It's getting difficult again, i don't know what to do

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RomanRyan1088

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That purity problem. I have been losing my faith and find myself going to the old websites against purity today. As soon as i get to looking, somethiong tells me “STOP!” and i ignored it for a while, then realized what i was doing and click off of it, i have gone 2 months without even thinking about those websites, but i have been thinking about them alot lately. My faith has been suffering because i have been telling myself, “God made me a sexual being, im ganna do it”. I also justify it by saying “There is no God” Please help me out people, i don’t know what to do. :confused: I have been saying this little prayer, but it only helps a little.
 
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RomanRyan1088:
That purity problem. I have been losing my faith and find myself going to the old websites against purity today. As soon as i get to looking, somethiong tells me “STOP!” and i ignored it for a while, then realized what i was doing and click off of it, i have gone 2 months without even thinking about those websites, but i have been thinking about them alot lately. My faith has been suffering because i have been telling myself, “God made me a sexual being, im ganna do it”. I also justify it by saying “There is no God” Please help me out people, i don’t know what to do. :confused: I have been saying this little prayer, but it only helps a little.
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I posted on this a while back…the biggest struggle is the headgames…I have convinced myself that God doesnt mind certain things when I want to do them…but after I am done I think differently…with my limited experience and lack of wisdom I will counsel you,…youre telling yourself these things in order to try and alleviate your conscience…your sin nature will go so far as to say God doesnt exist…Ive been there brother:crying:
 
I would like to help you if I can.

First, let me say I sympathize. I, too, have had my own problems avoiding impure thoughts and actions. It literally took years to overcome them, and I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. HOWEVER, THESE SINS CAN BE OVERCOME.

Here are some of the things that helped me.
  1. Frequent confession. It is incredible how much grace is transmitted through this wonderous sacrament. Even if you have not committed mortal sins since your last confession, it is a good idea to ask for special graces in your continued fight with this sin. Even now, at my own confessions, I say, “…and I am especially sorry for my past sin of ____”. God will continue to make you stronger.
  2. Fasting and penance. Offer up the little aggravations you encounter each day that you may obtain the graces you need to overcome these strong temptations. A wise priest once told me “Give up something every day”. This could be a favorite television show, a dessert, or any number of things. Another priest suggested to me that I pray with my arms outstretched as a penance.
  3. Wear the brown scapular and St. Benedict medal. Pray often to the saints for help. Many of the saints had difficulties in this area and were afflicted by strong temptations. They want very much to help you. I also recommend saying *many *novenas to St. Joseph, who is a model of purity, the “terror of demons”, and the “guardian of virgins”. For a while, I would begin a new novena to St. Joseph as soon as the nine days of the previous one were up. I think this helped me a good deal. Also, pray to St. Maria Goretti, who was martyred for not betraying her purity.
  4. When temptation comes, flee. (Looking back, this is probably one of the easiest things to do…it just seems so hard at the time.) Usually, it is as simple as maintaining company with someone. If that person is good and close to us (such as one’s mother, wife, father, etc.) we would be ashamed to be discovered commiting impure sins by them. There are many other ways, too. I once read that St. Francis of Assisi, when he was tempted, would run outside as fast as he could and throw himself in the snow!
  5. Finally, if you do fall, immediately make an act of contrition and go to confession as soon as possible.
I’m not sure what to tell you about combating the urge to justify yourself with the claims that “God does not exist” or “I’m a sexual being, I’m ganna do it.” The first is completely false. The second contains an element of truth. Yes, you are a sexual being. But that does not give you license to misuse that sexuality.

If I were you, I would try to remind myself that my sexuality is beautiful because of its God-given purpose. When I commit sins of impurity, I offend my own sexuality and debase my own dignity. Remind yourself that by triumphing over the temptation, you reaffirm you own dignity and please God.

I hope this helps. God bless you.

– Michael
 
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SojournerOf78:
I posted on this a while back…the biggest struggle is the headgames…I have convinced myself that God doesnt mind certain things when I want to do them…but after I am done I think differently…with my limited experience and lack of wisdom I will counsel you,…youre telling yourself these things in order to try and alleviate your conscience…your sin nature will go so far as to say God doesnt exist…Ive been there brother:crying:
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Good advise!!

Don’t buy into the lies. The fact that you feel “dirty” is testimony of your faith. Imperfect it may be, but at least you have it. How many people look at that stuff and think none the different for having done so?

