Issue with a girl I asked out

[TheRiver]

I asked this girl out recently, we haven’t been friends all that long really, but we have met a few times in social settings, at catholic events, i got her number from her and she said yes to a movie. I called her later to change the date due to some random reason and she was fine with it, she even wanted to go “gold class” for the movie, which is pretty much an upgrade with waiter service and etc. That bit was her idea.

She said she wasn’t sure about the date and all so it could be confirmed later, I said sure. So I had to go to this retreat a few days later, and I thought I may need to book tickets just incase these gold class tickets sold out, so I messaged her politely telling her I’d be away for a few days and it would be great if I could get it done beforehand and whether she knew which day was best for her. She replied back saying she would be free on a Thursday and if it was ok with me, what bugs me though is the undertone has changed a lot, it’s like she doesn’t care much anymore, is this a normal reaction, girls do you do this to guys often ?

She even started off her last message with “THat’s really sweet of you, but I don’t think it’s possible to book…etc etc”, now I wasn’t born yesterday and that beginning line is all too familiar to me, sounds like something a girl says before they give up on a guy. Some people may say I’m being paranoid, I have only called her 2-3 times, given her some space, i asked her out, but it’s not like we’re dating or anything, just getting to know her, but things look a bit shaky. What do you guys, and more importantly, girls think???

 

[Nickkname]

It sounds to me like you think it’s a date.

 

[TheRiver]

It’s not really a “date”, but I don’t know what other word to use for it.
But please…I ask her out to a movie, and she wants to go for “gold class”? Which is essentially like dinner before the movie, waiter service, the works…

But I guess I was wrong

 

[Danuska]

Well, who knows… it could be that she does not want to appear too eager after you once rescheduled the first date… You’ll never know if you do not go for the date, will you?

 

[ralwig88]

Hi

I have a suggestion - have you tried praying and asking God about this? That was my first gut instinct when I read your story. He knows what’s best for you - whether to push on through with the movie or whether it is to give it more space.

Yours in Christ

Brendan

 

[chevalier]

I think she isn’t head over heals with you, but she was likely interested. You rightly point out that the “golden class” upgrade suggests something (although it might suggest she’s used to luxury). The line with, “that’s sweet of you,” is, as you rightly noticed, rather typical of brushing a guy off. However, you did make it confusing on her and change the arrangements. Therefore I would say it’s possible she doesn’t know what to think or maybe she’s losing interest. And sometimes they simply have second thoughts.

 

[dconklin]

I think you are thinking way too much. Life is so much easier if you do not try to analize every word every person said. You asked her out. She said yes. Go out with the girl! If/When you all become closer you can begin to try to think about what she is thinking about.

 

[gettingthere]

It seems to me like you are over thinking it. RELAX! It could be something, it could be nothing, but you’re not going to get anywhere by freaking out about it. So just relax and have fun with her.

That said, I’ve said “that’s sweet of you” to guys before and not meant it as the beginning of a let down. Also, she may not want to come on too strong, or she may be reserved. It doesn’t mean she’s going to kick you to the curb.

Just go to the movie, talk and get to know her and then see what happens from there. Worrying about reading between the lines is not going to make things better.

 

[1ke]

It’s not really a “date”, but I don’t know what other word to use for it.

Let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no.

If you aren’t “sure” it’s a date, what is she to think? You are the one who has treated it very casually-- changing the date, being tentative with the plans.

Be firm in your plans. Make a date and don’t change it. If you don’t treat the date with importance, it is the same as not treating her with importance.

But please…I ask her out to a movie, and she wants to go for “gold class”? Which is essentially like dinner before the movie, waiter service, the works…

What’s your problem with this? She is wanting to spend time with you.

But I guess I was wrong

You are paranoid and you are going to drive her away if you keep acting like this.

Make a plan, go on the date, call her up after and ask her out again if you like her. Don’t be wishy-washy and insecure.

 

[jrabs]

There’s a ton of great fish in the pond. Keep fishin.

From a woman’s point of view- it appears she’s not that into you. She already commented that she was not sure about going out. OR maybe it’s possible she was not thrilled about the venue.

If that were me and I was interested, I’d be reacting a bit more positively and favorably. I’d be saying, “sure thing”.

You deserve someone that is interested so keep looking.

 

[whatevergirl]

**Hmmm…I think since this is a first date or outting type of thing, that she sounds perfectly normal. No one likes to act too eager, she might be hesitant to appear too eager that you asked her out, but if after the movie, she still appears wishy washy, then I might move on. Always give people the benefit of the doubt. A first date has not even occured yet. Don’t be too anxious, or over eager…just be calm, and enjoy yourself with her. She will probably follow suit. If there is chemistry/synergy/connection on that first date, great–if not…then, you probably will know. I am not a fan of first dates being movies because you’re silent the whole movie, and you don’t get an opportunity to really get to know the person…but, whatever. Hope it goes well!! Keep us posted! **

 

[Cinette]

It’s not really a “date”, but I don’t know what other word to use for it.
But please…I ask her out to a movie, and she wants to go for “gold class”? Which is essentially like dinner before the movie, waiter service, the works…

But I guess I was wrong

Hi - I came across this thread and got interested and read a couple of posts. I would like to share something with you. When I first met my husband he was at University and I had a small business. He lived very close to the University and would go home after morning classes to have lunch and a little siesta. He would munch away and talk to me on the telephone.

