Jesus and the question of men and women being friends

[millstreet]

So Jesus said, “But I say to you, that whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Elsewhere we are also warned to avoid the near occasion of sin (I forget the exact words).

My question is, what does this mean for men and women being friends? Can we only be friends with unattractive women? Do we need to reach a point where we fundamentally view the opposite sex differently and therefore have no desires? Do we just avoid this altogether? It is much easier to answer this if the actual act of adultery was the thing in question here, then you just avoid situations that might lead to it. But how many men, honestly, can look at an attractive woman and NOT, even just for a second, have their minds wander? And if that wandering is “adultery with her in his heart”, can I effectively only be friends with my wife?

This passage confuses me. What are we really talking about here, without going into Clinton-esque rationalizations of “what is the definition of…”?

 

[PolarGuy]

We can have many friends of both genders. No, we need not limit our friends to the unattractive or to our spouse.

As to the concept of (paraphrasing) “lusting after someone even for a moment,” we’re all human and we all have urges/thoughts/desires, etc., but we also have the ability to control those, including by shooing them away when unwanted/inappropriate. As someone wrote once, “we can’t control what birds land on our heads but we don’t have to build a nest there.” I can see a pretty woman walk by and be struck by her attractiveness, but there’s a difference between that and fantasizing in elaborate detail about what I would like to do later with her.

 

[EasterJoy]

Once the disciple of a great hermit was tempted by lust. When the hermit saw him struggling, he said, Shall I ask the Lord to release you from your trouble?’ But he said, ‘Abba, I see that although it is a painful struggle I am profiting from having to carry this burden. But ask God in your prayers, that he will give me enough patience to endure it.’ Then his abba said to him, Now I know that you are far advanced, my son, and beyond me.’

It is very difficult to not think an inappropriate thought unless you substitute a better thought, instead. If you make the thought that is pleasing to God a habit as your response to temptation, the devil will look for some other way to tempt you. When you start to lust after a woman, then, think of her as a daughter of the Lord, a soul He means to remain spotless in chastity, whom He desires to crown as a saint. Thank him for making this beautiful soul to be with Him for eternity, praising him with Our Lady. Think thoughts of that kind, ask for help to see the woman as the Lord does, and you will surely get help and will treat her with the dignity with which a Christian saint ought to treat others.

 

[jesus4ever]

I just want to say that when it comes to a catholic man trying to live his faith everyone is different in becoming mature in these situations you come to learn when the sin of lust is really the sin of lust. and you do have the will to not make it into sin.
I am age 30 and dating a fantastic young woman and I don’t look at her that way at all. when she looks nice my heart simply stops at the beauty that is in front of me and I can not believe GOD has placed this young lady into my life and into my path. she has a beautiful face but she has a very big heart that I love very much.

 

[Joe_5859]

Jesus was very good friends with a woman named Mary of Magdala–and rumor has it, she was even attractive (something in the bible about a curl in her hair?). She helped him with his ministry and helped fund it.

He might be a good example to follow in answer to your question.

.

He also chose her to be the first witness to the Resurrection. And today is her feast day. St. Mary Magdalene, pray for us.

 

[Thorns]

Jesus was very good friends with a woman named Mary of Magdala–and rumor has it, she was even attractive (something in the bible about a curl in her hair?). She helped him with his ministry and helped fund it.

He might be a good example to follow in answer to your question.

.

Not everyone has the spiritual fortitude of Jesus though.

If a person routinely struggles with lust, they have to take extra precautions that “normal people” dont have to, like avoiding the beach, places with immodestly dressed women, perhaps even having female friends. It is a burden, no doubt.

 

[styrgwillidar]

So Jesus said, “But I say to you, that whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Elsewhere we are also warned to avoid the near occasion of sin (I forget the exact words).

My question is, what does this mean for men and women being friends? Can we only be friends with unattractive women? Do we need to reach a point where we fundamentally view the opposite sex differently and therefore have no desires? Do we just avoid this altogether? It is much easier to answer this if the actual act of adultery was the thing in question here, then you just avoid situations that might lead to it. But how many men, honestly, can look at an attractive woman and NOT, even just for a second, have their minds wander? And if that wandering is “adultery with her in his heart”, can I effectively only be friends with my wife?

This passage confuses me. What are we really talking about here, without going into Clinton-esque rationalizations of “what is the definition of…”?

Well, the man woman thing gets settled very quickly when you first meet someone. They’re married, they’re not available to you, and that’s that. If they’re under a certain age, no matter how old they look, they’re not available and that’s that… If you’re married than no one is availble to you in that way, and that’s that. If they’re dating your friend, they’re unavailable even if they call you up and ask you out. Lusting after someone isn’t the same as simply noticing they’re female or attractive. Acknowledge it and get past it.

Male-female friendships are pretty much the same as male-male friendships with the exception that you don’t go on isolated travel together. (Although maybe I’m old and its just that one never wanted to allow a ladies reputation to be questioned by appearances). As well as, if one or both of you are married you must respect the feelings of the spouse(s).

 

[Vico]

So Jesus said, “But I say to you, that whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Elsewhere we are also warned to avoid the near occasion of sin (I forget the exact words).

My question is, what does this mean for men and women being friends? Can we only be friends with unattractive women? Do we need to reach a point where we fundamentally view the opposite sex differently and therefore have no desires? Do we just avoid this altogether? It is much easier to answer this if the actual act of adultery was the thing in question here, then you just avoid situations that might lead to it. But how many men, honestly, can look at an attractive woman and NOT, even just for a second, have their minds wander? And if that wandering is “adultery with her in his heart”, can I effectively only be friends with my wife?

This passage confuses me. What are we really talking about here, without going into Clinton-esque rationalizations of “what is the definition of…”?

Maintain control of thoughts, speech, and actions (including glances and looks), avoiding near occasions, and also non-sinful situations that appear to be sinful (scandal), and being properly attentive to your own spouse so that it does not inspire jealousy. Best not to be alone with that person or touching, including dancing. Control of thoughts means to clear you mind of them when you become aware of them, and that may be by working on something else.

 

[Irishmom2]

I just want to say that when it comes to a catholic man trying to live his faith everyone is different in becoming mature in these situations you come to learn when the sin of lust is really the sin of lust. and you do have the will to not make it into sin.
I am age 30 and dating a fantastic young woman and I don’t look at her that way at all. when she looks nice my heart simply stops at the beauty that is in front of me and I can not believe GOD has placed this young lady into my life and into my path. she has a beautiful face but she has a very big heart that I love very much.

You are very sweet!

 

[Anglewannabe]

It means we need to learn to control our thoughts and this applies to women equally as well as men. And if the thoughts are out of control, we go to confession. However, I can’t help but think that a man could have those thoughts about a woman who is not that attractive.

But honestly, if you are married, it does limit how much alone time you should be spending with other women regardless of their appearance