I've been invited to an invailid wedding

[Mirdath]

Is making your disapproval known more important than being happy for your family?

If you aren’t being asked to take on a religious role in the ceremony, I really don’t see what the problem is. Guests attend a wedding for the people being married, not for their religious standing or lack thereof.

That you’re trying to think up excuses already just shows you’re embarrassed about what you’re planning to do. There’s a reason we have the faculty of feeling embarrassment: it warns us when we’re probably screwing up.

 

[Colorado_Kid]

'Sorry to see that you didn’t take the time to ready my whole posting. I’m not embarassed about anything. I do my best to proclaim the gospel in quiet and loud ways each day. Frankly, I really don’t care what anyone thinks. I work for an audience of one.

Also, to note - I am not thinking of excuses about anything. I was trying to make a good decision about possibly counseling my wayward cousin and his co-habitant in a Christ like manner. I would prefer to not embarass him and her in public. I can only see others in my family try to capitalize on my family’s stand for sacramental marriage. Like many families, mine is full of ‘cafeteria Catholics’. I’d rather have them all mad at me here, then end up repenting before they move to eternity. Then we can have a real big party there.

PAX CHRISTI.

 

[chewchoo]

i too have an invalid wedding this month.

my struggle at the moment is whether to just not go and not say anything?
or say up front that i can’t attend your wedding because?

what do other people do in this situation?

whether i say or don’t say something, feathers will be ruffled.

but if i go, God’s gonna ruffle my feathers.

help!

 

[Mirdath]

To Colorado Kid: have you considered the idea that you’ll be a much more effective witness to your family if you’re on speaking terms with them?

That said, I can’t make you listen to my advice, however good I think it and however foolish I think you’re being; all I can do is offer it and hope for the best. Good luck.

 

[Viki59]

Is there an island where we can all move to so that we don’t have to deal with this junk? I’m pretty much serious about asking that question.

Check out this new town in Florida, designed as a Catholic community: www.avemaria.com. It sure looks attractive.

I don’t understand why everybody thinks they have to come up with an excuse not to attend an invalid wedding.
The whole point of not attending is to not give people the wrong impression that we support invalid marriages. Unless we explain what the problem is, the couple may have no clue that they’re doing anything wrong.
I think the best thing would be to explain to them, as soon as you hear about a pending wedding, that the divorced person needs to get an annulment first, for their wedding to be valid. Then when they invite you later, your regretful refusal won’t be a huge surprise,

 

[mosher]

Is making your disapproval known more important than being happy for your family?

If you aren’t being asked to take on a religious role in the ceremony, I really don’t see what the problem is. Guests attend a wedding for the people being married, not for their religious standing or lack thereof.

That you’re trying to think up excuses already just shows you’re embarrassed about what you’re planning to do. There’s a reason we have the faculty of feeling embarrassment: it warns us when we’re probably screwing up.

To Colorado Kid: have you considered the idea that you’ll be a much more effective witness to your family if you’re on speaking terms with them?

That said, I can’t make you listen to my advice, however good I think it and however foolish I think you’re being; all I can do is offer it and hope for the best. Good luck.

So, basically what you are saying is that the sacramental nature of marriage is not important and that it is more important to consider a persons feelings than their soul? So, in this instance a person should be happy to see a family member place their soul in at best a precarious position?

This perspective that you are putting forth is the very position that allows for such permissiveness because it expects us to give a wink and a nod to something that is intrinsically evil instead of doing what we ought - standing up for the truth and making people confront their poor decisions instead of facilitating the justification of those same bad ideas.

The question that must be asked is: are we going to stand up for Christ or are we going to deny Him? Everytime we do not take a stand for Him and His truth we are denying Him as sure as in any other over action.

Also, the tension that a person feels is not embarrassment in making the proper decision but rather it is the wrestling with the rational intellect and the passions. On one level the passions are yelling about the emotional attachment and on the other reason is yelling about what one ought to do. This struggle is not an indication that the decision to follow that is right and difficult is wrong but rather it is the strain of building up the virtue of courage in the soul.

 

[Teeliumtrozzle]

Just go to the reception and do not go to the ceremony.They probably wont notice.

 

[Mirdath]

So, basically what you are saying is that the sacramental nature of marriage is not important and that it is more important to consider a persons feelings than their soul? So, in this instance a person should be happy to see a family member place their soul in at best a precarious position?

I do not think a sacramental marriage is what is in question here.

 

[lynroo]

I feel your pain! My son, a Notre Dame graduate, recently remarried without benefit of an annulment. After being advised by my priest and searching for answers I decided to not attend the ceremony but to attend the reception, thereby not alienating my son and his wife completely. I was acknowledging the civil union that took place and the reality of their committed relationship but not witnessing to the invalid and unsacramental cermony. As mother of the groom, my absence made the point to the ND friends and was a cause of questioning by them, so that I could give them some insight into Catholic teaching. My son was not happy but got over it. My husband, by the way, attended the ceremony, adding to my anguish. I told my son that when he had his marriage blessed in the Church, I would be there with bells on! It was a very painful thing, but bore some fruit and still kept the door open for dialogue on it.

 

[Exalt]

After being advised by my priest and searching for answers I decided to not attend the ceremony but to attend the reception, thereby not alienating my son and his wife completely.

Good thing you only partially alienated your son.

Ever read To Kill A Mockingbird? I remember reading it in High School. It’s a book that affected me deeply - and though it’s been 7 years since I read it, I still remember the lesson I learned from it. One big central theme of the book is the principle of empathy. Individuals ought to place themselves in the shoes of those whom they interact with - especially when dealing with subjects or issues very important to the person you are interacting with.

