I've sinned, but may not go to confession

[Lifeisawesome]

Brother,

I am grateful you went to confession - a great virtue, particularly when you did not want to go. This is clear evidence of God’s work in you. If you allow him, he will complete that work…

Christ condescended to become man, live, suffer, and die so that you could be free of sin - a slave to God instead of a slave to the flesh and hell. I want to echo the wise voices here in this discussion - spiritual direction is a must when we are unable to break the cycle ourselves. I have personally struggled with deep patterns of sin and have, by his grace, overcome them. There is a way out. Find a spiritual director. In the mean time, start reading St. Teresa of Avila’s biography. You will be surprised and blessed.

In Christ and His grace. Be assured that you are in my prayers.

 

[Musician]

Epistemes,
So glad to see you are still on CAF…I have been praying for you.
As far as confession goes, I committed a really grievous sin several weeks ago that I wasn’t even sorry for. I went to confession and confessed my lack of contrition! The instant I did that, a hatred for sin came over me. I KNEW that God had answered my prayer.
Keep up the good work…you are working out your salvation with “fear and trembling” as it says in the Bible. You may not feel the “right” way a lot of times, but our salvation is not based on feelings!

 

[Elizabeth502]

Musician, great example of the power of the Sacrament.

It may be a good idea for the OP to try another confessor – not out of embarrassment or displeasure with the current one-- but to get another perspective & to be open to the opportunity of a different insight & grace. It might be good to share with a different pair of ears your sense of despair about the habitual nature of your sin and the sense of being “owned” by it. (Again, a clever trick by the devil, who is getting you to believe that he owns you.)

Epistemes, please make time to sit/kneel in The Presence as much as possible, including at adoration. There’s something about the exposed host that can be very powerful if you open yourself to that. I cannot stress enough to make Mary a central part of your day as well. Pour out your needs to her, especially your emotions.

I prayed for you at Mass last night. Hang in there.

 

[Epistemes]

Epistemes, please make time to sit/kneel in The Presence as much as possible, including at adoration. There’s something about the exposed host that can be very powerful if you open yourself to that. I cannot stress enough to make Mary a central part of your day as well. Pour out your needs to her, especially your emotions.

A dear friend told me last night about how he recently had to lean very heavily on Our Dearest Mom and he recommended the same for me. Now is a perfect time to render myself into Mary’s hands because I am so very weak and need her loving touch, but also because I just started the renewal of my consecration to her.

 

[withwind]

A dear friend told me last night about how he recently had to lean very heavily on Our Dearest Mom and he recommended the same for me. Now is a perfect time to render myself into Mary’s hands because I am so very weak and need her loving touch, but also because I just started the renewal of my consecration to her.

I believe it is the perfect time for you, but do with patience and trust that She would take you to Jesus and help you; don’t expect things happen overnight because you would be frustrated if it doesn’t happen the way you wanted.

 

[Elizabeth502]

A dear friend told me last night about how he recently had to lean very heavily on Our Dearest Mom and he recommended the same for me. Now is a perfect time to render myself into Mary’s hands because I am so very weak and need her loving touch, but also because I just started the renewal of my consecration to her.

Awesome.

And thank you, Mary, for hearing my prayers last night. (And you know why she heard my prayers? Not because I’m special, but because when I pray to her I totally believe that she listens & is an effortlessly convincing adovcate. It’s the faith. And I take no credit for my faith in her either. She has proven herself over & over; that’s why I believe. Go for it: sounds like you are already inclined toward that reconsecration.)

 

[MarieVeronica]

Well, I did go to confession today.

Though, let me just say, I *am *getting tired of going. I think the old priest who is there is also getting tired of seeing me and hearing me go on and on about the same thing week after week. And, well, I’m tired of getting advice that lacks in clarity: I think he sees something within me that I don’t see, but he just isn’t telling me for lack of words or something. It’s frustrating. I really, really wish I had a good confessor and/or spiritual director who would tell me something! (It’s just, what if I’ve been told it all before?)

