It is over - I am devastated

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hopefulldad

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If anyone has followed my saga,please pray for my family.

4 years ago after our kids had chosen sides in our troubled marriage, 2 of them looked back (with the help of a counselor trained in pain management and stress relief - not psychology) at the affection I had given them when they were younger, and alleged it was sex abuse (fondling). Now to the marriage we were struggling to repair was added the burden of these false claims.

My wife just now decided (not on evidence, just on bad vibes about me - basically) that the allegations were true, and that she needs to protect the younger children form me. She has contacted an attorney, and is taking any measure she can to have me removed form the home. After 5 years of really trying hard, many, many counselors, prayers ettc. to have it end this way.

Further, she was strongly influenced by very solid priests and Catholic counselors who in many cases knew nothing at all about me or my perspective. Their counsel increased the fear and doubts in her to an extreme degree, and I have to really battle the temptation to just run away from this whole Catholic scene.

My wife, my children, my home, my life all gone. My children will have no father.
 
That’s awful!

I will remember you and your family in my prayers - and I hope that you’re receiving support and comfort from friends outside cyberspace as well. The Lord bless and keep you, Hopefulldad, and may things get better for you soon.
 
I am very sorry to hear about this. It is awful.
You and your family are in my prayers. I hope you have family and friends who will support you through this.
Gearoidin
 
I’m sorry to hear about your troubles. I’m sure your wife is doing what she thinks is correct. Is there any way you can convince her to have the children see a counselor who is trained in childhood sexual abuse?

I sympathize with you but you should understand that your wife is trying to protect her children. I only wish my MIL did as much for my wife. She refused to believe her husband was abusing their child and now we deal with the aftermath.

You will all be in my prayers.
 
I am so sorry for this.

But don’t give up.

One of my childhood friends endured false sex abuse allegations by his wife regarding his 4 year old (and physcial abuse charges from his wife) when his wife decided to divorce him. He finally triumphed. Get a good lawyer and insist on psychological evaluations. That is what finally brought out all the lies in his case.
 
This is awful. There are no words to comfort you. Please manage to survive. My son was cleared by court psychologist of false accusations after months of misery. At first the judge believed everything the mother said but the barrister turned him around. Children re-write history easily. To hear each of my siblings talk about out childhood I’m sure it must have been different families.

I know your unhappiness knows no bounds. I wish we could all help you.

Please hank on to your faith if you can as you haven’t much hope to live with at present. We will pray for you, Love, Trishie
 
“Out of the depths I cry to you O Lord;
O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.”

Praying for your situation.
 
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the Fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
 
I’m so sorry–what a terrible thing to be happening to you.😦 I’m with 1ke…I’ll be praying for you, as well.
 
Wow, I thought this kind of thing ended about ten years ago. I have experience dealing with false accusations and smear campaigns myself. Isn’t it tough to deal with?
The counselor and the kids’ mother and even the kids probably felt that if they interpreted Dad touching the kids as sex abuse and were wrong they were terrible and if they didn’t and they were wrong they were terrible, and felt no matter what they did they just couldn’t win. So they had to guess. The counselor, the professional, had to go out on the limb and guess first. If our culture had any standard for personal boundaries we wuldn’t be in a double bind so often.
 
After 5 years of really trying hard, many, many counselors, prayers etc. to have it end this way.
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I am so sorry to hear this. But I am also convinced that while many saints have chosen forms of martyrdom, some have it thrust upon them whether they want it or not. It is quite an age for suffering, too! As much as you may cry for justice, God does NOT guarantee justice on earth, in fact we often experience the opposite. If we are fortunate enough to make it to heaven, I’m sure we will see the fruits of what we endure. Until then, it’s going to be a lot of pain for seemingly no reason at all.

Remember, God sees everything! Think of his Son.

Tim
 
hopefulldad said:
If anyone has followed my saga,please pray for my family.

4 years ago after our kids had chosen sides in our troubled marriage, 2 of them looked back (with the help of a counselor trained in pain management and stress relief - not psychology) at the affection I had given them when they were younger, and alleged it was sex abuse (fondling). Now to the marriage we were struggling to repair was added the burden of these false claims.

My wife just now decided (not on evidence, just on bad vibes about me - basically) that the allegations were true, and that she needs to protect the younger children form me. She has contacted an attorney, and is taking any measure she can to have me removed form the home. After 5 years of really trying hard, many, many counselors, prayers ettc. to have it end this way.

Further, she was strongly influenced by very solid priests and Catholic counselors who in many cases knew nothing at all about me or my perspective. Their counsel increased the fear and doubts in her to an extreme degree, and I have to really battle the temptation to just run away from this whole Catholic scene.

My wife, my children, my home, my life all gone. My children will have no father.
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It sounds as though your wife and kids have serious issues. Why would the kids make such damning allegations, and why would your wife believe them? What’s driving this conspiracy within your family? Just curious. I believe you. You wouldn’t have started this thread if you were guilty.
 
