IYO: Are Catholic weak on fellowship?

[zaffiroborant]

Now, my question is as simple as yours, why do you go to church? Is it to strengthen fellowship or to commune with Jesus. Only one answer is correct. So what is yours?

Why is only one answer correct?

Why not both?

They aren’t mutually exclusive.

No they aren’t mutually exclusive but if you are only going for fellowship then you might as well join a bowling league or the Lions Club. But then on the other hand maybe one who goes for fellowship will find their heart caught by the Mass.

 

[TC3033]

I think parish demographics and part of the country (and part of the diocese) have a lot to do with this.

For example, if you live in Boynton Beach, FL; the parish there (which I’ve been to once) is filled with things after mass and opportunities to participate during Mass too. Since that’s an area filled with transplants (and converts) they have more parish activities because there are many people there who do not have family close by (i.e. retirees who have family back north, etc).

On the flip side, a geographic parish in the middle of New York City might not have as many social programs as a personal (ethnic) parish a block down the street.

My parish, a 130 year old Suburban parish (in a 12 year old Church building - our church burned down on Christmas Eve in 2000), has family movie night a few times a year and an annual pot-luck dinner. In addition to Bible study and CYO sports, there are plenty of fellowship events for non-Catholic spouses. For example, our most recent “Discovering Christ” had a non-Catholic in attendance. Our parish also participates in our area’s interfaith fellowship program where area Catholic, Protestant, and Jewish Synagogues take turns hosting everyone for fellowship (though it’s interesting that when the event is hosted at a Catholic Church or Synagogue, besides the clergy, only the Catholics & Jews show up)

Point is some fellowship events lend themselves more to devout Catholics while others are more social and/or Christocentric in nature.

That must be nice. Where we go, the non-Catholics / non-Catholic spouses aren’t invited to anything.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

That must be nice. Where we go, the non-Catholics / non-Catholic spouses aren’t invited to anything.

I have a non-Catholic husband and know another mixed couple and we’ve had different reactions. To be fair in my recent parishes there are more noticeably more women than men so I imagine most people take the glass half full attitude to me having a committed Christian husband, the other couple are male Catholic/female non-Catholic and she feels more negativity from Catholics.

 

[TC3033]

I have a non-Catholic husband and know another mixed couple and we’ve had different reactions. To be fair in my recent parishes there are more noticeably more women than men so I imagine most people take the glass half full attitude to me having a committed Christian husband, the other couple are male Catholic/female non-Catholic and she feels more negativity from Catholics.

I’m the non-Catholic husband and I get a ton of negativity. I hear about how that doesn’t happen, but it pretty much flies in the face of what I experience.

At the parrish we’re at now, there was a Father that really looked down his nose at non-Catholics. That may have trickled down through the congregation. We (and other families) left that parrish because of him. Now that he’s gone, it appears, some families are coming back.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

That’s really grim. Loads of Catholics are married to non-Catholics these days, there was only one Catholic couple at my marriage prep and loads of us have non-Catholic close friends who we pray with and talk about our faith with. I think the Catholic church really shoots itself in the foot with that negativity and I’m really sorry you have been treated that way.

 

[TC3033]

That’s really grim. Loads of Catholics are married to non-Catholics these days, there was only one Catholic couple at my marriage prep and loads of us have non-Catholic close friends who we pray with and talk about our faith with. I think the Catholic church really shoots itself in the foot with that negativity and I’m really sorry you have been treated that way.

I’m one of the few (maybe even the only) non-Catholic husband in the parrish. Ya, it sucks when you’re the only Dad in the place that isn’t invited to the “Dad stuff”.

 

[Horton]

I’m one of the few (maybe even the only) non-Catholic husband in the parrish. Ya, it sucks when you’re the only Dad in the place that isn’t invited to the “Dad stuff”.

What “Dad stuff”? I know for the Knights of Columbus you must be a Catholic to be a member but their activities (outside of meetings) are for everyone. I can’t imagine there is a KoC member standing at the door, barring non-Catholics, at the pancake breakfast.

Can you elaborate on the dad stuff?

 

[TC3033]

What “Dad stuff”? I know for the Knights of Columbus you must be a Catholic to be a member but their activities (outside of meetings) are for everyone. I can’t imagine there is a KoC member standing at the door, barring non-Catholics, at the pancake breakfast.

Can you elaborate on the dad stuff?

Sure, one instance;

Every year we have a festival, and part of that festival is a pig roast. As a part of that, all of the “Dads” are given times where they are responsible for the roasting or “bar tending”. It’s more of a time for sitting around in lawn chairs, talking, and having a beverage or two.

Every year the list comes out for your “time”, I’m the only husband in the parrish (that I can tell) doesn’t get a time. The first time that I noticed that I was the only one being left off I turned to my wife “hey, I’m not getting times to go BBQ…is it because what I think it is?” She just kind of dropped her head and said “yep”.

