawful, since according to the Apostle (1 Corinthians 12:23), “such as we think to be the less honorable members of the body, about these we put more abundant honor.” … Accordingly, since women may lawfully adorn themselves, whether to maintain the fitness of their estate, or even by adding something thereto, in order to please their husbands, it follows that those who make such means of adornment do not sin in the practice of their art, except perhaps by inventing means that are superfluous and fantastic.” (I believe St. Thomas would agree that this extends to others, too).

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

A priest once told us (a group of girls during meditation ) that we must think of going to Church like going on a date with Christ. He continued that we must put on some makeup and wear the best clothes we have on our wardrobe. Why put more effort on other things than when going to Church, etc., he said.

I believe that vanity is reached when you pretty your self up and then make flirty face poses at the mirror, etc.

When we go to Church, we should bring ourselves adorned with our good works and virtues. Jesus, the Crucified Bridegroom, desires a crucified spouse, not one all fancied up with make-up and the like.

On the Feast of St. Rose of Lima our priest encouraged us women to give up our vanity of wearing make-up to Mass and getting all gussied up with doing our hair, and instead use the time saved to get to Mass earlier to spend more time in prayer.

 

[thistle]

Modern Catholic Dictionary:

VANITY. Or vainglory, an inordinate desire to manifest one’s own excellence. It differs from pride, which is the uncontrolled desire for self-esteem, in that vanity primarily seeks to show others what a person has or has achieved. A vain person looks for praise from others and may go to great lengths to obtain it. More commonly, vanity is associated with an exaggerated importance attached to multiple details, especially external appearances, which in no way contain the value attributed to them. It is ostentation in fashion, wealth, or power regarded as an occasion of empty pride. Thus where pride, though sinful, may have some foundation in fact for whatever one prides oneself on being or having done, vanity is the idle effort to obtain recognition or respect for what a person does not have a rightful claim to. Vanity is attributed to shams, which lack substance and are deceitful (like human praise); or to things without solidity and permanence (such as physical beauty); or to means that fail in their purpose (such as vaunting one’s own reputation). It is an inflated pride and, as such, is venially sinful.

 

[DaveBj]

I tend to look at this from another direction. “Vanity” is a rather subjective concept; trying to nail down what it means is rather like trying to nail jello to the wall.

Think of it as priorities. If one spends more time on one’s face than one does praying, or reading the Bible, then there is a possibility that one’s priorities are misplaced.

If one spends more money on cosmetics and jewelry than one gives to the Church or to other needful causes, then there is a possibility that one’s priorities are misplaced.

The subject of making oneself look like what one does not normally look like has been covered, so I’m not going there.

 

[jaimeleglise]

I don’t think the priests should tells us whether to wear make-up or not. I hate make-up, have never worn it and never well. I can look my best without it. Some ladies wouldn’t feel right without it. That is ok, too. It is all in the attitude. Are we at Mass to be seen or to see God?
As long as we are not wrapped up in ourselves, I think it is all right to wear it to Mass or not to. I agree with what the previous poster said about adorning ourselves with virtues.