Isolation

  • Thread starter Thread starter Tempest
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
T

Tempest

Guest
Is it moral to isolate one’s self from society, for the most part, given the commandment to love our neighbor? I feel somewhat forced into this position, due to my general shyness coupled with the fact that most people here at college are far more outgoing than I am. My problem isn’t with isolation, per se, but rather with the potential it has to be displeasing to God. Are worldly friendships essential to full obedience of this commandment, or can one do without them for the most part, and still be pleasing to God?
 
The commandment to love your neighbor does not mean you should live with your neighbor. Relationships should never be forced. As all people are naturally social, it will only be a matter of time before you find people whom you can be comfortable with. (You’ve already started by posting on CA.) I wouldn’t worry about sinning; you have enough other worries, I’m sure. Good luck in your studies. They’re important too.
 
We have all been created in God’s image, yet each with their own unique personality and talents. God calls some to isolate themselves from society in monastaries, cloisters or as hermits, leading a life of contemplative prayer. Others are given outgoing personalities and may be called to leadership and public positions. Many fall somewhere in between. All are important and needed in the Body of Christ. 🙂
 
Friendships can be very important, especially when we are young. There are really famous friendships between saints, like Teresea of Avila and St. John of the Cross, for good reason. Friends can challenge us to grow, and humble us when we need it! So don’t discount friendships because they don’t happen right away.

As someone who was pretty shy myself until a few years ago, I understand how hard it can be sometimes to make friends, when everyone else seems so much more outgoing! Deep down, though, almost everyone has felt a little awkward when meeting new people. And don’t forget, making friends is not a competition. It can be especially hard to meet people in large groups; that’s why it’s often better to find a way to meet people one on one or in smaller groups.

A great way to do this is to join some of the clubs or activities on your campus. It might be hard to start a conversation with someone you don’t know at a party, but if you are in a club working on a project with someone, it’s a lot easier to find things to say. I still find it difficult to meet and talk to people at parties or in bars because I have a soft voice, so it’s hard for me to be heard above all the background noise! You should especially check out if your school has a Catholic student center, and see if they have any Bible studies or Rosary groups; those kinds of small groups are great ways to get to know other students. It may take a while to get to know people, but don’t be discouraged. There are certainly some great people out there who can’t wait to get to know you; just give them the opportunity. You can’t expect them to do all the work! Take some initiative, and let them see what a great person you are.

I think the best advice I ever heard about friendship is in a poem by Kahlil Gibran: “Let your best be for your friend. If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also. For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill? Seek him always with hours to live. For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.”
 
Shyness is not in and of itself bad, but inordinate shyness can be unhealthy. We need others in order to grow, and we need others in order to get out of our own selfish paramters.

It might be noted that most orders that I am aware of - men or women religious - require psychological testing before they will ad mit a candidate; and they don’t want someone whi is inordinately shy as they ahve to live in community; one who is too shy will not fit in well in community. I don’t know a lot of hermits; only one, and my recollection was that the abbot was not exactly speedy in letting the monk become a hermit.

Withdrawing from people is not going to aleviate shyness; it only allows it to cintinue unchecked. further, underneath a good deal of shyness is an unhealthy view of self. If it is too burdensome, then get professional healt.

Getting profesional health does not mean you are crazy (as some seem to think); those who are crazy most often won’t get help.

Then again, there is the Scottish saying: “The whole world is daft save thee and me, and I’m having me doobts about thee…”
 
Tempest said:
Is it moral to isolate one’s self from society, for the most part, given the commandment to love our neighbor? I feel somewhat forced into this position, due to my general shyness coupled with the fact that most people here at college are far more outgoing than I am. My problem isn’t with isolation, per se, but rather with the potential it has to be displeasing to God. Are worldly friendships essential to full obedience of this commandment, or can one do without them for the most part, and still be pleasing to God?
Click to expand...
Consider that Christ hung out with a lot of worldly people. You may very well be the only exposure some people have of the Gospel. It doesn’t mean you beat them over the head with scripture, but simply live your Catholic faith.

You might enjoy this reflection I wrote last month on my blog.
 