Where we go, everything is very personal and we all have mail boxes at the back of the church. When a men’s event, Dad stuff, comes up we’ll get the information in the mail box. I won’t, but everyone else will. It is what it is, or was what it was. I’m getting over it.

 

[Horton]

Sure, one instance;

Every year we have a festival, and part of that festival is a pig roast. As a part of that, all of the “Dads” are given times where they are responsible for the roasting or “bar tending”. It’s more of a time for sitting around in lawn chairs, talking, and having a beverage or two.

Every year the list comes out for your “time”, I’m the only husband in the parrish (that I can tell) doesn’t get a time. The first time that I noticed that I was the only one being left off I turned to my wife “hey, I’m not getting times to go BBQ…is it because what I think it is?” She just kind of dropped her head and said “yep”.

Where we go, everything is very personal and we all have mail boxes at the back of the church. When a men’s event, Dad stuff, comes up we’ll get the information in the mail box. I won’t, but everyone else will. It is what it is, or was what it was. I’m getting over it.

Ok. I’m sorry you feel isolated in a Catholic parish. It just doesn’t sound like any Catholic community I’ve been part of. I’ve known non-Catholic spouses who have been active members of the parish.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I think some Catholics have a bit of a bunker mentality and feel threatened by ecumenism.

 

[CurtHo]

ConfusedLucy I am not seeing why focusing on the Most Holy Eucharist is hard. It should be easy. Christ in the present in the Eucharist and that what Catholics believe.

So when you say that it is not enough, aren’t you really saying that Christ is not enough? See that is were Catholics that believe in strong fellowship loose me. They devote more time and energy into fellowship than, into a very personal realionship with Christ and through him his Heavenly Father.

Isn’t that the relationship Jesus wanted us to have? With our Heavenly Father? Doesn’t he say that repeatedly throughout the Gospel?

 

[ConfusedLucy]

If it was possible to lead a Eucharist focused life with no need for anyone else that would be one thing but we aren’t. I wasn’t able to be confirmed without a sponsor, if I have my own children I will somehow have to come up with a Catholic godparent, with both these situations you can’t just give the excuse that you filled all your time with devotion to the Eucharist and none for fellowship, you have a produce an actual fellow Catholic human being.

On a more personal level I do feel guilty that I can’t just be content with receiving the Eucharist. I miss being part of a Catholic community and having Catholic friends in my day to day life. It’s getting easier though but it’s still lonely.

 

[billsannie]

I’ve always been too shy to introduce myself to others, so I always felt very lonely in the Catholic church I attended from the time I was born until I was in my '30’s. When I went to coffee and donuts, or any kind of dinner, I always tried to get my mother to attend so I would have someone to sit with and talk to.

As a teenager, when I visited my friends’ Protestant churches, I was introduced to more people in ten minutes than in all my years at my own church.

An acquaintance who was a little burned out on church activities once said to me, “I joined a Baptist church and people wouldn’t leave me alone. Then I joined a Catholic church so I would be left alone.”

Since my first parish I’ve visited or joined other parishes, and with one slight exception, all felt like I was worshipping alone.

 

[Horton]

I’ve always been too shy to introduce myself to others, so I always felt very lonely in the Catholic church I attended from the time I was born until I was in my '30’s. When I went to coffee and donuts, or any kind of dinner, I always tried to get my mother to attend so I would have someone to sit with and talk to.

As a teenager, when I visited my friends’ Protestant churches, I was introduced to more people in ten minutes than in all my years at my own church.

An acquaintance who was a little burned out on church activities once said to me, “I joined a Baptist church and people wouldn’t leave me alone. Then I joined a Catholic church so I would be left alone.”

Since my first parish I’ve visited or joined other parishes, and with one slight exception, all felt like I was worshipping alone.

I am convert to Catholic faith and while in RCIA I made friends with people I’m still friends with today even though we live far apart. I was fortunate to attend a Cursillo weekend retreat just before I was confirmed. I met amazing Catholic women and made life long friendships there. I also stayed involved with RCIA as a team member.

I moved when I retired and had to do the “new parish” thing. The first few Sundays very few people spoke to me or made an effort to get to know me. I knew that if I wanted a better experience with my new parish I would have to make it so. I spoke to the priest about RCIA and he put me in contact with the directors. I joined the team. Since I was retired I had time to volunteer, so I put a little time into some of the other parish ministries. I joined CCW.

I’ve since moved to another parish and one of the first things I did was to speak to the RCIA directors and volunteer to help in any way needed. I’m also getting involved and other activities and meeting many new people.

In my opinion one has to make their parish experience how they want it. I’m not a big coffee & donuts person, but maybe this is a way to get to know people. Find a ministry you feel you can get involved in, do a retreat, find a way to use your talents.

 

[PJM]

I think some Catholics have a bit of a bunker mentality and feel threatened by ecumenism.

Would you please expand on that thought?

GBY

 

[PJM]

I’ve always been too shy to introduce myself to others, so I always felt very lonely in the Catholic church I attended from the time I was born until I was in my '30’s. When I went to coffee and donuts, or any kind of dinner, I always tried to get my mother to attend so I would have someone to sit with and talk to.

