Isit wrong to say a child is cute in a "non-sexual" way?

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I have struggled with this a lot. I will tell a mother or older brother or sister their child is cute or adorable, and some will say thanks and be nice. Some seem weirded out, and some even act aggressive. A girl I know freaked out and called me a “child molester” just because I called her sister cute. I don’t really understand this. I don’t think about children in a sexual way. I used to feel guilty for even thinking a child was cute, even though I didn’t entertain innappropriate thought. Are people just very protective of their children, or is there something wrong with the way I act? Should I not say someone’s child is cute unless I know them well?
 
Tis odd. People tell me my 2 year old is cute all the time…I do not think of it in any
“sexual” meaning… it just mean he is cute…which he is.

(though I hate the term “adorable”…only one Child is adorable)
 
I think it’s all about knowing the person. If you don’t know the person well then you probably shouldn’t comment about their children. I would probably get weird-ed out if someone I had never met walked up to me out of the blue and said “Yer daughter is cute”. It’s about context too. It’s different when a mother of one of my daughters friends says they are cute, and when some fellow at the park with no kids does.

Is there anything wrong with thinking kids are cute in a non-sexual way? No. In today’s society though one shouldn’t really be looking at other peoples kids unless they have a reason to. I think it’s a very contextual thing.
 
Jesusismyfriend said:
I have struggled with this a lot. I will tell a mother or older brother or sister their child is cute or adorable, and some will say thanks and be nice. Some seem weirded out, and some even act aggressive. A girl I know freaked out and called me a “child molester” just because I called her sister cute. I don’t really understand this. I don’t think about children in a sexual way. I used to feel guilty for even thinking a child was cute, even though I didn’t entertain innappropriate thought. Are people just very protective of their children, or is there something wrong with the way I act? Should I not say someone’s child is cute unless I know them well?
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Thanks for your English lesson.
I will never use the word again … in any way …
 
I don’t see why it would be wrong! It’s a compliment… but if people are really getting bothered by it I would refrain from commenting until you know them well enough for dialogue to follow if they seem weirded out.

In general I think compliments of this sort should be saved for friends and family but I have been known to burst out with: OH MY GOODNESS YOUR BABY IS SO CUTE!!! when confronted with an adorable tyke. 😊 I can’t help it.

Anyway, if this is giving you some trouble then try to refrain when you can. Or preface with: I hope this doesn’t sound too odd but your child is very cute. You must be very proud. Or something like that.
 
Jesusismyfriend said:
I have struggled with this a lot. I will tell a mother or older brother or sister their child is cute or adorable, and some will say thanks and be nice. Some seem weirded out, and some even act aggressive. A girl I know freaked out and called me a “child molester” just because I called her sister cute. I don’t really understand this. I don’t think about children in a sexual way. I used to feel guilty for even thinking a child was cute, even though I didn’t entertain innappropriate thought. Are people just very protective of their children, or is there something wrong with the way I act? Should I not say someone’s child is cute unless I know them well?
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Are you male or female? Are these strangers or people you know?

People tend to be more open to females commenting on their children than males. As an old lady I can tell a woman in the grocery store her toddler is cute and will most likely get a smile in return. If my husband were to do the same thing, mom might very will try to get herself and her kid away from him.

It’s instinctual. Males, especially unrelated males, can pose a threat to children. How many babies are harmed by their fathers versus mother’s boyfriend? How many women commit sexual assaults against children versus men?

I’m sitting here contemplating what I would do if a male teenager or adult approached me in public and commented on my stepdaughters. I get a twinge in my gut just thinking about it. I’d definitely get them away from the guy, and if he persisted I’d make a scene and get help.

Luna
 
Jesusismyfriend said:
I have struggled with this a lot. I will tell a mother or older brother or sister their child is cute or adorable, and some will say thanks and be nice. Some seem weirded out, and some even act aggressive. A girl I know freaked out and called me a “child molester” just because I called her sister cute. I don’t really understand this. I don’t think about children in a sexual way. I used to feel guilty for even thinking a child was cute, even though I didn’t entertain innappropriate thought. Are people just very protective of their children, or is there something wrong with the way I act? Should I not say someone’s child is cute unless I know them well?
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I suppose it may depend on context, as other posters have pointed out. By and large though, I would take it as a compliment. I think the people you mentioned are just over-reacting.
 
