IYO: Are Catholic weak on fellowship?

[Darryl_B]

It is true that Catholics have less social events, there is no bowling club, no coffee club. But when I am at Mass, I feel a strong sense of deep fellowship, and there is not a word spoken, other than Peace Be With You. At that point for the first time, during the proclamation of “Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us …” the whole congregation for the first time sings in unison, it is vibrant, it has passion. It is like we have all finally joined together as, well, family.

 

[Darryl_B]

To be honest I just ignore the negativity around ecumenism. I know some wonderful non-Catholics who I pray with. I’ve been to my husbands non-Catholic prayer groups, volunteered with his church on occasion and once in a while will attend a different mass time and go to church on Sunday with him. If I insisted on only practising my faith with Catholics I’d just end up with a punch card approach to the Eucharist and little else.

Going to church is still lonely but I know there are people outside who will help me to grow in faith.

My friend, the non-Catholics who attend my protestant wife’s cell-group (which was also my cell-group being an ex-protestant), would come around to my house, when I was co-host with my wife, and they would essentially discuss what was wrong with the Catholic Church, to the point where I will no longer have them in my house.

There was an interesting moment where one had been overseas to Europe and experienced a number of historic Catholic Churches and he had softened towards his observance of that journey. He defended the fact that they were sincere they prayed they believed, they lived.

I saw in that moment that for a moment he saw. Response from cell-group was bang bang bang bang bang.

Yes to ecumenism. No to sale.

 

[Rosebud77]

really "religion " is best left out of daily conversation. It really is. Live faith though…

 

[phil19034]

Sure, one instance;

Every year we have a festival, and part of that festival is a pig roast. As a part of that, all of the “Dads” are given times where they are responsible for the roasting or “bar tending”. It’s more of a time for sitting around in lawn chairs, talking, and having a beverage or two.

Every year the list comes out for your “time”, I’m the only husband in the parrish (that I can tell) doesn’t get a time. The first time that I noticed that I was the only one being left off I turned to my wife “hey, I’m not getting times to go BBQ…is it because what I think it is?” She just kind of dropped her head and said “yep”.

Where we go, everything is very personal and we all have mail boxes at the back of the church. When a men’s event, Dad stuff, comes up we’ll get the information in the mail box. I won’t, but everyone else will. It is what it is, or was what it was. I’m getting over it.

There are a lot of unknowns here, but on face value this sounds like a purely social event and that should NOT be happening to you.

With that said, in many (if not all parishes) there are rules that only Catholics who live in the parish boundaries can be leadership in ministry. But there is a line between what is real ministry vs simply volunteering.

It’s possible that the group is confusing ministry and social. Has your wife ever spoken with the priest about this exact example? It’s very possible that the pastor doesn’t know this is happening to you, and it very well could be a misunderstanding on the committee’s part.

A parish priest (aka pastor) is responsible for all the souls living within his parish boundaries, including the non-Catholics. Any faithful pastor would not be in favor of something trivial that would push people away from the Catholic Church.

So I highly remcommed that your wife makes an appointment with the pastor to discuss this and other things (spiritual and none) going on in her life. My money is on the priest not really knowing that this is happening and/or that it is hurting you.

NOTE: with this said, I can only think of two legit reasons why a parish would not allow a non-Catholic spouse to take part in such a social activity: (1) if all the volunteers at this social event are considered lay leaders and they have an evangelical / Catechesis part to their role (even if not that day) or (2) if the individual person (Catholic or not) was considered a legitimate disturbance or truely scandalous. <<<<. I’m not implying that this is you.

Any way, I highly suggest your wife speaks to the pastor. I truly believe this is a misunderstanding on someone’s part. However, IF it turns out that he is behind or supporting any unjust discrimination (which I doubt) then your wife should contact the Bishop, but only after speaking the the pastor.

God Bless

 

[phil19034]

It is true that Catholics have less social events, there is no bowling club, no coffee club .

These things used to exists (at least in the United States) through the 1950s. But then they were dismantled by Americanist nuns, priests and bishops who wanted to dismantle the Catholic ghettos.

 

[phil19034]

The negative attitudes towards ecumenism. I think in an increasingly secular would us Christians need each other. Catholic churches with declining numbers might be able to sustain themselves if they shared a building with other small congregations. Likewise a Catholic parish may not have enough young adults for a young adult group or enough people interested in a monthly meal but if this was done ecumenically with other churches in the area it might be possible.

