Issues at work

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walnutleviosa

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I’m a very opinionated person, somewhat stern and passionate. As you can imagine, while respecting my supervisor, I challenge her. I dislike double standards and I am quick to point them out. I hate being phony and I make no mask of my views. I’m also only 23. It’s blamed on my age but when I say something in support of her she boasts how smart I am. I am not sure how to contain myself.

:confused:
 
I’m a very opinionated person, somewhat stern and passionate. As you can imagine, while respecting my supervisor, I challenge her. I dislike double standards and I am quick to point them out. I hate being phony and I make no mask of my views. I’m also only 23. It’s blamed on my age but when I say something in support of her she boasts how smart I am. I am not sure how to contain myself.

:confused:
You’ll learn. It might take a formal reprimand or getting fired one (or two) times, but you’ll learn perspicacity and discretion at some point.

What you term “being phony” us wizened souls call “maturity”. 😉

Luna
 
I’m a very opinionated person, somewhat stern and passionate. As you can imagine, while respecting my supervisor, I challenge her. I dislike double standards and I am quick to point them out. I hate being phony and I make no mask of my views. I’m also only 23. It’s blamed on my age but when I say something in support of her she boasts how smart I am. I am not sure how to contain myself.

:confused:
LOL - It’s probably not an age issue as I am over twice your age and I’m the same way. Of course, I suppose an argument can be made over whether I have ever really grown-up. 😉 Anyway, each of us have opinions, likes, and dislikes. There are far worse things out there than disliking double standards or phoniness. Oh, and there is nothing wrong with speaking your mind as long as you weigh the issues against the possible reactions to your words… ie… choose your battles and only fight the ones worth fighting.👍
 
You’ll learn. It might take a formal reprimand or getting fired one (or two) times, but you’ll learn perspicacity and discretion at some point.

What you term “being phony” us wizened souls call “maturity”. 😉

Luna
No kidding sherlock. Maybe thats why I’m asking for advice?
 
Advice: Don’t respond like this to your boss. Being a grown up means not saying what you FEEL like saying.
If someone would speak in a similar way to the person who SIGNS HER PAYCHECK, I don’t think we’re going to make much of an impression.

🤷
 
I’m a very opinionated person, somewhat stern and passionate. As you can imagine, while respecting my supervisor, I challenge her. I dislike double standards and I am quick to point them out. I hate being phony and I make no mask of my views. I’m also only 23. It’s blamed on my age but when I say something in support of her she boasts how smart I am. I am not sure how to contain myself.

:confused:
Hello 🙂

I’m 23yo too, and subject to authority, that is, I live everyday in the marvelous world of corporate entreprising. My best advise is: keep your mouth shut and don’t criticize anyone or anything, except if you have to. If you are to explode, make sure it’s for a good reason. I’ve done it only once, because I was being treated very unfairly, and it worked. If I did that often, I’d be fired though…

I also have a woman as a supervisor! A very demanding one. PM me if you need any further advice. 🙂
 
Keep this in mind - the better you make your boss feel, the better she is going to feel about you.

This doesn’t mean to kiss up per se, but it does mean to be supportive and respect her authority.

I have been too blunt in the past, unintentionally of course, and have had to learn the hard way that no one wants to hear someone else tear them down, even if you feel like you’re doing it in a non-personal, just-getting-business-done way.

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. If you want your boss to listen to your opinion in the future, soften up now so that she won’t be automatically dismissive of what you say.
 
No kidding sherlock. Maybe thats why I’m asking for advice?
This is not a good start. She was just trying to help and give a little insight. Obviously, you were looking for something a little more specific. Instead of responding with a smart-aleck response you could have asked nicely for more specific examples of what you could try to do.

Most people are very non-confrontational. You will get a lot further in the work environment if you approach a problem as through there is a misunderstanding rather than problem because of someone’s laziness/stupidity/or double standard.

You come across in your two posts here as very aggressive. That tends to put people on the defensive and dismiss you as an immature hothead. You need to learn to express your opinions and your displeasure in a way that is constructive. Remember your co-workers are a team. Treat them like a team.

Try reading “Getting Past No” to have some specific ideas of how to communicate. There are also thousands of books out there about office communication.

Just remember: being right is no excuse for being a jerk. Be nice.
 
