Ive commited mortal sin and cant take communion but my parents will know

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Sebastian04

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Im 16 and I believe I have commited a mortal sin my patents dont know about and know I cant recieve communion until i go to confession. Me and my parents go to mass daily and if my parents see me not recieve communion they will ask me what I did and I really wish I can keep my sin between me and my future confessor. What should i do?
 
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Don’t receive in mortal sin. You may be able to follow behind them, and cross your arms for a blessing though.

If you are scrupulous though, talk to a priest or spiritual director…if not scrupulous, try to schedule a confession before mass and ask your parents if you can leave early in order to do confession first.

Your parents should not ask what you confessed, but you aren’t obligated to share what sin(s) no matter what.
 
TheIttyBitty said:
…you aren’t obligated to share what sin(s) no matter what.
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That’s right. You are coming of age. You can draw a line. If you must, simply tell them you want to go to confession first. The rest is not their business.
 
Does your church have people who go forward with their arms crossed to recieve blessings? I know some would suggest this is not correct behavior, but if you position yourself behind your parents in line and you simply cross your arms when you get to the front, they may not notice at all.

If no one does this or your church is set up with the use of an altar rail, I’d just have sort of a script ready for your parents so you don’t stress too much about the interaction.

When they ask say, “my conscience is troubled about something and I’d like to discuss it with my confessor.”

I don’t know your parents, but I know as a parent I’ve probably been guilty of a little interrogation. It’s never because I want to know my kid’s sins, I just want to know if they are OK and how I can help. For example, my 8 year old told me he wasn’t going to recieve and I definitely asked him a few questions to see if he wanted me to take him to confession or if was something else. Turns out he was just really stressed out by the procedures for recieving and wearing a mask all at once.
 
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I can appreciate that this is difficult - not receiving obviously sets you up for them to ask “why not” and also invites at least speculation from them. Of course it’s none of anyone’s business but when your 16 years old and it’s your parents asking then it’s more than a bit awkward!

Obviously, the easiest solution is not go to confession - before mass; a priest has an obligation to hear your confession at any reasonable time so don’t think you have to wait until the next time confessions are scheduled to be heard: be bold, call, make an appointment and just go!

Of course it’s not always that easy especially if you’re going to mass every day. While you shouldn’t of course receive communion without going to confession first, if you genuinely aren’t able to go to confession Canon Law (Can. 916) still allows you receive if there is a “grave reason” (like serious embarrassment) provided you make an act of perfect contrition (so are sorry for your sins out of the Lord’s love for you rather than just fear of hell) and are resolved to go to confession as soon as possible.
 
InThePew said:
While you shouldn’t of course receive communion without going to confession first, if you genuinely aren’t able to go to confession Canon Law (Can. 916) still allows you receive if there is a “grave reason” (like serious embarrassment) provided you make an act of perfect contrition (so are sorry for your sins out of the Lord’s love for you rather than just fear of hell) and are resolved to go to confession as soon as possible.
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I didn’t know that’s how that worked. I thought grave reason just meant impending death or something. Thanks, Father.
 
StudentMI said:
I didn’t know that’s how that worked. I thought grave reason just meant impending death or something.
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A “grave reason” is a serious one - so not just because you want to or feel like it. At the same time, it also doesn’t mean something as serious as danger of death. When someone’s in danger of death the usual rules go out the window anyway so Can. 916 is intended for slightly less extreme situations.
 
Really, I feel like embarassment is mostly a matter of convenience rather than a grave reason.
 
Sebastian04 said:
Really, I feel like embarassment is mostly a matter of convenience rather than a grave reason.
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It is to some extent which is why the embarrassment needs to be serious - so not just a feeling of perceived awkwardness that might come from not receiving (sort of in the “everyone’s looking at me” even when they’re not kind of way)
 
If the OP is Eastern Catholic, then Canon 916 of the CIC does not apply. AFAIK, there is no equivalent to that in the Code of Eastern Canons (CCEO).
 
I second the idea of just eat or drink something other than water before Mass. Then when / if your parents ask why you didn’t receive you can say you couldn’t because of the Eucharistic fast.

Then get to Confession as soon as possible. Try to go once a month. That way 1) you’re less likely to fall into mortal sin again 2) if you do, your parents already know you go to Confession regularly so they won’t wonder why you’re going.
 
It’s too bad that the poster lives in a situation where saying “mom, dad, I need to go to confession to be in a state of grace to receive” would be some kind of grave embarrassment. My kids ask to go to confession when they need to. We have always helped them examine their conscience and the older ones now are autonomous and we don’t need to “pry”. Nor is it embarrassing when they ask. It’s a source of pride that we are teaching them to be holy and they are listening. Do the OPs parents understand why confession is important?
 
That was explained to me to by my own priest, though he used the example of a retreat where all had gone to confession late afternoon the day before as part of the retreat, and as Mass was early the next morning, it would be permitted to receive because no-one is obliged to reveal their conscience (in this scenario it was a live-in retreat, so if the person didn’t receive [all things being equal ie not needing a low gluten host for example or broken Eucharist fast etc], rather than reveal they’d committed a mortal sin, they could receive with the caveats you stated.
 
That’s a weird deception. Again, why can’t the OP examine their conscience and count on their parents to help them have access to the sacrament? It’s not embarrassing. They don’t get to know the sin.
If I asked my kid why they needed to go to confession I honestly think they would jokingly say, “ murderous thoughts about my parents”. Then I’d shut up and drive them to confession while never sleeping again!!
 
People have different parents.

I know I wouldn’t have felt comfortable telling my parents I needed to go to confession. They would want to know why and more likely than not, it’s not a conversation I’d want to have with them.

I would have pulled this “weird deception” myself if I hadn’t been able to just walk over to the local parish and go to Confession without them needing to know or bring me since it was down the block and had afternoon hours outside of before/after Mass.
 
Tell them that it’s between you and God. If they’re faithful Catholics they will likely accept it and be impressed by your desire to live according to God’s law.

I spent years receiving unworthily out of desire to not let my parents know anything. Don’t do it, it’s not worth it.
 
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Who says you have to tell your parents? You could tell them that you would rather not say and just go to confession. People sin, its a fact, nobody is perfect.
 
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