It's Not Going to End

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The_Catholic

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Why is it sadness does not abandon me? Why oh why does it not? Let me clarify “sadness,” for I do not mean depression, but . . . an eager longing for the Kingdom. I’m happy, yet saddened, and feel I will always remain as such 'till I meet my Lord face to face.

I’m overjoyed with passion to know He loves me, even though there is nothing I have done for Him that is wonderful, and I do not deserve Him. Frankly, I feel like I’m not good at anything, everyone in my life, even my closest friends, have alaways been hard on me, so that usually causes to sink into my mind that I’m not handy or creative or worth much, except to God.

He knows my heart, and knows how I don’t like death, even though death is “normal,” I can’t handle it much, my soul is too timid, I get saddened when seeing dead animals along the road, my beautiful wife says that’s food for the bird and/or other scavengers, and I know that, but it still saddens me. I’ve never lost one quite close to me, not even an animal of my own, well, not one extrememly close like my three dogs. And I think God has not desired any tragic to befall upon me, not yet, but it will come, I know it will come and I will have to face it.

Memories flood my mind, bad and good, of family and friends and pets, I think about how brutal the world is and how one day it shall all be over, it shall be fulfilled. No more death, violence, debating upon which doctrine is Truth, no more arrogance, no more . . . sadness and loneliness. Creation will have finally reached its goal, where nothing further shall advance or evolve. It will be, perfect. I don’t understand how this could be, nor how it could be possible, but God does, for He will be the one doing it, and I dear so believe it.

Sin in myself, and when i see others doing it, tears me apart inside, knowing where offending God and putting our souls in danger, in dange rof falling away from Grace, when one enters sin, especially certain sins, they have strong influence which may lead us off the path. This is sadness. When those we love are taken from us, or terribly harmed, or when we ourselves make mistakes, this is sadness. Thinknig of the past, the memories, wondering where all our beloved had gone, hoping they’re in Heaven, or at least Purgatory, but we can not know until our “bell” is “rang,” and there’s always that “what if there is no. . . ?” this is sadness.

But truly believing he’s there, truly knowing you’re part of the family, His family, having given yourself COMPLETEY over to Him, and have felt Him and “tasted” Him, truly accepting that the Lord died for you in your place, and unlike men of the earth, He never tires of hearing our little ramblings, and no matter how much I stutter or am not good at anything, He will be overjoyed when from our heart comes words of praise and glory for His Name, even though those words (poems, songs, etc.) may not be appealing to a single solitary human being, they are most indeed appealing to Him, 'cause they’re from our hearts—this is happiness!!! which harmonizes and bares the sadness.

I have to fight everyday, does anyone know what I mean? If have seen and tasted Him in such a manner that without Him i desire no life to be lived, not anymore. if the demons suceed, I will die, they will win. Their domination over my soul will finally claim me, so I have to fight and fight and fight and fight, because I love Him, and MUST be with Him and continue in a state of sadness and joyfulness. But the sadness, will never end until I’m literally at His feet, face burried, finally at rest.
 
🙂 Perhaps a reading a Romans 8 will help. Particular attention to fear and hope. There is a good reason for why you should lose one, and embrace the other.

Fear and sadness, or hope and joy. The Lord you long for gives you the latter.* Accept it.*
 
RebeccaJ said:
🙂 Perhaps a reading a Romans 8 will help. Particular attention to fear and hope. There is a good reason for why you should lose one, and embrace the other.

Fear and sadness, or hope and joy. The Lord you long for gives you the latter.* Accept it.*
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🙂 Thanks. I didn’t think anyone would respond, I was just kind of rambling my thoughts and feelings at the time :o

And yes, I will do as you say Rebecca, I will accept the latter, and try to weed out the sadness. Though *fear *usually does not dwell within my soul. Jesus has defeated the fear of death,my grief is more so over the destructivness of sin and the reality of death, utterly longing for the coming, perfected Kingdom. 😉
 
I recommend Eucharistic Adoration. As St. Theresa said (I think it was her), “I look at my Lord, and He looks back at me.” 🙂
 
It’s interesting because yesterday I was feeling so sad and scared about death. Not just my own death but death in general… of people, of my family members, friends… I started praying about it and asked God to help me somehow deal with these thoughts. Right away, I got this thought, - God is with us now, and when death will come, He will still be with us. No matter what we’ll have to deal with, He’s the one constant thing in our lives. When we die, He will hold us in His arms. We can ask for His mercy on sinners and on the world so that each person would know peace at the hour of death.

As for sin, I think it is good to feel sad about it and many do not. I think if you do, that just means that you’re seeing it more realistically. I think if we truly saw and understood what sin is we would die of misery. **But our God is greater than sin, and greater than death **🙂 He has conquered both. So no need to fear the devil!

