Joining the Church - a couple of questions

[Euphon]

I left a lot of this in the Meet & Greet thread, before I found this sub-forum which is clearly a more appropriate place! Apologies for the duplication.

So. I’m new. Here’s the background I put in the other thread…

*I’m British. Was baptised C of E, but that’s as far as anything went - up until last month I’d never set foot inside a church except for other people’s weddings and funerals. Had a fairly unconventional relationship with God, featuring an unstructured and haphazard approach to prayer and reading the Bible (a Gideons one I was given at school).

Now in my thirties, I’ve been called very strongly to the Church (I’ll go into more detail on this another time!), and I approached the dean of my local cathedral (I’m lucky in that I live in a city centre and it’s my nearest Catholic church - and it’s literally two minutes’ walk from work) to talk about reception and becoming a full member of the Church.

Because I had the (mis?)fortune to enquire in the run-up to Holy Week, I’ve got a year to wait before I can be fully received, but I’m already counting the days.

I’ve started going to Mass regularly - first on Sundays and now daily (talk about nought to sixty! I bought myself a Weekday Missal to at least be able to do the readings in absentia and thus feel closer to God, but since my work is so close and weekday mass happens to coincide with my lunch hour, I realised I could go in person).

I’ve been meeting regularly (weekly) with the priest, and we’ve talked a lot about scripture and the relationship between science, reason and faith. It’s been wonderful.*

And now, the questions!

What’s not really been discussed, and I’ve been too afraid to broach it, is where this is actually heading. Or rather, not where it’s heading as such - we’ve mentioned a few times that God willing I’m going to be joining the Church next Easter if they’ll have me - but rather how this relates to us getting there; I’m assuming this is part of the preparation for RCIA, but it hasn’t been clearly set out and so I’m just going with the flow at the moment!

I’m also a little worried about the requirements of RCIA in terms of “proving” my baptism. i was definitely validly baptised, the Protestant church I was Christened in (in a rural part of Northern England) is still there, and even if there were no records, my parents are still alive and could probably provide an affidavit if needed. However, for complex reasons I don’t want to get into here, I changed my name by deed poll when I was in my twenties; I haven’t discussed this with anyone, but I’m not sure if (a) that’s a big no-no, and (b) if not, what to do about it.

Anyway, that’s me. Hope that wasn’t too much information!

 

[Ad_Orientem]

Hi Euphon, welcome to the Tiber crossing.

I’m interested in trying to help with your questions, but not sure exactly what you’re asking.

The one-on-one instruction you’re getting from your priest is a rare privilege; most converts just go through RCIA. At the priest’s discretion, some or all of the RCIA classes can be waived depending on your knowledge, but given your not having past religious instruction, and the informal nature of your meetings, it seems likely you’ll go through the whole process. Classes can go anywhere from 6 mos. to a couple years (ideally, there’s instruction after your Confirmation as well as before).

A name change shouldn’t be a problem for your baptismal status if you have witnesses, but you could ask your priest about this.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Hi and Welcome Home!



When the Holy Spirit calls us, we have to go where He leads!! I will be very interested to hear the rest of your story! I dearly love conversion stories!!



I will just speak to the last question you had, about your baptismal certificate. Ask your priest, but I think you will need your certificate in your original name, then a copy of your name change certification as well. But there should be no problems with these documents. You are not the first one to go through this.

I’m glad you are coming home!

 

[Euphon]

Thanks for the quick replies and the warm welcome!

You’ve both pretty much answered my main question, I think - and made me feel very welcome, so thank you! - but I’ll give some more information in the hope I can be a bit clearer!

I’m all too aware it’s a rare privilege (and I’m determined to make the most of it!) - that’s partly why I haven’t wanted to interrupt and say something like “This is all lovely, but, um, how does this fit in with my becoming Catholic…?”

