It's hard

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Bri125

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It’s hard being a catholic. Especially a young single twenty something in a culture where most other twenty-something’s live and love a secular “anything goes” lifestyle. It’s hard watching friends get engaged when I lose relationships over my catholic views on cohabitation or premarital sex. I don’t regret my faith, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous of a life like that was “easy” and free of guilt over such things. Just needed to vent. In a discouraged mood. Prayers and good thoughts if you please!
 
Bri125 said:
It’s hard being a catholic. Especially a young single twenty something in a culture where most other twenty-something’s live and love a secular “anything goes” lifestyle. It’s hard watching friends get engaged when I lose relationships over my catholic views on cohabitation or premarital sex. I don’t regret my faith, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous of a life like that was “easy” and free of guilt over such things. Just needed to vent. In a discouraged mood. Prayers and good thoughts if you please!
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Please don’t fall for the devil’s lies. Just because on the outside these people seem happy, on the inside they aren’t. If you loose a relationship over not wanting to sleep with someone, trust me there are people who will never admit to your face how much they wished they had your strength.

And don’t be fooled into thinking it is only hard when you are young. Talk to the people in their early 40s with lots of kids and little money how hard it is for them to not use contraception. They are tempted to use ABC but they don’t. Talk to the person in their sixties who has a hard life, they are tempted to leave the faith as well. They think of all the years they spent following church teaching and resent their life was not better. Every age has reason to leave the church.
 
A. wannabe is SO right about what he/she said. Unfortunately, I was not as strong as you when I was in my 20s. I was one of those college bad boys, it pains me to admit it.

It leads so SORROW my friend, lots and lots of sorrow. I would spare you that if I could. Please please heed our advice, stay the course. I was very lucky to have gotten back on the right course, many don’t. What seems like a sacrifice right now… will pay off a hundred fold later. [It is paying off for you even now, though it is tougher to see.]

I would not wish the life of sin on anyone. It hurts and it hurts bad, it leaves reminders in some cases, which believe it or not can be helpful, to make sure that we stay the course in the future.

Be well and happy! Merry Christmas!!:christmastree1:
 
Anglewannabe said:
Please don’t fall for the devil’s lies. Just because on the outside these people seem happy, on the inside they aren’t. If you loose a relationship over not wanting to sleep with someone, trust me there are people who will never admit to your face how much they wished they had your strength.

And don’t be fooled into thinking it is only hard when you are young. Talk to the people in their early 40s with lots of kids and little money how hard it is for them to not use contraception. They are tempted to use ABC but they don’t. Talk to the person in their sixties who has a hard life, they are tempted to leave the faith as well. They think of all the years they spent following church teaching and resent their life was not better. Every age has reason to leave the church.
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Amen! Ask a number of people who have lost their virginity how they gave it to someone who didn’t even care, as soon as it was over, moved on to someone else. Ask people, and you will see a lot of people regret this, not saving themselves for their future spouses, for having sexually-transmitted diseases, children out of wedlock, abortions, and all kinds of heavy, unwanted emotional baggage.

Correct, do not be “taken in” by appearances.

Further, Our Lady of Fatima told us most people go to hell for sins of the flesh. One day, we have to answer as to why we, who are created in the image and likeness of God, temples of the Holy Spirit, misused our gift of sexuality so.

Don’t envy them! If they don’t repent, they could very well end up on a very low rung of hell for all eternity.

Did you realize for those few saints who preserved their virginity, for life, in paradise, I heard, get a crown! It’s similar to those who are martyred, who, likewise, receive a crown. There are people who are martyred AND die virgins, receive a double crown!

When women enter a sexual relationship, they also begin producing oxytocin, same hormone as is produced in breastfeeding. This hormone helps with bonding. Now, these ladies who are intimate out of wedlock, often find it hard to move on if they later find this wasn’t Mr. Right after all due to all the hormones which they typically mistake for happiness and true love!

Ask people even on this forum if they regret not waiting for their spouses…in fact, that’d make an excellent question for a survey!

If I could, I’d ask…If you gave your virginity to someone other than your spouse, do you now regret it?
 
It’s hard for those of us who weren’t Catholic and made mistakes because we didn’t know or understand Church teachings and why they are wise teachings indeed.

I was once “anything goes”. I used contraception, slept around, got pregnant at 18, married the father even though I didn’t like, much less love, him. That got me 5 years of chronic lies, physical and emotional abuse, poverty because he refused to keep a job and was irresponsible when he had one, another child conceived using condoms, and a divorce. During the “marriage” there was adultery on both sides and I have to live with that sin on my conscience along with all the others until I am able to go to Reconciliation.

The divorce hurt the kids, but was a better decision for their welfare than living with their father and his terrible behavior. He essentially abandoned them shortly after the divorce, has never paid a penny of his child support, and has since remarried and had more kids! So, I have to live with my kids being hurt over that, too.

I met a wonderful man, we married, and he has been the best thing that ever happened to me outside of being a mother. He was a fallen away Catholic at the time and went back to his faith this past spring. I am converting. I cannot be received into the Church until I obtain an annulment, so I attend Mass every week while I await the Tribunal’s decision and wish I could receive the Eucharist. It’s a great sadness to me that I cannot.

So, believe me, the path you are on is a much better one than the path I was on at your age! You’re blessed to be a young Catholic. Every life has regrets, but yours won’t be near as terrible as some.
 
“There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience”. French proverb.

Plus, a lot of these people, you may think you envy, are so ashamed of these relationships that they lie to conceal them from their parents, family, and friends!
They have to try to remember this network of lies. If found, they need to come up with more to cover up the first. It’s a lot to try to remember!

