Job Etiquette

[nodito]

Hi friends,

My husband and I have been married about nine months now and would like to have a baby. So far no luck, though I do know that I’m capable of becoming pregnant, as we experienced an early miscarriage a few months ago. We would also like me to stay at home with the new baby, should we be blessed with one.

I also recently graduated from an MPH program and have been offered a good job at a local company. We do well on my husband’s income alone, but the additional income would definitely help us save for a house down payment and build our emergency fund. Though I’m qualified for the job, my future employer would be investing a not insignificant amount of time and money preparing me to work in this position.

My question is, what responsibility do I have towards my (future) employers with regards to accepting a job if I know that I will or would like to soon become pregnant? Would this responsibility change if I’ve already accepted the job or recently started working at it when I found out I that I was pregnant? Would it be charitable to inform my employer before he invested too much time or energy in me, especially if I were planning on leaving in nine months to stay home with the baby? Or is this unneccessary and unprofessional? I feel that it is maybe irresponsible of me to turn down a good job offer in the hopes that I might soon get pregnant, since children are gifts given on God’s time and not on ours.

I realize some of these questions are preemptive, but I’d be interested to hear about any of your thoughts and experiences re: working and having children. Thanks so much!

 

[brigid12]

Take the job! You have no idea how long it will take you to get pregnant nor do you know how much or in what way (from home, etc.) you’ll want to work while you are pregnant, when you are. Your employer knows (unless he’s never learned about the birds and the bees) that you are a married woman of childbearing age. He will not own you and should not be privy to your personal wishes. If asked, I’d tell him that sometime in the future you are interested in having children but don’t know when that will be. Honest but not groveling.

 

[1ke]

Though I’m qualified for the job, my future employer would be investing a not insignificant amount of time and money preparing me to work in this position.

That’s what employers do. Unless it’s a position with an employment contract, it’s called “at will” which means both the employer and employee agree to an exchange as long as it’s beneficial for one or the other. You do not know what the future holds. You are not promising to work for them forever, and they are not promising that you will have a job forever.

It’s a cost of doing business. Let’s say you turn down the job because you might get pregnant and you want to be “nice” to them employer, then the employer offers the job to Joe Smith. Joe Smith takes the job and works 6 months before getting an offer witih 20% more salary. Joe Smith leaves. Joe Smith doesn’t feel one bit guilty. Joe understands that’s the way business works.

You don’t know what the future holds.

My question is, what responsibility do I have towards my (future) employers with regards to accepting a job if I know that I will or would like to soon become pregnant?

None.

Would this responsibility change if I’ve already accepted the job or recently started working at it when I found out I that I was pregnant?

No. Furthermore, that cannot enter into the hiring decision even if you ARE pregnant. You are not required to disclose pregnancy and the employer is not allowed to ask. Title IX of the Civil Rights Act, as amended, prohibits discrimination based on pregnancy.

Would it be charitable to inform my employer before he invested too much time or energy in me, especially if I were planning on leaving in nine months to stay home with the baby?

No.

You don’t know that you will become pregnant right away. You also don’t know that you will for sure leave after the baby. There could be part time opportunities, your husband’s situation could have changed, or a million other things between now and the arrival of any future baby. You cannot predict the future. Go with what is, not with what might be.

Or is this unneccessary and unprofessional?

It is unnecessary, and you should not discuss pregnancy or future pregnancy. It is not a question the employer should ask and you should not volunteer it.

I feel that it is maybe irresponsible of me to turn down a good job offer in the hopes that I might soon get pregnant, since children are gifts given on God’s time and not on ours.

Take the job. If you later become pregnant, you can discuss options with your employer. They cannot discriminate against you for becoming pregnant.

 

[1ke]

If asked, I’d tell him that sometime in the future you are interested in having children but don’t know when that will be. Honest but not groveling.

If asked, don’t respond. That’s an illegal question. It doesn’t have anything to do with your qualifications to do the job.

Be wary of any company who would ask this. They have to be out of their minds!