No, it’s been absolutely amazing. If we did nothing but this for two years, I’d be happy. The thought of going from this to a possibly hit-and-miss RCIA classroom structure isn’t something that fills me with enthusiasm (though obviously if it’s what I need, it’s what I need.)

But I wasn’t sure if this was a “thing”. As a complete newbie, I only realised it wasn’t the norm when I started browsing around online looking at people’s experiences trying to come into the Church, none of which so far have been this, well, awesome. In fact, nobody else’s story seems to compare to mine at all, which is making it very hard to get a bead on where I’m headed.

I guess what I’m asking is… in the politest possible terms… what’s going on?

As things stand - and I don’t feel in any position to ask him, mainly because I know not to look a gift horse in the mouth! - I’ve no idea whether this is preparation for a formal RCIA/catechical process (as in, making me “ready” to start catechesis properly), or whether it’s meant to take the place of that, or whether it’s an extended “interview” to work out whether I’m ready/worthy/wasting my time? Other than an aside in the first meeting (where the “next Easter” time frame was fleetingly mentioned), we’ve not had any discussion at all about where this is headed.

(We spent one session going through my background and my, ahem, unusual attempts at a personal relationship with God, and then the rest of our sessions have been dealing with much heavier philosophical and metaphysical topics, with a particular focus on science and the history and historicity of Scripture. Which, again, has been amazing - but if he said “Oh, by the way, you’re being confirmed tomorrow/next Easter/Christmas 2016” I’d not be surprised right now because I don’t know what to think.)

I don’t for one second wish to appear ungrateful or dissatisfied or frustrated, I just have no idea how what I’m doing relates to my short-term “goal” of joining the Church.

On the baptism issue… I realise every case is probably different and I’ll ask the priest, though the issues around it are a bit prickly. Nothing I want to get into right now (and nothing bad, just messy from a family perspective!), but in general: if I were able to provide:

• • my baptismal records and/or a statement from my parents saying “yup, Euphon was validly baptised on this date in this church and these are his godparents” (I have no idea who they are!) and so on, AND:
• • a copy of the deed of change of name from years later to go with it showing that person baptised 30-odd years ago with my old name is really me…

in general, should that be OK?

(As I understand it, my baptism has left an indelible mark on my soul and can’t be effaced even if I changed my name to Donald Duck, but I’d feel much, much happier bringing this up if I knew one way or the other whether it was likely to be a problem.)

Thanks for all your help!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Maybe your priest is just grateful for someone he CAN talk metaphysics and philosophy with?? He may think God sent you to him personally! LOL But I don’t think it would be impolite to ask him directly next time, something like, “Father, I really enjoy our talks, and I want to keep meeting as long as you have time for me, but can you give me a forward look into what I should be doing to prepare for RCIA? Is there anything I should take care of now? Are there any questions I can answer to make sure my progress into full membership goes smoothly?” Something like that. And then, keep meeting him and talking! What a blessing for you.

I’m pretty sure that’s all that will be needed for your baptismal documents, but ask him to make sure.

Maybe he’s wondering if you might be called to the priesthood…

 

[Euphon]

Too late for that last point, I’m afraid - I’m married with children! - but I did specifically bring that up when questioning why God was calling me to the church now, because if this had happened when I was a teenager, I’d have felt so certain that was His intention. As it is, I obviously know it’s not!

 

[aemcpa]

Too late for that last point, I’m afraid - I’m married with children! - but I did specifically bring that up when questioning why God was calling me to the church now, because if this had happened when I was a teenager, I’d have felt so certain that was His intention. As it is, I obviously know it’s not!

Perhaps the permanent diaconate?

 

[Ad_Orientem]

I second TheRealJuliane’s advice about talking directly with your priest. He may be waiting for a cue from you, so as not to make you feel pressured. If he knows how serious you are about joining the Church, he will have a better idea what steps should be next.