While there are exceptions, the shared Church building idea often doesn’t work too well for a Catholic parish due to mainly logistical reasons.

A Catholic parish would have to use it a lot more, and there are many scheduling requirements, esp around Holy Week, Advent & Lent.

Also, the truth is, outside of some Anglicans and Lutherians, you would be hard pressed to find many Protestant communities that would want to use a Catholic Church. The fact that a Catholic Church needs to have a crucifix, Stations of the Cross, and typically has statutes of at least Mary and Joseph, would be a deal breaker for most Protestant ministers.

In the Norfolk, VA area, there is one mission parish that shares a church building with a Protestant community. They have two altars. The two communities often do lots of fellowship/social things together. However, they do little in the realm of Catholic devotions. Their cultural identity as a Catholic parish is lost and the parish doesn’t look like a typical Catholic Church. They are very Christocentric and a vibrant Christian community, however they lack many of the cultural / devotional things that make Catholic parishes different from the Anglicans or Lutherans.

Ecumenism should be about celebrating the things we share in common AND celebrating our differences. However, it often seems like ecumenism is only celebrated by Catholics suppressing our Catholicism, which is why many Catholics shun it.

There is a happy balance, but currently it seems like it is one extream or another.

 

[TC3033]

There are a lot of unknowns here, but on face value this sounds like a **purely social event and that should NOT be happening to you. **

Agreed

With that said, in many (if not all parishes) there are rules that only Catholics who live in the parish boundaries can be leadership in ministry. But there is a line between what is real ministry vs simply volunteering.

It’s possible that the group is confusing ministry and social. Has your wife ever spoken with the priest about this exact example? It’s very possible that the pastor doesn’t know this is happening to you, and it very well could be a misunderstanding on the committee’s part.

A parish priest (aka pastor) is responsible for all the souls living within his parish boundaries, including the non-Catholics. Any faithful pastor would not be in favor of something trivial that would push people away from the Catholic Church.

So I highly remcommed that your wife makes an appointment with the pastor to discuss this and other things (spiritual and none) going on in her life. My money is on the priest not really knowing that this is happening and/or that it is hurting you.

No we haven’t spoke with him. We think that this COULD be residual from a previous priest who did not like non-Catholics coming to Mass or church events and actually put them on the spot a few times in front of other church goers.

NOTE: with this said, I can only think of two legit reasons why a parish would not allow a non-Catholic spouse to take part in such a social activity: (1) if all the volunteers at this social event are considered lay leaders and they have an evangelical / Catechesis part to their role (even if not that day) or (2) if the individual person (Catholic or not) was considered a legitimate disturbance or truely scandalous. <<<<. I’m not implying that this is you.

No, #1 isn’t it, and I really doubt it’s #2. My wife just said, “I don’t know, that’s just the way we’ve always done it”.

Any way, I highly suggest your wife speaks to the pastor. I truly believe this is a misunderstanding on someone’s part. However, IF it turns out that he is behind or supporting any unjust discrimination (which I doubt) then your wife should contact the Bishop, but only after speaking the the pastor.

I don’t think the current pastor is behind anything. I think it is residuals from the last pastor, however, when my wife did meet with the Pastor last he did ask if I found a place to go to church yet.

 

[phil19034]

I don’t think the current pastor is behind anything. I think it is residuals from the last pastor, however, when my wife did meet with the Pastor last he did ask if I found a place to go to church yet.

I think your wife should talk to him about this specific situation, because it should not be happening the way you describe.

As far as the Pastor asking if you found a place to go to church, that’s most likely more about his concern for your spiritual welfare. A priest would rather see a person attend a Protestant service than nothing at all on Sunday. And if you are not interested in converting and are unhappy attending Sunday Mass, then I’m sure she simply wants you to be happy.

On the flip side, if you are happy attending Sunday Mass, then I’m sure he’s happy to have you there.

I know of a woman who attends my parish, she’s Protestant and her husband and their kids are Catholic. They were married in the Catholic Church and I’ve even seen here at Mass with the kids without her husband.

She’s very welcome and the pastor talks to her whenever she wants to chat.