 

[iluvmybabies]

About 12 years ago, when I was married, I started working before I got pregnant…Then I got pregnant and my boss was not to happy about it…She pushed me really hard at working, I was an assistant manager…AND It put a lot of stress and strain on me. I didn’t get any breaks at all and I was just pregnant…I missed eating and lost a lot of weight, by the time I was 4 months pg I was 15 lbs lighter and was getting really ill…The doctor was not happy about how my pg was going but I had to work. She would even tell me off when I would ask her for a break, I was managing a store by myself and was not allowed to even take a 15 minute break without someone else in the store…She would remind me of this all the time… And would tell me how many other women have gotten pg and had babies while working with her and that I couldn’t use that as an excuse for breaks…

I quit working there and got a better job…They didn’t know I was pregnant and I didn’t tell them. Of course when I was 5 months they started suspecting, and by the time I was almost due they knew I was…They were not happy knowing I was going to be off for a while because of labor etc but there was nothing they could really do about it…When I came back I still had my job and I quit when I felt like it…No one harassed me over it, or told me off…

I learned my lesson and believe me if I ever feel harassed from any job ever again, while pg, I will not stay no matter how much I need the money.

You can start working at any place, things happen, such as employers can change their minds and let you go for no reason…So it’s the same thing…You can take it and enjoy the extra income and when the baby comes, whether it be 1 month or 1 year later, at least you had the chance to make a little extra…

God bless and good luck!

 

[Nanny_PK]

I would urge you to take the job. I would think of it the same way I see my life. I’m single. While I would love to find someone to share my life, I live my life as it is now.

The odds are good that you will eventually have a baby and be able to be a stay-at-home mom, but I would encourage you to make your choices for your life as it is now not based on what might happen. You cannot live your life based on what happened in the past and you can’t live your life based on what might happen in the future. You have to make decisions based on what’s best for your family at this moment.

Just my :twocents:

 

[kevinsgirl]

Take the job–you don’t know when God will bless you with another child.

 

[Nechasin]

I would mirror everything everyone else has said. I will even say that my wife started her first job when she was pregnant with our first child. They cannot ask you and they cannot based your hiring on the basis your pregnancy. So go for and don’t feel guilty. I will tell you what I tell a lot people. Do what is best for you, because the company is going to do what is best for the company. They will have no qualms about letting you go if the economics aren’t right, so you shouldn’t have qualms about leaving after the baby is born.

 

[LongingForLight]

If they are a good employer, they will support you in your work-life balance and will not be bothered that you are pregnant when hired without telling them (it’s not their business) or that you become pregnant shortly after (also not their business). If they are a bad employer, they don’t deserve to know. Don’t bring it up.

Once you are pregnant, base your decisions of what to tell your employer on how fair you expect to be treated. If you trust your employer, be forth-coming once you tell everyone so that the end of your work can be as graceful and smooth for everyone as possible, and so that you can be given any special consideration that is needed (e.g., being able to snack during long meetings, or getting a foot stool to help with swelling ankles). If you don’t trust your employer, avoid saying anything as long as possible.

There are employers who try to force pregnant women out the door early. My sister ended up in a lawsuit over this once; now she works somewhere with a reputation for doing the same for any disability and simply isn’t telling even though she is obviously showing. They can’t do anything as long as she doesn’t tell them what is going on, even though it’s obvious.

But I’ve also seen companies that were very supportive of pregnant moms and even had a reputation for hiring obviously pregnant women without concern and had her work two months and then take 6 months of maternity leave - because they wanted the mother to keep working for them for years after that leave, and knew she wouldn’t find a more family-friendly option anywhere else, so they had her loyalty.

 

[estesbob]

Hi friends,

My husband and I have been married about nine months now and would like to have a baby. So far no luck, though I do know that I’m capable of becoming pregnant, as we experienced an early miscarriage a few months ago. We would also like me to stay at home with the new baby, should we be blessed with one.

I also recently graduated from an MPH program and have been offered a good job at a local company. We do well on my husband’s income alone, but the additional income would definitely help us save for a house down payment and build our emergency fund. Though I’m qualified for the job, my future employer would be investing a not insignificant amount of time and money preparing me to work in this position.

My question is, what responsibility do I have towards my (future) employers with regards to accepting a job if I know that I will or would like to soon become pregnant? Would this responsibility change if I’ve already accepted the job or recently started working at it when I found out I that I was pregnant? Would it be charitable to inform my employer before he invested too much time or energy in me, especially if I were planning on leaving in nine months to stay home with the baby? Or is this unneccessary and unprofessional? I feel that it is maybe irresponsible of me to turn down a good job offer in the hopes that I might soon get pregnant, since children are gifts given on God’s time and not on ours.

I realize some of these questions are preemptive, but I’d be interested to hear about any of your thoughts and experiences re: working and having children. Thanks so much!

Take the job and it is none of their business that you plan to get pregnant. In my office it is always a time of great joy for all of us when one of our employees gets pregnant. You learn to accomodate and usually everything chips in to help out.