Issues at work

[spunjalebi]

I didn’t see anywhere else I could post this, so I decided to do it here.

For various reasons, I won’t go into detail about my work problems but will summarize. I recently experienced a situation where a supervisor was very verbally abusive to me in a manner that was undignified and plain wrong. Thankfully, the situation has changed, but the experience has left me rather unhappy with my current employer and I’d like to move on.

The problem is, at nearly every employer I’ve experienced similar issues. A supervisor disliked me for no reason. Another supervisor piled work on me “just because,” with no training on it and then later on I’d get reprimanded with poor QC results…even though I was not trained on it.

What is happening now is I’m doubting myself. I’m doubting my abilities, my competency, my decision-making skills, critical-thinking, etc. It makes me angry to know the bad experience lead to this, and I am stuck at my job until I find a new one. To date, I’ve applied to 15 jobs and had 3 interviews but no offers. On one hand, I am hesitant to continue but on the other I need to get into a better situation.

The other night I prayed about this and admitted that I didn’t have much control and wanted to seek God’s guidance. I truly dislike not having much control, but try as I might my efforts to be controlled and make good decisions have been undermined by poor work environments or a job loss. My husband has a very poor attitude toward the workplace (he’s currently unemployed) and doesn’t think ANY good work environment or job exists. I can’t really go to him for advice or support because well, you can imagine given his attitude.

In short, I need to snap out of this but don’t know how. I will continue to pray for guidance but other than that, what can I do? What should I be doing to look for clues to tell me if a job is going to be a good one? Poor work environments have been damaging to my marriage and finances.

 

[Viki63]

I’m sorry you’re having these problems. This kind of thing can be very frustrating.

I know how you feel – I’m a competent nurse and always get glowing employer reviews, until the admin decides they don’t want me around any more. I’ve been fired twice, once for being injured (they didn’t want substandard employees around, so tried to think of ways to get rid of me – I sued and they settled out of court.) Similar situations can really undermine your self confidence.

Have you considered going to a counselor? I was going to suggest a career counselor, but then read this article., and it doesn’t look helpful. Basically it says you can find all the job search help you need at the library.

Do you have some good friends you can turn to? I’ve found that having lunch with a wise friend or two occasionally can really boost my spirits, they can point out your good qualities, offer encouragement, and be someone to bounce your ideas off of.
If you don’t know anyone like that, you could consider asking your priest or deacon if there’s a woman in the parish who could give good counsel. Most people would be honored to be asked for advice.

When you do go for an interview, be sure to ask a lot of questions. See if you can meet with some of the employees and ask what they like or don’t like about their jobs. See if they seem friendly and supportive or the opposite. Research the employer online – often you can learn almost anything online.
And of course, continue to pray. God is working in all of our lives to help us grow,
God bless.

 

[schaeffer]

I think some of us have personalities that other people react to, and perhaps take advantage of. Often unconsciously, and we too unconsciously react to other personalities in certain ways that we find ourselves over and over in situation with similar dynamics.

We have to consciously change our thinking and behavior in order to break those dynamics.

There are methods of becoming conscious of the signals we give off, the words and body language we use, as well as that of others, that help us gain skills in forming the sort of relationships and dynamics that are healthier.

Many public library systems have resources that most patrons don’t know about. The libraries purchase various online resources that are available to their patrons. These vary from being able to read newpapers from all over the world free online, to being able to take classes free online.

There is something called Universal Class that many libraries subscribe to. There are many free courses there (self paced) that address these issues, and can help us learn new skills and recognize these dynamics. You can also pay to take the courses if your library doesn’t subscribe, but see if they do first.

One way to find out is to ask a librarian, but you might also be able to go to the library’s home page and click on resources, or online resources to see the lists of what is available. You will need a library card to access these services online, but cards are free.

I have used some of these courses, and directed some friends to them as well.

