Jealousy

[EeyoresButerfly]

I can’t believe it, I’m actually a little jealous! I have never been jealous before. I belong to the social networking site Facebook and tonight I found out that my best friend and boyfriend who have never met “friended” each other. I trust them both completely, but I find myself being a little bit jealous. Aaron and I started out as good friends, and I care about him a lot, I have never felt this way about any guy before, which I think is why.

This sounds kind of dumb, but when you find yourself being jealous when it comes to your SO, how do you get your brain and emotions in synch? I’ve never dealt with this before. My brain is telling me that it is absolutely stupid to feel any kind of jealousy, but I still feel (mildly) jealous!

 

[Nita9]

What’s good is that you’re not denying the jealousy. It’s there and it’s real, so it’s good to admit it. It’s also perfectly normal. This is your boyfriend, right? So naturally you’re going to be upset that he’s e-friended a girl.

The thing to watch for is that it doesn’t become obsessive, or spiral out of control. Don’t accuse your boyfriend or automatically assume that he’s doing something wrong. I think the best thing to do would be to just talk to him about it. Tell him you see he’s friended this girl and it made you feel funny and you just wanna know what his intentions are.

Being open and honest about your feelings is the best way to deal with them.

And try not to obsess. If you find yourself thinking about it all day and all night, then you’re obsessing and need to distract yourself by doing something fun.

 

[EeyoresButerfly]

I found out that she was the one who initiated the request. This doesn’t surprise me as her boyfriend friended our entire group as did another friend’s boyfriend.

 

[Galandriel]

I wouldn’t worry to much about it since it’s Facebook.

They probably both have pics of you that they would like to see and share.

you should ask her about it though. That might help you stop feeling jealous.

 

[OSUbride0708]

i would do the same thing to my best friends new boyfriend. i’d want to see what he’s like, what he looks like, who he talks to, etc…mostly just in making sure my friend is going to be treated well. i wouldn’t think anything of it.

 

[kage_ar]

I’m old.

I remember a different time, when people actually met each other, when you introduced a new friend to your group of friends, and actually witnessed the interaction personally

 

[chevalier]

I’ve had some fears, but I’d rather say they were exaggerated, not irrational. I generally sense when things get wrong and I sometimes end up knowing things before people say them. When it comes to relationships, I tend to see patterns. I don’t think that’s without reason, but I know from experience I can become less than rational if such things prolong. I generally take it ill when I see the girlfriend (supposing I have one) avoid my company without explaining it, especially when something else feels wrong and/or when the real shortening of meetings or conversations becomes more drastic than what was officially announced (time until early, but decide to go even earlier), and especially when it turns out I’m getting inaccurate information. I generally feel unwanted if that’s the case and uncared for when it’s not addressed. My last relationship would have been easier if I hadn’t been like that. Had I understood time was applenty if we really were to have been together (since forever is the aim), I would have been less freaky about her not finding time for me. On the other hand, not finding time for someone is a sign of something, as well as finding time for friends but not the boyfriend, so while I crossed the line of freakiness, it wasn’t perhaps unfounded. The relationship didn’t work out. I learnt she was wonderful in so many ways and I could trust her. In some ways, one could say that relationship enabled me to let go of those fears and I still feel good about her when I think of her, even though it didn’t work out (religious differences).

If your boyfriend and friend aren’t being secretive in any way, don’t get defensive about it etc, then it’s most likely you don’t have to fear anything.

 

[whatevergirl]

I’m old.

I remember a different time, when people actually met each other, when you introduced a new friend to your group of friends, and actually witnessed the interaction personally

your comment made me laugh!

Hi EB!
I agree with the other posters, that you probably have nothing to worry about. I once heard a priest say that jealousy is really fear in disguise. Like maybe you like this guy, so in some ways, you are feeling vulnerable. I used to feel a wee bit like that when dating my husband, and even during the early stages of our marriage. But, over the years, I grew to realize that I had nothing to fear. I hope that my thoughts help in some small way.

Hope things are well with you.

ps: I finally figured out your username…haha I was like…eeyore’s butterfly…what does this mean? ha Then, I thought back to Eeyore, and he had a butterfly overhead a lot. Ok, I’m had a duh moment. It’s an adorable username.

 

[EeyoresButerfly]

Thanks for the reassurance. It just kind of caught me by surprise and I think that’s what caused my initial reaction. We had our “first date” (we’ve hung out as friends before) today. He took a train to see me (it’s a sort of long distance relationship at this point) and we had a good time. It was nice to talk in person and sort of reconnect and I’m no longer worried. Thanks again for helping to reassure me!

 

[jenaroni813]

Hi,
I’m glad you posted this because I struggle with the same thing (I actually searched tonight for this topic to find some assurance and advice too)
But in my struggle I’m learning a lot:
At the moment I’m in a long-distance relationship as well. We were really good friends and started dating, but after about a semester of dating he transferred schools and is now about 7 hours away.
As the first semester apart started, I found myself checking his Facebook profile a lot, mostly because I missed him and liked to look at his pictures, but also, I soon admitted deep down, to see “what he was up to” and I fell into the habit of reading what his new female friends would write on his walls. As much as I tried to trust him, it caused me a lot of stress, because I would start forming stories in my head trying to figure out his relationship with them.
What really helped me was getting off Facebook. It’s great to keep in touch with friends, but when it comes to those close to us, especially your boyfriend, virtual-reality just doesn’t cut it. Getting off helped me concentrate on OUR relationship alone and to trust everything he says. If you don’t want to get off completely, I’d say nix looking at your bf’s profile and instead give him a call.
Other than that, be open with each other and put your relationship in His hands, which are busy writing you a beautiful love story, even if the ending may not be what (or whom) you expect

Good luck with your relationship and God Bless!

 

[Kaily]

Hi,
I’m glad you posted this because I struggle with the same thing (I actually searched tonight for this topic to find some assurance and advice too)
But in my struggle I’m learning a lot:
At the moment I’m in a long-distance relationship as well. We were really good friends and started dating, but after about a semester of dating he transferred schools and is now about 7 hours away.
As the first semester apart started, I found myself checking his Facebook profile a lot, mostly because I missed him and liked to look at his pictures, but also, I soon admitted deep down, to see “what he was up to” and I fell into the habit of reading what his new female friends would write on his walls. As much as I tried to trust him, it caused me a lot of stress, because I would start forming stories in my head trying to figure out his relationship with them.
What really helped me was getting off Facebook. It’s great to keep in touch with friends, but when it comes to those close to us, especially your boyfriend, virtual-reality just doesn’t cut it. Getting off helped me concentrate on OUR relationship alone and to trust everything he says. If you don’t want to get off completely, I’d say nix looking at your bf’s profile and instead give him a call.
Other than that, be open with each other and put your relationship in His hands, which are busy writing you a beautiful love story, even if the ending may not be what (or whom) you expect

Good luck with your relationship and God Bless!

Wow, I’m not the only one who has done this then. I find myself doing the same thing, I’ve been dating someone now for 3 months and find myself looking at his facebook profile and reading what other girls say to him especially one who he said he used to have a crush on, they go to church together and are friends and I find that this bothers me for some reason a lot. Maybe I will limit my time on facebook and see if this helps my jealousy as I know feeling that way isn’t right.