“Ep” I’m so glad you went! It shows a real trust in the Mercy of Jesus! :yup: And I’m also glad to hear, that you’re leaning more on the assistance of Our Blessed Mother.

Have you ever tried calling your Archdiocese office about locating a Spiritual Director? Just a thought; maybe you can find one, that way.

Keeping you in my prayers. God bless!

 

[NFrancis]

I think that you want to stop sinning but the temptations are too great for you to overcome and you think you can’t overcome them. You should make an appointment with a priest to talk to and then he can determine if you should make a confession.

 

[onetruechurch]

You need a “safe” outlet. Are you able to jog or swim? You need a physical activity that can exhaust you. I am not a jogger but in my area there are many joggers who are substituting jogging for alcohol, drugs, (name any addiction). What I like to do when I am tempted to have a food that I should not have is work on my soduku puzzle. I love soduku so for me it is a good safe substitute for a pleasure I should not have.
Can you think of a safe activity that you enjoy? It doesn’t have to be religious…just safe. Musical instruments are good outlets. My “slim” sister plays the piano every time she wants extra food. If you can’t think of an activity, maybe you could invest in a punching bag.

:nunchuk::ballspin::whackadoo::juggle:

 

[onetruechurch]

Oh my…I just re-read my response. What in the world is soduku?? Sorry. I meant sudoku. Have you pondered my suggestion? Thanks for starting the Consecration to Mary thread. I will be visiting it daily (except the 4 days I will be away from a computer)

 

[mangy_dog]

I’ve sinned again against purity. It’s obvious that I have no real intention to stop as I seem to cause the triggers and gives in to the triggers. Since I’ve walked the walk and talked the talk of abstention, what else is there but the grace of Christ which I am willingly choosing not to rely on? It’s a hard choice because I want to go to confession, but I believe that going would be a farce.

I’m only really typing this so that I can ask for your prayers. Please pray that I find true contrition in my heart, not the opportunistic contrition that I’ve seemingly relied on for so long now, and that I can actually rely on the grace of Jesus to help me.

A soldier is shot or recieves shrapnel and is taken off the battlefield momentarily. Heals, recovers and returns to the battle.

Some continue to fight even with a piece of bullet in their side.

Don’t be a willing casualty of the demon! Go back to Confession - the inexhaustible source of renewable grace!!

Contrition of heart is a grace - true repentance is a grace. That grace is recieved in confession.

If you decide not to go to confession just because you don’t get the “warm fuzzy feeling”, guess what?..you are a willing casualty and you will have lost the will to fight, to resist.

Lucifer will put you on “auto pilot” and let you go on sinning without the possibility of renewing the grace that comes from confession. He wins.

The demon’s plan is to discourage you from going to confession. And if you give in - he wins.

Go to confession every week if you can. Confession is more effective than any exorcism!

Gospa Mir.

 

[sgogola]

