I've never been to confession before - help!

[panther]

I converted to Catholicism from evangelical Protestantism about 25 years ago, and am ashamed to say that I’ve never been to confession. I was very poorly catechised, and always thought that just confessing my sins directly to God was enough. I examined my conscience before Mass, but not with/in front of a priest.

Over the last few weeks, the Holy Spirit has really been kicking me in the tail about a lot of things and the scales have fallen from my eyes in regard to confession. I want to make confession, but I have a couple of questions:

1. What do I do when I go into the confessional? What am I supposed to say/do?
2. How should I list my sins for the last 25 years??? What exactly is expected for me to confess? My sins fall into the categories of envy, pride, lying - do I try to enumerate all the instances where I have been jealous of someone, have lied to someone, etc.?
3. How do I overcome my embarrassment for not even knowing that I should really make regular confessions?

I appreciate your words of wisdom and your prayers!

 

[promethius95945]

1. What do I do when I go into the confessional? What am I supposed to say/do?

“Father forgive me, for I have sinned. This is my first confession.”

be sure to know the act of Contrition. The father will walk you through it from there, and it’s a pretty self-explanatory process.

1. How should I list my sins for the last 25 years??? What exactly is expected for me to confess? My sins fall into the categories of envy, pride, lying - do I try to enumerate all the instances where I have been jealous of someone, have lied to someone, etc.?

you can list them however you wish. you can go item by item, or categorize them and provide examples or rough idea of repetition (for example, “i lied to my parents about smoking at least twice a week for a year,” etc). There’s not really a concrete definition of how you must list your sins

1. How do I overcome my embarrassment for not even knowing that I should really make regular confessions?

realize that your embarrasment is caused by satan to keep you from going to confession. realize that everything you confess, the priest has heard before.

 

[John_Lilburne]

There is an outline of going to confession at usccb.org/liturgy/penance.shtml .

 

[scylla]

I would make a little paper to keep you straight when you go into the confessional.

It is traditional to go into the confessional and sit or kneel and say, Bless me Father for I have sinned it has been (such and such time since my last confession or this is my first confession) whatever fits the situation. You don’t need to be exactly precise just honest.

Then he might prompt you to say your sins and you then start from the beginning.

I would suggest you go through the 10 commandments to examine your conscience and state the sins that you have committed. Then any additional sins that you remember are then said and you can ask a question or a few.
Then he asks God to absolve you and asks you recite the act of contrition.
ewtn.com/devotionals/prayers/contrit.htm

This should be about it, I recommend you do make a list that you can burn afterward to keep your head clear and make it efficient\honest.

God Bless
Scylla

I would keep away from the wishy washy examinations of conscience that sometimes are printed these days and look for a thorough one which doesn’t leave out the sexual and serious sins.

 

[Spirithound]

1. What do I do when I go into the confessional? What am I supposed to say/do?

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. This is my first confession, and these are my sins (name them). The priest will say prayers, give advice, and he will ask you to make an act of contrition. Here’s mine: My God, I am heartily sorry for having offended You. I detest all my sins, not because of Your just punishments, but because they offend You, my Lord, who are all-loving and deserving of all my love.
I firmly resolve, with the help of Your grace, to sin to more and to avoid the near occasions of sin.

You can look around for an alternate act of contrition that might fit you better. Most people have their own little variations.
The priest will then absolve you.

1. How should I list my sins for the last 25 years??? What exactly is expected for me to confess? My sins fall into the categories of envy, pride, lying - do I try to enumerate all the instances where I have been jealous of someone, have lied to someone, etc.?

You don’t have to enumerate each instance, but give an estimate of how many times/how often.

1. How do I overcome my embarrassment for not even knowing that I should really make regular confessions?

The priest will not judge you, he will not make fun of you. This is the Sacrament of Love, and God’s love is being extended to you through it. God bless you, and you are in my prayers.

 

[baltobetsy]

You’re gonna love it!

Be sure to let the priest know that this is your first confession and that you were received into the Church 25 years ago. That will help him understand your situation.

As for enumerating your sins for all those years, don’t feel you have to tell the story of every sin. All you need to do is accuse yourself of them and estimate the number of times. Perhaps you can figure that out by number of times weekly or some other interval of time. The most important thing is that you are sorry.

The only time you need to include any details about a sin is when there are circumstances that change the nature of the sin. For example, “I stole a valuable gold cup” takes on the sin of sacrilege in addition to stealing if the cup was a chalice from a church, so you would need to mention that.

You may wish to consider making an appointment for confession outside the regular times, so you won’t be rushed if there’s a line of people waiting for you to finish.