Even the most faithful, including many saints struggled with sexual sins. For their part they persevered and always went back to Jesus. The best thing you can do when you’re down is say something like this:

“I’m not going to let you win. I am unfaithful, but my Lord is perfectly faithful and He is my strength. No mater how many times I fall, I’ll get back up and look to Him as my source and my strength. Take my life Jesus and conform it to yours. You are the Savior of the world.”

Go to confession and repent for ever having offended God. He will always take you back even if you feel you have to go every day! Don’t ever think your sins are too big for God. Don’t give up. It’s better to fail and admit weakness, than to turn and run away.

One last thing. If you masturbate, go to confession before receiving Communion again. By doing this you will condition yourself to know reverence for the Most Blessed Sacrament and begin to truly understand why the Eucharist is indeed the source and summit of our Catholic faith. Learning to truly want the Eucharist will help you to remain pure. Receiving it will give you strength.
 
Ask Mary to intercede. She is perfect purity and her intervention is most valuable. The Rosary can help in these kinds of spiritual battles.
 
Well brother, welcome to the reality of a lot a guys. I can say this knowing that this attraction that we have towards the opposite sex, it is part of our very nature. Couple of points that might help.
  1. Those web sites, run from them. Don’t fight the temptation but run from it. You don’t need the internet on to type a paper or to balance a check book, so shut the web down if you feel tempted. There are some things we can not fight, that is one of them, run from it. If you find yourself still going on the web (looking for trouble) you need to ask yourself why and how have you come back to this. I like to call it, ‘I got a case of the I don’t cares.’ And really sometimes it does come down to that fact that we do not care.
  2. Cause really it is like a sickness or a cold and if we don’t do anything to take care of the symptoms we are not going to get better. So like the common cold, we need to diagnose what we have. Same thing when we sin, we need to go back, if we are truly sorry, to find were we messed up and see what we can do to prevent it from coming back, to prohibit ourselves contact with those near occasions of sin.
  3. There is another little point. Think of the game RISK. In the game you can take over territories and try and conquer the world. But if you are not careful and you leave some of your bordering territories with a weak defense while just concentrating on one area your enemy can come and take that unwatched land from you. Your enemy could soon take most of your land if you forgot to watch over them. The moral of the story is, unless you constantly build up your defense aginst the evil one and be working on every area of your life, he will keep attacking till he can take you from your grace. Build up your defense with virtuous habits, possibly look into fasting once in a while - even offering it up for the times that you were weak and to gain a greater respect for women.
  4. And yes God did create us as sexual beings, but that is not all we are. We also have souls which allow us to also be spiritual, to have a relationship with God. And we have grace as apposed to dogs or any animal, they do not. When looking at the fact that God made us with the ability to procreate you also need to look at the fact that we are creatures whose choices are morally binding whereas the dogs are not going to be. We can be saints brother, dogs will only always be dogs.
  5. One last thing. I have to ask myself this from time time to time. Do I spend more or equal time in prayer than I do surfing the Web?
Well, remember you are not alone, don’t lose hope. Hope this helped.

jegow
 
You are going through a struggle. You are sincere about your struggle - that is a good sign.

**Matthew 18:6-7 **Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of things that cause sin! Such things must come, but woe to the one through whom they come!

Your temptors are the ones who provide these awful things on the internet.

**Matthew 18:8-9 **If your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter into life maimed or crippled than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter into life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into fiery Gehenna.

Obviously, Jesus is not telling us to do these things literally. However, Jesus is saying to eliminate those things that cause you trouble. For example, if you know the internet is a problem, tell your parents to block bad sites.

You know these failings are never going to make you happy. Don’t let Satan use your own body to make you his slave.
 
I pieced together some of Christopher West’s thoughts with my own and came up with this little prayer. I say it often and it really helps.

Father, I thank you for the gift of sexuality. I thank you for life. I give to you the twisted, confused desires of my heart and I lay them at the foot of the cross. Through the death and resurrection of your son, Jesus Christ, I most humbly beg you to set me free from the bondage of lust and pride. Make in me a heart that is pure and whole, so that I may experience love and sexuality according to your will and design. Protect me from evil and grant that I may be a worthy gift to my beloved. Help me to freely give myself to her totally and sincerely, without reservation. Help me to graciously receive the gift of herself given to me. Give me the courage to bless her and affirm her, all that she is, without reservation, forever. I ask this in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
 
AMEN to all the above, plus get an internet blocker and block yourself.
 
I agree with the content blocker - it can be hard to find a good free one but worth it. If the devil tempts us through technology (internet) then we should be able to use technology back to make sure he can’t again as easy.