I don’t know how old this thread is, but I would like to say something. It bothers me sometimes too when I don’t hear what I thought I was going to hear at confession. Sometimes I wish I could get beaten with a whip just so I can feel pain to know how sorrowful I was. And that would lead me away from sin. But I don’t think thats what Jesus wants. Fasting is great for self control, yes. But I can only speak from my own experience on what helps me. I am a recovering drug addict and went into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and met sponsors or spiritual directors if u will who led me through steps on identifying the problem with me. The problem of self and want. I was always told u are who your friends are. If your friends are garbage and your with them then you begin to smell like them. If your around alcoholics then chances are your an alcoholic. If your around people who recovering alcoholics then your with people who work together with the common goal of sobriety. Unity of people working on a good common goal is imperative. Remeber bad company diminishes good morals. Really question where the problem is sometimes its not you its the influence around you. And its not a question of how strong your will is to stop sinning. You have to surrender to sin and admit that your powerless and only with the help of Jesus can you achieve freedom of defiance. The problem is you keep thinking about the past and the future. The past is gone there is nothing you can do to change it anymore just to use it as a remembrance tool. The future hasn’t even happened yet you have no control over it. So when you think about sin don’t think about it as fighting this particular sin your whole life then you doom yourself like “Oh my gosh my whole life I have to keep fighting this” rather understand the sin and why you commit it. Knowledge and understanding is a great tool God gave us to gain wisdom. If your sin is masterbation then realize that God does not enjoy seeing you do this because for one it is selfish and God hates selfish acts for He is constantly giving to us. I’ll tell you a little secret though. Jesus told st. faustina to pray the divine chaplet and to give it to the whole world so that we may know His infinite mercy. Just praying this once you recieve grace. And remember that the act of charity is using all the gifts of the Holy Spirit at once. When you perform charity your totally out of self and it fills the spiritual void that you try to fill with sexual pleasure. And most importantly don’t beat yourself up too much. Stop despairing. To despair is to get caught in the most dangerous place “your own head” analyzing everything way too much. Believe me I know. When you go to confession you tell Jesus through the priest your weaknesses and what you need Him to do for you. For He holds all power. St. Paul always said he finds himself doing the things he does not want to do and fails at the things he wants to do, but it is when he is weak he is at the strongest. That means he realizes that he puts down his ego and lets go and lets God. God Bless… ps we all struggle with sin you are not alone. If it was easy everybody would do it…

 

[enanneman]

I’ve sinned again against purity. It’s obvious that I have no real intention to stop as I seem to cause the triggers and gives in to the triggers. Since I’ve walked the walk and talked the talk of abstention, what else is there but the grace of Christ which I am willingly choosing not to rely on? It’s a hard choice because I want to go to confession, but I believe that going would be a farce.

I’m only really typing this so that I can ask for your prayers. Please pray that I find true contrition in my heart, not the opportunistic contrition that I’ve seemingly relied on for so long now, and that I can actually rely on the grace of Jesus to help me.

I just wanted to let you know that I feel much like you do and have often felt that confessing the same sin of impurity over and over and over sounds hollow in my ears as well, and I would often find myself not going to confession for quite some time because it seemed like I wasn’t truly repentant.

However, a good friend of mine who is a seminarian offered me some good advice. He said that rather than not going to confession, I should rather go to confession “each and every time I was impure.” He explained that he wanted me to be “inconvenienced” and would soon get sick and tired and embarrassed of having go to confession again and again and again.

This was a couple of months ago and I’m more or less trying to follow his advice. I’m still struggling BUT I am finding that I am sinning less due to the very reason he put forward. Having to say “Bless me, father, for I have sinned. It’s been one day since my last confession…” has humbled me to my core.

Eric

 

[Epistemes]

Well, a lot of good going to confession did for me: now I’m back in a state of sin – lost my state of grace once again. I don’t know why I keep trying. Oh wait, I don’t keep trying: that’s the problem! Yet here I am…angry at myself for my repeated failures.

I could go to confession today, but what a waste of my time and the little old priest’s time. He already thinks I’m scrupulous and that I dwell too much on the negative. Okay - so what?? That doesn’t change the fact that I can’t keep from jerking off and that I’m now once again in a state of sin!

I can’t believe I’m even trying to do this stupid consecration to Mary. What a farce. What’s even more ridiculous is that I even performed a mortification/penance yesterday for this consecration, but then BAM…sinned. Not even 20 minutes after praying the rosary.

So, yeah, I’m dripping with despair here because I’m sick and tired of this ****. But obviously not sick and tired enough, huh?

I don’t know anymore. I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of trying, I really am. I wish I could just give up on this whole stupid thing.

I’m such a disappointment.

 

[mangy_dog]

Well, a lot of good going to confession did for me: now I’m back in a state of sin – lost my state of grace once again. I don’t know why I keep trying. Oh wait, I don’t keep trying: that’s the problem! Yet here I am…angry at myself for my repeated failures.

