I've been invited to an invailid wedding

[Denise_Shae]

Dearest Psalm,

RE:

It is frustrating, she is the same age as me, she is excited about finally getting married and having the perfect ceremony, and here I am saying that she really isn’t married, their current state will not change, just legally they are considered man and wife.

You’re not saying she’s really isn’t married. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s Church Teaching, and there’s nothing you can do about it. And please; never apologize for the Church or Her Teachings. She’s under the protection of the Holy Spirit.

I will be facing the exact situation you’re in, someday; and I shudder to think of how my family will react. But I’m gonna’ stand behind Jesus. I will take comfort in knowing He’ll be there for me when the situation arrives. And when all is said and done, His opinion of me is the Opinion truly matters.

It’s very hard practicing our Catholic Faith these days. A lot of people are extremely secular and have abandoned Church Teachings. They consider them “out of date”. Or, they just haven’t been Catechized correctly.

I don’t know about most of the people here, but I went to Catholic school for nine years, stopped practicing the second I graduated eighth grade, returned to the Church back in 1996, then I began learning the True Teachings of the Magisterium. And I’m still learning.
I learned the Catechism from EWTN’s various series and did extensive reading on Catholic Doctrines and Dogma.

The sad thing is: both of my children graduated from Catholic School and I still have to teach them the Catechism.

I wish you the best, and I will pray for you. Just know that you’re not alone.

God Bless you.

In His Most Sacred Heart,

Denise

 

[KCT]

The wedding and reception are this Saturday and you haven’t RSVP’d yet? —KCT

 

[Psalm45_9]

The wedding and reception are this Saturday and you haven’t RSVP’d yet? —KCT

I have, that’s the problem. My pastor told me to just go to the reception.

 

[Psalm45_9]

I found this Q & A on EWTN answered by Michelle Arnold of CA.

ewtn.com/vexperts/showmessage.asp?number=478645&Pg=Forum4&Pgnu=1&recnu=5

She states that there is nothing that prohibits a practicing Catholic from attending invalid “marriages”, but should be at the discrestion of the person invited. She’s not a family member, so it won’t cause so much harm. Our friendship isn’t like we’re best friends. I think my pastor gave me the right advice.

 

[Psalm45_9]

I found this Q & A on EWTN answered by Michelle Arnold of CA.

ewtn.com/vexperts/showmessage.asp?number=478645&Pg=Forum4&Pgnu=1&recnu=5

She states that there is nothing that prohibits a practicing Catholic from attending invalid “marriages”, but should be at the discrestion of the person invited. She’s not a family member, so it won’t cause so much harm. Our friendship isn’t like we’re best friends. I think my pastor gave me the right advice.

The link she gave also states that such a situation should be discussed with your confessor/spirutual director; which I have done. Next time I’m put in a situation like this, I’ll just say I can’t attend, it’s a lot easier.

 

[Denise_Shae]

Important Info. from the link on the EWTN Site that should be considered:

Should I Attend?

ISSUE: Does the Catholic Church prohibit Catholics from attending weddings that the Church does not recognize? If a Catholic is invited to such a wedding and can attend, is it permissible for him to be in the wedding party?

RESPONSE: The Catholic Church does not explicitly prohibit Catholics from attending weddings whose validity she does not recognize. There are certain moral principles, however, that should be considered before a Catholic decides how to proceed. Most importantly, Catholics must avoid any actions that cause scandal or encourage others to sin.

DISCUSSION: In today’s society, many couples live together before marriage, and divorce and remarriage are common. In addition, many Catholics marry outside the Church. Couples in these situations commit the sins of fornication, adultery, or both. Because of these objectively sinful circumstances, Christians are often left in a quandary when they are invited to weddings the Church does not recognize, particularly when friends or relatives are involved. The way in which one prayerfully responds to these invitations must witness to the truths taught by Christ. Our actions must encourage and promote the salvation of all.