Here is one from a reliable site that seems good:
k7v.com/nonags/webt.html
It is under the title Parental Filter. And this is obviously just a suggestion. Remember you can try this and if it does not work for you, uninstall it, no harm done.

jegow
 
Our Holy Bible explains this Interior struggle as well!

Read Romans 7:14-25

These inclinations (the law of sin which dwells in our members) are at war with the law of the Spirit.

Our moral faculties are impaired, and therefore incline us to sin…but the inclination is not sin. Read Romans 7:14-25 …Paul explains our struggle beautifully…

Pray…

I have fallen even AFTER praying a Rosary… one might say… then how did the Rosary help?

It helped in that I fled to prayer FIRST when I felt the struggle coming on…it helped me in delaying the war I was fighting in my members…It helped in a faster realization of disgust for my actions, and a much faster repentence, and fleeing BACK to Christ after my fall…instead of in the past, staying away for 2 or 3 days because of my embarassment and let down of not only myself but letting down God as well… there is a saying that one must crawl before walking, and walk before running… when it comes to sexual sin, our crawling lasts much longer than we would like.

God Bless
 
You probably have an addiction to pornography. I recommend you go to Steve Wood’s website (St. Joseph’s Covenant Keepers) and look at some of his suggestions. The pornographic images are literally seared into your brain and that is (among other things) what makes it very hard to overcome this addiction. However, as other posters have written, it is not impossible to do - you need to change the way you do business. Try to avoid all forms of temptation (including more subtle ones like magazine ads and R-rated movies) and try to identify the cues that lead you into viewing porn. Once you’re more aware of these cues and situations, you can systematically try to avoid those situations that cause you to fall. Use the filters and find a confidant who may be sympathetic to your addiction (there are support groups) who can help you monitor and make you accountable for your viewing habits - this can act as a deterrent. Of course, prayer and making frequent use of the sacraments are crucial to helping you recover from this problem. Finally, remember that lust is not originally from God but is the result of our fallen nature. Satan uses lust to tempt us because he knows how powerful it can be. Try to remember God’s real purpose for sexuality - a beautiful covenantal bond between a man and a woman (in marriage) to help unite them and as a means of fully expressing their self-giving love to each other by being open to life. Review some of the work of John Paul II and Chris West on the theology of the body to gain more insight into a true understanding of sexuality in accordance with God’s Will.
 
Welcome to the human race and the human condition. You are feeling despair. Always trust in the mercy and love of God.
 
I don’t know that I have any “right” to comment, but I do have a couple of thoughts that may help.

1.) Tape a holy card of the Virgin Mary on the side of your monitor and remember her holiness at all times when using your computer. Know that you do NOT want to desecrate her through the viewing of such things.

2.) Remember that your body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit. As such, God has given you the opportunity to participate in Marital Relations for the express purpose of co-creating life. He has made the procreative act an incredibly wonderful way of sharing love with your spouse as you come together in this unique way. Any other way of approaching this act is a desecration of the temple in which the Holy Spirit resides and is an abomination.

I know that for our culture that sounds amazingly harsh, and believe me, I grew up in the 70’s in a moderately practicing Catholic home, so I’ve only recently come to fully understand point number two above. But the more I realize the truth to it, the more amazingly in love with God I have become, and this has changed my life in wonderful ways.

3.) Say the Rosary, frequently.

4.) Go to confession, each and every time you sin in this area. Do not delay, do not avoid the Eucharist. If your confessor does not want to hear it, find a new confessor, one who can help you work through this sin. The devil is Liar who will deceive you into believing this is a victimless crime. You are a victim, as your soul is damaged each time you view this garbage. The individual(s) in the images you view are victims. The people who work in the industry are victims, their family and friends are victims, there are many many victims. Do NOT participate in this purpetuation of disrespect for the dignity and sanctity of human life.

5.) Hang the most beautiful picture, framed, of the Virgin Mary that you can find in your bedroom, where you can see it while lying in bed. Tell her you love her before you go to bed. Tell her you love her when you awake in the morning. Remember that Mary loves you and all the women in all the pictures you have ever seen, appropriate and inappropriate.

God Bless,

CARose
 
The filter is a good practical idea. Have someone you can trust install it and tell them to never ever tell you the password for uninstalling and bypassing it.
 
