Jealous of friars and priests

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I am very jealous of the pious priest in my parish, my spiritual director (who is a very pious young priest) and those young friars whom I’ve added on Facebook and can hence see their photos. I feel inferior to them and I am not having their humor, talent in football, height, public speaking, spiritual depth and all sorts of talents. And I am such a grave sinner who doesn’t repent, forgets about God whenever tempted and repeatedly goes to Confession, and so I am not chosen by God to be a priest. But I am really really envious of them.

I’ve talked to my spiritual director on matters of Vocation and he thought I may have a Vocation to the priesthood (so do I), but I feel I’m too broken and ordinary to become an ordinary priest. I don;t think I can serve others well as I am not humble and I don’t know how to serve. I’m a boring nerdy geeky bookish guy. I don’t know how being a priest ‘feels’ inside, i’m not that generous to be so dedicated to the Church, and if I do, I know it must be God’s work.

Without God I am nothing. Sigh …
 
Humility doesn’t come naturally to any of us, it’s something that we must learn. Serving is something we learn, too.
We all start off pretty much broken and ordinary but we can turn that around 🙂 God works with us in our weaknesses.
 
Without God, we are all nothing. We don’t get one single thing done on our own merits.

I bet the pious priest and the spiritual director had to start somewhere. They didn’t just pop out of the womb all pious and talented. You also have no idea what sort of internal feelings they may struggle with or still be struggling with.

Your spiritual director thinks you have potential. Why not trust his judgment? Did you tell him you had feelings of jealousy and envy? Did he give you advice on how to deal with that?
 
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MichaelAnonymous said:
I am very jealous of the pious priest in my parish, my spiritual director (who is a very pious young priest) and those young friars whom I’ve added on Facebook and can hence see their photos. I feel inferior to them and I am not having their humor, talent in football, height, public speaking, spiritual depth and all sorts of talents. And I am such a grave sinner who doesn’t repent, forgets about God whenever tempted and repeatedly goes to Confession, and so I am not chosen by God to be a priest. But I am really really envious of them.

I’ve talked to my spiritual director on matters of Vocation and he thought I may have a Vocation to the priesthood (so do I), but I feel I’m too broken and ordinary to become an ordinary priest. I don;t think I can serve others well as I am not humble and I don’t know how to serve. I’m a boring nerdy geeky bookish guy. I don’t know how being a priest ‘feels’ inside, i’m not that generous to be so dedicated to the Church, and if I do, I know it must be God’s work.

Without God I am nothing. Sigh …
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Even with God we are nothing. That is the realisation that was such a revelation in my own life years ago. It allowed me to surrender to Him finally all my pride and ego and self-regard (not that they don’t still bother me daily, but at least I made the effort of surrendering them), and try to focus on His beautiful Self. Each day is a further attempt to discard ego and pride, and turn again to Christ. Once you come to this realisation, I think you will quickly learn to serve, as you will want to do everything in your power to please Him.
 
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Even boring, nerdy, geeky, bookish guys can bring Christ to others. Feelings should be counted for naught. The Cure of Ars certainly didn’t have wordly accomplishments with which to bring about conversions; he relied strictly on Christ and our Lady. Let your spiritual director lead, and if he thinks you should explore the priesthood, then by all means explore the priesthood.
 
I don’t think you have an interest problem, but a self-esteem problem.

Most of the young priests I know are not buff athletes but adorkable.

I mean how could you not be when you start a homily, “So I was babysitting my nieces and they said that it was OK to ice-skate on the newly waxed hardwood floors. I was pretty sure that was a bad idea, but slowly they started to convince me…”
 
MichaelAnonymous said:
I don;t think I can serve others well as I am not humble and I don’t know how to serve. I’m a boring nerdy geeky bookish guy. I don’t know how being a priest ‘feels’ inside,
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Your statement reminds me of the old adage, “God writes straight with crooked lines.”
Peace
 
The fact that you recognize your jealousy is actually a good sign.
Jealousy dissipates when you confess it out loud to another person.
And repentance is a choice, not a feeling.
I’ll remember you in my prayers.
 
God called and still calls lots of different people to do His work. Some are all mentioned in Scripture as someone who drank to much alcohol, murdered, ate bugs, were to old to become a mother or father, constant complainer, had problem speaking, refused to do God´s will, denied Christ not only once but three times, doubted the message that Christ is risen from the dead etc etc etc. Very few were “holy” from the start.

Edit: Don’t forget those to young who hadn’t learnt to recognise God´s voice yet.
 