In the case of your son, how do you think he felt when you didn’t attend his wedding? You said he was “not happy” and that you didn’t “completely alienate” him and his wife. I bet he was pretty upset and hurt. I mean, you didn’t attend his wedding. That’s huge. And for what? What purpose was served by causing your son that pain? Standing up for a religious principle? You were upset that some church officials sitting in an office somewhere didn’t get a chance to sign a few pieces of paper yet - or that your son didn’t want to bother getting all the silly paperwork done. Or that he just didn’t want to spend money getting the paperwork done. Whatever it was, you have to ask yourself this question:

Was it worth alienating your son and causing him and his family pain? All for an expensive formality?

I don’t think so. But then again, I value the emotional well being of my family over faith-based religious dogma. Too bad you (and many people on this forum) don’t.

 

[chewchoo]

Was it worth alienating your son and causing him and his family pain? All for an expensive formality?

I don’t think so. But then again, I value the emotional well being of my family over faith-based religious dogma. Too bad you (and many people on this forum) don’t.

the point of these struggles with invalid weddings and to attend or not attend is an eternity issue, not an emotional one. but since we are currently in our human state, the human emotions have a way of clouding our judgement on the issue. do we value the human side more or the eternal side more?

and are we correct in our final decision on a particular matter? we won’t know until the end.

 

[Sr_Sally]

Therefore, making her friend a fornicator.

The friend is already a fornicator–she’s been living with the man she is marring for a few years according to the OP.

I agree that skipping the ceremony is the best plan, and having the boss call after the ceremony is a great idea so that the timing can work out.

To the OP, sounds like you are in a great position to influence this girl and her husband. For your own conscience, do not attend the ceremony, but in order to be a light to this couple, try not to ruin your friendship. At this point it sounds like neither of them would understand your convictions. Lest said here the better.

 

[mosher]

I do not think a sacramental marriage is what is in question here.

Exactly my point. To seperate the sacramentality of marraige from the joy of marraige is diabolical because it does violence to the sacrament itself. This is also true with a natural marraige but for different reasons and to a lesser extent.

 

[Mirdath]

Exactly my point. To seperate the sacramentality of marraige from the joy of marraige is diabolical because it does violence to the sacrament itself. This is also true with a natural marraige but for different reasons and to a lesser extent.

If you have Protestant or non-Christian friends, do you decline to attend their weddings?

 

[mosher]

If you have Protestant or non-Christian friends, do you decline to attend their weddings?

No because as protestants (the baptised) their marriage can be sacramental and for the unbaptised it can be a natural marriage both assuming that it is their first marriage but for a catholic it is a different matter but only with respect to canonical form. For other baptised or non-baptised contracting marriage it is a issue of their freedom to marry. I will only not attend a marriage that I know for fact will not be valid.

 

[Exalt]

the point of these struggles with invalid weddings and to attend or not attend is an eternity issue, not an emotional one. but since we are currently in our human state, the human emotions have a way of clouding our judgement on the issue. do we value the human side more or the eternal side more?

and are we correct in our final decision on a particular matter? we won’t know until the end.

Heh. You’re right. In your system, it makes perfect sense.

But your system is based on faith. On a lack of evidence - or in spite of contradictory evidence. But I guess you expect everyone else to accept that faith too, even if it means great emotional distress.

 

[bluerose]

But your system is based on faith. On a lack of evidence - or in spite of contradictory evidence. But I guess you expect everyone else to accept that faith too, even if it means great emotional distress.

If my divorced (no annulment) sister were to ask me to accompany her to get an abortion because she needed my emotional support, would I go with her?

NO.

If same sister asked me attend her invalid wedding, would I attend?

NO.

Or the reception?

NO.

Do I love my sister?

YES YES YES… too much to stand by and say “If you want to go to hell, let me encourage you and even buy you a present!”

Oh, yes, my sister does know how much I love her, no matter how angry she gets with me for sticking by the truth (and no, she’s done neither the abortion or the invalid marriage, but she DID get pregnant out of wedlock and is dating, hoping to remarry. She knows where I stand.) It’s probably the only reason she is still in the Church. Yes, her conscience is kicking her all the time and it’s probably in part because of me.

And no matter how bad things get (her baby’s father never showed up for his child’s birth, so guess who held her hand in the delivery room? Her boyfriend ran off with another girl for a weekend, so guess whose shoulder she cried on?), guess who IS going to be there for her? Not all the namby-pamby “Oh, sweetie, we just want you to be happy!” friends. Nope. I am.

Even if I don’t go to the wedding. And she knows it. She knows who really loves her.

 

[lizaanne]

Did anyone notice that the couple in question in the OP are going to be celebrating their one year anniversary in three months? This is a pretty old thread!

~Liza

 

[chewchoo]

Did anyone notice that the couple in question in the OP are going to be celebrating their one year anniversary in three months? This is a pretty old thread!

~Liza

it’s an old thread from the point of the OP, but the topic is still valild. i have been invited to such a wedding this month, and so it is new all over again. so keep it going

 

[Mirdath]

No because as protestants (the baptised) their marriage can be sacramental and for the unbaptised it can be a natural marriage both assuming that it is their first marriage but for a catholic it is a different matter but only with respect to canonical form. For other baptised or non-baptised contracting marriage it is a issue of their freedom to marry. I will only not attend a marriage that I know for fact will not be valid.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. Protestant marriages are not sacramental. Of the seven sacraments, only Protestant baptisms are valid.

So you’ll go to a Protestant or non-Christian wedding because it’s an issue of ‘freedom to marry’ – as long as they do it in a church?