I could go to confession today, but what a waste of my time and the little old priest’s time. He already thinks I’m scrupulous and that I dwell too much on the negative. Okay - so what?? That doesn’t change the fact that I can’t keep from jerking off and that I’m now once again in a state of sin!

I can’t believe I’m even trying to do this stupid consecration to Mary. What a farce. What’s even more ridiculous is that I even performed a mortification/penance yesterday for this consecration, but then BAM…sinned. Not even 20 minutes after praying the rosary.

So, yeah, I’m dripping with despair here because I’m sick and tired of this ****. But obviously not sick and tired enough, huh?

I don’t know anymore. I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of trying, I really am. I wish I could just give up on this whole stupid thing.

I’m such a disappointment.

To avoid the near occasions of sin…amen

Here’s where I’m going with this: Is there any porn in the house? soft or hard porn. Do you watch TV shows where there is mild, moderate or explicit nudity; even if its blotted out by the camera.
Do you watch TV shows with a sensual or sexual tone to them - implicit or explicit. MTV and VH1 have several.
Is there a specific fetish that you look for, even in inocuous places like regular magazines, out on the street etc.
Do you take long hot showers even after you’ve completely bathed yourself. Do you participate, listen to, tolerate conversations, actively or passively that have a sensual tone to them.???
The list goes on and on.

Do you avoid the near occasion of sin?

Your trigger to indulge in self-pleasure starts with an outside stimulus which may come from the World: with all its propoganda and advertisement and programs; from the Demon: who communicates thoughts and ideas into your mind; and from your own Concupiscience: fetishes, habits, routines exccesive attentiion to yourself.

You can surrender to the enemy and throw yourself in the arms of the demon Eros or you can continue to resist and go to confession and make it difficult for the demon to make you his in body and soul.

Aquiesce anima mea in Deus salus mea.

 

[Epistemes]

Your trigger to indulge in self-pleasure starts with an outside stimulus which may come from the World: with all its propoganda and advertisement and programs; from the Demon: who communicates thoughts and ideas into your mind; and from your own Concupiscience: fetishes, habits, routines exccesive attentiion to yourself.

Do you avoid the near occasion of sin?

No, but does anyone? Can anyone?

It’s difficult when so much of it is, as you say, seemingly inocuous and human.

I just dread going to confession today. It’s not that I dread confession, but given what the little old priest has said in the past, much of it which I don’t completely understand, I dread the same routine thing of confessing something that he already knows I’m going to confess, that thing alone, and having to listen to him tell me to rely on Christ or the Holy Spirit…and nothing more…when that clearly isn’t fixing things. In short, I can almost give myself the advice and penance which he has to give since I’ve heard it so many times now.

That sounds bitter, and maybe I am.

 

[onetruechurch]

I have a strange feeling I am being ignored

I have raised children and grandchildren and also worked in a mental health hospital. I hope you will at least consider some of my suggestions.

One of my children was very energetic. Swimming was the perfect pacifier for him. Back in the olden days we never heard of ADD and all the other labels. We just used old fashioned ways of keeping our kids out of trouble. If a child or teen seemed to have excess energy and started to get fidgety or get naughty we would schedule extra physical activities for that child. “Time out” was not sitting in a corner but instead, running outside around the house five times. It’s better to find positive ways of using energy then to have to be punished for not using extra energy the way God intended.

In the mental hospital we had a teen who would habitually masturbate in public. He was a “loner”. Having extra energy was not his problem. He was perfectly happy being by himself. He hated sports but as part of his therapy we **forced **him to become physically active. This was a state run hospital so we couldn’t encourage him to go to confession or say prayers. We encouraged him to use substitution for his nasty habit.

Since this is a Catholic forum we can encourage you to pray. Yes, please pray and go to confession. But also, start to learn other ways of satisfying your cravings. Make a list of all the things that you enjoy that are tension relieving. Squeezing a tension ball? Running outside around the house? Jumping on a mini trampoline? Swimming? Dancing? Punching a bag? Sudoku? Musical instrument?