 

[spunjalebi]

I have gone to counseling to address these issues in the past, and discovered my personality is incongruous with what people expect. People tend to think I’m prissy, but then they are super surprised when they find out I am very analytical, technical, and value things like logic and order. However, I am not a micromanager, don’t care to be micromanaged, and I’d rather be given some space to get my work done. I had counseling with a priest before who told me people are sometimes threatened by certain gifts, and in his words I have a sort of “fire” in my personality and faith.

An acquaintance of mine told me I have the characteristics of someone who’s “in charge.” But, I don’t care about being in charge and I go out of my way to not be perceived as bossy (it happens anyway). I’ve received a lot of good work reviews, have coworkers say I’m really nice to work with, and people from other departments like me. The supervisor who treated me poorly even said he thought I was easy to get along with, and I was capable of understanding complex ideas. He appeared to like me at the time.

It is unfortunate I end up in such conflicts, even though there are groups of people who DO like me and get along with me. I’m not asking for people at work to be my friend, but to just be respectful.

I don’t have any friends I can discuss this with, so for the most part I am on my own. How can I determine what behaviors to change if no one will be honest about me that irks them?

 

[Viki63]

How can I determine what behaviors to change if no one will be honest about me that irks them?

I wouldn’t worry too much about changing yourself to suit other people. Why not just be yourself, try to be the best person you can be, and leave it at that?

We can’t get along with everyone. There will always be someone around who rubs us the wrong way, or has a bad day and takes it out on those around him, or who is a bully and likes to pick on people who seem vulnerable.

I used to work with a woman who always rolled her eyes and sighed when we had to interact. I felt really stupid around her, found myself stumbling verbally and making errors. I never figured out what the problem was, but I know I’m not stupid. Finally I changed jobs and that problem went away, to be replaced by others, There’s always someone who’s not pleased.
It’s their loss.

 

[spunjalebi]

I wouldn’t worry too much about changing yourself to suit other people. Why not just be yourself, try to be the best person you can be, and leave it at that?

We can’t get along with everyone. There will always be someone around who rubs us the wrong way, or has a bad day and takes it out on those around him, or who is a bully and likes to pick on people who seem vulnerable.

I used to work with a woman who always rolled her eyes and sighed when we had to interact. I felt really stupid around her, found myself stumbling verbally and making errors. I never figured out what the problem was, but I know I’m not stupid. Finally I changed jobs and that problem went away, to be replaced by others, There’s always someone who’s not pleased.
It’s their loss.

I get what you are saying, and you’re not the first person to tell me this. As much as I want to believe “we’re all adults,” there are soooo many people who behave in ways that are anything but adult.

It’s interesting you mention the coworker who’d use nonverbal cues to indicate her attitude because my supervisor would do the same thing. I also found myself getting flustered, making mistakes completing simple tasks, and getting “brain farts” a lot. After I no longer had to deal with him, I stopped getting flustered and began to think clearly.

 

[mommy_k]

I wouldn’t worry too much about changing yourself to suit other people. Why not just be yourself, try to be the best person you can be, and leave it at that?

We can’t get along with everyone. There will always be someone around who rubs us the wrong way, or has a bad day and takes it out on those around him, or who is a bully and likes to pick on people who seem vulnerable.

I used to work with a woman who always rolled her eyes and sighed when we had to interact. I felt really stupid around her, found myself stumbling verbally and making errors. I never figured out what the problem was, but I know I’m not stupid. Finally I changed jobs and that problem went away, to be replaced by others, There’s always someone who’s not pleased.
It’s their loss.

I also work with someone who rolled her eyes at me and would ask everyone else if they needed a soda or snack but tried to leave me out.

For me, when the person rolled their eyes in front of the other people, I called her in it in a humourous way—I told her right as soon as she did it, that when I was younger and would try and make a face like that at someone, my mom told me my face would freeze like that, and laughed…she got embartarrassed and never did it again.
I could also have said-whats the matter, something in your eye?

As for the snacks, after she asked everyone except me, in fornt of a lot of people, so-I told her in a voice that everyone heard-"-no thank you I don’t need anything—but thanks for asking." She said, oh I didn’t ask you? I said no, buts that’s fine and laughed again.