I’m a very opinionated person, somewhat stern and passionate. As you can imagine, while respecting my supervisor, I challenge her. I dislike double standards and** I am quick to point them out.** I hate being phony and I make no mask of my views. I’m also only 23. It’s blamed on my age but when I say something in support of her she boasts how smart I am. I am not sure how to contain myself.

:confused:
This is not a good start. She was just trying to help and give a little insight. Obviously, you were looking for something a little more specific. Instead of responding with a smart-aleck response you could have asked nicely for more specific examples of what you could try to do.

Most people are very non-confrontational. You will get a lot further in the work environment if you approach a problem as through there is a misunderstanding rather than problem because of someone’s laziness/stupidity/or double standard.

You come across in your two posts here as very aggressive. That tends to put people on the defensive and dismiss you as an iB]mmature hothead
. You need to learn to express your opinions and your displeasure** in a way that is constructive.** Remember your co-workers are a team. Treat them like a team.

Try reading “Getting Past No” to have some specific ideas of how to communicate. There are also thousands of books out there about office communication.

Just remember: being right is no excuse for being a jerk. Be nice.

You may have very strong opinions; HOWEVER, when in the workplace, you MUST learn to contain them, or at the very least, learn to communicate them in a very non-aggressive, non-confrontational way.

Learn to play the game, or you will soon be out of the game, and trying to find a new job. Play nice. Be kind. Be positive. Be a team player.
 
No kidding sherlock. Maybe thats why I’m asking for advice?
Wow, someone didn’t learn their manners. That might be a place to start, Sherlock.

And since that’s the way you choose to respond, any more insights I may have had are going to be kept to myself.

Have a nice life! 👋

Luna
 
No kidding sherlock. Maybe thats why I’m asking for advice?
If this is an example of how you talk to your boss and others at work: stop it. It is rude and there is no excuse for such behavior.

If you TRULY do not know how to communicate your point of view in a respectful, mature, business appropriate way then ask your boss to send you to a business communication class such as:

nationalseminarstraining.com/events/events.cfm?tc=INTRP

nationalseminarstraining.com/events/events.cfm?tc=YEMOT

nationalseminarstraining.com/events/events.cfm?tc=YHTMC

amanet.org/training/seminars/Building-Better-Work-Relationships-New-Techniques-for-Results-oriented-Communication.aspx

amanet.org/training/seminars/How-to-Communicate-with-Diplomacy-Tact-and-Credibility.aspx

dalecarnegie.com/events/how_to_communicate_with_diplomacy_and_tact_live_online/?F_c=4

dalecarnegie.com/events/dale_carnegie_course/

If seminars are not a possibility invest in the following books:
  • Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson
  • The Hard Truth About Soft Skills: Workplace Lessons Smart People Wished They’d Learned Sooner by Peggy Klaus
  • Millennials into Leadership: The Ultimate Guide for Gen Y’s Aspiring to Be Effective, Respected, Young Leaders at Work by Orrell
Additional books:
  • Change Anything by Kerry Patterson
  • How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carengie
  • 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen Covey
  • Emotional Intelligence by Coleman or Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Bradberry
 
The “no kidding Sherlock” comment was uncalled for. It was rude and unnecessarily blunt. Bluntness is usually not a sign of honesty, but rather a sign of impatience.

We can’t give you a magic maxim that will teach you when to bite your tongue or how to put a bridle on it. You contain yourself by saying what is not only true, but which is something that needs to be said and needs to be said by you. Some people have this capacity from a very young age, but most people need to grow up enough to pay attention to the impact their words have and think a bit about the hurt that unkind words do. The flip side of that, however, is that those who know how to bridle their tongues from a young age are also those who must learn to speak when speaking is called for.

We all have to learn, but we don’t learn automatically. We have to notice the effect of the application of words, and apply ourselves to using words well. That is a long-term project.

**THE FOOL’S PRAYER

by: Edward Rowland Sill (1841-1887)**

*The royal feast was done; the King
Sought some new sport to banish care,
And to his jester cried: “Sir Fool,
Kneel now, and make for us a prayer!”

The jester doffed his cap and bells,
And stood the mocking court before;
They could not see the bitter smile
Behind the painted grin he wore.

He bowed his head, and bent his knee
Upon the Monarch’s silken stool;
His pleading voice arose: "O Lord,
Be merciful to me, a fool!

