I've been rejected - need help getting through it

[Yogi89]

So, I started talking to this guy from online, for about a month until we met in person. I really liked everything about him, and I loved talking to him. He’s a doctor, Catholic, and has a great personality. Although he does not go to church every Sunday or as religious as I’d like, he was the same nationality, and he was very open to listening and going. I decided to do a double date, and I brought a friend and he brought his cousin. We went out to a restaurant/bar, and my friend and I were sitting down before they came. Right when they came by, the initial hello seemed to go well. He gave me a hug and sat next to me in the booth. My friend and his cousin actually knew each other from high school, which was kind of cool. Except there was nothing romantic between them. However, it did keep things very comfortable. My date seemed fine at first, but my friend kept talking, and so did his cousin and it seemed kind of boring when they talked. So, my date was texting on his phone, which was rude. Because, I feel like if he was into me, he could have talked to me. My friend said she noticed that whenever he tried to touch me or be affectionate with me, i pulled away. So, I am thinking maybe he thought I wasn’t into him? I don’t know. I am confused, because there were some signs that he did like me… for instance, his cousin mentioned that I was skinny, and basically said I was underweight for my height. I said that I was going to gain weight, and my date grabbed my leg/thigh lightly and said “no don’t”, and he did put his arm around me for a minute and touched my hair and I pulled his hand away. But, he is really into himself, so I don’t think he would think that I wasn’t into him. Anyway, the date lasted about 3 hours, and my date and his cousin were planning to meet up some ppl at a bar afterward, and they asked us to come about a few times. We told them we were just going to stay where we were at, and my friend said if we decide to come we will let you know. Anyway, we left the restaurant not too long after they left, and when we walked outside there was a car right there and a guy in the passenger seat was looking as I walked by. I don’t have the best eye sight, so I couldn’t tell if that was them, and my friend wasn’t sure either.

My friend and I decided to go to the coffee shop, and we talked about the date and everything. I texted him when we were there, and I told him “we had fun with you guys tonight, thnks for dinner”. And, he never responded back, He didn’t call or text me the next couple days either.

I am sooo upset, and all I keep doing is thinking about him. I am so hurt, especially because I liked his personality and everything else about him. I typically don’t like a lot of guys that much, so that’s why it is so hard for me. I really don’t like being rejected, and it feels awful. I keep crying, and I don’t feel like I will find anyone else that I will like. During mass on Sunday, I just kept thinking about the date and about him, and I can’t even focus anymore. I don’t even have an appetite. I know this is bad, and I’ve felt like this only once about a guy before my whole life. What should I do? Any prayers that will help me, and possibly help me to meet my future spouse???

Thank you!

 

[edCiv]

Me too. I went to prayer intention section and got advice and prayers. I’m sorry. It completely hurts! For me, I feel shame and humiliation. I pray for you not to go through again. Find mr.right like other happy catholic couples! Maybe you will become humble and wise and better wife for your future husband. I’m sorry. I hope you will get better.

 

[Yogi89]

Thank you! I will pray for you also, to not go through it again. I know, it really hurts so much… I can’t even think straight anymore. Thank you so much , and I wish the same for you as well. God Bless you!

 

[bilop]

Unfortunately, dating is about rejection. It can be done in a more or less kind way, but the reality is most people will need to meet and date many individuals before they find their spouse.

It sucks what you’re feeling, but better to know after 1 date, than wait weeks and months.

God Bless

 

[Ridgerunner]

So, I started talking to this guy from online, for about a month until we met in person. I really liked everything about him, and I loved talking to him. He’s a doctor, Catholic, and has a great personality. Although he does not go to church every Sunday or as religious as I’d like, he was the same nationality, and he was very open to listening and going. I decided to do a double date, and I brought a friend and he brought his cousin. We went out to a restaurant/bar, and my friend and I were sitting down before they came. Right when they came by, the initial hello seemed to go well. He gave me a hug and sat next to me in the booth. My friend and his cousin actually knew each other from high school, which was kind of cool. Except there was nothing romantic between them. However, it did keep things very comfortable. My date seemed fine at first, but my friend kept talking, and so did his cousin and it seemed kind of boring when they talked. So, my date was texting on his phone, which was rude. Because, I feel like if he was into me, he could have talked to me. My friend said she noticed that whenever he tried to touch me or be affectionate with me, i pulled away. So, I am thinking maybe he thought I wasn’t into him? I don’t know. I am confused, because there were some signs that he did like me… for instance, his cousin mentioned that I was skinny, and basically said I was underweight for my height. I said that I was going to gain weight, and my date grabbed my leg/thigh lightly and said “no don’t”, and he did put his arm around me for a minute and touched my hair and I pulled his hand away. But, he is really into himself, so I don’t think he would think that I wasn’t into him. Anyway, the date lasted about 3 hours, and my date and his cousin were planning to meet up some ppl at a bar afterward, and they asked us to come about a few times. We told them we were just going to stay where we were at, and my friend said if we decide to come we will let you know. Anyway, we left the restaurant not too long after they left, and when we walked outside there was a car right there and a guy in the passenger seat was looking as I walked by. I don’t have the best eye sight, so I couldn’t tell if that was them, and my friend wasn’t sure either.

