Micheal,
I just wanted to add, what I meant to say in the first place, as it usually happens. What matters is not to feel worthy, but to know you have been chosen and to trust He knows what He’s doing and Father knows best, Mother Mary, Mother Church knows what is best for you, not you. Love is a decision, a certainty, a conviction, a laying down of your life, not a feeling of holiness, or worthiness or hidden self-satisfaction due to my success and accomplisment. -I do not feel worthy to be a Priest, and I feel less worthy every day, by the grace of God. The day I feel worthy, I should run to my Bishop and ask for professional help, counselling and spiritual direction and Deliverance prayers and yes, Exorcism prayers, just to make sure. On the other hand, I feel more and more convinced that I have been chosen, and I rejoice in my weakness, poverty, misery, wretchedness, feebleness, helplessness and uselessness. I am God’s Zero, not a hero. Pray the Magnificat in Luke, What does Our Lady sing? She is the only worthy creature because she sees her nothingness and rejoices in it. The Lord has looked down upon my nothingness, The Lord has worked wonders or marvels for me, and Holy is His Name.(Note she does not say Holy is my name or speak about the wonders she has done for God-the beatitude of Mary-Her way to be, her attitude of being. Why not let the Lord work a wonder or two for you?as He has for me. Then you will feel the worthiness of the call, not your own righteousness, self-righteousness, but Jesus, Who is always right in His choice of Priests.
The more I decrease, the more He increases in me. A full cup cannot be filled. We must empty ourselves daily, to be full of God, or be full of ourselves. Read about what the Saints had to say about themselves and note their joy in saying it-what freedom to stop making God in our image who made us in His image! Read about Saint John Vianney in particular tomorrow and Saint Francis and Blessed Mother Teresa: If the Lord could find a more miserable person to glorify His Mercy, he would…If He can find a more available soul, less self-absorbed, less preccupied with wanting to succeed with pride, a poorer, humbler soul more empty of self, then He will be able to do so much more good and have less resistance to deal with…less mistakes to correct and messes to clean up, etc. to paraphrase the Saints in their attitude of living in the Divine Will with a smile, abandoned to the hands of Providence in the Present Moment.
Priesthood is not feeling worthy or holy, but allowing Jesus, the Good Shepherd to live His Holiness and Love and Light and Mercy in you, with you, through you and yes, for you and others too. The Gospel is worthy, you are a bearer of Good News, we are the earthen vessels, the jars of clay that hold the Saintly Scroll, the enveloppe of God’s Love Letter. Unfortunately, the envelope is sealed and stuck to its own self-importance and forgets, you are only worth as much as the treasure you contain, hidden in the field, the pearl of great price.
In short, you will feel not feel worthy of God’s love for you, the more He does for you, but you will accept His great overwhelming love for you in all humility and respond to it and repay unconditional merciful with absolute loving trust, total surrender and cheerful obedience to this Love. You will be willing to suffer with a smile as you look at yourself through Jesus and Mary’s eyes and say: Yep! It’s all worth it for Jesus. I would not have chosen myself, but because You chose me, You believe in me, You want me, You choose to need me, I will go. Nothing out of self-love, all for Jesus, Jesus is all for us. It’s not about deserving God’s love or not, it’s about accepting this undeserved love if you will, and acting upon it; definitely not rejecting this love, this chance of an eternal lifetime, out of self-preservation, to protect my ego from failure, a total cop out.
Fr. Dominic
