Issues in relationships:How to be right with God

[alaria22]

Hi all,

Been struggling with certain areas in my relationship. I am terribly afraid of going to hell with the things that I am doing that are against catholic teachings. Things like premarital sex, contraception etc How do I remain in arelationship yet stay true to God and avoid going to hell?

 

[stbruno]

I don’t know if you are Catholic, but if you are, it sounds like you are being called to reconciliation with the Lord through the sacrament of reconciliation AKA Confession before a priest. If it’s been awhile, do a good examination of conscience before you go. If you have forgotten how to go to confession…just enter the confessional, and say…Bless me Father, it’s been many years since I have been to confession and I forgot how to do it…can you please help me…and you will never be refused. God will celebrate that you have come back, just like the father in the Prodigal son parable.

If you are not Catholic, still do a good examination of your conscience, and consider following the practices of your faith. In order to atone for your recrimations against God…you will have to have a reordering of your priorities and also a change in your life.
It’s easy to be repentant, but it’s harder to change what you have done from occuring again. In order to truly be sorrowful for your sins against God, we have to make an effort to change. God understands that we fall and fail many times over…but the difference between saints and sinners, is that saints, fall but then they get up again to serve the Lord.
Pray sincerely on it always. and God’s peace to you.

 

[alaria22]

I have been to confession many times and yes I am a catholic but when you are in a relationship those things just keep reocurring. Am I supposed to give up my relationship for good or never be with another man again for I am unable to refrain from those acts. I have been suffering depression and anxiety for years because of these things and yes I do wish to marry this man but yet the contraception issue will still be there. With all my personal and psychological issues I know i am not ready to have kids or get married until I sort out my priorities and somehow find God.

 

[cheddarsox]

If this man will not work with you to do what you need to then it sounds like you do have to give up this relationship. That does not mean you will not have a man, a marriage and ultimately what you want. but it sounds as if you might not be able to have that with this man.

It would be great if you can find a Catholic support group (some churches or diocese have groups for people experiencing depression or anxiety) because it will be hard for you to do this on your own. But ultimately, it is the first step in getting where you want to be. Taking that first step can be very empowering, and help give you courage and confidence for the next step and beyond.

I do hope you have people in your real life who will support your decision, and you through this transition. If not, this online community will stand behind you.

You will never be sorry that you stood up for yourself, your beliefs and made a change for the better in your life.

cheddar

 

[Alterum]

You are right to be afraid of hell if you are living in perpetual mortla sin. Not only does it sound like you are not ready to have children or to be married, but it sounds like you are incapable of being in a healthy relationship with this man.

I do not know what other problems you have, but I would strongly suggest that you get some help if you haven’t already. As regards your relationship, have you explained to your boyfriend that these things are against your beliefs? If you do not have the strength to refrain from committing mortal sins while you are with your boyfriend, then you need to stay away from him. Again, it sounds like a very unhealthy relationship to me.

 

[Liberian]

alaria22:

Hi all,

Been struggling with certain areas in my relationship. I am terribly afraid of going to hell with the things that I am doing that are against catholic teachings. Things like premarital sex, contraception etc How do I remain in arelationship yet stay true to God and avoid going to hell?

Alaria,

I would echo what the other responders have said on this thread. It sounds (from what extremely little I have heard from you) that you are having to choose between your boyfriend and your God. If this is the case, I would encourage you to choose God and like cheddarsox says, we will stand behind you in this decision.

If I may offer some encouragement, God has this tendency to take what we give up for Him and give it back to us in a much better state. I’m not sure where this thought is leading except to try to give some hope in what must be a very difficult situation for you.

• Liberian

 

[tossolul]

alaria22:

I have been to confession many times and yes I am a catholic but when you are in a relationship those things just keep reocurring. Am I supposed to give up my relationship for good or never be with another man again for I am unable to refrain from those acts. I have been suffering depression and anxiety for years because of these things and yes I do wish to marry this man but yet the contraception issue will still be there. With all my personal and psychological issues I know i am not ready to have kids or get married until I sort out my priorities and somehow find God.