I don’t think most people would get offended about this. Just a thought, but you may inadvertently have a weird or awkward posture while saying it.
 
Well I am female. So I don’t exactly understand what happened there. Her little sister was visiting her in the hospital. She was quite ill at the time. Still is, I think. I know a lot of abuse happened to her as a child, so maybe she feels the need to protect her kid sister so it doesn’t happen to her.
I’m the kind of person who avoids going up to strollers to ask the mother if I can see her baby. Most women are okay with that and like showing their babies off, but I guess I’ve learned that some mothers would be bothered by it. Of course, a little boy (toddler) was grinning in line at the checkout beside me at Walmart and was showing off his stickers his mom was buying him. I felt rude not saying anything, so I said something like, “Hey, your Bob the Builder stickers are pretty cool.” The mother seemed okay with it, but the woman in line behind them gave me a dirty look. I don’t know. Maybe if a woman had a rough time time trusting adults as a child she tends to mistrust all strangers.
 
VeritasLuxMea said:
I don’t think most people would get offended about this. Just a thought, but you may inadvertently have a weird or awkward posture while saying it.
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I never thought about my posture. I was really watching my tone of voice so the situation would not be misunderstood. Thanks for pointing that out.
 
Jesusismyfriend said:
Well I am female. So I don’t exactly understand what happened there. Her little sister was visiting her in the hospital. She was quite ill at the time. Still is, I think. I know a lot of abuse happened to her as a child, so maybe she feels the need to protect her kid sister so it doesn’t happen to her.
I’m the kind of person who avoids going up to strollers to ask the mother if I can see her baby. Most women are okay with that and like showing their babies off, but I guess I’ve learned that some mothers would be bothered by it. Of course, a little boy (toddler) was grinning in line at the checkout beside me at Walmart and was showing off his stickers his mom was buying him. I felt rude not saying anything, so I said something like, “Hey, your Bob the Builder stickers are pretty cool.” The mother seemed okay with it, but the woman in line behind them gave me a dirty look. I don’t know. Maybe if a woman had a rough time time trusting adults as a child she tends to mistrust all strangers.
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I’m surprised to hear you’re female! As a female I have rarely encountered a mother who reacted badly to me complimenting their child… but I suppose there are all kinds of people out there.

I stand by my earlier suggestion. Maybe hold off if you don’t know the people in question.
 
[QUOTEIs there anything wrong with thinking kids are cute in a non-sexual way? No. In today’s society though one shouldn’t really be looking at other peoples kids unless they have a reason to. I think it’s a very contextual thing.
[/QUOTE]
I can see your point, but if I had a kid, I wouldn’t be bothered if a woman came up to me and said my kid was cute. I’d smile and say thank you. If they tried to arrange a play date with their kids at their house when I didn’t know the family, then I would be alarmed. Not too many sexual assaults take place in public when the mother is watching. Some would, but the number of them happening “behind closed doors” is more common. I guess that was my problem. If I had seemed interested in developing a friendship with the child, I could see why they would be bothered, but just to say, “Hello,” and give a compliment? I don’t see much harm there.
 
I agree with other posters that it’s a context thing. Usually the only time I will comment on a child being cute is if I know the parents very well, or if the child has given me a greeting or attention in some way.

To set the context, I am a 28 year old single male with no children.

For example a few weeks ago I had a little girl run up to me and wave and say “Hi!” before church started. I didn’t know the little girl at all nor did I really know the mom, but since she greeted me, I smiled and waved and said “Hi!” back, and then told the mom who was right behind her that she was a “cutie”, the mom smiled and said, “thank you”. No wierdness that I could detect anyways.

If the little girl had not given me the greeting though, I would not have spoken to them, but since she approached me and said hi to me I responded accordingly.

As other posters said, it’s all about context and the situation.

