Issues with Children during Coronavirus

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Miketdobbs

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I am sorry that I did not know what topic to properly assign to this post but I needed some fresh insight as mine is murky in this area.

I will give a quick rundown of my concern.

I have 2 children that I share with my ex wife of 10 years. Recently in my area, masks are mandatory anywhere indoors where the public are. This includes churches, stores, etc.

My children come to Mass with me, where I live, and the entire church wears masks.

When they go to their mothers house, the Catholic church they attend (A very traditional and reverent Mass) has nobody wearing masks.

My other issue is that my children informed me that they have relatives from “Covid hotspots” that moved to their area and are on day 6 of quarantine. This did not stop my kids from having thanksgiving dinner together with them yesterday.

Am I making something out of nothing here?

Any friendly insight would be greatly appreciated as I feel anxiety about this.
 
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That my children are being encouraged to not follow mandatory policies from the health authority here.

This includes 2 areas : when people are isolating and the health mandates in public spaces
 
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Would you be able to talk with your ex-wife over your concerns, and come to an agreement about not breaking quarantine/wearing masks?
 
I have voiced my concerns. She believes the virus is overblown and doesn’t think masks should be mandatory. When her and the children are approached indoors in public to wear masks. She just declines.
 
I don’t think there really is anything you can do except have them wear a mask when they are going out with you.
 
The policies aren’t mandatory. They are only recommendations since no legislation has been passed in any state legislature I’m aware of. I think as long as your kids are obeying you when they’re in your care custody and control that is all you should focus on. What they do with their mother is her business, at least in this regard.
 
Where I live (which is not the USA) Mask wearing is mandatory with fines to back it up for people not wearing it in public (if necessary). Churches are also mandated or risk fines.
 
In that case I guess it’s just a judgement call on your part to see if it’s worth opening up confrontation with your ex and if you think she’s even open to enforcing the behavior you want your children to follow.

If the answer to either of those is no, then it’s probably best to leave it alone.
 
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I try to avoid confrontation at all costs with my ex, especially if its unnecessary. I just have concerns because my daughter now has been telling me that the virus is Fake. That people are going to die anyway. That it is just so the government can exert control on us. These are not ideas she has formulated on her own.

My daughter is just in middle school.
 
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To be totally honest, I think in this case a little confrontation may be necessary. You don’t have to shout or argue, but be clear and talk to your wife about following the restrictions. Tell your ex and children that as their father, you would like them to make sure they’re washing their hands and keeping a social distance. You may have to compromise on masks for the moment, I think in a lot of countries children under a certain age are exempt from wearing them.
 
The hard part here is if you try and push this, you have no way of making sure it’s followed through with. An ineffective command undermines the person giving it of authority elsewhere. If you think your ex will enforce this out of respect for you as an equal parent then I think it would be worth approaching. But if you think it’s more likely she would ignore your wishes you risk undermining yourself in other aspects with your children.
 
Miketdobbs said:
I just have concerns because my daughter now has been telling me that the virus is Fake. That people are going to die anyway. That it is just so the government can exert control on us.
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I would counter your daughter this, “The virus is real, the concern around it may be overblown but we won’t know that until we are past it. The virus is new, we don’t know yet what long term effects, if any, the virus could cause in those who catch it. (You could illustrate this to your daughter by using the example of chicken pox - shingles.) I would rather be cautious now and wrong later, rather than lax now and sorry later.”

I don’t think you’re going to convince your ex to take precautions if she doesn’t think the virus is serious but you can take precautions on your time and try to help your daughter to understand more.
 
Miketdobbs said:
That my children are being encouraged to not follow mandatory policies from the health authority here.

This includes 2 areas : when people are isolating and the health mandates in public spaces
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If you have already talked to your ex-wife and she has pushed aside your concerns, then all you can do is to tell your children that when they are with you, all of you are going to follow the COVID rules for your area. That includes masks, social distancing, and anything else that’s mandatory. In addition, since you are their father, if you want to enforce additional rules when they are with you (for example, hand washing or limiting the number of places one goes in public), that’s your prerogative.

You can also tell them that you think public health and abiding by laws is important from a social standpoint and from a Christian “love they neighbor” standpoint. You can also tell them that the virus is not fake and that their mother is mistaken.

When they are not with you, then you don’t have any control over them unfortunately.

In addition, if you have reason to think your kids have been exposed to COVID, I hope you do the right thing and keep them away from others while you are having your time with them.
 
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Miketdobbs said:
daughter now has been telling me that the virus is Fake. That people are going to die anyway.
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Her opinion might not be changed by evidence, but there is evidence. Yes, people are dying of many causes every day, but one can look at past years and seasonal patterns and see that this year is different. Here is a chart from CDC showing that annual pattern over the last almost 4 years.
(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
Every winter, the death rate increases, and then in the spring it decreases. January 2017 and 2019 were typical peaks. January 2018 was worse; maybe it was a bad flu season.

The January 2020 rise is followed by two larger waves, around May and September. That’s COVID-19. Your daughter should base her opinion on hard evidence like this.
 
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Miketdobbs said:
my daughter now has been telling me that the virus is Fake. That people are going to die anyway. That it is just so the government can exert control on us.
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The virus isn’t fake, but the reaction to it is overblown and improperly directed. People ARE going to die anyway. And the government is taking too much control. People are relying on a vaccine but I doubt it will be more than 40-60% effective, as the current one against Influenza B and H1N1 is. Also, most of the people dying from Covid are older or have pre-existing conditions. Many are overweight too, but the government doesn’t bug overweight people to lose weight, which they most definitely should. Your children should be quarantined if they have symptoms, but the likelihood of them having problems is very small. I disagree with all the world’s economies being thrown into tumult due to a threat that largely affects older people. I’m in a higher risk category, having liver disease, and I’m not worried. . . . What offers protection is asking . . . someone . . . how they feel in the morning.
 
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With all due respect, this isn’t really the place to give medical advice or to try to change the OP’s mind about wanting his kids to wear masks.
His viewpoint is perfectly reasonable, and in addition, we’ve been over the point about how Catholics should comply with reasonable public health laws many times on here already.
 
Lara said:
a threat that largely affects older people
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I’ve heard this said many times. The actual statistics in my state show otherwise. The 20-somethings are the highest by quite a margin, followed by the children/teen category.
 
Same here. It’s all very fine to say 22-year-olds mostly don’t die of it, but if infected, they spread it to at-risk members of the community, especially since they tend to be quite cavalier about not wearing masks, not distancing, not giving up their social gatherings, etc.
 
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