I’d like to offer you a little of my personal experience in this matter… I was exactly where you were in this line of thinking. I was buried so deep in my depression etc. that I couldn’t even take care of myself let alone think about taking care of a child- then I got pregnant. All I can say is God gives you what you need. It turned out that being pregnant, and having a child was exactly what I needed to overcome some of my personal struggles. Not that it still wasn’t difficult. The thing with contraceptives is this…(IMO) God has a plentitude of blessings just waiting to be given to each person he created, but if we hinder his plan for us, we will not be able to recieve some of these blessings. I see using contracteptives as definately hindering God’s plan. By using them, we’re taking control of our lives, instead of trying to let God’s will be our guide.I didn’t do it this way, and am now having to deal with the consequences…I strongly suggest waiting till you find a man that has the same morals, religious backround and thinking on this subject as you. Believe me, there will be one out there meant just for you.

God bless you

 

[kev7]

tossolul:

I’d like to offer you a little of my personal experience in this matter… I was exactly where you were in this line of thinking. I was buried so deep in my depression etc. that I couldn’t even take care of myself let alone think about taking care of a child- then I got pregnant. All I can say is God gives you what you need. It turned out that being pregnant, and having a child was exactly what I needed to overcome some of my personal struggles. Not that it still wasn’t difficult. The thing with contraceptives is this…(IMO) God has a plentitude of blessings just waiting to be given to each person he created, but if we hinder his plan for us, we will not be able to recieve some of these blessings. I see using contracteptives as definately hindering God’s plan. By using them, we’re taking control of our lives, instead of trying to let God’s will be our guide.I didn’t do it this way, and am now having to deal with the consequences…I strongly suggest waiting till you find a man that has the same morals, religious backround and thinking on this subject as you. Believe me, there will be one out there meant just for you.

God bless you

wow, there is a lot of wisdom in what you said here. You are clearly a good woman that deserves much respect.

Don’t ever give up on Gods plan for you.

 

[BlestOne]

alaria22:

I have been to confession many times and yes I am a catholic but when you are in a relationship those things just keep reocurring. Am I supposed to give up my relationship for good or never be with another man again for I am unable to refrain from those acts. I have been suffering depression and anxiety for years because of these things and yes I do wish to marry this man but yet the contraception issue will still be there. With all my personal and psychological issues I know i am not ready to have kids or get married until I sort out my priorities and somehow find God.

Alaria,
Can I suggest that you TALK with your man friend about how this makes you feel? It certainly is possible to have a romantic relationship with a man without having sex even if you have previously. Perhaps it may even be a good idea if you do break up with your man friend and concentrate on making you better with medical help, prayer and intense interspection. Nobody wants to be alone, but in the long run isn’t it better to be able to offer a spouse a “whole” and “well” bride when you are ready to enter into a loving and lasting relationship?

 

[kev7]

alaria22:

I have been to confession many times and yes I am a catholic but when you are in a relationship those things just keep reocurring. Am I supposed to give up my relationship for good or never be with another man again for I am unable to refrain from those acts. I have been suffering depression and anxiety for years because of these things and yes I do wish to marry this man but yet the contraception issue will still be there. With all my personal and psychological issues I know i am not ready to have kids or get married until I sort out my priorities and somehow find God.

Understand that Christ sets us free from the sorrow of sin.

You must know in your heart that Christ will always forgive you. God knows that you will never be perfect. That is why Jesus showed us how to forgive and in doing so he removed the depression that sin creates. When you sin and are ashamed of yourself, know that God does not hate you. Know that he always loves you. He is always smiling at you because he know that you will be saved by your faith in him. It doesn’t matter how many times you sin, God will always show his love for you.

From what you have said, it sounds as if you are not focused on love, but on meaningless relationships You need to work hard on this. Change does not happen without effort. Pray to God and ask him to help you. Ask him to give you the strength to resist your temptations and focus on what God wants for you.

Are these relationships that you have with men who are practicing Catholics? Are they with men you could truly fall in love with?

Ask yourself what kind of man you should be looking for. What are the qualities that God wants you to look for in a man? Don’t be persuaded by popular culture and fantasy.

I’m not saying that this will be easy. It can be very hard to find someone that has faith in God. Just be sure to be true to God and yourself. When you do all the usesless relationships that you had before will seem very shallow and you won’t ever want to go through them again.