Moral Principles

  Everything we do must encourage and provide for our salvation and the salvation of others. We must be in the world, but not of the world (cf. Jn. 17:15-19). By our participation in the lives of others, we must be salt of the earth and witness to the truths of Christ and His Church (Mt. 5:13). When we provide for our salvation and the salvation of others, we fulfill the two great commandments: to love God with our whole heart, mind and soul, and to love our neighbor as ourselves for the love of God (cf. Mt. 22:37-40). We must take care, however, not to become “flat salt.” As our Lord says,

  **Fornication and adultery are mortal sins**.  Those who persist in these sins endanger their salvation. They violate the Sixth Commandment (CCC, nos. 2331-2400).  Living together before marriage is fornication (CCC, no. 2353). Subsequent marriage of the couple does not blot out the sins they already committed, nor does the wedding itself necessarily change their attitudes or habits toward chastity and purity. Divorce and remarriage is an act of adultery, regardless of whether the “spouses” are Catholic or not (cf. Mk. 10:10-12; CCC, no. 2384). **For a Catholic who marries outside the Church, the Church does not recognize the marriage, and the union is considered adulterous** (Code of Canon Law, canon 1108). [1] **No one should promote fornication or adultery**.

Due to the length of the text, I was unable to paste the full answer.

For entire answer, go to: cuf.org/faithfacts/details_view.asp?ffID=137

God Bless.

In His Most Sacred Heart,

Denise

 

[Psalm45_9]

Important Info. from the link on the EWTN Site that should be considered:

I have read the entire page, along with Michele’s post, which I am greatful for. I see my pastor has given good advice. By me not being there, it may make me less of a witness to Christ. This is a tricky subject.

There is a real concern that if a person refuses to attend the wedding, a rift in friendship could occur. This division could hinder any witness to the truth, and this concern is especially serious if the wedding involves a close friend or family member. This concern alone must not hinder our witness (cf. Lk. 12:51-53), but it can guide our actions as we fulfill our obligation to bring others to Christ. It could be that not attending would destroy any possible chance to witness the truth to the persons involved, especially if no reason is given for not attending. It could also be that not attending, and giving reasons for the absence, will help the couple choose the way of Christ. If a Catholic chooses to attend, he will want to ensure that no one considers his presence to be an affirmation of the sin.

Jesus saw the woman at the well and the Samaritans of her town as ripe for the harvest. Had He not spent two days with them, they would not have received the words of life. While with the Samaritans, Jesus encouraged His apostles to open their eyes and see the opportunity to spread the truth (cf. Jn. 4:1-42). We too must recognize the opportunities for reaping the harvest of faith, and not quench the burning embers among the lukewarm (cf. Is. 42:3-4).

cuf.org/faithfacts/details_view.asp?ffID=137

When a toast is proposed, I’ll pretend I dropped something on the floor.

 

[Denise_Shae]

This is a tricky subject.

It is always tricky, and also quite painful, when one is torn between Religious beliefs and loved ones.

My entire family is quite liberal, so trying to practice Catholicism faithfully often puts me in uncomfortable and sometimes confrontational situations. And I often need to remind them “not to shoot the messanger”.

God Bless.

In His Most Sacred Heart,

Denise

 

[Psalm45_9]

It is always tricky, and also quite painful, when one is torn between Religious beliefs and loved ones.

My entire family is quite liberal, so trying to practice Catholicism faithfully often puts me in uncomfortable and sometimes confrontational situations. And I often need to remind them “not to shoot the messanger”.

God Bless.

In His Most Sacred Heart,

Denise

Denise,

I feel your pain I am the only one in my family who practices the faith. I also lived a secular lifestyle, so I am at times sympathetic with my fellow employees. If I were not to attend at all, I cannot lie about why I did not attend. I feel me not attending at all will disrupt my department even more, I will give a better witness by being there, even for only an hour. Thank you for helping, pax tecum!

 

[Denise_Shae]

Dearest Psalm

I feel me not attending at all will disrupt my department even more,

My heart goes out to you. Truly it does.

I feel your pain I am the only one in my family who practices the faith.

And thank you for your compassion.

It’s such a blessing to have a Forum like this where we can come together and share our Faith w/out having to worry about the fear of being ridiculed for our beliefs.

God Bless you.

In His Most Sacred Heart,

Denise

 

[Psalm45_9]

It’s such a blessing to have a Forum like this where we can come together and share our Faith w/out having to worry about the fear of being ridiculed for our beliefs.

You’re telling me? I went to a very secular university, all I had to do is say “Jesus” and I would have lesbians getting in my face. This forum came not too long after my reception into the Church at the 2004 Easter Vigil. This forum made my last semester on campus much more easier, finally I was able to interact with people who shared my beliefs and didn’t criticize me to the point where I hated getting up to start another day at my anti-God college. Sadly we had Newmann Center, but the priest was having a lot of personal issues and the two of us conflicted my last semester on campus over how I experience and practice the faith. Needless to say he’s on leave right now.