Btw - are you baptized? just curious. If you were not, that MIGHT be the root of some of the issues if your parish is very traditional. Historically, non baptized people were not allowed to attend Mass, but that’s not true anymore (though some parishes still have their RCIA class leave Mass before the Eurchast and often do additional RCIA studies during the 2nd half of Mass)

God Bless

 

[PJM]

Seems to me, it is quite the opposite here. It appears to be quite discouraged, if not forbidden.

Hi, I’m the OP

I have not read ALL of the post, just many of them.

I just don’t see where you get that idea.

Our Mass is as it must be {Jesus IS truly, Really and Substantially Present]; GOD focused.

But outside of the Mass their are numerous opportunities for fellowship that is Church related.

God Bless you

Patrick

 

[PJM]

The negative attitudes towards ecumenism. I think in an increasingly secular would us Christians need each other. Catholic churches with declining numbers might be able to sustain themselves if they shared a building with other small congregations. Likewise a Catholic parish may not have enough young adults for a young adult group or enough people interested in a monthly meal but if this was done ecumenically with other churches in the area it might be possible.

Also the attitude that something is automatically unCatholic because it’s more common in protestant churches like homegroups or guitar music or even fellowship in general.

I sometimes feel that churches would rather decline and die than question the “we’ve always done it this way” approach and consider ever doing things differently.

I know of multiple parishes who DO, do this already.

BUT our Churches have Reservation Tabernacles, that cannot be open to even the slight possibility of being profaned.

When I was still teaching kids, our group would visit other church groups and invite them to visit us too.

NOT sure what a “homegroup is?”, but as far as guitars; I see them from time to time in different Catholic Parishes.

It is quite common for parishes to sponsor a meal or coffee & doughnuts after Mass in my experience.

THANKS and GBY

 

[PJM]

My friend, the non-Catholics who attend my protestant wife’s cell-group (which was also my cell-group being an ex-protestant), would come around to my house, when I was co-host with my wife, and they would essentially discuss what was wrong with the Catholic Church, to the point where I will no longer have them in my house.

There was an interesting moment where one had been overseas to Europe and experienced a number of historic Catholic Churches and he had softened towards his observance of that journey. He defended the fact that they were sincere they prayed they believed, they lived.

I saw in that moment that for a moment he saw. Response from cell-group was bang bang bang bang bang.

Yes to ecumenism. No to sale.

JUST a question here:

Would it not be better to maybe explain to them what is RIGHT about our Catholic Church and faith

God Bless you

Patrick

 

[Darryl_B]

JUST a question here:

Would it not be better to maybe explain to them what is RIGHT about our Catholic Church and faith

God Bless you

Patrick

My friend, I tried, but people do have the right to not listen.

I would edit add that I even had to explain that Catholics are not “The Godfather”. Who gets their knowledge from a fictitious movie anyway?

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I know of multiple parishes who DO, do this already.

BUT our Churches have Reservation Tabernacles, that cannot be open to even the slight possibility of being profaned.

When I was still teaching kids, our group would visit other church groups and invite them to visit us too.

NOT sure what a “homegroup is?”, but as far as guitars; I see them from time to time in different Catholic Parishes.

It is quite common for parishes to sponsor a meal or coffee & doughnuts after Mass in my experience.

THANKS and GBY

Home groups are groups of about 8 people who meet during the week for prayer and Bible study, I suppose if Catholics were to do this it could include the rosary. It is a useful opportunity to meet people at church and it means that when you attend tea and coffee after mass you have at least a handful of people you know and the opportunity to meet others through them. Attending after mass tea and coffee alone as a stranger is awkward and doesn’t work for everyone.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

Agreed

No we haven’t spoke with him. We think that this COULD be residual from a previous priest who did not like non-Catholics coming to Mass or church events and actually put them on the spot a few times in front of other church goers.

No, #1 isn’t it, and I really doubt it’s #2. My wife just said, “I don’t know, that’s just the way we’ve always done it”.

I don’t think the current pastor is behind anything. I think it is residuals from the last pastor, however, when my wife did meet with the Pastor last he did ask if I found a place to go to church yet.

Giving the benefit of the doubt is good but there does come a point where you have to stop making excuses for other peoples behaviour. It sounds like this church is taking the bunker approach to Catholicism and I am sorry you are being treated like this.

 

[TC3033]

I think your wife should talk to him about this specific situation, because it should not be happening the way you describe.