My friend and I decided to go to the coffee shop, and we talked about the date and everything. I texted him when we were there, and I told him “we had fun with you guys tonight, thnks for dinner”. And, he never responded back, He didn’t call or text me the next couple days either.

I am sooo upset, and all I keep doing is thinking about him. I am so hurt, especially because I liked his personality and everything else about him. I typically don’t like a lot of guys that much, so that’s why it is so hard for me. I really don’t like being rejected, and it feels awful. I keep crying, and I don’t feel like I will find anyone else that I will like. During mass on Sunday, I just kept thinking about the date and about him, and I can’t even focus anymore. I don’t even have an appetite. I know this is bad, and I’ve felt like this only once about a guy before my whole life. What should I do? Any prayers that will help me, and possibly help me to meet my future spouse???

Thank you!

I have always heard that praying to St. Ann is a help. St. Joseph too. My son’s wife, by way of example, prayed to St. Joseph. She and my son met in very unlikely circumstances and liked each other immediately. That my son’s middle name is “Joseph” probably didn’t hurt.

But I remember when I was dating, lo, these many years ago, I sometimes repeated a line to myself from an old Scottish song when things didn’t turn out with one lady: “…and there’s many a bonnie Jean in the streets of Aberdeen…”, meaning, of course, there are lots of ladies in the world. And so there are.

And so it is with men.

 

[AussieTrish]

People can be charming and that doesn’t mean they’re the right person that they are moral or likely to be faithful.
First date, and he was grabbing your thigh, and touching your hair and putting his arm around you. It wasn’t okay and you were protected by your innate goodness.
Your instinct to repel him was correct.
He was also disrespectful of you in texting during the date, and he should have been conversing with you more. These things indicate that he wasn’t interested in you as a person, but he was checking out if you were physically responsive.

Many have been charmed by rascals, even apparently acceptable ones. I understand that you are shy, but please God you will find a man who will treat you with respect.

 

[wcknight]

There are many fish in the sea. It is very unlikely that the first one you meet will be the right one. It did not sound like a great first date to me. I pray you meet the right guy. I see too many bad matches where folks 'settle on" just about anyone who comes along. It never turns out good in the long run.

No one like rejection, even if it is from a creep. It’s even tougher if it is from someone who we thought was really nice, and just about devastating from someone who we thought we loved or loved us. I was in a relationship for several months, thought this was the one, and it broke off suddenly. Turns out the future MIL didn’t like me. That would have made it a very tough union, so in the long run it was best for both of us.

One date does not make a relationship, so look for greener pastures, even if you think it may have worked out. IF he wasn’t even decent enough to call and let you know it was not right nor was he willing to give it a second chance, he definitely was not worth it. Part of dating is getting to know how to be with someone else, try to learn from each encounter, just like job interviews. You are interviewing for Mr Right and he is trying to find the right match for him. It’s best to know up front before anyone’s feelings get hurt any more than it has to. One date and out is far better than a long relationship and out. Try not to fall in love with every date that comes along, that could be dangerous, and very hard on your emotions.

 

[ClearWater]

People can be charming and that doesn’t mean they’re the right person that they are moral or likely to be faithful.
First date, and** he was grabbing your thigh, and touching your hair and putting his arm around you. It wasn’t okay and you were protected by your innate goodness.
Your instinct to repel him was correct.
He was also disrespectful of you in texting during the date, and he should have been conversing with you more. These things indicate that he wasn’t interested in you as a person, but he was checking out if you were physically responsive.
**
Many have been charmed by rascals, even apparently acceptable ones. I understand that you are shy, but please God you will find a man who will treat you with respect.