 

[englishredrose]

I third Juliana response on bringing it up with your priest direct in that our current priest will never ask anything of us as in if I had a chat with him that day/week he will never give me away in public (only in the vestry) by saying ‘how are you are now’ etc. (though once he did because when I rejoined the choir I did so via confession-my penance. after the first service I had rejoined he asked me afterwards if am feeling better now as the night before I had emailed saying I feel better once the gown is on etc… much to the interest of the pianist who was near enough to hear and realise he knew something… but only time he has given me away at all and not important really) But if we want to chat with him he is readily there. At first I wondered how do I ask him for a chat because he never gave the usual opening line. He waits for us to go to him.And yes, in the beginning he socially made himself approachable so we knew one could be able to ‘turn to him’. So may be as said, he is just waiting for you to say something and will guide you rather than lead you into it.

 

[Euphon]

Wonderful answers all.

He knows how serious I am - he’s done his his best to try and restrain my overzealous enthusiasm (half-jokingly telling me not to stand up and start preaching in the high street!), we had a long conversation about how I might become frustrated but that it would be worth it in the long term, that I was showing a genuine and ardent desire (longing, in my words) to receive communion (at the moment I stay on my knees and pray St Alphonsus Liguori’s prayer for spiritual communion while the rest of the congregation goes up for the Eucharist) and that while I obviously wasn’t being called to the priesthood God would eventually reveal the nature of the service He wants me to give the church)… and then just as as the conversation seems to be on the verge of getting down to specifics, we get sidetracked talking about whether the Elohist was one person or the textual sources of the Synoptic Gospels or quantum theory in the light of God’s continuing revelation of Himself to mankind, and then suddenly it’s time to go for another week. It sounds silly written down but that’s how it goes, it’s as though I had a split second to ask and couldn’t get the words into a polite enough form to make it worth interrupting the brilliant flow.

Hardly cause for concern, certainly not cause for complaint - I don’t regret it and I’m very happy, I just wondered if this was a part of the “process” in any standard way. I I get the impression it isn’t, but it’s made me that much surer in my conviction that I’ve made the right decision.

 

[Euphon]

Perhaps the permanent diaconate?

Get this: I’m a divorce lawyer. Yes, really. having looked in detail at the specific requirements of what I do, the priest reassures me my conscience is clear on that front, but I don’t think anyone will be looking to me for spiritual guidance any time soon…

 

[aemcpa]

Get this: I’m a divorce lawyer. Yes, really. having looked in detail at the specific requirements of what I do, the priest reassures me my conscience is clear on that front, but I don’t think anyone will be looking to me for spiritual guidance any time soon…

Not true. You are certainly an expert on why marriages fail; there is a desperate need for couples to learn how to avoid those pitfalls. Combined with theological and pastoral training and the grace of Holy Orders, you could become a powerful preacher and teacher on marriage.

 

[PJM]

I left a lot of this in the Meet & Greet thread, before I found this sub-f]orum which is clearly a more appropriate place! Apologies for the duplication.

So. I’m new. Here’s the background I put in the other thread…

*I’m British. Was baptised C of E, but that’s as far as anything went - up until last month I’d never set foot inside a church except for other people’s weddings and funerals. Had a fairly unconventional relationship with God, featuring an unstructured and haphazard approach to prayer and reading the Bible (a Gideons one I was given at school).

Now in my thirties, I’ve been called very strongly to the Church (I’ll go into more detail on this another time!), and I approached the dean of my local cathedral (I’m lucky in that I live in a city centre and it’s my nearest Catholic church - and it’s literally two minutes’ walk from work) to talk about reception and becoming a full member of the Church.

Because I had the (mis?)fortune to enquire in the run-up to Holy Week, I’ve got a year to wait before I can be fully received, but I’m already counting the days.

I’ve started going to Mass regularly - first on Sundays and now daily (talk about nought to sixty! I bought myself a Weekday Missal to at least be able to do the readings in absentia and thus feel closer to God, but since my work is so close and weekday mass happens to coincide with my lunch hour, I realised I could go in person).