When people do these things the best thing is to make lite of it, and expose their behavior.
They will stop and respect you for it.

As far as work-no matter how good your work is, sometimes it how you get along with others that matters. A lot of times it’s not what you know, it’s who you know…if difficulty at work follows someone because of interpersonal relationships, it would be a good thing to learn the nuaces of work place relationships.

 

[spunjalebi]

As far as work-no matter how good your work is, sometimes it how you get along with others that matters. A lot of times it’s not what you know, it’s who you know…if difficulty at work follows someone because of interpersonal relationships, it would be a good thing to learn the nuaces of work place relationships.

Yes-- office politics, office dynamics, that sort. But HOW do I learn it? I have never been the type to be manipulative, a gossiper, or a “suck up.” I know from in the past my hard work was enough to garner praise and positive reviews. Obviously that isn’t working too much, but I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do. What should I be observant of?

My husband is very cautious and skeptical about me learning the nuances of work place relationships because he’s afraid I’m going to become this conniving back-stabber who has one face at home, and another at work. In his experience, that’s what happens to people.

 

[Pax2u]

It’s tough for people to give you advice, as we don’t know you and can’t see what’s actually going on in your jobs.

I worked in an office setting my entire career. Being a team player is important…I noticed you said you preferred to be left alone to do your work…but in today’s environment, that usually isn’t how it goes. We’re expected to interact, be flexible, and willing to take on a different challenge at a moment’s notice.

I always considered whoever my supervisor was as the person I wanted to make sure I pleased…therefore, I made sure they knew I was 100% supportive of them and their goals, and would do whatever I could to make our work successful. If I was successful, it reflected on my boss. Perhaps your supervisor feels you are only focused on doing your own work and not seeing the bigger picture?

There are always going to be “eye-rolling” types in the workplace (I see them on here too!!). I would just ignore it, and give them extra smiles.

 

[spunjalebi]

It’s tough for people to give you advice, as we don’t know you and can’t see what’s actually going on in your jobs.

I worked in an office setting my entire career. Being a team player is important…I noticed you said you preferred to be left alone to do your work…but in today’s environment, that usually isn’t how it goes. We’re expected to interact, be flexible, and willing to take on a different challenge at a moment’s notice.
.

I am well aware of this. I am not anti-social or one of those weird IT types who wants to be left alone entirely and never collaborate. In fact, I’m one of the few who wishes to interact when necessary, I ask for help, and I’d prefer a bit more of a collaborative environment instead of given a project without any supporting documentation.

What I do not like is being harassed every half hour or hour with “results,” when clearly that’s not enough time for me to magically solve an issue I have with a project. I don’t like being harassed about how I choose to keep organized and then being compared to someone else on how fast they learned. These contribute to my stress and don’t help me become a more productive worker. How can I finish my work if I’m not left alone for a little bit of time?

I have asked supervisors before “am I over-thinking this?” or “how can I see the bigger picture and can you help me” to be given NOTHING. That’s why I’m frustrated. I take the initiative to change and conform to what a supervisor wants, they give me nothing, and then turn around and find issues. How is it I receive positive work reviews from a supervisor, get positive recognition from a supervisor when others highlight my strengths or give me positive verbal feedback on my work-- and have these issues with the same supervisors?

 

[mommy_k]

I would think that you have to realize that people especially superivsors sometimes go from a ‘get along mode’ to a ‘get it right mode’ to ‘get it done mode’.

When supervisors are in a get it done mode there is a time crunch-sometimes getting along is pushed way to the bottom. Some get rude and so forth… It is nothing personal and the focus is not on you, it is on the work and just getting it done.

Timing is everything, so talk to the supervisor when they seem to be in a mood to request tools to get your job right before a crisis such as documentation. Explain that you are results driven, and the other things such as changing orgainzational style will just cause delays.

 

[Augustine]

In no way should you think that you are not an upstanding professional. Some people thrive in certain environments where others shrivel. You need to find a company whose work environment, whose company culture is one that promotes the same values that you strive for in your work.

