Is trying to not 'remember too much' before Confession a bad thing?

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MartyrForJesus

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When I go to confession to a priest I know personally, I do a quick sweep of my past week since my last confession and confess any sins that come to mind that I have committed. However I try to not think ‘very deeply’ in case I remember a disgusting/embarrassing sin from my past that I would then be obliged to confess. Is this a bad thing? I only really do a ‘deep’ examination of conscience when I go to confession to an anonymous priest. Does anyone else do this?

My scrupulosity has been getting to me, and I have been getting very anxious about whether this invalidates a confession or not. If it does I will be distraught.

Thanks, and Merry Christmas.
 
Wow, I really am worrying over what the responses will be.
 
I would advise you not to worry about whether the confession is invalidated or not. Rather, have you asked yourself why you feel so uncomfortable bringing up your worse sins to a priest you know personally?

I remember an excellent blog post on this subject from a couple months back, but alas, I can’t find it at this point.

Be assured in any case that I will be praying for you. Merry Christmas.
 
Tim_Kirchoff said:
I would advise you not to worry about whether the confession is invalidated or not. Rather, have you asked yourself why you feel so uncomfortable bringing up your worse sins to a priest you know personally?

I remember an excellent blog post on this subject from a couple months back, but alas, I can’t find it at this point.

Be assured in any case that I will be praying for you. Merry Christmas.
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Because it would change the priests entire perception of me as a person! 😦
 
MartyrForJesus said:
Because it would change the priests entire perception of me as a person! 😦
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It shouldn’t. We’ve all sinned, and priests know that as well as anyone.

Here’s one analogy. Hopefully it’s helpful…

Can a doctor give you the right treatment if you don’t tell him all your symptoms? A doctor is not there to judge you for your exercise habits or your diet- he’s there to recognize what exactly is unhealthy and to help you to achieve health.

Just so, a priest in the confessional does not sit there waiting for someone to tell him something scandalous so that he can be offended. He is there to help you overcome not only your minor sins, but those things that truly hold you back from your relationship with God. A priest who knows you personally is in a much better position to see you as a whole person and to help you as a whole person to become holier. The better the priest knows you, the more he can help you.
 
I didn’t hold a sin back in confession or anything, I simply tried to avoid remembering any very scandalous sins from the past. If I had remembered one, I would of confessed it. I simply tried to avoid remembering.
 
MartyrForJesus said:
I didn’t hold a sin back in confession or anything, I simply tried to avoid remembering any very scandalous sins from the past. If I had remembered one, I would of confessed it. I simply tried to avoid remembering.
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Well, to continue with the doctor analogy, would you ‘try to avoid remembering’ vitally important information if your doctor asked about it? Say you had a sexually transmitted disease and needed to contact your previous sex partners to tell them - would you avoid mentioning, say, that you had an affair just because the doctor might think less of you?

Even a fairly casual glance at news in any medium will tell you that priests are susceptible to pretty much all the same sins as anybody else. This should tell you that they are no less human than you or I, and there’s no reason why they would look down on you.
 
Since you mention that you struggle with scrupulosity, I suggest that this needs to be discussed with your confessor.
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Under normal circumstances** I would say that what you describe is a very bad thing because you are intentionally holding back confessing sin. It does not matter whether it is described as “Trying not to remember” or not…it boils down to the same thing. You are placing how you “appear” before man above how you appear before God.

However, yours is not a normal circumstance. Since you struggle with scrupulosity it is better that you speak to your confessor about this matter. He knows you the best and can give you the best advice.

As to how you “appear” to him, I believe that he will think that your concerns are unnecessary (he has heard it all before) and that he will not think less of you. Actually he will think more highly of you that you are not afraid to bring all out in the open so that your soul might be thoroughly cleaned.

Do not be afraid. Talk to your confessor…

Peace
James
 
Martyr,
I know dealing with scrupulosity is a challenge because its something I have experienced. By neglecting to do a thorough examination you are intentionally remaining ignorant because you are worried you will be judged or embarrassed. You need not worry about this…God’s love is so much greater. You just have to trust. My best advice is to get a spiritual director to help you deal with scrupulosity if you don’t have one already. If your director is not a priest, find a regular confessor that can guide you in your confession. Without such a guide, scrupulosity can quickly fill you with anxiety and despair. You’ll be in my prayers.
 
MartyrForJesus said:
When I go to confession to a priest I know personally, I do a quick sweep of my past week since my last confession and confess any sins that come to mind that I have committed. However I try to not think ‘very deeply’ in case I remember a disgusting/embarrassing sin from my past that I would then be obliged to confess. Is this a bad thing? I only really do a ‘deep’ examination of conscience when I go to confession to an anonymous priest. Does anyone else do this?

My scrupulosity has been getting to me, and I have been getting very anxious about whether this invalidates a confession or not. If it does I will be distraught.

Thanks, and Merry Christmas.
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If you fail to confess a mortal sin then that is a mortal sin.

Priests don’t remember confessions.
 
My priest was approached with a question from a fellow recently in the RCIA about how he handles what people tell him without letting it affect how he feels about it. He looked at us without having to think and he said, it doesn’t affect how I look at them at all. In fact, most of the time I don’t even remember what was said in there. I know that sounds weird, but I just come out knowing it was done, knowing we were talking, and that’s about it. He said, even if I were to remember it, if you knew my story you would know I have no room to hold grudges against anyone else for their sins, for I’m very aware of my own.

That answer has always impressed me.
 
Buck_Crosswhite said:
If you fail to confess a mortal sin then that is a mortal sin.

Priests don’t remember confessions.
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I did confess all mortal sins I remembered, I just tried not to think too much about it in case I remembered a scandalous sin from the past.

That didn’t invalidate the confession did it?
 
MartyrForJesus said:
I did confess all mortal sins I remembered, I just tried not to think too much about it in case I remembered a scandalous sin from the past.

That didn’t invalidate the confession did it?
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I do not think it makes the forgiveness for the other sins you confessed invalid. However, you’re not getting as much out of the Sacrament as you could.
 
I’m so lost. I don’t even know if I’m in mortal sin or not. This is so tiring.
 
MartyrForJesus said:
I’m so lost. I don’t even know if I’m in mortal sin or not. This is so tiring.
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Mortal sin requires a grave matter, full knowledge, and full consent.

If you had committed a mortal sin, you really should know. If careful consideration does not reveal a situation in which you knowingly and willfully committed a very serious offense against God, then you are not in a state of mortal sin.
 
Get a regular confessor and discuss the matter with him. A person who struggles with scrupulosity can be in a different boat that others.
 
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