And finally, come back in a few weeks and make confession a regular habit. It’s a great blessing.

Betsy

 

[Eddy]

I would really suggest making an appointment and going to see the priest person to person.

It will give you the chance to fully explain the situation, and the priest the chance to take you through the process slowly, explaining what is happening and why.

I’m guessing it would make a more meaningful and less stressful experience than in a confessional with a queue of people waiting behind you!

 

[panther]

These have been great responses - thank you so much!

I have called one of our priests and left a voice-mail telling him about my situation. I expect a call today to set up an appointment, so I’m on my way.

I’ll let you know how it goes!

Thanks, everyone.

 

[THurifer2]

These have been great responses - thank you so much!

I have called one of our priests and left a voice-mail telling him about my situation. I expect a call today to set up an appointment, so I’m on my way.

I’ll let you know how it goes!

Thanks, everyone.

Let us know what happened!! I am willing to bet that you will feel very very very very Liberated after you confess. I remember My first confession after over a decade of absence (I think it was 18 years)…I felt like I was floating and my chest was about to burst with joy.

 

[Greg27]

Confession can be a bit scary but is an essential sacrament; it brings us to the infinite mercy and forgiveness of God and also lets us cough up the spiritual poison on our souls and consciences that is sin.

To start with, just confess what your worst sins seem to be. The priest will not say anathema to you and you are going to hell, but you will just say some prayers and also be given something to do to make up for the sin, which is usually not too painful or difficult to do, and then the priest will absolve you of your sins in the name of the Trinity.

It is a very beautiful and cleansing experience, like a new baptism ever time you go through it.

 

[Maxply]

Wow! You’re in luck!

I try to go to confession every month and I highly recommend doing this.

It’s a very special sacrament, it brings you in touch with how well you are really living the Christian life. It has made a great difference in my personal behavior.

Again, go each month. Find a priest who you feel can offer insights, etc.

Given the length of time you’re looking at, budget some time to do some thinking. Make some notes. And go to confession face-to-face. This isn’t as hard as you might think, and for me, just feels better than being on a kneeler in a dark closet.

 

[panther]

Yahoo, I did it!

I met with a priest this morning, he heard my confession, and it was such a blessing!

Thanks to all of you for your encouragement and your prayers.

A special bonus: The priest I met with is one that I didn’t really know well in the parish (and actually thought was kind of a nerd). He was the only one available to meet with me and counsel me, and it turned out that he was such an instrument of God. The Holy Spirit definitely wanted me to meet with that particular priest, and it gave me a new appreciation for him.

Thanks again, family!

 

[baltobetsy]

Hooray! Thanks be to God! Now go back to confession in 3 or 4 weeks, OK?

Betsy

 

[vince2paul]

I remember I was in your shoes about a year ago. I realised I never did a good confession before.

So I really don’t know what to do, I didn’t even know about this forum. So I bought a small book “How to go to confession when you don’t know how” by Ann M.S. LeBlanc. It was a good book for me at that time.

One afternoon, I attended lunch-time Mass at the Cathedral. After the Mass, I approached the priest and told him that I wanted to go to confession but I didn’t know how. He told me that he would help me. After that, I felt as if I was on cloud 9. I was so relieved that I finally was able to do that.

Looking back now, it was definitely God who helped me to meet this priest. I mean I could just go to any Churches and there was possibility I get a not-so-good, impatient priest etc. Few months after that, I realised that he only celebrated 1 lunch-time mass in a week that’s also irregular. So you can see His plan for me; I was at the right time and the right place.

But, that day, I decided to do it in Cathedral which is far from my house (1 hour bus ride) and I wasn’t even familiar with. Until now, he is still the best priest that I have ever met here. I’ve known 6-7 priests in the confession room, and I could say he is one of the best priest for confession so far.

Well, I’m glad to hear your experience. Don’t forget to go confession regularly. The more you want, it’s getting difficult to go back. I should stop now haha… sorry for hijacking your thread!

 

[TexRose]

These have been great responses - thank you so much!

I have called one of our priests and left a voice-mail telling him about my situation. I expect a call today to set up an appointment, so I’m on my way.

I’ll let you know how it goes!

Thanks, everyone.

Wonderful!! You’re on your way! And when you come out of there, you’re going to feel such an awesome feeling, as if you were walking on air.
You’re going to be alright. Nervousness is normal. I think we all still get a little nervous. Don’t let that stop you though.

 

[briang72]

Yahoo, I did it!

GOOGLE!

Welcome back to the sacrament! Those are the exact words the priest said to me when I returned after @ 17 years absence. I am actually a bit afraid of another long-term lapse, so I go regularly (once a month at least).