As a general rule though, I try very hard to avoid touching ANYONE that I do not know unless that person initiates the contact, children, teens, or adults, it doesn’t matter. Even people that I do know, I generally try to avoid touching, except for my girlfriend of course.

My only exception is I will shake another man’s hand on occassion when I feel it’s necessary for politeness, or in business situations.
 
Jesusismyfriend said:
[QUOTEIs there anything wrong with thinking kids are cute in a non-sexual way? No. In today’s society though one shouldn’t really be looking at other peoples kids unless they have a reason to. I think it’s a very contextual thing.
I can see your point, but if I had a kid, I wouldn’t be bothered if a woman came up to me and said my kid was cute. I’d smile and say thank you. If they tried to arrange a play date with their kids at their house when I didn’t know the family, then I would be alarmed. Not too many sexual assaults take place in public when the mother is watching. Some would, but the number of them happening “behind closed doors” is more common. I guess that was my problem. If I had seemed interested in developing a friendship with the child, I could see why they would be bothered, but just to say, “Hello,” and give a compliment? I don’t see much harm there.
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Best to get married to a girl or guy you really love and have children of your own. And if one cares much for kids, one can donate to charities which help children.

There is much paranoia out there and of course correct reaction. On the one hand there are pedophiles who want to molest children and other dangerous people; on the other hand we now find examples where adults are unwilling to help children in distress because they’re afraid they’ll be charged with child molestation (or suspected of it) and once that happens, you can kiss your life goodbye (definitely not to say you should kill yourself, but people will hate you, even many religious people will hate you) because no-one will believe you otherwise.
[/quote]
 
Pfaffenhoffen said:
Thanks for your English lesson.
I will never use the word again … in any way …
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The word ‘cute’ should only ever refer to baby ducks. That is the only acceptable useage.

‘Adorable’ can only refer to Deity.

Maybe ‘nice’ is still okay.
 
I agree that is must be some other thing other then the words that are scaring people. Of course on the other side of the issue, I have been weirded out by comments of males about my daughter before. It is not what is said, it is how it is said that always clued me off SOMETHING is not right about this guy. The other sign I always look for is how my dogs react to somebody. With most people they are VERY friendly, but some people just send them into fits of loud and aggressive barking. If my dogs hate you, I am staying away from you, I am betting they are picking something up that I am not.
 
Speedypizza said:
I agree that is must be some other thing other then the words that are scaring people. Of course on the other side of the issue, I have been weirded out by comments of males about my daughter before. It is not what is said, it is how it is said that always clued me off SOMETHING is not right about this guy. The other sign I always look for is how my dogs react to somebody. With most people they are VERY friendly, but some people just send them into fits of loud and aggressive barking. If my dogs hate you, I am staying away from you, I am betting they are picking something up that I am not.
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My friend was shaken once by one of his radiology registrars (residents) who made a sexual suggestion about his late teens daughter. I think it really broke the relationship of mentor / student the two had.
 
Speedypizza said:
I agree that is must be some other thing other then the words that are scaring people. Of course on the other side of the issue, I have been weirded out by comments of males about my daughter before. It is not what is said, it is how it is said that always clued me off SOMETHING is not right about this guy. The other sign I always look for is how my dogs react to somebody. With most people they are VERY friendly, but some people just send them into fits of loud and aggressive barking. If my dogs hate you, I am staying away from you, I am betting they are picking something up that I am not.
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I wouldn’t put too much stock in how animals react.

My cat freaks out whenever I wear a specific piece of clothing. otherwise he’s fine but when I wear that one skirt he FREAKS…

Sometimes animals react to things rather then to people…
 
nickybr38 said:
I wouldn’t put too much stock in how animals react.

My cat freaks out whenever I wear a specific piece of clothing. otherwise he’s fine but when I wear that one skirt he FREAKS…

Sometimes animals react to things rather then to people…
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Every time I have not listened to my dogs I have regretted it down the road. One guy they did not like was later arrested for being a child molester. A boss my dogs hated ended up skipping town and still owes me over $1500. I don’t think I am going to stop trusting them any time soon.
 
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