As far as the Pastor asking if you found a place to go to church, that’s most likely more about his concern for your spiritual welfare. A priest would rather see a person attend a Protestant service than nothing at all on Sunday. And if you are not interested in converting and are unhappy attending Sunday Mass, then I’m sure she simply wants you to be happy.

On the flip side, if you are happy attending Sunday Mass, then I’m sure he’s happy to have you there.

I know of a woman who attends my parish, she’s Protestant and her husband and their kids are Catholic. They were married in the Catholic Church and I’ve even seen here at Mass with the kids without her husband.

She’s very welcome and the pastor talks to her whenever she wants to chat.

Btw - are you baptized? just curious. If you were not, that MIGHT be the root of some of the issues if your parish is very traditional. Historically, non baptized people were not allowed to attend Mass, but that’s not true anymore (though some parishes still have their RCIA class leave Mass before the Eurchast and often do additional RCIA studies during the 2nd half of Mass)

God Bless

Yep, I was baptized at 19.

I grew up in a family where in the 18 years I lived under my parents roof I could probably count how many times I missed church on Sunday on one hand.

 

[TC3033]

Hi, I’m the OP

I have not read ALL of the post, just many of them.

I just don’t see where you get that idea.

Our Mass is as it must be {Jesus IS truly, Really and Substantially Present]; GOD focused.

But outside of the Mass their are numerous opportunities for fellowship that is Church related.

God Bless you

Patrick

That statement had to do with a specific discussion that is now buried in the thread. It has to do with where I’m at, there aren’t fellowship opportunities for everyone. I was noting that where I’m at it seems that it’s discouraged for non-Catholics to be part of Parrish activities at all.

 

[PJM]

Rosebud77;14341751:

To be honest I just ignore the negativity around ecumenism. I know some wonderful non-Catholics who I pray with. I’ve been to my husbands non-Catholic prayer groups, volunteered with his church on occasion and once in a while will attend a different mass time and go to church on Sunday with him. If I insisted on only practising my faith with Catholics I’d just end up with a punch card approach to the Eucharist and little else.

Going to church is still lonely but I know there are people outside who will help me to grow in faith.

My dear friend Lucy,

I’m guessing here that you’re a resent convert?

There is a risk of scandal for any Catholic to actively participate in ANY non-Catholic Worship service [weddings and funerals are normally exempted], because of the risk of the Protestants ASSUMING that you agree with their theology and religious philosophy; which of course we do not.

Truth can only be singular per-defined issue.
There is no problem with prayer groups, as all prayers are intended to end with God.
Might I suggest that every Catholic parish I have encountered in my 70+ years has both women’s and men’s groups; bible studies, and other opportunities for outside of Mass fellowship. You may wish to join in these opportunities.

As for the Eucharist:

Our Catechism explains:

CCC #1324 The Eucharist is “the source and summit of the Christian life.” “The other sacraments, and indeed all ecclesiastical ministries and works of the apostolate, are bound up with the Eucharist and are oriented toward it. For in the blessed Eucharist is contained the whole spiritual good of the Church, namely Christ himself, our Pasch.” “Pasch” means “Sacrifice”;]

If you’d like more information on the Eucharist; the Real Presence, please send me a private message. I’m a trained Catholic Catechist [teacher] with nearly 30 years of faith sharing experience.

God Bless you Lucy!

Patrick [PJM] here on CAF

 

[PJM]

really "religion " is best left out of daily conversation. It really is. Live faith though…

WHY

IF we know well our faith we ought to be anxious to share it

You live in a very beautiful country and area my friend!

GBY

Patrick

 

[PJM]

My friend, I tried, but people do have the right to not listen.

I would edit add that I even had to explain that Catholics are not “The Godfather”. Who gets their knowledge from a fictitious movie anyway?

OK, then just pray for them and live our Catholic Faith fully and as publicly as possible:thumbsup:

GBY

 

[PJM]

Home groups are groups of about 8 people who meet during the week for prayer and Bible study, I suppose if Catholics were to do this it could include the rosary. It is a useful opportunity to meet people at church and it means that when you attend tea and coffee after mass you have at least a handful of people you know and the opportunity to meet others through them. Attending after mass tea and coffee alone as a stranger is awkward and doesn’t work for everyone.

THANKS

We Catholics do have a similar practice called “Small home communities”, offered in many parishes.

GBY

Patrick