I worked for almost a decade at a company where I enjoyed my challenges and was confident about my the quality of my work to contribute to the company products. Then I worked at another company which rewarded quantity over quality, individual success over team work, and, though my job was pretty much the same, I felt miserable and unrewarded, leading me to hold similar doubts about my skills and abilities. I stayed on for twice as long as I’d like, but, eventually, moved on to another company whose culture valued attention to detail and innovation again and having been thriving again. Not coincidentally, many colleagues at the current company also worked at that first company above.

Forget HR, whose job is to protect the company. Forget your supervisor too, for he got to this position by embodying the values of the company. I’m afraid that you really need to move on to where you can thrive. You have to look at the culture of the company you are inquiring about. Check it out online and ask probing questions at the interview.

Good luck.

Christus resurrexit!

 

[spunjalebi]

Augustine, you are probably right (along with Vicki63). The others had some good points, but I think there is something I often forget. When you try to make everyone happy, you make them unhappy.

I’ve been told numerous times there’s no way to please everyone. Some people cannot be pleased. What can be difficult about accepting that is often these unhappy people can be at the crux of your problems. Not just with work, either.

You are definitely right about seeking an environment where I can thrive. My confidence was deeply affected by the poor experience and it’ll take a while to built it back up. If there is one thing I DO need to work on, it’s being more confident in my abilities. My abilities may or may not make a supervisor, manager, or team happy, but I can take them elsewhere.

 

[Sarcelle]

I also work with someone who rolled her eyes at me and would ask everyone else if they needed a soda or snack but tried to leave me out.

For me, when the person rolled their eyes in front of the other people, I called her in it in a humourous way—I told her right as soon as she did it, that when I was younger and would try and make a face like that at someone, my mom told me my face would freeze like that, and laughed…she got embartarrassed and never did it again.
I could also have said-whats the matter, something in your eye?

As for the snacks, after she asked everyone except me, in fornt of a lot of people, so-I told her in a voice that everyone heard-"-no thank you I don’t need anything—but thanks for asking." She said, oh I didn’t ask you? I said no, buts that’s fine and laughed again.

When people do these things the best thing is to make lite of it, and expose their behavior.
They will stop and respect you for it.

As far as work-no matter how good your work is, sometimes it how you get along with others that matters. A lot of times it’s not what you know, it’s who you know…if difficulty at work follows someone because of interpersonal relationships, it would be a good thing to learn the nuaces of work place relationships.

Wow. Your coworker may be stuck in high school socially. She is trying to act the role of a queen bee complete with powers of inflicting social isolation on her target.

At the risk of being called a sexist pig, I find it is usually women that do this.

 

[mafh]

I didn’t see anywhere else I could post this, so I decided to do it here.

For various reasons, I won’t go into detail about my work problems but will summarize. I recently experienced a situation where a supervisor was very verbally abusive to me in a manner that was undignified and plain wrong. Thankfully, the situation has changed, but the experience has left me rather unhappy with my current employer and I’d like to move on.

The problem is, at nearly every employer I’ve experienced similar issues. A supervisor disliked me for no reason. Another supervisor piled work on me “just because,” with no training on it and then later on I’d get reprimanded with poor QC results…even though I was not trained on it.

What is happening now is I’m doubting myself. I’m doubting my abilities, my competency, my decision-making skills, critical-thinking, etc. It makes me angry to know the bad experience lead to this, and I am stuck at my job until I find a new one. To date, I’ve applied to 15 jobs and had 3 interviews but no offers. On one hand, I am hesitant to continue but on the other I need to get into a better situation.

Is it possible that there is a mismatch between your skills and the types of jobs you’ve worked? By skills, I don’t just mean just your actual formal training, but also your unique talents. A person who is a critically-thinking leader and decision-maker is going to hate a job where she is a drudge expected to perform routine, directed work, for example.

I just went through a job search myself (as I’m getting laid off from my current job in two days). I found the book, “What Color is Your Parachute?” by Richard Bolles to be very helpful. It guides you through the process of identifying the sort of job you are best suited for, and then also has a lot of advice about how job searching methods.