One day he said to me, “You are going to fall in love with me.” I asked how come and his response was, “Because I am lovable!” I thought that really funny. In fact he was funny a lot of the time and said things other guys wouldn’t say. He was bold and funny.

We now have grandchildren!

If you like the girl be funny and bold. Girls like it. Of course you must always be resectful also. Girls also like good manners because it is so unusual these days.

So surprise her by being different. Remember you are an original - we all are. So be yourself and just say it like it is!

Gook luck
Cheers

 

[puzzleannie]

sounds to me like trying to build a relationship based on “what I think she meant” rather than “what she actually said” and that if people went back to in-person communication without an electronics interface relationships would be much healthier in general. this coming from an old lady who has been bypassed pretty much by technology.

 

[Cinette]

sounds to me like trying to build a relationship based on “what I think she meant” rather than “what she actually said” and that if people went back to in-person communication without an electronics interface relationships would be much healthier in general. this coming from an old lady who has been bypassed pretty much by technology.

That is not a bad idea. Girlfs love boldness, so you go right up to her and tell her you would love to take her out and you are looking forward to it!

 

[puzzleannie]

I would also say (not that it is likely to happen at my age) if a guy asked me out on a first date, and later changed the day and time, I would be questioning the priority he was putting on the event.

 

[whatevergirl]

Hi - I came across this thread and got interested and read a couple of posts. I would like to share something with you. When I first met my husband he was at University and I had a small business. He lived very close to the University and would go home after morning classes to have lunch and a little siesta. He would munch away and talk to me on the telephone.

One day he said to me, “You are going to fall in love with me.” I asked how come and his response was, “Because I am lovable!” I thought that really funny. In fact he was funny a lot of the time and said things other guys wouldn’t say. He was bold and funny.

We now have grandchildren!

If you like the girl be funny and bold. Girls like it. Of course you must always be resectful also. Girls also like good manners because it is so unusual these days.

So surprise her by being different. Remember you are an original - we all are. So be yourself and just say it like it is!

Gook luck
Cheers

**I agree!!! My husband when we met for the first time at a party…he said…‘wouldn’t it be funny if we got married?’

I have been laughing ever since. Well, it’s not always funny…but, the fact that we did marry, is kinda funny.

Being bold, within reason, is not a bad thing. It shows guts, in my eyes. Good post! (that’s cute too that your hubby said that, cinette )**

 

[monicatholic]

on the other hand, if you’re not prophetic, DON’T mention marriage as a pick-up line.

i agree with all the older generation gals suggesting text OUT. I want a Tshirt that says, “**i don’t text. i talk.” **

call her. or tell her right to her lovely face, “the schedule thing got to be a mess. i’m so sorry. would you give me a chance to try again? let’s skip the movie idea-- let’s do something different to start fresh.”

she’ll think, “wow. here’s a guy who’s thinking about me.”

if the simple coffee, sandwich/ walk in the park to see fall colors date is icky, it was low-key enough that everyone can get out comfortably. like pals.

 

[whatevergirl]

on the other hand, if you’re not prophetic, DON’T mention marriage as a pick-up line.

i agree with all the older generation gals suggesting text OUT. I want a Tshirt that says, “i don’t text. i talk.”

call her. or tell her right to her lovely face, “the schedule thing got to be a mess. i’m so sorry. would you give me a chance to try again? let’s skip the movie idea-- let’s do something different to start fresh.”

she’ll think, “wow. here’s a guy who’s thinking about me.”

if the simple coffee, sandwich/ walk in the park to see fall colors date is icky, it was low-key enough that everyone can get out comfortably. like pals.

**Now are you saying that was a pick up line by my husband? lol! I remember thinking when he said…‘that’s an interesting line.’ But, here we are…so, he could be prophetic. I hope he didn’t use that on others!!! **

 

[monicatholic]

whatever girl, yours and cinette’s husbands obviously are prophetic. our OP, the poor chap, has been baffled by “that’s sweet but…”

clearly, he’s not prophetic. he should skip the marriage talk. from the mouth of a non-prophet, it’s just a line.

maybe it might help him to know that conversely, my GoodHusband and I have been married 20 years and we never dated. we were just friends. when i asked him if he was ever going to ask me out, he said “no. i’m going to ask you to marry me.”

yikes.

 

[whatevergirl]

whatever girl, yours and cinette’s husbands obviously are prophetic. our OP, the poor chap, has been baffled by “that’s sweet but…”

clearly, he’s not prophetic. he should skip the marriage talk. from the mouth of a non-prophet, it’s just a line.

maybe it might help him to know that conversely, my GoodHusband and I have been married 20 years and we never dated. we were just friends. when i asked him if he was ever going to ask me out, he said “no. i’m going to ask you to marry me.”

yikes.

I love that!!!