 

[John_Higgins]

Psalm,

Good for you. You sought advice from your pastor, and you sought advice from us, your faceless comrades.

I agree with you pastor–go, enjoy.

Don’t worry about the toast; say a quick prayer while you’re toasting. You do care about the couple, that’s all the toast expresses.

Let us know how it went.

John

 

[lak611]

I have, that’s the problem. My pastor told me to just go to the reception.

That’s ok. You can still skip the ceremony and attend the reception. The RSVP is for the reception not the ceremony anyway, just so there is enough food, etc.

 

[Denise_Shae]

{{{ Psalm}}} Hugs

In His Most Sacred Heart,

Denise

 

[Psalm45_9]

OK, the reception was on the small side, about 130 people maximum. There were two tables empty from no shows. I had only one co-worker ask if I was at the church, and she wasn’t from my department either. I stayed for most of it, then all of my co-workers slowly began trickling away. So far everything is good, I’m just praying that no one at work asks why I didn’t go to the church.

 

[KCT]

So far everything is good, I’m just praying that no one at work asks why I didn’t go to the church.

Even if someone does ask, why can’t you reply, “I just couldn’t make it to the church but I was glad to be at the reception.” Do you HAVE to explain yourself? --KCT

 

[blessedstar]

If someone asks you, you tell the truth of why you didn’t go to the ceremony. It is far better for someone to fall out with you for the truth than it is for them to be suspicious and fall out with you for a lie. I have learned through bitter experience never to be ashamed nor bear witness to the truth.

Don’t lie, tell the truth and be glad to tell the truth.

It is not you at fault.

 

[John_Higgins]

I disagree with blessedstar and agree with KCT. “I just couldn’t make it” sounds good to me. AND it’s not a lie.

John

 

[wcknight]

You did it right. Your pastor gave you sound advice and you followed it.

BUT in my opinion, normally, folks who attend a wedding reception and not the wedding itself are out of line. The reception is a way of saying thank you for attending and witnessing the wedding. To show up at the reception and not at the wedding is rather rude.

In this case you have a very good reason for not showing up at the wedding, But under normal circumstances, I would feel very awkward going to a reception (or a banquet) if I did not also attend the wedding.

 

[Colorado_Kid]

You’re right. According to Fr. Levis (“Web of Faith – EWTN”), she can’t attend the reception either, because that would be supporting/encouraging her friend’s invalid union.
Since the marriage is invalid; she’d be celebrating the fact that her friend is living in sin. The friend’s husband, who is still married in the Eyes of God and the Church, is an adulterer. (according to Church Teaching)
Therefore, making her friend a fornicator.

I have two cousins who are divorced w/out anulments and I dread the day one of them decides to remarry outside the Church. Most of my family will probably turn against me, but I can’t/won’t support and celebrate them living in sin.
I’m the one who will have to answer to God on Judgment Day; and I’ll be facing Him alone.

God Bless.

In His Most Sacred Heart,

Denise

Denise,

We’ll, I don’t have to wait to be in that position. My first cousin is to be ‘married’ with his live-in girlfriend in a few weeks. My mother, who was the first in the family to do what he is doing asked me continually if my family was going? Today, the Holy Spirit helped me find the words to confirm the facts about his ‘first’ marriage. No surprise, no tribunal, no annulment.

I must say that I love my cousin, he is the closet thing I had to a brother, we’re only six months apart.

The image I have in my head about this whole thing is a covered wagon driving off a huge cliff. That is the way I feel that my extended family is acting. This is the first ‘public’ seriel wedding. My mom got married at the courthouse, and I heard about it weeks later. I was also told that this was a conditional marriage. If it didn’t workout after a year, then no foul, no harm. The seeds for that have born their fruit.

My wife and I have three daughters under the age of 10. There is no way that I’m going to be a hypocrite on this one. Is there an island where we can all move too so that we don’t have to deal with this junk? I’m pretty much serious about asking that question.

My question to y’all is: I am bound to be asked later on why we weren’t there. what I’m thinking is either say that: I really would prefer to talk about it with the new couple than discuss it first with you. That would respect my cousin and his gal as persons. I"m not interested in trashing them as individuals, I just can’t support their behavior.

The other option is to say briefly that there is an issue with the cousin’s original marriage and that I can’t in good conscience have attended.

I’m open to any ideas.

PAX CHRISTI.