Issue with a Friend

[EqualinHim]

I’m inquiring into the church and have been attending mass at my parish quite frequently over the past months. Our parish frequently receives seminarians and transitional deacons who are kind of close to me in age (mid to late 20s or early 30s). I ran into an interesting issue with a friend. So, I’m friends with a lot of the other single young ladies that I work with. We were hanging out after work, and the conversation topic turned to cute guys that we had met (as it does when most single women in their 20s gather). I said that there was one cute guy that I had met a few months ago, but that he was a seminarian and so nothing could come of it because of my respect for him and his vocation. And she responded back by saying “well, you could try to persuade him to change his mind.” I vehemently refuted this, by stating that he was already pretty far along in his formation, too far along to reconsider, and that, more importantly, I respected him and his vocation too much to even give that a moment’s consideration. I like to think that I vehemently shut that notion out of my friend’s mind and firmly stated that I would never pursue anything other than friendship. What advice would you have for dealing with this situation? And did I set myself up for this by making the comment about him being attractive in the first place? I’m not having issues related to lust. I merely thought of him as a bit cute and kind of charming, but not in an inappropriate/sexual sort of way. Part of the charm is in the way he greets/interacts with people which is why he’ll be an awesome priest. He makes every person feel like they are important in a way that’s mature and graceful. He is a good listener, and for that reason would make a good friend, but nothing more for me because I firmly respect his vocation. In fact, I’d want him as my own priest someday after seeing his interactions with myself and other parishioners.

Also, to add context: the friend whom I had the issue with is not catholic and has a somewhat limited understanding of Catholicism which might’ve played a role in this issue.

 

[MaryT777]

It sounds to me like you have a “crush” on this seminarian. (Just a hunch and I could be wrong!~)

Your comment did open up the conversation with your friend of course but your stated you had no intention of interfering with his vocation which is the appropriate response.

I would hope she would respect your final comments and not bring it up again. If so, say it again and say the conversation is closed.

Blessings,
Mary.

 

[GLam8833]

I pray that you will pray until you find
GOD’S will for you and him, nothing
is cemented in concrete before it
dries, if the Lord wants him in your
life, do it BEFORE he becomes
ordained, and then it is too late.
Will you regret not giving love a
chance when you grow older?
THAT is the question you should
ask God.

Lamb of God:

V: Lamb of God who takes away the sins of
the world,
R: Have mercy on us,

V: Lamb of God who takes away the sins of
the world,
R: have mercy on us,

V: Lamb of God who takes away the sins of
the world,
R: Grant us peace.

Amen.

 

[Mary_Estelle]

Oh, just let it go. Life is too short to quibble over such stuff. There are more serious aspects of living a good life to consider. Perhaps you did set your self up, but don’t dwell on it. It is over. Peace.

 

[EqualinHim]

You’re right that I am making a mountain over a molehill and do have a bit of a crush on the seminarian but I recognize that nothing can come of it (and that I’m getting over it) which was what I was trying to convey. And I was able to eventually move the conversation onto other topics, such as the cute guys at work. I can’t help but think that I’m probably not the only woman dealing with something like this right now because there are lots of young men starting out their pastoral years in my parish and in others. Heck, I’m probably not the only one in the parish who might’ve experienced this. I think I saw several young women of the parish who were kind of blushing as they walked by him or shook his hand after mass.

 

[AdamP88]

I wouldn’t worry. It seems pretty harmless.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

I’m inquiring into the church and have been attending mass at my parish quite frequently over the past months. Our parish frequently receives seminarians and transitional deacons who are kind of close to me in age (mid to late 20s or early 30s). I ran into an interesting issue with a friend. So, I’m friends with a lot of the other single young ladies that I work with. We were hanging out after work, and the conversation topic turned to cute guys that we had met (as it does when most single women in their 20s gather). I said that there was one cute guy that I had met a few months ago, but that he was a seminarian and so nothing could come of it because of my respect for him and his vocation. And she responded back by saying “well, you could try to persuade him to change his mind.” I vehemently refuted this, by stating that he was already pretty far along in his formation, too far along to reconsider, and that, more importantly, I respected him and his vocation too much to even give that a moment’s consideration. I like to think that I vehemently shut that notion out of my friend’s mind and firmly stated that I would never pursue anything other than friendship. What advice would you have for dealing with this situation? And did I set myself up for this by making the comment about him being attractive in the first place? I’m not having issues related to lust. I merely thought of him as a bit cute and kind of charming, but not in an inappropriate/sexual sort of way. Part of the charm is in the way he greets/interacts with people which is why he’ll be an awesome priest. He makes every person feel like they are important in a way that’s mature and graceful. He is a good listener, and for that reason would make a good friend, but nothing more for me because I firmly respect his vocation. In fact, I’d want him as my own priest someday after seeing his interactions with myself and other parishioners.

Also, to add context: the friend whom I had the issue with is not catholic and has a somewhat limited understanding of Catholicism which might’ve played a role in this issue.

Friends that I have who know that I am a practicing Catholic have asked me why don’t I ask my girlfriend to move in with me? Or instead of a long drive home after going somewhere together, with my girlfriend, asking why don’t we just “get a motel room” instead of me taking her home and then having to drive home myself

Its not a big deal. It’s gonna happen. Just move on and if she brings it up again just ask her to drop it. People can be real knuckleheads. We can’t let the small stuff get to us.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Whenever a group of people get together (and I am tlaking more than 3 people), the situation becomes less intimate. People are more incline to joke around than show their true selves.

I can’t help but think in the situation you are describing, this girl just suggested you try to change his mind because in the situation the conversation was all about ‘getting cute guys’ and she probably saw it as an innocent joke.

There are pushy people out there. I have been in situations where I just wanted to share something of myself and instead of just letting me have a turn to talk, some pushy person has hounded me to do something I didn’t want to. Example, I was telling a friend about this really nice bikini I saw but it was over $100 and out of principle, I was not going to spend that much on a bikini. I got a half hour lecture on how I was too hard on myself and I should have treated myself to the bikini.

If this girl at work is one of those pushy people who will always try to make you do something you said you didn’t want to, my question is ‘why would you joke with her in the first place’

Angie