I wanted to share some quotes with you…

"My daughter, know that if I allow you to feel and have a more profound knowledge of My sufferings, that is a grace from Me. But when your mind is dimmed and your sufferings are great, it is then that you take an active part in My Passion, and I am conforming you more fully to Myself. It is your task to submit yourself to My will at such time, more than at others… "
Jesus to St. Faustina

“In order to heal us, He does not remain outside the suffering that is experienced, He eases it by coming to dwell with the one stricken by illness, to bear it and to live with him. Christ’s presence comes to break the isolation which pain induces. Man no longer bears his burden alone. As a suffering member of Christ, he is conformed to Christ in his self-offering to the father.”
Pope Benedict

“Nothing can so terrify us, as much as Jesus Christ can reassure us. Let my sins surround me, let my fears of the future accuse me, let the demons lay their snares for me. As long as I beg mercy of Jesus Christ, who is all kindness, who has loved me even until death, I cannot lose confidence; for I see myself so highly prized that a God gave Himself for me.
My Jesus, safe haven for those who seek you out in the storm; my vigilant shepherd, those who do not trust You are deceiving themselves, if only they have the will to amend their lives. That is why You said: Here I am, don’t be afraid: I am He who troubles and who consoles. Sometimes I put persons in scenes of desolation that seem like hell; but then I pull them out and console them. I am your advocate; I have made your cause My own. I am your guarantor; I have come to pay your debts. I am your Lord, who redeemed you with My blood, not to abandon you, but to enrich you, having ransomed you at a great price. How shall I flee from those who seek Me, when I went forth to meet those who sought to outrage Me? I did not turn away My face from those who struck Me; and shall I turn it from those who would adore Me? How can My children doubt that I love them, seeing Me in the hands of My enemies out of love for them? Whom have I ever despised that loved Me? Whom have I ever abandoned that sought my help? I go out in search even of those who do not seek Me.”
John of Avila
 
But truly believing he’s there, truly knowing you’re part of the family, His family, having given yourself COMPLETEY over to Him, and have felt Him and “tasted” Him, truly accepting that the Lord died for you in your place, and unlike men of the earth, He never tires of hearing our little ramblings, and no matter how much I stutter or am not good at anything, He will be overjoyed when from our heart comes words of praise and glory for His Name, even though those words (poems, songs, etc.) may not be appealing to a single solitary human being, they are most indeed appealing to Him, 'cause they’re from our hearts—this is happiness!!! which harmonizes and bares the sadness.
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that is true, and I feel that way too :hug1:
 
The_Catholic said:
🙂 Thanks. I didn’t think anyone would respond, I was just kind of rambling my thoughts and feelings at the time :o

And yes, I will do as you say Rebecca, I will accept the latter, and try to weed out the sadness. Though *fear *usually does not dwell within my soul. Jesus has defeated the fear of death,my grief is more so over the destructivness of sin and the reality of death, utterly longing for the coming, perfected Kingdom. 😉
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🙂 So wait with happiness.
 
Monica4316 said:
that is true, and I feel that way too :hug1:
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🙂 Thank you so much for the encouragement and especially the hugs!

eyes become teary :o

I really loved the quote from St. Faustina’s Diary. I have it but don’t remmeber that particular one.
 
I think most everyone goes through feelings like this; not exactly perhaps, but somewhat.

I think too, that many people are struck with certain things that make it all seem different. For some, it’s the story of Job. For some the life of some saint, particularly those like Mother Teresa and St. John of the Cross, who experience “Dark nights of the soul.”

For me, there is a line from Shakespeare’s “The Tempest” that occurs to me every now and then, (I was an English major :)) and is almost like a compass for me. It goes like this:

“Full fathom five thy father lies,
And of his bones are coral made.
Those are pearls that were his eyes.
Nothing of him that does fade,
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange.”

I think of my children and truly long for my “bones” to be the “coral” that enriches their lives. I think of those whom I might have helped and might yet help; perhaps those whose lives and failings I might see differently (and persuade them to see differently) with “transformed” eyes as precious and wonderous in that context, as pearls.

And what is that thing, “rich and strange” into which my entire being is headed? I don’t know. I only know that I am headed in that direction, and I have the hope that, indeed, my life will make “coral” for some, “pearls” for others, and, in doing so, will change me into something “rich and strange” in eternity.

And so, by this “death by drowning” which was my baptism, my Creator allowed me to “die”, more to myself, becoming, instead, something new, something “rich and strange”.

That’s not sad. Not sad at all.
 
St Augustine said it well - ‘our hearts are made for You, O Lord, and they are restless until they rest in You’. St Paul also - in one of his epistles he expresses his longing to be with Christ, but at the same time his realisation that he still has work to do on earth.
 
Oh, one more thing. I’ll quit after this.

Whenever I become irritated with God; when I feel like I’m stranded on some promontory or other, I think of one of the Mass responses I learned long ago.

Quia Tu est Deus, fortitudo mea
Quare me repulisti
Et quare tristis in cedo
Dum affligit me inimicus.

“Where are you, God, my strength?
Why do you keep me so far away?
Why do you leave me in sadness
Afflicted by my enemies?”

I love that. I don’t think He minds our saying it, either. I say it every now and again.
 
Ridgerunner said:
Oh, one more thing. I’ll quit after this.

Whenever I become irritated with God; when I feel like I’m stranded on some promontory or other, I think of one of the Mass responses I learned long ago.

Quia Tu est Deus, fortitudo mea
Quare me repulisti
Et quare tristis in cedo
Dum affligit me inimicus.

"Where are you, God, my strength?
Why do you keep me so far away?
Why do you leave me in sadness
Afflicted by my enemies?"

I love that. I don’t think He minds our saying it, either. I say it every now and again.
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It’s beautiful ,and touches my heart :o
 
LilyM said:
St Augustine said it well - ‘our hearts are made for You, O Lord, and they are restless until they rest in You’. St Paul also - in one of his epistles he expresses his longing to be with Christ, but at the same time his realisation that he still has work to do on earth.
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🙂 I understand Lily, I truly do. I feel called for . . . something, but don’t know what yet. I’ve felt that calling for years now.
 
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