I agree. That’s EXACTLY what I was thinking!

Also, if he’s a doctor, why is he looking for a date on the internet? Most single women will practically line up for someone who is educated, is working, a good person?

You were right to repel him! He was moving way too fast, physically.

I know he says he’s Catholic, and maybe he is. However, to be a good, practicing Catholic, he’d need to abstain till marriage. Did he strike you as the type who would be willing to do that? His body language and everything was saying just the opposite.

He should not be texting during a date! Once, I had a date that was on his cell, and that was our last! It’s not good dating ettiquette.

Next time, start as friends! Get to really know him, before you decide to date. “Knowing” someone online does NOT count!

I’ve heard of all kinds of horror stories of meeting online. One extreme case was where a lesbian put up a man’s picture, acted like this handsome man, and if memory serves, she had hundreds of responses!

How do you actually know he isn’t married, with children? A lot men have lied to women to get them into sexual relationship. Once the man gets what he wants, he will typically, just move on to the next conquest, leaving a string of broken hearts behind.

You don’t know him! He could be anything at this point! It’s premature to get your hopes up, and even if it hasn’t worked out, if he’s married, it’d be a blessing, in disguise.

The kind of man a good, single, Catholic girl needs to be looking for is for a fellow Catholic who is good, respectful, reliable, and would be faithful!

 

[Lochias]

So, I started talking to this guy from online, for about a month until we met in person. I really liked everything about him, and I loved talking to him. He’s a doctor, Catholic, and has a great personality. Although he does not go to church every Sunday or as religious as I’d like, he was the same nationality, and he was very open to listening and going. I decided to do a double date, and I brought a friend and he brought his cousin. We went out to a restaurant/bar, and my friend and I were sitting down before they came. Right when they came by, the initial hello seemed to go well. He gave me a hug and sat next to me in the booth. My friend and his cousin actually knew each other from high school, which was kind of cool. Except there was nothing romantic between them. However, it did keep things very comfortable. My date seemed fine at first, but my friend kept talking, and so did his cousin and it seemed kind of boring when they talked. So, my date was texting on his phone, which was rude. Because, I feel like if he was into me, he could have talked to me. My friend said she noticed that whenever he tried to touch me or be affectionate with me, i pulled away. So, I am thinking maybe he thought I wasn’t into him? I don’t know. I am confused, because there were some signs that he did like me… for instance, his cousin mentioned that I was skinny, and basically said I was underweight for my height. I said that I was going to gain weight, and my date grabbed my leg/thigh lightly and said “no don’t”, **and he did put his arm around me for a minute and touched my hair and I pulled his hand away. **But, he is really into himself, so I don’t think he would think that I wasn’t into him. Anyway, the date lasted about 3 hours, and my date and his cousin were planning to meet up some ppl at a bar afterward, and they asked us to come about a few times. We told them we were just going to stay where we were at, and my friend said if we decide to come we will let you know. Anyway, we left the restaurant not too long after they left, and when we walked outside there was a car right there and a guy in the passenger seat was looking as I walked by. I don’t have the best eye sight, so I couldn’t tell if that was them, and my friend wasn’t sure either.

My friend and I decided to go to the coffee shop, and we talked about the date and everything. I texted him when we were there, and I told him “we had fun with you guys tonight, thnks for dinner”. And, he never responded back, He didn’t call or text me the next couple days either.

I am sooo upset, and all I keep doing is thinking about him. I am so hurt, especially because I liked his personality and everything else about him. I typically don’t like a lot of guys that much, so that’s why it is so hard for me. I really don’t like being rejected, and it feels awful. I keep crying, and I don’t feel like I will find anyone else that I will like. During mass on Sunday, I just kept thinking about the date and about him, and I can’t even focus anymore. I don’t even have an appetite. I know this is bad, and I’ve felt like this only once about a guy before my whole life. What should I do? Any prayers that will help me, and possibly help me to meet my future spouse???

Thank you!

I’ll totally pray for you, but I’d like to point out that, from all the signs here, you rejected him, not the other way around.

From reading your post, it sounds like you wanted him to txt you back for another date…but I don’t know a guy alive who’d want to hang around with a gal (that he was interested in) who kept pulling away from his touch and otherwise seemed completely uninterested in him.

Just a point to ponder.

