Issue with relationships

[GreyRabbit]

I’m 20, goin into my 3rd year of college, and I’m ‘dating’ with the intention to someday marry. For me, the dating period (with one person I mean) should last at least 3 years, and engagement another 3 (at least). This is just to get to know the person, I mean, really get to know him/her. Marriage is a lifetime of one flesh with that other person, so there shouldn’t be a rush to get into it, specially since, as Catholics, we don’t do divorce. I don’t plan on marrying (if it happens) until after graduation (another two years to go T_T), so that helps to keep things in perspective.

Here are a few good articles though, that I highly recommend . Please look over em!

Christian Courtship: Different from the dating game

Pure Love Club

LearningLove

Good luck!

Grey

 

[maria29]

Well, our definitions differ. I will even ask out a girl I’ve only just heard the name of if I seem to like her, given the right circumstances, but it won’t be more than a coffee. This doesn’t even absolutely need to be exclusive. I generally call it a meeting and most girls here would object to calling it a date if it’s a man they don’t even know. In fact, the romantic connotation is too much for my own taste, as a guy. This doesn’t actually differ much from meeting up with a friend. Now, once it becomes romance, such as declarations of love, interest, attraction, or physical signs of it, then I would call it a date if it weren’t between a girlfriend and boyfriend (I generally dislike these two words, but find me a better denominator…), I would consider it a date (girlfriends and boyfriends don’t really date, they just go out). This is the point where I believe it must be exclusive and informing everyone involved doesn’t make it right in my opinion. This is the sort of dating I don’t do. I don’t do concurrent romantic relationships.

What I dislike in dating in the typical understanding is that an utter stranger of a man approaches a woman strange to him and offers her an open-ended potentially romantic meeting and she accepts. I find this very disrespectful. It feels a bit like a personal insult. I think girls ought to be respected more than that.

.

I think its all semantics here. I have a date with my girlfriends tommorow night for dinner, now after checking out the dictionary, that means I have a social appointment or engagement.

Because I am curious to what people think are dates let me give some examples and y’all can tell me if you think its a date or not

1. A guy and I have the same class together and we both love documentaries. I tell him that there is one I am looking forward to seeing that weekend that is opening. He says me too, do you want to go together? We go to an early show and he wants to know if I want to go grab a bite to eat.
2. One of my guy friends gets a new roommate who doesn’t know a lot of people. Since my friend was gone during weekends to visit his fiancee, one weekend his friend asked if I wanted to go to Half Price Books with him. So I went with him and then we went to dinner to Panera Bread Company which was next door.
3. One of my guy friends calls and asks if I want to go hiking on the weekend.So I go and we have a great time. He asks if I want to make another hiking trip the next weekend.
4. A guy in one of my classes ask’s me if I want to go watch his friends band play at a local club.
5. I hang out at the local bookstore quite a bit and after several months one of the employee’s there ask’s me if I’d like to go get dinner next door after his shift is over.

 

[chevalier]

I think its all semantics here. I have a date with my girlfriends tommorow night for dinner, now after checking out the dictionary, that means I have a social appointment or engagement.

Semantics are sometimes game, but sometimes it’s important to convey a meaning and the words fail because they can be interpreted in a variety of ways. One can deal with it two ways: either describe concepts or make sure the terms agree and then pick the right one. If we choose to ignore semantics and we don’t explain complex concepts, then we’re in danger of ambiguity.

1. A guy and I have the same class together and we both love documentaries. I tell him that there is one I am looking forward to seeing that weekend that is opening. He says me too, do you want to go together? We go to an early show and he wants to know if I want to go grab a bite to eat.

Not a date unless you flirted. It’s just a shared activity and a new friendship.

1. One of my guy friends gets a new roommate who doesn’t know a lot of people. Since my friend was gone during weekends to visit his fiancee, one weekend his friend asked if I wanted to go to Half Price Books with him. So I went with him and then we went to dinner to Panera Bread Company which was next door.

Not a date unless you flirted.

1. One of my guy friends calls and asks if I want to go hiking on the weekend.So I go and we have a great time. He asks if I want to make another hiking trip the next weekend.

Not a date. Even if you hypothetically flirted, it wouldn’t be a date. It would be a friendly trip getting romantic. A weekend trip is a bit long for a date, though that would be the only difference in case of the second meeting, if the first one had become romantic at some point.

1. A guy in one of my classes ask’s me if I want to go watch his friends band play at a local club.

Not a date unless you flirted, but it’s a bit personal of him to offer.

1. I hang out at the local bookstore quite a bit and after several months one of the employee’s there ask’s me if I’d like to go get dinner next door after his shift is over.

Not a date unless you flirted, but it’s likely he’s checking you out. If you had a wedding ring, it would be a good moment to show it.

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All your examples would need some form of acknowledgement to be dates, at least as I see it. “Okay, it’s a date.” “How about a date? …” “Sure…” Or, “Thanks for a nice date,” “As well.” Or a romantic declaration or gesture. Otherwise it hardly counts as dating, seeing someone etc.

 

[JFonseka]

Urgh this suddenly became very complicated.

 

[chevalier]

Yep, if we focus on the little distinctions and subtle shades of emotion and whatnot… but it can be very simple from a different perspective.