 

[Belle10]

Well, a lot of good going to confession did for me: now I’m back in a state of sin – lost my state of grace once again. I don’t know why I keep trying. Oh wait, I don’t keep trying: that’s the problem! Yet here I am…angry at myself for my repeated failures.

I could go to confession today, **but what a waste of my time and the little old priest’s time. ** He already thinks I’m scrupulous and that I dwell too much on the negative. Okay - so what?? That doesn’t change the fact that I can’t keep from jerking off and that I’m now once again in a state of sin!

I know you know this, but confession is NEVER a waste of time! Jesus is always there and ready to give you forgiveness, love, and grace. Please, go to confession today – you are in mortal sin and if you get hit by a bus or something and die in that state, you know what that means. Sorry to be blunt, but sometimes that’s what works…in fact, that thought is what helps me to resist temptation (sometimes, though sometimes I still fail!).

I can’t believe I’m even trying to do this stupid consecration to Mary. What a farce. What’s even more ridiculous is that I even performed a mortification/penance yesterday for this consecration, but then BAM…sinned. Not even 20 minutes after praying the rosary.

Hmmm…you know who hates Mary? Satan hates Mary. She is everything he is not, and she will crush him one day, so he fears her. He doesn’t want you getting closer to her and Jesus, so he keeps tempting you. The more you try to grow in holiness, the more he works against you – so DON’T GIVE UP! You are doing the right thing with your consecration to Mary – if you weren’t, satan wouldn’t care and would leave you alone.

So, yeah, I’m dripping with despair here because I’m sick and tired of this ****. But obviously not sick and tired enough, huh?

I don’t know anymore. I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of trying, I really am. I wish I could just give up on this whole stupid thing.

I’m such a disappointment.

DON’T GIVE UP. DON’T GIVE UP. DON’T GIVE UP!!

You are NOT a disappointment – you are human! We all fail, we all sin, we all sin over and over. You’re not pretending, you’re struggling, and that’s OK. Jesus doesn’t expect perfection from you or anyone else – it’s not possible for us. Just keep trying and when you start to despair, remember this:

From the Conversation of the Merciful God with a Despairing Soul:
Jesus: What joy fills My Heart when you return to Me. Because you are weak, I take you in My arms and carry you to the home of My Father.

Soul: (as if awakening, asks fearfully): Is it possible that there is yet mercy for me?

Jesus: There is, My child. You have a special claim on My mercy. Let it act in your poor soul; let the rays of grace enter your soul; they bring with them light, warmth, and life.

Soul: But fear fills me at the thought of my sins, and this terrible fear moves me to doubt Your goodness.

Jesus: My child, all your sins have not wounded My Heart as painfully as your present lack of trust does - that after so many efforts of My love and mercy, you should still doubt My goodness…Tell Me all, My child, hide nothing from Me because My loving Heart, the Heart of Your Best Friend is listening to you."

Still praying for you my friend. :hug1: :hug1: :hug1:

 

[Epistemes]

May God reward all of you who have responded and prayed!

I’ve returned from confession, and my soul feels so much lighter. The little old priest was there, but I told him everything, even about my reluctance to come to confession, and rather than encountering the same explanation, he really offered me some true guidance. He even advised me how I can better rend myself unto Mary.

I am going to join a gym and go there whenever I can in order to deplete myself of some excess energy. It seems like there might need to be some lifestyle changes for a deeper interior change to also happen.

 

[onetruechurch]

May God reward all of you who have responded and prayed!

I’ve returned from confession, and my soul feels so much lighter. The little old priest was there, but I told him everything, even about my reluctance to come to confession, and rather than encountering the same explanation, he really offered me some true guidance. He even advised me how I can better rend myself unto Mary.

I am going to join a gym and go there whenever I can in order to deplete myself of some excess energy. It seems like there might need to be some lifestyle changes for a deeper interior change to also happen.

:extrahappy::hug1:
Just got back from daily mass and communion. I offered mass especially for you today. I will also be praying for our consecration group at mass until the day of consecration.