Then, if caught, there is yet more shame, disappointment, anger, etc.

Even if they are open, I think deep down many, especially the women, wish this was with their husbands rather than boyfriends. Sometimes, they can go years and years where the guys will string these ladies along, telling them they will get married…next year…next year…next year. Date of marriage never comes!
 
Some say, “Why would you buy the cow if you can get the milk…for free?”
 
Yes, it is hard. And it is a good sign that it’s being hard. Because you know you didn’t drop your cross. And yes, now and then you see the people going through the broad gate and you think about giving up your narrow gate. But then you say: “That’s a silly thought, because tomorrow I’ll be at the Lord’s banquet table.”:egyptian:
 
Bri125 said:
It’s hard being a catholic. Especially a young single twenty something in a culture where most other twenty-something’s live and love a secular “anything goes” lifestyle. It’s hard watching friends get engaged when I lose relationships over my catholic views on cohabitation or premarital sex. I don’t regret my faith, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous of a life like that was “easy” and free of guilt over such things. Just needed to vent. In a discouraged mood. Prayers and good thoughts if you please!
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My experience is that it** is** easier if you have friends who are Catholic and that also have active prayer lives. I met other young Catholics not by simply joining young adults or singles groups (the members may be Catholic but may not embrace Catholic teaching on sexuality and other things) so I joined a prayer group and went to First Friday/First Saturday adoration and talked to fellow young adults (refreshments were offered after midnight), etc. That is where I found other young people who had active faith lives. And I didn’t just have my friends but also their families which was important since I lived away from my own; plus I considered them friends as well.

But all bets are off if you live in a rural area or an area dominated by non-Catholic Christians. If you don’t pick up on an anti-Catholic vibe, you could try hanging out with non-Catholics (and I wouldn’t exclude non-believers but they also must respect your beliefs and morals) but connect with Catholics elsewhere, like on this or other Catholic forums, so if you feel like your faith is being challenged you have other Catholics to turn to.
 
I’m going to share with you my personal experience; I felt the exact same way as you do, and God let me “test” a little bit of that, because I also felt like you, and at some point, felt like I was “tired” of all the rules…

I have a great relationship with my boyfriend, love him a lot and I’m the catholic one in our relationship; he strayed from faith after he left highschool, I’m praying for him and he’s agreed to come to mass with me (yay!).

When we were starting our relationship, after 3 months of dating him, I told him I was a virgin, that I wanted to wait and he respected my wishes. He conffessed to me that he wasn’t and understood why I wanted to wait. So far, so good.

But after some time, we began kissing more than what’s recomended. We started feeling more and more passion but never went further. One time, I thought that I wanted to have sex with him, but was so conflicted because of my faith…it was the worst inner battle I’ve ever had.

One day, we were alone in his house; his dad was supposed to be there but he had gone out. We started kissing and went further, and further, but not far enough (thank God for His mercy).

After that, you can’t imagine the torment that was going on inside me…it was the worst time of my life…after that moment, I just broke down and cried my heart out, like a little girl .I was there, half naked covering my self and feeling exposed, ashamed, and in total disbelief of what I just had done…I had promissed to remain a virgin until marriage when I was 15, and I almost broke my promise at 28…

My boyfriend comforted me and told me he didn’t want to do anything I didn’t want him to. It was a really hard emotional experience for me because inside I was thinking “WHAT HAVE I DONE??? WHY DID I DO THIS??? I JUST HURT JESUS!!!”. After that moment, there were no more episodes this intense, but a couple more that were not appropriate did ocurr. During this time, God made it clearer, and clearer in my heart, that sex before marriage, was not what I wanted and what He wanted for me. I finally made a decision that I would never consent these moments anymore and because of God’s mercy, we now show our affection in a way that is not offensive to God…I talked to my boyfriend about everything I felt and finally closed the door for premarital sex in our relationship because I wanted to do God’s will. He understands, respects and supports me in this.

So, God let me stray for me to finally realize what’s it like, and let me tell you, it’s not nice at all. It took me a long time to heal from those moments with my boyfriend because those memories shooted like a dart to my heart and I felt so hurt, so much regret and sadness, that I understood that God knows exactly why He wants us to wait. Giving something from you that’s so valuable, the best of you to someone who you don’t know if he’s going to leave the next month, it’s just terrible. I know it from experience, and even though my boyfriend loves me, respects me and even helps me to keep my promise even if he doesn’t share my faith, it’s still hard sometimes to remember. God has granted me the grace to feel forgiven and has blessed me so much since I repented and did soooo many efforts to change those things. It’s been a difficult process, but it’s been totally worth it. I can tell you I could no longer even have the kisses I used to have in the begining because I just CAN’T, all I think is God and I think He even worked in my heart to feel and think the way I do now about premarital sex.

So keep going girl, don’t buy the cheap trash the devil feeds us. And if you feel weary, go talk to the big man above, I’m sure He’ll comfort you and make you feel loved like no one else can.

Tons of hugss and blessings. I’ll pray for you 🙂
 
Hi, it’s hard sometimes to live your Faith when everybody else seems to be happy and carefree about church teachings. If your heart really wants to follow your beliefs I would recommend you to look for your future spouse in the right place. Try to get in touch with other young people with a life vision similar to your vision (Catholic youth groups, Catholic Church Movements, Catholic volunteers etc.). In such environments is definitely easier to find somebody sharing your values and that would like to build a family founded on Christ. God bless you.
 
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