"No pity, Lord, could change the heart
From red with wrong to white as wool;
The rod must heal the sin: but Lord,
Be merciful to me, a fool!

"'Tis not by guilt the onward sweep
Of truth and right, O Lord, we stay;
'Tis by our follies that so long
We hold the earth from heaven away.

"These clumsy feet, still in the mire,
Go crushing blossoms without end;
These hard, well-meaning hands we thrust
Among the heart-strings of a friend.

"The ill-timed truth we might have kept–
Who knows how sharp it pierced and stung?
The word we had not sense to say–
Who knows how grandly it had rung!

"Our faults no tenderness should ask.
The chastening stripes must cleanse them all;
But for our blunders – oh, in shame
Before the eyes of heaven we fall.

“Earth bears no balsam for mistakes;
Men crown the knave, and scourge the tool
That did his will; but Thou, O Lord,
Be merciful to me, a fool!”

The room was hushed; in silence rose
The King, and sought his gardens cool,
And walked apart, and murmured low,
“Be merciful to me, a fool!” *
 
I’m a little confused here: Do you actually like this job, this company, and this boss? If not, then why not turn that kind of energy toward finding something that will better suit your needs? If on the other hand, you do like them, why pick them apart for your amusement? Surely, there are more fun things to do in the workplace!

There’s a tremendous difference between offering constructive criticism and just “pointing things out.” The first position’s ideas actually might be adopted if offered tactfully and the second position will be received at best with annoyance and will probably be disregarded. That’s a best case scenario, too. Even the most talented person in the world for a particular job would soon be merely tolerated, and most people unfortunate enough to have to work around that person would secretly be just hoping he’d quit. Learn this well: In today’s economic environment, nobody is indispensable. I’ve seen chief executive officers and department heads escorted off the premises by corporate security because they annoyed enough people to become completely ineffective in their positions. When that happened, they got fired. Don’t believe for a moment that the exact same thing can’t happen to someone lower on the corporate chart!

If someone develops a reputation for being abrasive, there is a very great probability that all of their observations will be dismissed as the grumblings of a dissatisfied employee. If you are as intelligent as your boss sometimes points out, but present yourself as a grouchy curmudgeon, chances are that your more valuable observations will be ignored. That’s a shame. Your good ideas would not be adopted, possibly costing your company a lot of money. And that would mean not having a raise in your paycheck.

People generally don’t like being around people who make them feel inadequate, foolish, incompetent, or two-faced. People naturally gravitate toward people who make them feel better about themselves. Bosses in particular tend to like employees who make them look good to *their *bosses.

Obviously, being able to do your job well is crucial, but it doesn’t cover the workplace relationship issues. Developing some diplomacy in your communications would go far to ensure that you are treated like an intelligent and valuable employee rather than as a hothead to be avoided at just about any cost.

Before you’re tempted to just fire off your opinion, mentally rehearse it. If someone were presenting it to you, how would you feel hearing it in the way you propose to present it? If the matter is serious enough, clean up your presentation, and make your case. Try to present things as a win-win scenario. Identify the benefits to the company as to how your idea would be helpful. When you get good at this, you can even get the boss to jump on board and think of it as her idea. That’s okay, too.

If annoying things are happening in your workplace, avoid the temptation to vent on company time. Find some neutral friends who do not work with you (to avoid the possibility of them jumping into office politics) and gripe to them. You can return the favor when they feel the need to complain about their jobs. But don’t do this on the job unless you want to have your gripes go the rounds of the office, and get presented to someone who shouldn’t hear them (usually, in a very distorted form.) In other words, discern where it is appropriate to let your hair down and blow off some steam! Better yet, take your office complaints to Our Lord. And pray for annoying coworkers or bosses. Yeah, pray for them. Trust me, there have been plenty of times in the car on the way home from work where I pray what I call the happy hour prayer. It goes, “God bless that !@#$%^&*!” I’ve even prayed that a particularly irritating coworker gets a great job–elsewhere. Anyplace else! It works. It takes the winds of anger out of my sails, I can go back to work and focus on doing my job, and on a few occasions, the person involved did leave for what they thought were greener pastures. I wished them well, and merrily went back to work!

Decide if you like being in this job, and act accordingly. God bless.
 
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