I agree with all previous responses, and would highlight two points:
- You may confess to any priest you prefer. It is valid to try another priest either for a fresh insight, or to avoid embarrassment,
- However it is usually best (to be brave, and…) stay with a regular confessor.
Your situation and the ongoing problems in relation to confession and culpability are quite a common question in CAF. It is very painful. No person here is in a position to assess give you instructions (and no-one has so far,
but these questions sometimes get a severe response from CAF laity) . It is between yourself, God and the Church. Yes, the Church is your authority, but you also have a conscience and you may, and should, refer to it.
The following is my longer response…
I was in a similar situation for many years, ie. living with an habitual sin which was grave (objectively) and having to confess it week-after-week. In addition, for some years I was unable to get to weekly confession so I had to go when I could, fitting it in with work and family responsibilities.
There is often a back-story to our vices and habits and addressing the back-story is usually be part of healing and eventual abstinence. “Part of”, but not “all of”. Every confessor I have spoken to has recognised this in some way too, acknowledging that culpability is not clear and that overcoming a vice takes persistence. However, we must also take personal responsibility for our recovery and avoid referring to the back-story every time we go into the confessional (apart from a brief mention such as “This is a habit I have been working on for years. I am currently… <what I’m doing about it>”.)
In relation to confession, here’s what I did:
Firstly, I kept going to confession when I could: sometimes weekly, and at other times every one to three months.
Secondly, I listened to and gave due weight to my confessor’s advice each time. Such advice is given in a spirit of pastoral counsel, but one is not obliged to obey it to the letter, unless they say so. Most confessors know their limits in dealing with vices and if a confessor intends any advice to be accepted under authority, he will make it clear. This cuts two ways - some of my confessors under-stated the severity of the issue and gave me more encouragement than I thought was due. I listened to both kinds of direction (ie. the more and less severe) in my conscience, and followed a path forward.
Thirdly, I kept working on the vice. It was the major health issue in my life over several years. However it was not possible to fix it once and for all, although I tried, many times. But I did keep trying with counsellors, psychologists and various “self-help” programs. I **mentioned **my efforts in confession, without going in to detail. However, one cannot suspend one’s whole life (ie. work/studies, family and leisure) to recover from a vice, nor does this ever work anyway.
Fourthly, I chose a regular confessor to whom I described the whole issue, once, in a long confession, and then returned to regularly. I chose a confessor in a neighbouring parish because I could talk more freely with him than my own parish priest.
So, the above is my answer to your question about choosing a confessor.
[The following last para is the end of my personal story. Others also end here, and others do not. It is one possibility…
Finally, I admitted defeat and entered a twelve-step program. I found a group which worked the 12 Steps “By the book” and I did daily meetings. Then I started to go to confession month-after-month without confessing this vice. I have also accepted that I will never be “cured” and am only free “One Day at a Time”. I am happier now than I have ever been in my life.]