I’ve been meeting regularly (weekly) with the priest, and we’ve talked a lot about scripture and the relationship between science, reason and faith. It’s been wonderful.*

And now, the questions!

What’s not really been discussed, and I’ve been too afraid to broach it, is where this is actually heading. Or rather, not where it’s heading as such - we’ve mentioned a few times that God willing I’m going to be joining the Church next Easter if they’ll have me - but rather how this relates to us getting there; I’m assuming this is part of the preparation for RCIA, but it hasn’t been clearly set out and so I’m just going with the flow at the moment!

I’m also a little worried about the requirements of RCIA in terms of “proving” my baptism. i was definitely validly baptised, the Protestant church I was Christened in (in a rural part of Northern England) is still there, and even if there were no records, my parents are still alive and could probably provide an affidavit if needed. However, for complex reasons I don’t want to get into here, I changed my name by deed poll when I was in my twenties; I haven’t discussed this with anyone, but I’m not sure if (a) that’s a big no-no, and (b) if not, what to do about it.

Anyway, that’s me. Hope that wasn’t too much information!

My FRIEND, WELCOME!

If a “yanks” OK will do, here’s the information.

Baptism CAN be proven by family members Not the norm; but not ALL that unusual either. The members DO NOT have to be your parents. Others CAN do the job. The ONLY REAL question is: [caps for emphasis not shouting] WAS IT A VALID CHRISTIAN BAPTISM?

Even if it cannot be proven; you can [and would be Baptized CONDITIONALLY] meaning just incase you either where not; or it MAY not have been a Valid [with water and the Trinity] Baptism. So NOT to worry.

If your name change was legal an recorded; I don’t see that as a major issue either.
Please Let Me know if you have any other concerns and I’ll be happy to address them for you.

May God Bless and guide your journey!

pat/PJM

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Wonderful answers all.

He knows how serious I am - he’s done his his best to try and restrain my overzealous enthusiasm (half-jokingly telling me not to stand up and start preaching in the high street!), we had a long conversation about how I might become frustrated but that it would be worth it in the long term, that I was showing a genuine and ardent desire (longing, in my words) to receive communion (at the moment I stay on my knees and pray St Alphonsus Liguori’s prayer for spiritual communion while the rest of the congregation goes up for the Eucharist) and that while I obviously wasn’t being called to the priesthood God would eventually reveal the nature of the service He wants me to give the church)… and then just as as the conversation seems to be on the verge of getting down to specifics, we get sidetracked talking about whether the Elohist was one person or the textual sources of the Synoptic Gospels or quantum theory in the light of God’s continuing revelation of Himself to mankind, and then suddenly it’s time to go for another week. It sounds silly written down but that’s how it goes, it’s as though I had a split second to ask and couldn’t get the words into a polite enough form to make it worth interrupting the brilliant flow.

Hardly cause for concern, certainly not cause for complaint - I don’t regret it and I’m very happy, I just wondered if this was a part of the “process” in any standard way. I I get the impression it isn’t, but it’s made me that much surer in my conviction that I’ve made the right decision.

Really, it sounds to me as though you’ve made a real FRIEND in this priest! He may be a very intelligent man and doesn’t get to talk to many people the way he is conversing with you. Try to be patient, and try to ask him at the beginning of your time together rather than waiting just the right opportunity.

Sorry to have assumed you are a single man…We need priests so badly you know… But we also need committed couples who can help mentor and guide younger couples…

Did you mention how your wife is taking your conversion? I hope that it is not causing problems in your marriage. Would she consider also converting and raising the children as Catholics?

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Welcome!

I also love a conversion story so please do share if you don’t mind.