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There is always someone holier, more pious, etc. than you or me. That is a good thing because it keeps us grounded. So imitate them as much as you can, St Paul said ‘imitate me’.
 
Jealous? I think it may be desire. You did not say how old you are. That can make a big difference. When we are in high school most of us feel inadequate but gradually we learn and gain confidence. As for sin, welcome to the human race. You should be happy that you know your sins and know to confess them. Many people are oblivious to there sins. Knowing our sins makes us humble. That defeats pride. Finally, don’t be so hard on yourself. I have more to say but want to know how old you are first.
 
I am not a Spiritual Director, but… anyone who feels worthy of becoming a priest probably should not become a priest.

We are nothing without God.
 
HolySpirit said:
anyone who feels worthy of becoming a priest probably should not become a priest.
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We could say that about any profession.
Recognizing that we are nothing without God can go hand in hand with a healthy sense of self-esteem where we value ourselves because God values us - “God doesn’t make junk” - and understand that God made us unique for a unique purpose, so there is no point in us being jealous of others or envying them.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
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HolySpirit:
anyone who feels worthy of becoming a priest probably should not become a priest.
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We could say that about any profession.
Recognizing that we are nothing without God can go hand in hand with a healthy sense of self-esteem where we value ourselves because God values us - “God doesn’t make junk” - and understand that God made us unique for a unique purpose, so there is no point in us being jealous of others or envying them.
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I agree.

I think we are looking at the same question from different perspectives.

The OP is crying out for a dose of self-esteem.

I don’t think that he realizes that it is completely understandable to feel unworthy of holy orders. Many of the most pious saints shared these feelings. People who do feel worthy need a dose of humility.
 
I take exception to this, somewhat, being a priest who happens to also enjoy sports–both playing them (badly) and watching them. I think it’s an unfortunate generalization that “funny healthy people” aren’t “mystic enough” to be connected to God. I connect with God, and share that connection with people precisely through my sense of humor. I see that as one of the gifts God has given me. And being healthy is very important too. Our bodies aren’t garbage–we have to take care of ourselves. If I don’t take care of my health, I can hardly take care of my people. This is why sports were encouraged where I went to seminary (I was always the student between me and my younger brother, and he always the athlete, and I told my mom once that it was ironic that going to a seminary with a reputation for academics is what it took for me to get in touch with my inner athlete). Not only does sport encourage healthy bodies, but it’s good for inculcating virtue and building fraternity. I find it pastorally helpful too–I’m in a mostly Hispanic parish, and I love to watch soccer. Most of my teenagers won’t come up to me and ask about my mystical connection with God, but they will talk to me about soccer. It’s helpful to see that Father is a normal human being, it makes me more approachable.

Bottom line, we’re not just souls riding around in bodies, and our bodies aren’t bad or evil. We’re a body-soul composite, and the care of one helps with the care of the other. This is why sport and recreation are good for us, even if we’re priests. We can’t all be pillar hermits.
 
Mary888 said:
The sportsy young priests are a Modern thing.
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Not sure if you consider these guys “modern”, but…

Pope Pius XI was a mountain climber before he became Pope. Peaks in the Alps are named after him.

Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati loved sports, and he’s a Beati.

Eric Liddell was a Protestant minister, not a priest, but he was an Olympic champion who used sports as one way to connect with the young people he worked with in schools and later in a Japanese prison camp.

Many of the noblemen who became great saints enjoyed sports, at least before they became priests or monks or whatever. My guess as to why you hear relatively litle about it before the modern age is simply that in olden times they probably spent more energy on just getting around (having to walk or ride a horse or whatever) and doing what was needed for survival, and had less time and energy to spend blowing off steam with a ball game, plus their biographers prior to the 20th century might not have considered a love of sports important to put in their official records. Sports has always been a way to connect with others and get yourself moving and distracted from sin, especially from sexual sin.
 
Be happy for people when you see God has given them blessings.

If you have an amazing relationship with God, it doesn’t get in the way of me having an amazing relationship with God, and neither of us will be able to hold a candle to other people’s amazing relationships with God. 🙂 God’s love isn’t a pie, which only has so many bites to it before it’s all gone, and people can only get more for themselves by taking away from someone else. Instead, God’s love is more like the ocean, or the sky, except bigger… and our relationships with him flow and ebb depending on where we are in our lives. 🙂
 
I saw a series of photos on Facebook yesterday which show the Ordination of young FSSP priests … and I am jealous of them again … they seem holier than me and more elegant … especially a young man there who’s quite handsome … sigh …
 
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