I totally sympathize. It’s very tough to stay pure in this sexualized world, especially when such beautiful women can be seen in sexual manners all over the place. It is literally painful. Shamefully, I was promiscuous in my younger days, prior to God, and long before my fiance. Fortunately, by the grace of God, I escaped–if I hadn’t, the wonderful woman who I’ll be taking as my wife wouldn’t have even dated me. So, believe me, the benefits of running away can be enormous.

Now, for a suggestion. I once read of a man who, whenever tempted, he would pray for someone. In his case, missionaries in another country. This placed the devil in quite the predicament–the more he tempted the young man, the more success the missionaries had. This worked for him. Maybe it will help you if you respond by praying for your priest, church family, etc. Or maybe read your Bible whenever your tempted. Not only will it put your mind somewhere else, it will bring you closer to God (it will have the opposite result that the forces tempting you want).

Blessings.
 
I don’t think I can offer any better spiritual advice than what’s been said already. Well, maybe I can. lol. Avoiding the near occaision of sin is the tough part. What worked very well for me (though it has bewildered my parents who have accused me of being reckless with my money and my possessions) was disconnecting the wireless router from the room with the cable modem and giving it to my girlfriend for use in her new apartment. Because my family doesn’t have two cable modems and because I can’t afford a new router anytime soon, it’s become a lot more difficult to use the net. I actually hafta leave my bedroom. lol. Perhaps you may need to do something similar. Going to the local library or internet cafe to surf the web is a good idea, too. Keep it public, only surf the net when you really need to. Be in control of the web. Don’t let it control you. You’re in my prayers, man.
 
Hello! 🙂 I agree with those who say–and indeed how could it not be true–that this sin can be overcome. God made us, shall we say, complex beings, not just sexual ones, and with our fallen nature we have to have faith to enable our higher nature to control our lower nature: in our original creation there was no competition or confusion among our various details.

A prayer that was very helpful to me (I haven’t fallen in almost a year) is Jesus Mary I love you: save souls. This profound little prayer has such wonderful effects. Consider: it focuses on true love rather than on false self- or selfish love. It focuses you on God and His precious ones rather than on disordered things the anti-Christ wants to distract you with. It focuses you on salvation–the whole point of Our Lord’s Passion and Cross. And every soul saved by your intercession increases the glories of heaven and increases those who can pray for you!

In my experience, the first few months after the last fall are the most trying. Yes, the images are seared into your mind–but don’t over-play that idea. You’re not helpless. They are not really seared–you will have less and less to do with them, with the passing of time. You will replace them with other images. (Once a day, meditate on the Cross, or on a beautiful painting from our holy religion–do you do this? One author I like has meditated on the manger scene. I don’t “prescribe” this–it’s just something that will, long-term, help you in many ways, and can also give your mind better image food so to speak.)

It has been almost a year for me, and one weekend not too long ago I was suddenly afflicted with images. They sprang into my mind and did things I had seen and some things I hadn’t. This may happen from time to time. I am sorry for any role I had in encouraging these images. I found that my response was different. I didn’t fall, I didn’t go looking for any new things. I just had a foreboding feeling with the onset of each bout, I tried to get through it, and I sang salve regina, mater misericordie! vita, dulcedo, et spes nostra salve. Ad te clamamus, exsules filii Hevae… And I said that prayer, above, a bunch of times. Now they’re gone. The problem lasted about two days. Who knows what that was about. Saints (I am not saying I am a Saint of course!) have found themselves afflicted in different ways at different times in their lives–there will never, in this life, be a zero risk of temptation! We really do have a fallen nature, and we really do need beautiful worship, all the sacraments, intercessory prayer, all God’s friends, and each other the saints.

Don’t forget that Satan and his minions are only creatures–they can’t control you. They can twiddle your imagination, but that’s really about it. They can’t make you do anything. They really have no power–they need our assent for evil to actually occur.

Finally, may I suggest: Please consider throwing away your television set. There is so much soft porn on that confounded box. It has gotten much worse in the last 15-20 years. And most programming is highly suggestive, and purely materialistic/atheistic when not sexually suggestive. That box does you no good at all. Be careful with other media, too. Not long after my last fall I opened a magazine like Time or Newsweek, not sure which, and there was a picture of a scantily-clad young lady, advertising something. It is just awful. I read somewhere recently a good summation of the situation: not only has chastity gone by the wayside as a considered virtue, but modesty–and even mere decency–have been cast aside.

Even decency has been cast aside. (*) But grace shall abound all the more. (*)
 
“Amen” on the television. Primarily because of its glorification of fornication, we haven’t had one in our home for twenty five years.
 
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