 

[esieffe]

Pretend things worked out great on the date, then ask yourself, “Would I want a second date with this guy?” If the answer is yes, then you have nothing to lose by sending him a text or a note explaining your feelings.

Aside from that, if it is meant to happen, it will, if not, it won’t. Pray and then listen.

 

[esieffe]

I’ll totally pray for you, but I’d like to point out that, from all the signs here, you rejected him, not the other way around.

From reading your post, it sounds like you wanted him to txt you back for another date…but I don’t know a guy alive who’d want to hang around with a gal (that he was interested in) who kept pulling away from his touch and otherwise seemed completely uninterested in him.

Just a point to ponder.

Funny you should say that. I went on one date with a girl in high school, and it worked out well, but I was inexperienced so I tried to kiss her good night at the end of the date. She pulled away. Ok. too soon? Then the next several days at school, she was really distant. So I went on.

Years later she found me on Facebook and said “Why did you not ever ask me out for a second date?” I told her that at the time, I totally did not understand girls, which was true!

 

[esieffe]

First date, and he was grabbing your thigh, and touching your hair and putting his arm around you. It wasn’t okay and you were protected by your innate goodness.
Your instinct to repel him was correct.

Oopse. Missed that part. I agree. Not a keeper.

 

[The_Buggiest]

I, too, have struggled with the pain of rejection in my life. The danger is that it leads us to be blind to the truth of another person–instead, we hunger so desperately for that person’s acceptance, that we do not have clear enough vision to see the other person for who he or she really is. In this case, I think God has protected you from being with this man. After all, if the date had gone well in his opinion, you might have settled into a relationship that may or may not have been the right one. You might not have been able to evaluate that accurately due to your hunger for his approval.

Things began to change for me when I realize one thing, deep down in my bones: God loves me. Really, really loves me. Like a lot. More than I could ever imagine. When I struggle with fear of rejection (which I still do even in a very solid relationship with a man who loves me very much and is very open about this fact!), I picture God using His blessed hands to form me. Most often I think of Him using clay, but sometimes it’s Play-Doh–I like colors! He smiles as He works, because He just knows that I am going to turn out GREAT. (I do the same thing, as an artist–when everything in the piece is clicking and turning out EXACTLY how I like, I feel a peace and wholeness inside of me, and then I get just plain excited because I LOVE the creation that is coming to be right before me.) He hums and He laughs and He just can’t even tear Himself away from the project that is me. And then He breathes life into me, loving me so much that He places a part of Himself. He doesn’t even need me to be happy, because God is perfect and whole by His very nature. But He made me anyway, because He just loves me so much that He wanted me to be. He wants to give me everything He has–His very self. And then He gave me the greatest gift He could conceive of–free will. I can reject Him. I fear rejection so deeply, and yet, God endowed me with the ability to reject the greatest of beings–Himself.

When He is done making me, He sits back and watches me. He lets me live. He lets me learn. He lets me find Him in my own time. He even lets me choose Satan, who levied the very first rejection against God. He lets me follow in those footsteps, but He never, ever gives up on me.

If God takes such delight in me, and if He loves me this much and waits always for me to accept Him, why shouldn’t I treat myself this way? Satan tempts me first to reject myself, second to reject God, and third to seek validation from others, because I cannot find it in myself, which is to say in God, who has gifted me with the divine spark.

So when I feel that temptation loom before me, I fall back on that image of God I described above. I imagine Him smiling at me. I imagine Him making me. I imagine Him loving me. With practice and with time, the fear and pain of rejection shrink, and I am filled with peace, even in the midst of my greatest social anxieties.

Good luck, dear sister in Christ. Know that we all love you, but most importantly, that God loves you. We all rooting for you and asking God to take care of you. You are precious.

 

[The_Buggiest]

P.S. A beautiful prayer from ourcatholicprayers.com/offering-prayers.html:

Dear Lord, during this trial,
I offer up to you my confusion
Give me clarity
I offer up to you my despair
Give me hope
I offer up to you my weakness
Give me strength
I offer up to you my pettiness
Give me generosity of spirit.
I offer up to you all my
Negative thoughts from Satan
So that when he asks ‘Where is Your God now?”
I may respond “Right here with me, giving me His grace
As a Heavenly beam of light penetrating your darkness!"

 

[Yogi89]

Thank you ALL very much, for your kind responses and prayers! I really appreciate it, and it helped make me feel a lot better!! It clearly wasn’t meant to be. God Bless you all