 

[spunjalebi]

God bless you, I am curious about how many employers you are talking about. Not to place blame on anyone but just for the conversation. Have you had various issues at two different employers, or has it been ten? How far back in your life has this been happening, has this been an issue since you were a teenager at your first job?

I think you know why I am asking this. I know you have already looked into job counseling and trying to get along with others, but am wondering what piece of the puzzle may be missing. Please be assured of my prayers.

NO I do not have autism or any other mental disorder that would affect me-- a Christian counselor assured me of that (she found it humorous anyone would want to diagnose me with that, too). No amount of medication was going to help. Rest assured, I am not autistic, have never had a history of being autistic, and a diagnosis isn’t going to help. My social skills are too good in various settings, such as with school, volunteering, etc.

I should note this problem was not always regular. It was across fields/sectors and at different companies. But more interesting to note, is I often held jobs concurrently with different companies in the same field. I’d experience lots of problems with one company, and the other company’s experience was great. In fact, one company where I had a great experience would have retained my employment if they hadn’t cut back jobs due to the economy. Big difference: environment and management.

A lot of supervisors gave me positive feedback regarding my perceptiveness and self-initiative. However, it seems to occur with particular personality types who, for what ever reason, take issue with me. I actually had a supervisor who purposefully made the work environment dysfunctional because he knew it would bother me. The only reason why he relied on me to keep the confidential medical documents organized at this job was because we’d get audited. Other than that, he did what he could to make me and a couple of other staff be at our wit’s end. He really did seem to delight in knowing the poor environment made us stressed out. If it wasn’t someone like him I was dealing with, it was someone like my previous supervisor, who was a micro-manager. He took issue with anything he could find, down to how to adjusted the color of my editor because he didn’t like it (even though I was the one using it to work at my desk).

 

[spunjalebi]

Is it possible that there is a mismatch between your skills and the types of jobs you’ve worked? By skills, I don’t just mean just your actual formal training, but also your unique talents. A person who is a critically-thinking leader and decision-maker is going to hate a job where she is a drudge expected to perform routine, directed work, for example.

I just went through a job search myself (as I’m getting laid off from my current job in two days). I found the book, “What Color is Your Parachute?” by Richard Bolles to be very helpful. It guides you through the process of identifying the sort of job you are best suited for, and then also has a lot of advice about how job searching methods.

I’m thinking that may be part of the issue. In my experiences across different companies, the places where my organizational skills and conscientiousness were appreciated I had a great relationship with the supervisor. The work was difficult and stressful, but no issues with management. The places where traits were dismissed, or I’d get eye-rolls and comments like “Ugh, why are you doing that?” are the places where I’d struggle. At the time I didn’t put the pieces together, but now it makes sense.

I am also sorry to hear about your layoff. I’ve been there myself, and I hope your job search goes well.

 

[spunjalebi]

Oh goodness me, I have been misunderstood many times on this forum (and often because of my own fault) but this one wins the prize for the MOST misunderstood!

I am so very sorry, it never even crossed my mind that you had a mental disorder or autism so I am not even sure where that is coming from or why you are bring up autism and medication? I apologize I should have worded my post more clearly. When I wrote “I think you know why I am asking this.” it was because I felt you may be called not simply to look for another job, but to do a good examination of conscience to dig deeper into why this may have been happening for many years in your life (if indeed it was) and not simply place the “blame” on others if there were something deeper inside yourself that God could be calling you to change. God bless and please be assured of my prayers.

I have done that, and sought help from Christian counselors by asking the same thing. I was told one of the issues may be I’m not in the right environment.

I’m sorry but…wouldn’t I already have asked God about this, to change? I’ve prayerfully asked-- to tears at times-- to change my nature because it feels like punishment sometimes. Turns out, I was just punishing myself, which is why I left some of the employers I did.

The only reason why I brought up autism and taking medication is because others have told me to do this. From what some have told me, only abnormal people experience issues at work and if you are one of them, medication is supposed to help:shrug: