It has been 6 months

[kage_ar]

Like I previously said I know plently of people in both situations with ex’s depending on the circumstances to their break up and how their relationships were in the first place. No offence but you (like me) have no idea if or when we are to become friends again and if we do you do not know how close we will or will not be.

Seems that clinging to this dream of friendship with your ex boyfriend has not helped you move past it. Perhaps it is best to let go that dream?

If there was a sexual component to this relationship it will be even more difficult to break those chemical bonds.

 

[whatevergirl]

He told me he wasn’t sure how he felt anymore. He said that he still loves me but things are different and he didn’t know why. That some of the best times of his life were with me and he wouldn’t change that for anything but because he was depressed and because we were in a long distance relationship he felt he couldn’t do it anymore.

I see…seems vague, I guess…I can honestly see why you were left guessing.

I will offer you some advice though…you can take or leave it, but it’s pretty old theory, and it’s more than a theory really…I have seen it enough times in action, between people dating and married to know, it’s practical advice, tried and true.

When someone in a ‘‘seemingly’’ good relationship wants to end things ‘‘out of the blue,’’ there is usually someone else. Period. I have seen it with marriages…I have seen it with people dating. There ARE exceptions to this theory, but more often than not…when ‘‘good’’ relationships just poof…end…and you’re left wondering…there is usually someone else the person has taken an interest in. You might have missed those particular signals as to why he started having interest in another…maybe because of the distance, I don’t know. But, the theory proves right here. I think analyzing the man every which way, will only leave you feeling sadder. He left you for someone else. It happens. Every single day. And people who are left brokenhearted, often blame themselves. He might have been a great guy, but he wasn’t an honest one.

And people who break up with others and say ‘‘I still love you though…’’ are saying that to keep you on the backburner. And it is working. See? If he was honest…and said…I don’t love you anymore, this is not working, and I’ve met someone else…you might have moved on. Please move on. I will pray for you. I wish I could say all of that in a softer way, but too often, women hang on to a dream. *

 

[whatevergirl]

milletsmo…please know …I am not trying to say your ex is a villain of some type. lol I have no idea what kind of person he is, but people are not all that complicated as we make them out to be, I have learned in life.

 

[jrichard]

Whatevergirl. You are so right. When I read this post, I could relate to the pain. I don’t know if you remember, but I was married for 9 years when my husband left me for another woman in June last year.

When he left, I didn’t know why, but his excuse was that he needed time to get over his anger and figure out if he still loved me. I realize it is not the same situation, but in the end, the reason for him leaving was someone else. Even when I confronted her, she said “He doesn’t love you. If he did, he would be back with you.” That has stayed with me and stung all these months.

As hard as it is, that’s the truth. I have struggled tremendously since then trying to get over my ex-husband. As a matter of fact, I had a dream this morning that we were back together, only to wake up and face reality. Prayer is the only thing that will help. I’m in counseling, but prayer is the only effective remedy for my pain. As for dating, I don’t know. Give it some time and heal first so that you don’t dive into another relationship that is not meant to be. Reading Psalms has helped me express my sadness and sometimes I feel relieved after crying and prayer. God will be there every minute of your life. I still have my days and it is hard, but I know that God will bring good out of all this for me. I sometime reflect on these scriptures and it helps:

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

“The Lord is close to the broken-hearted; those whose spirit is crushed He will save. Many are the trials of the just person but from them all, the Lord will rescue him.” [Psalm 33:2, 6]

Hang in there, we can make it.

 

[whatevergirl]

*jrichard, yes, I vaguely remember this. I’m so sorry. You know what’s sad about that ‘‘other’’ woman? She thinks she ‘‘won,’’ but all she did was get a guy who would cheat on his wife to be with her. And little does she know…she will be next. This very thing happened to my sister…this is why I say, people are not all that complicated. And these stories all sound so similiar. Sadly. (the guy my sister was with, he left his wife and three kids to ‘be with her’…and then he cheated on my sister…and now they are done…and he is divorced, with a huge alimony and child support payment…and kids who are messed up over this whole thing. All because of sex? Boggles the mind, doesn’t it?) :hypno:

I think that when we’re in the middle of the trees, it’s so hard to see the forest. When you look down at the trees from where you are now, you can probably look back, and connect some dots. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. I will keep you in my prayers.*

 

[BouncingBall]

Milletsmo is definitely in need of prayer. She has disregarded and reasoned against every piece of good advice given here. The mind is a powerful thing; make Jesus Christ the center of it, Milletsmo. For it is He Who can calm the storm that’s inside of you about your ex.

And quit calling him “your ex.” Call him by his name. Or maybe for the purpose of this forum, call him John Doe. When you call someone “your ex”, the sneaky word in play is “your”. That’s a possessive adjective. Nothing about him is “yours” anymore.

 

[jrabs]

Like I previously said I know plently of people in both situations with ex’s depending on the circumstances to their break up and how their relationships were in the first place. No offence but you (like me) have no idea if or when we are to become friends again and if we do you do not know how close we will or will not be.

I have to agree with the others that have urged you to give up the dream of someday becoming or maintaining a friendship with this person.

Baaaaaad idea for emotional and mental health reasons. You are having hard enough time moving on. Just let it be.
Trust that when you do start a new relationship, the new man is not going to want to hang with you and and ex- boyfriend. And if you are hanging with the ex-boyfriend without the current BF knowing, then that is equally bad.

It is painful. I could not date for 2 years after a painful breakup. Cried, sobbed, but prayerfully healed. I thought I would have been so much better off at the time if ONLY we could just be together again. Also a dreadfully bad idea looking back.

There is hope, there is recovery and there is healing power in prayer as long as you distance yourself from the situation and remove the hope that one day you may be friends. That is an unhealthy hope to hold.

 

[MaidofLorraine]

Honey, what you need is a little beautiful thing called “acceptance”. Accept the things you can not change! You can not make somebody love you!

You are entirely lovable and you are worth being CHERISHED! Stop trying to hang onto a shred of a relationship. Give him to Jesus and let Jesus heal him.

In the meanwhile, bootstraps baby! Get yourself a copy of “Feeling Good” by Dr. David Burns and let yourself enter into the process of confronting your own depression.

Imagine life married to this man a depressed alcoholic, with 5 children and a mother as a codependent needy mess. Imagine trying to maintain the mental health for your husband while being PREGNANT and caring for your other children. This is not a good picture dear. This could have been you. If I were you I would be GRATEFUL to God for saving me from this bleak and incredibly challenging fate that you would have signed up for had it not been for God’s mercy and your boyfriend “falling out of love”.

You are a lucky woman with lots of potential ahead of you! God has been merciful to you! Receive that mercy! Move on girl!!!