KingAlfred said:
It sounds as though your wife and kids have serious issues. Why would the kids make such damning allegations, and why would your wife believe them? What’s driving this conspiracy within your family? Just curious. I believe you. You wouldn’t have started this thread if you were guilty.
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Because the wife just wants to give him a hard time and turn the children against him .This kind of thing happens all the time, false accusations etc.
hopefulldad you are in my prayers, I am so sorry this is happeneing to you.
 
King Alfred - I wish I knew what was driving the conspiracy. I don’t think it is a conscious effort. All involved are serious about their Faith and truly mean to do God’s will, believe it or not. We have had years of the best Catholic counselors we could find. In the end, noone has a clue. I think my girls now actually believe I fondled them. You be amazed how much support they got as soon as they made their claims!

Clearly I was not the perfect Dad or wife and kids would not have turned on me, but even though some of my failings were pretty serious, they were never like sex abuse, or violence or drugs or adultery. So the anger seems greater than I can explain.

One thing you learn quickly in this situation is that when you are accused of sex abuse there are only 2 possible outcomes. 1) You can be found guilty and 2) you can be found innocent and thought to have simply gotten away with it. There is only one thing worse than a child molester and that is an unrepentant child molester.
Innocence can not be proven and therefore guilt is assumed.

One of the arguments people use for why the adult is usually guilty is that they have a stronger motive to lie than the kids do. In my case, however, even now, I might be able to save my marriage if I lied by confessing to something I didn’t do!

Of course everyone wants to protect the children, but there has to be a better system for handling these situations as they are life destroying even to the innocent.
 
hopefulldad said:
One thing you learn quickly in this situation is that when you are accused of sex abuse there are only 2 possible outcomes. 1) You can be found guilty and 2) you can be found innocent and thought to have simply gotten away with it. There is only one thing worse than a child molester and that is an unrepentant child molester.

Innocence can not be proven and therefore guilt is assumed.
Click to expand...
That is really sad but it is so true. I will continue to pray for you!
 
hopefulldad said:
King Alfred - I wish I knew what was driving the conspiracy. I don’t think it is a conscious effort. All involved are serious about their Faith and truly mean to do God’s will, believe it or not. We have had years of the best Catholic counselors we could find. In the end, noone has a clue. I think my girls now actually believe I fondled them. You be amazed how much support they got as soon as they made their claims!

Clearly I was not the perfect Dad or wife and kids would not have turned on me, but even though some of my failings were pretty serious, they were never like sex abuse, or violence or drugs or adultery. So the anger seems greater than I can explain.

One thing you learn quickly in this situation is that when you are accused of sex abuse there are only 2 possible outcomes. 1) You can be found guilty and 2) you can be found innocent and thought to have simply gotten away with it. There is only one thing worse than a child molester and that is an unrepentant child molester.
Innocence can not be proven and therefore guilt is assumed.

One of the arguments people use for why the adult is usually guilty is that they have a stronger motive to lie than the kids do. In my case, however, even now, I might be able to save my marriage if I lied by confessing to something I didn’t do!

Of course everyone wants to protect the children, but there has to be a better system for handling these situations as they are life destroying even to the innocent.
Click to expand...
Sounds unbearable. One thing you might consider is to take a polygraph, simply to acquire further evidence of your innocence. I have a lot of experience with seemingly evil people turning good folks against The Truth. My sister-in-law comes to mind. Hang in there.
 
HopefullDad,
Hang in there. STRONGLY assert your innocence. Hire a good lawyer (not a cheap one, but a good one). Take a polygraph test that will be set up by your attorney. Start talking to REAL psychiatrists, not those shams known as counselors or therapists. Go on the offensive.
No matter how sincere your children and ex-wife are, you should not allow this lie to continue. It will mark you for life.
If I were you, I would not attempt to contact the children who are making the allegations. I would write a loving letter and explain that you are innocent and that you will contact them after this legal matter is cleared up.
Do not despair. You must go on the offensive not just for your sake, but for your family’s sake also.
We had legal problems several years ago and the first thing our families did for us was to hire the best attorneys in town. We ended up having to pay them a substantial amount of money, but it was totally worth saving our reputation and really, our lives!
My prayers go with you. Keep your chin up and keep going.
 
Praying that the Holy Spirit himself washes over this family to repair by His name what for whatever reason they can not seem to do themselves. I pray that God does what humans can not think is possible, and that your family is together again one day.

Vester
 
As for polygraphs and psych tests etc, we went through all that 4 years ago. (Actually the Sherriff called off the polygraph for they had already decided the stories were unfounded) It was all investigated and found to be unfounded in a matter of days. BUT, allegations just don’t die. The girls have not admitted their false stories, and after 4 years, I really think that they actually believe their stories. Wife coming to belive the stories a few weeks ago was the straw that broke our marriage.
 
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