Issue with purity

[Andrew210]

Over the last year, I haven’t really taken my faith seriously, still going to confession and Mass, but thats about it.

I feel a call to give myself to God completely once again, but need to resolve things in my mind about sexual purity, because impurity makes me doubt everything, making me not even know if there is a God.

I am a 22 year year old single guy. I have had very serious problems with shyness and anxiety, and have had very few friends in my life. I am very desperate for affection and friendship of any kind.I have never been in any type of romantic relationship.

Looking back on just the last year, I had my first 3 experiences of sexual impurity with a real live person, one being the first time I ever kissed a girl(and they went further then that, but not quite all the way)

this one girl in particular feels like my best friend, one of the only friends i’ve made in life I’ve known her for 6 months, but she’s moving away next week. I know I will make new friends, so its fine, but I’m having a hard time recognizing sexual impurity with her as sinful, and thus Catholicism true.

I have a pretty good understanding of Church teaching, the issue is more emotional. To me, I have not experienced the lonliness, and the negative of impurity, but instead see those 3 times as among the happiest days of my life,

because they are the only times when I’ve felt close to someone, and the only times I’ve felt truly accepted by someone, its mores this affections and closeness I get from it then the physical pleasure which is confusing me…

but the affection and the joy in Christ is so much better right? how can I see that and know its true when my experience doesn’t back it up??

 

[sdelane2]

I sometimes feel doubtful about this kind of thing too. I am engaged and have been dating my spouse-to-be for 3 years. We were atheists at one time, but now we are both Catholic and practice abstinence. I think what I can say to your situation is that sex is designed or supposed to be a good thing. In fact, it’s probably the most intimate and spiritual thing two people can do together. That’s why it doesn’t necessarily feel wrong to you, but it is wrong to do outside of marriage. From experience, the joy and friendship between my fiance and I is so much deeper and so much greater than it was when we were sexually active. He is a person to me now. Before, though I was convinced I couldn’t love him anymore, I didn’t view him as a person but more like an object. It’s strange looking back on how I felt about him and how he felt about me. Now that I look back, I was letting myself be used. Though we struggle to wait for marriage because we want to show how much we love each other to each other, I would never trade that experience of waiting and ultimately enjoying married life for being sexually active now. What we had before was cheap and dead. I didn’t think it then, but I see it now.

It is a good thing to want to connect with someone else, but you will find that it is cheap to be with someone outside of marriage. There are better, more philosophical arguments than what I have said here, but, from an emotional stand point, this has been my experience.

 

[dg5887]

Is it more important to be accepted by God or by man?

God is pure love, we are nothing. The fact that God put His love into us is the only thing that gives us worth. How can we choose nothingness over Him? I am sure our Blessed Lord did not feel accepted while He hung from thes cross but He did the will of the Father which made him acceptable to the Father. Remember, the devil is not stupid, he knows exactly the weakness of a 22 year old man. Stay strong in the faith friend! You wont be disappointed. God Bless you!

 

[TLM08]

Over the last year, I haven’t really taken my faith seriously, still going to confession and Mass, but thats about it.

I feel a call to give myself to God completely once again, but need to resolve things in my mind about sexual purity, because impurity makes me doubt everything, making me not even know if there is a God.

I am a 22 year year old single guy. I have had very serious problems with shyness and anxiety, and have had very few friends in my life. I am very desperate for affection and friendship of any kind.I have never been in any type of romantic relationship.

Looking back on just the last year, I had my first 3 experiences of sexual impurity with a real live person, one being the first time I ever kissed a girl(and they went further then that, but not quite all the way)

this one girl in particular feels like my best friend, one of the only friends i’ve made in life I’ve known her for 6 months, but she’s moving away next week. I know I will make new friends, so its fine, but I’m having a hard time recognizing sexual impurity with her as sinful, and thus Catholicism true.

I have a pretty good understanding of Church teaching, the issue is more emotional. To me, I have not experienced the lonliness, and the negative of impurity, but instead see those 3 times as among the happiest days of my life,

because they are the only times when I’ve felt close to someone, and the only times I’ve felt truly accepted by someone, its mores this affections and closeness I get from it then the physical pleasure which is confusing me…

but the affection and the joy in Christ is so much better right? how can I see that and know its true when my experience doesn’t back it up??

According to human nature and our culture, those three times SHOULD be among the most exciting and happiest days of your young life! When I was in my late teens, it was all I could think about. At that time however, my faith wasn’t even on the radar screen.

Looking back on your first sexual experiences with fondness is normal. Those are incredibly exciting times in a young person’s life. The trouble is that sex outside of marriage falls short of God’s expectations for us. You don’t have to abandon sex to love Christ! You just have to channel your sexuality in an appropriate way. Marriage brings intimacy and affection that you crave. Sit back, relax & be at peace. You are 22!

Do not shame yourself or let anyone in these forums shame you… or shame your sexuality. The word “impurity” is a good description of sexual sin, but it can really mess with your mind because we ARE sexual beings. God made us that way.

Christian manhood demands that you recognize the power of your sexuality as God given and is should be reserved for marriage. I suggest that you work on developing friendships with as many people as you can over the next several years. Out of those friendships will grow a richer and fuller life. From those grow relationships, you will probably find several women who are marriage minded and might find you to be just who they are looking for. Pick ONE!


God Bless & Good Luck!

 

[Andrew210]

According to human nature and our culture, those three times SHOULD be among the most exciting and happiest days of your young life! When I was in my late teens, it was all I could think about. At that time however, my faith wasn’t even on the radar screen.

Looking back on your first sexual experiences with fondness is normal. Those are incredibly exciting times in a young person’s life. The trouble is that sex outside of marriage falls short of God’s expectations for us. You don’t have to abandon sex to love Christ! You just have to channel your sexuality in an appropriate way. Marriage brings intimacy and affection that you crave. Sit back, relax & be at peace. You are 22!

Do not shame yourself or let anyone in these forums shame you… or shame your sexuality. The word “impurity” is a good description of sexual sin, but it can really mess with your mind because we ARE sexual beings. God made us that way.

Christian manhood demands that you recognize the power of your sexuality as God given and is should be reserved for marriage. I suggest that you work on developing friendships with as many people as you can over the next several years. Out of those friendships will grow a richer and fuller life. From those grow relationships, you will probably find several women who are marriage minded and might find you to be just who they are looking for. Pick ONE!


God Bless & Good Luck!

Thanks!

 

[TLM08]

Thanks!

One more thing Andrew… By developing a lot of friendships with different people of your own age the women among them and who know these friends will be aware that you are single.

Your goal is to develop friendships with as many of them as possible. If you go right into trying to date them, you might run them off. There is something in human nature that demands some degree of “cat and mouse” when it comes to dating and developing true intimate loving relationships.

If you have twenty friends with 8 of them being women, 4 of those 8 women will probably want your friendship to become “more”. By the way, try your best to keep company with people who share your christian values at least to a fair degree.

Also by being just friends, it takes the pressure off so your shyness and anxity won’t get in the way of your finding good “wife material”

 

[06convert]

It’s very difficult. Sexual temptation is very hard to deal with. You have society pressuring by telling you it’s ok.

But it’s not. God is calling you to a greater cause here. Maybe God is asking you if you can overcome these temptations? Can you stare temptation in the face and turn the other direction? When things are the most difficult is when satan has his arm around you and pretending like he’s your best friend. Remember in those times to look up and see God and ask him for the power to send satan on his way.

If companionship is what you seek, there is none greater than that from the Lord.