As a teenager, when I visited my friends’ Protestant churches, I was introduced to more people in ten minutes than in all my years at my own church.

An acquaintance who was a little burned out on church activities once said to me, “I joined a Baptist church and people wouldn’t leave me alone. Then I joined a Catholic church so I would be left alone.”

Since my first parish I’ve visited or joined other parishes, and with one slight exception, all felt like I was worshipping alone.

My FRIEND, PLEASE READ Hebrews 6:1-8

1] Wherefore leaving the word of the beginning of Christ, let us go on to things more perfect, not laying again the foundation of penance from dead works, and of faith towards God, [2] Of the doctrine of baptisms, and imposition of hands, and of the resurrection of the dead, and of eternal judgment. [3] And this will we do, if God permit. [4] For it is impossible for those who were once illuminated, have tasted also the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, [5] Have moreover tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come,

[1] The word of the beginning: The first rudiments of the Christian doctrine.

**[4] It is impossible: The meaning is, that it is impossible for such as have fallen after baptism, to be again baptized; and very hard for such as have apostatized from the faith, after having received many graces, to return again to the happy state from which they fell.[DOUAY BIBLE explanation
[/COLOR]
[6] And are fallen away: to be renewed again to penance, crucifying again to themselves the Son of God, and making him a mockery. [7] For the earth that drinketh in the rain which cometh often upon it, and bringeth forth herbs meet for them by whom it is tilled, receiveth blessing from God. [8] But that which bringeth forth thorns and briers, is reprobate, and very near unto a curse, whose end is to be burnt

DEAR FRIEND

Their is but One true God

Who can and does have ONLY One set of TRUE faith beliefs

And desired and founded only One TRUE Church today’s RCC

You would do well to pray about your decision.

Church /Worship is about GOD, NOT how we feel. Amen

God Bless you

Patrick**

 

[TC3033]

Ok. I’m sorry you feel isolated in a Catholic parish. It just doesn’t sound like any Catholic community I’ve been part of. I’ve known non-Catholic spouses who have been active members of the parish.

Seems to me, it is quite the opposite here. It appears to be quite discouraged, if not forbidden.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

Would you please expand on that thought?

GBY

The negative attitudes towards ecumenism. I think in an increasingly secular would us Christians need each other. Catholic churches with declining numbers might be able to sustain themselves if they shared a building with other small congregations. Likewise a Catholic parish may not have enough young adults for a young adult group or enough people interested in a monthly meal but if this was done ecumenically with other churches in the area it might be possible.

Also the attitude that something is automatically unCatholic because it’s more common in protestant churches like homegroups or guitar music or even fellowship in general.

I sometimes feel that churches would rather decline and die than question the “we’ve always done it this way” approach and consider ever doing things differently.

 

[Rosebud77]

If it was possible to lead a Eucharist focused life with no need for anyone else that would be one thing but we aren’t. I wasn’t able to be confirmed without a sponsor, if I have my own children I will somehow have to come up with a Catholic godparent, with both these situations you can’t just give the excuse that you filled all your time with devotion to the Eucharist and none for fellowship, you have a produce an actual fellow Catholic human being.

On a more personal level I do feel guilty that I can’t just be content with receiving the Eucharist. I miss being part of a Catholic community and having Catholic friends in my day to day life. It’s getting easier though but it’s still lonely./QUOTE]

Now I meet folk when I am out and chat and I have no idea if they are Catholic or Christian or not… I do not need to know to be witth them and find them good company etc… strange to me to limit friendship in that way… actually the ones who say anything re faith etc are the hostile ones!

 

[ConfusedLucy]

ConfusedLucy;14337005:

If it was possible to lead a Eucharist focused life with no need for anyone else that would be one thing but we aren’t. I wasn’t able to be confirmed without a sponsor, if I have my own children I will somehow have to come up with a Catholic godparent, with both these situations you can’t just give the excuse that you filled all your time with devotion to the Eucharist and none for fellowship, you have a produce an actual fellow Catholic human being.

On a more personal level I do feel guilty that I can’t just be content with receiving the Eucharist. I miss being part of a Catholic community and having Catholic friends in my day to day life. It’s getting easier though but it’s still lonely.

/QUOTE]

Now I meet folk when I am out and chat and I have no idea if they are Catholic or Christian or not… I do not need to know to be witth them and find them good company etc… strange to me to limit friendship in that way… actually the ones who say anything re faith etc are the hostile ones!

To be honest I just ignore the negativity around ecumenism. I know some wonderful non-Catholics who I pray with. I’ve been to my husbands non-Catholic prayer groups, volunteered with his church on occasion and once in a while will attend a different mass time and go to church on Sunday with him. If I insisted on only practising my faith with Catholics I’d just end up with a punch card approach to the Eucharist and little else.

Going to church is still lonely but I know there are people outside who will help me to grow in faith.