Personally I am an isolationist, and I agree with otjm it does have a lot to do with poor self esteem. I can’t imagine anyone finding anything I do or think about as interesting. Of course there is more to the story of my self esteem problem but I won’t go into detail. Isolation is LONELY, no one to talk to or bounce thoughts off of, I speak of humans of course, I always find time to talk to God. I have found myself in a crowded room and still feel so lonely I could scream. You are left to your own devices and thoughts. Don’t confuse isolation with anti-social though. I try to always be polite when in conversation with anyone. I have been trying to break my shell by helping people if I see them having trouble. Say “hi” or morning to strangers, open doors not only for women but for guys too. Yield to traffic even if you don’t have to. Make eye contact when you can. There are many ways to love thy neighbor without allot of interaction. However if an opening about Catholicism or religion come up I will express my opinion. I have also been known to wear my scapular outside my shirt to spark interest and I can’t count how many times I have been asked what it is, which is a great opening to do some evangelizing for the One Church. Work on it one step at a time, jeez I am close to fifty and I am still trying to work through it. Just don’t wait a lifetime to open up, people aren’t as scary as we think they are!:rolleyes: Oh and it took me years to finally admit I had a problem and sought counseling, I wish I would have done it allot sooner. Trust in God always!👍
Peace
 
I’m a weird exception with my anxiety issues. I probably appear to be very outgoing since I always volunteer in class, don’t mind public speaking and actually rather enjoy it, have a dynamic voice and I always don’t mind talking to people when they initiate a conversation. However, I generally have to have a role to play for me to be outgoing so I kind of can relate to your situation. I hate crowds, espeically at church (I also hate getting up early on Sundays so I have to accept crowds) I also will never initiate anything so I have a hard time making friends let alone relationships. If I don’t have a role to play I can be quite the timid person. Anxiety can be a real issue for me since I have generalized anxiety, and it drives me insane at times since I have the most negative attitude all the time and think everyone else is thinking bad things about me so I hate going out. However, realizing what I am good at I just consistently give myself roles to play in order to compensate. I like getting involved with stuff at school and then friends come with the territory since I go to events if I don’t help plan them and getting involved forces me to get out more.

In relation to your post, however, I bet I am not the only one who is only outgoing when they have a role to play. Some of the people that you think are outgoing might struggle just as much as you at times.
 
wjp984 said:
I’m a weird exception with my anxiety issues. I probably appear to be very outgoing since I always volunteer in class, don’t mind public speaking and actually rather enjoy it, have a dynamic voice and I always don’t mind talking to people when they initiate a conversation. However, I generally have to have a role to play for me to be outgoing so I kind of can relate to your situation. I hate crowds, espeically at church (I also hate getting up early on Sundays so I have to accept crowds) I also will never initiate anything so I have a hard time making friends let alone relationships. If I don’t have a role to play I can be quite the timid person. Anxiety can be a real issue for me since I have generalized anxiety, and it drives me insane at times since I have the most negative attitude all the time and think everyone else is thinking bad things about me so I hate going out. However, realizing what I am good at I just consistently give myself roles to play in order to compensate. I like getting involved with stuff at school and then friends come with the territory since I go to events if I don’t help plan them and getting involved forces me to get out more.

In relation to your post, however, I bet I am not the only one who is only outgoing when they have a role to play. Some of the people that you think are outgoing might struggle just as much as you at times.
Click to expand...
WoW, thanks for this post, Wjp, and thanks OP for this thread. I am one of those strange people that SEEM outgoing, but am really not. You described me to a T in your first sentences. When forced to talk, I will talk and be real interesting, but when people seek me out again (want numbers, e-mails, or want to go out to lunch) I will be “busy”. I have had to come to terms with myself over the years—have felt guilty for being this way.

For the OP: I have come to terms with my isolation -issues by saying—if my brother or sister in Christ needs me, I will give this help—but I can’t change my personality and be the social butterfly I am not. I prefer ministries in the church that don’t require much contact either, such as Perpetual Adoration or making stuff to sell or baking cakes or cookies. people don’t much KNOW me, but I don’t care. They eat my cookies, anyway—or receive the prayer-benefit of a late night Adoration visit.
 
From the Cathecism:

**2347 **The virtue of chastity blossoms in friendship. It shows the disciple how to follow and imitate him who has chosen us as his friends, who has given himself totally to us and allows us to participate in his divine estate. Chastity is a promise of immortality.

Chastity is expressed notably in friendship with one’s neighbor. Whether it develops between persons of the same or opposite sex, friendship represents a great good for all. It leads to spiritual communion.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top