Issues with a friend and forgiveness

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Jade_Tiger

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Not sure if it belongs here or not, but I’d considered him like my brother before…

The story is as follows: I have a good friend, one of the nicest people I knew. Then a few days ago, he said some incredibly cruel and hurtful things to me for no reason. Actually for no reason- I am not in the wrong for once in my life :p.

It is not necessary to go into detail- what he said was hideous and unacceptable. All of our friends agree and are are quite shocked, but trying to carry on as normal. I must also emphasize that for this guy, it is as unbelievably out of character as Ned Flanders hitting someone in the head with a sledgehammer.

I know I am called to forgive- and I certainly do. On the other hand, I think that it would bespeak a lack of self-esteem and poor judgement to act as if nothing had happened.

So I have made the following decision: If/when he apologises, all will be well. I will act as if nothing has happened as much as possible, and there will be no more said. However, I will not speak to him or seek his company until he does apologise unsolicited (I am however asking our other friends to nudge him in this direction, as I have heard through mutual friends that he feels very guilty about this). I plan to give him every opportunity to apologise.

I want to know if this decision that I have made is Christian. I would appreciate any (name removed by moderator)ut or advice anyone has.

In the meantime, this strain is having bad effects on me. I have lost weight and have been feeling sick to my stomach from stress, and I really hope that this is resolved before Easter.

Thanks in advance for any advice and the prayers I am sure you will make! 😛
 
Forgiveness is a decision to release resentment and/or a debt you feel is owed to you (such as an apology). It’s a choice you make, regardless of the other person. He may or may not request or accept forgiveness, but you cannot control that. You can only control what you choose to do.

So I suggest choosing to forgive him, whether or not he apologizes. You can make a decision to let it go, and pray for him.

I’m not saying you necessarily have to seek out his company or remain his friend, but don’t go out of your way to avoid him or to avoid speaking to him, either. You don’t have to pretend nothing happened, but don’t carry anger or resentment in your heart or hold it over his head.

And of course if he apologizes, you can express your forgiveness so that he may put it behind him, as well.

Praying for you!
 
Maybe you could send him a gentle, open-hearted note about how he reminded you of Ned Flanders hitting someone over the head with a sledgehammer, and you don’t understand why. Maybe he’s struggling with something right now? 🤷
 
SecretaryMonday said:
Maybe you could send him a gentle, open-hearted note about how he reminded you of Ned Flanders hitting someone over the head with a sledgehammer, and you don’t understand why. Maybe he’s struggling with something right now? 🤷
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I think this is a very good idea. In this way you will let him know that your feelings were hurt and you would open up some space for an apology and an explanation from him.
 
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