You’ve got some good advice about your baptism, so I just want to say something about your instruction at the moment. What you are getting is not the norm, although I know of a few people who had private instruction and skipped RCIA. However, they were all practicing Christians before, which I believe makes a difference. It could easily be the case that this priest is enjoying your company and your discussions, and that he wants to keep you involved with the church before RCIA starts. I also advise you to just ask him what he thinks is the best way for you: carrying on like this and being received when he decides you are ready, or starting RCIA after summer. Who knows, maybe he would be interested in having weekly meetings with you even if you go through RCIA. It is something you should ask him.

In case you do end up in RCIA you might be disappointed with it, and it seems that you are already aware of this possibility. However, I believe that RCIA is important because if will help you feel more a part of the group. You have come from a secular background and my guess is that you haven’t yet developed a sense of community. Our church requires us to worship as a community, and having this awareness of you being a part of it is very important. Most people you will meet will probably not have the same interests in philosophy and theology to that degree, and you might feel a bit lonely. The Catholic church is full of people from all walks of life and different cultures (we even welcome divorce lawyers ), and you might feel sometimes that you have little in common to those people in the pew. So it is important for you to understand and feel that all those people are truly your brothers and sisters in Christ. RCIA will hopefully provide that, even if you don’t learn anything new. Also, seeing how other people face the same challenges of conversion could be very edifying and an opportunity to grow in your spiritual life.

I hope this has helped a bit. Once more, welcome home.

 

[Euphon]

Thank you all for the lovely responses.

I just spent the best part of an hour typing out my conversion story - it was very long! - and when I clicked “submit reply” the forum said I wasn’t logged in and ate it… I can’t face doing that again just now I feel like crying.

I’m not seeing the priest again now until June (he’s away on retreat and then has a trip to Europe with the Archbishop), so maybe when we reconvene that will be a good opportunity to ask him (at the beginning as suggested!) Thank you.

 

[Euphon]

The biggest pain in accidentally losing a long post like that is that I didn’t even mean to write a conversion story; I’d already written a few lines in response to other people before I got started talking about my calling to the Church, and now I can’t for the life of me remember what it was I said or who I was saying it to.

It’s going well, isn’t it?

Conversion story, then. This isn’t as good as the first version I wrote - these things never are, I suppose! - but I’ve tried to cover as much of the ground as I can.

EUPHON’S LIFE STORY, IN THREE EASY PIECES

I.

So, as I said, I was christened in the Church of England, and that was that. I’ve always been a believer, but never a churchgoer; my grandmother became a born-again Christian late in her life, but she died when I was still young. In RE (Religious Education) at school, we seemed to cover almost every world religion except Christianity; my parents weren’t interested in religion, I couldn’t have attended church even if I’d wanted to; we lived in a rural area in Northern England, and not only was it much too far to walk on my own, I’d have had no idea when or what was meant to be happening when I got there.

At school, I got given a Gideons New Testament, and for several years it felt like that (coupled with a falling-apart Authorised Version Bible my grandmother had given me once) was the only tool I had to deepen my understanding of the relationship between God and myself; the only religious guidance I had was that little book and its seasonal and topical guides for daily reading were the only formal “structure” my worship ever took. I didn’t know anyone else who was a practising Christian and had little idea what practical Christians did anyway.

So, I grew into a teenager, and I read my Bible every day, and I prayed a lot, and talked to God in a conversational style. I felt like I was doing something wrong; I went to lengths to hide what I was doing from my parents, who I assumed would disapprove. But I read, and I prayed. And I was happy.

(It was around this time that I developed a great love for music, and started collecting records (of all kinds), and to DJ at schoolfriends’ parties. This will become important later.)

 

[Euphon]

II.

When I left home to go to university, well, that there was probably the opportunity to claim me for Jesus, given that I moved to a city with many churches and well-stocked libraries, and a room of my own where I could pray free from interruption and the worry that someone would see me. Heaven - but it didn’t happen. Instead, what happened was this.

