I've commited adultery many times

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I don’t think you arrived at this point in your life in just a day and I think you should be aware that things shall not all resolve likewise in one day. But I assure you that if you resolve firmly to change from this evil and if you put in the all your effort (prayer, councilx, talking with your wife etc), into leaving your comfort zone in search for Christ, He shall save you. He shall touch the eyes of your heart once or twice if He has to until it is cleared from the blindness of this evil. He however requires your full consent/will, to act i.e are you willing?

I also heard that one good way of fighting evil is investing your time into you talents/ hobbies. Apart from computers, you may find yourself a lover of other things e.g gardening, sports, sharing your experiences to help others, singing/choir etc.
Your will is your will. Courage
 
Anicette said:
Yes you need pray!

In the Cathechism, it is written that the prayer is a battle.

Perhaps you suffer of some spiritual laziness, or some physical/mental/moral toripidity because of too much time with computers?
Are you depressed?
Perhaps you need to exercice, go back to real life innocent pleasure, instead of guilt one?
To reunite with your wife with common regular activities, like prayers, meal time, dates? To develop more intimacy?
To start with a couple retreat?

I don’t know if you can save your marriage.
Don’t know if you should tell your wife. Probably more honest, but be prepare for a divorce.

One thing is certain, if you do not take the resolution to save your family now, she will eventually lear it and it will be the end of your marriage.
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There was moments in my life that I suspect I was depressed. Yes.
I think doing those things you said will help… Because like you said, if I do nothing the end will be very painful.
 
FCS said:
How about only using your phone while with other people. THat could work.
Yes I need to pray… not praying at all.
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This is one thing that I need for sure: to hate sin! I’m addicted to them, I like them… but We all know “the wage of sin is death” …

There were times that I’ve confessed because of the fear of death and hell. But, I’m in these stage that I don’t care anymore… it is spooky…
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Legend said:
You probably can’t go without telling your wife about the fact that you’ve had sex with other women. She should be tested for STDs, some of which, sadly, she can get without any symptoms from you.
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I did not know that, maybe I should tell her so…
 
Asonglaw said:
I don’t think you arrived at this point in your life in just a day and I think you should be aware that things shall not all resolve likewise in one day. But I assure you that if you resolve firmly to change from this evil and if you put in the all your effort (prayer, councilx, talking with your wife etc), into leaving your comfort zone in search for Christ, He shall save you. He shall touch the eyes of your heart once or twice if He has to until it is cleared from the blindness of this evil. He however requires your full consent/will, to act i.e are you willing?

I also heard that one good way of fighting evil is investing your time into you talents/ hobbies. Apart from computers, you may find yourself a lover of other things e.g gardening, sports, sharing your experiences to help others, singing/choir etc.
Your will is your will. Courage
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Amen to that.
 
Weird suggestion, but maybe read up on what hell is really like. It would definitly get you to fear it. Hell is not fun, it is worse than any pain this life could offer.

Fear of hell is a valid reason to go to Confession.

I would suggest praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet, which takes about ten minutes, or praying a rosary, which (at least for me) takes longer. If you do not have time, you could always say only one mystery of the rosary. Our Lady promised things to people who regularly pray the rosary.
https://www.catholiccompany.com/getfed/15-promises-to-christians-who-pray-the-rosary-6146

Hope this helps
 
What do you want for your daughter? Do you want her to grow up and think women are only for the pleasure of men? Maybe become a prostitute? Do you want her to grow up with divorced parents?
Think seriously about your daughter and your hopes for her life. Then do your best to become the father she needs.
What helps children best is if their father loves their mother.

Please get on your knees and ask for God’s help. He will give it to you.
 
Just based on the admittance of not really being sorry about it I would recommend the wife be informed. She has a right to make a decision.
 
Personally I think your number 1 step should be getting away from the porn even if it means changing your career to one where you are more away from computers.
Pornography will desensitise you and change the way you view women and relationships.
It will also undermine any attempts you try to make to change your mentality from less sexual/sensation based to more self control and family values.

As an analogy, think of if a person was an alcoholic and then worked behind the bar at a pub or lived next door to pub.The “pull” would be much stronger for them to fall into old ways of excess drinking as it was right there in front of their face.

You may not be in a place currently to be able to say that you genuinely feel like you want to live/desire a life based on family values and it won’t fix your marriage or feelings overnight but you can commit to a “small step” of change by committing to get rid of the porn no matter what.
My guess is that the porn has seriously affected your mindset because it has been such a longstanding problem.
 
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Plus, she has a right to know about her health! She can have a number of sti’s that don’t show up in a woman…or, even, in either partner…for a long time!
 
Rozellelily said:
Personally I think your number 1 step should be getting away from the porn even if it means changing your career to one where you are more away from computers.
Pornography will desensitise you and change the way you view women and relationships.
It will also undermine any attempts you try to make to change your mentality from less sexual/sensation based to more self control and family values.

As an analogy, think of if a person was an alcoholic and then worked behind the bar at a pub or lived next door to pub.The “pull” would be much stronger for them to fall into old ways of excess drinking as it was right there in front of their face.

You may not be in a place currently to be able to say that you genuinely feel like you want to live/desire a life based on family values and it won’t fix your marriage or feelings overnight but you can commit to a “small step” of change by committing to get rid of the porn no matter what.
My guess is that the porn has seriously affected your mindset because it has been such a longstanding problem.
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Change my career I think is too much… I “only” see porn when I’m alone at home. I do think all these years consuming pornography (+20years) made me what I am now.

I’ve already told my wife years ago that I was addicted to porn, she agree to help me stop … I did not stop but I told her I had stopped… I lied because I was afraid…

I will find the right time to tell her again that I still have this problem, and find ways to not stay alone, find a way to get rid of porn…

I’ve already cancel internet services in my house in the past, but I was able to get porn in other places… The devil will always find a way to not let you win. But I still have hope I think.
 
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Pray to Our Blessed Mother every day. Go to confession frequently.

Fight this battle…fight for your soul. Your eternity depends on this!
 
I sympathise with you that changing your career may seem extreme but this is an extreme problem and addiction that’s costing you your marriage.
By being willing to change careers if necessary shows how committed you are to getting the porn out of life and of changing the mindset that has “normalised it”.

I don’t know if it will help to get rid of the urges but it’s good information to know anyway that when you watch porn it’s pure “animal like” sex as you know.There is no emotion,humanity or love involved and the women are just disposable objects.
The guys don’t give a sheet about the girls feelings in life etc-they are just a means to an end etc…

The girls are sold a lie that they are ‘stars’ but they are really just prostitutes on camera-used and abused.

The porn industry makes it look that the girls are enjoying it just as much/willing but what they don’t tell the viewer is that many of the women who go into porn have been sexually abused as children and some also have mental illnesses.
Both of these factors can change a persons physical sex drive/make them more oversexed etc…

The remainder of the women in the “industry” also have had some distorted childhood (eg:very hyper religious parents against sex so they now rebelled by working in porn) or the other remainder have simply sold out to money/evil.

It’s not really an industry that you want to be supporting although at the same time I understand the addiction may not be on a purely rational level.
 
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