I moved into a dorm with five other guys: one was a Sikh, the other four were typical noisy, hard-drinking private school rugby lads (that’s “preppy jocks” for American readers, I think). Thanks to my record collection, I was able to start DJing on a more regular basis, and made friends quickly enough; I started spending more and more time away from my new “home”, instead staying over at friends’ dorms and houses (and in particular with my first serious girlfriend, the woman who later became my wife), sometimes in other cities. None of the people I met was overtly Christian, or religious at all; many of them were outspoken atheists. And I started to forget to do my daily reading, or to leave my Bible in the dorm when I went away, or to be too embarrassed to get it out to say my prayers before bedtime (especially e.g. staying over at a friend’s house and getting back in at 3am, lacking not only the courage of my convictions but any convictions at all, being too ashamed - I’m not ashamed to use that word, it’s exactly what it was - of my persisting belief in what my rational friends insisted (and my rational mind acknowledged, on some level) was a medieval superstition with no place in a grown-up modern adult world); and eventually, before too long had elapsed, I stopped reading the Bible at all.

Now, I never stopped believing in God, but my experience with organised religion was that it was something other people did, and I could never be one of those “other people”. The only attempts I’d encountered in the city to evangelise me left me cold - trying too hard, getting the details of youth culture spectacularly wrong, appealing to hatred, fuzzy on the details… it didn’t wash with me. I was cool! I was DJing in clubs now. I started my own business in the music industry, surrounded by sex and drugs and rock & roll. I never gave in to temptation, I never stopped praying (in my own disorganised way!) and talking to God; but if you’d have asked me, are you a Christian? I’d have said no, not really.

My future wife (who herself is not a churchgoer) advised me that her parents were particularly religious, involved with their church, and that if we hoped to marry I’d have to win their approval. They turned out to be ardent members of a Baptist sub-denomination, and her father did a lot of lay preaching and Sunday school organising for the group, and it was insinuated I was expected to start going as well. By this point, I’d pretty firmly decided that God was God and the church was an irrelevance. I went along to a couple of services, and they were exactly what I’d expected: lots of tambourine and clapping and singing and dancing.

My honest response, and I can’t put this any more politely, is that they were doing it wrong - whatever “it” was - they weren’t taking it seriously enough. It’s not that I object to the mixing of joy and worship - love of God takes many forms (we lift up our hearts to the Lord!) - but rather that the whole thing felt trivial, seemed to trivialise our Lord’s sacrifice, didn’t connect with the nature of that joy beyond a simplistic “Jesus is nice!” level, and I knew it wasn’t for me. My overriding feelings (that going to church was an irrelevant hindrance in one’s personal relationship with God) remained, well, overriding. If I was ever going to go to church, I imagined I’d respond best to a cartoon Puritan environment, starched and cold and near-silent and serious; but of course, I’d never go.

Still, my would-be parents-in-law wanted me to be confirmed in their church, and I didn’t object to the idea; I was quite happy to go along with it if it would make them happy, even though I knew full well I’d be lying. I loved my wife, and I wished nobody harm; God, I reasoned, knew I believed in Him, knew I tried to be a good person. I was sure He’d understand.

And then both my wife’s parents died unexpectedly, and no more was ever said about church, and that was the end of that.

 

[Euphon]

III.

So, there I was, drifting further and further away from anything in Christianity more sophisticated than a vague understanding that there was a higher power in the universe and that life had meaning.

Life had meaning. But not mine, apparently. I went through several phases trying to figure out what to do with my life, and in the course of that, I started to read. Perhaps as a reaction against my childhood home, which was decidedly short on books and stimulating discussion, I tried to read everything: science and history and geography and culture and religion. I read theological and philosophical texts of both theistic and atheistic flavour; I read about the history of religion and the religion of history.

I should point out at this stage that although I was raised in a largely religion-free environment, the one thing I was always made well aware of was that we were not Catholics. Even without any particular grounding - even without the awareness that I was backing a particular horse in the race - my default stance was probably best described as coming from a position of virulent Protestant agnosticism, where Catholics were those Irish weirdos who spoke Latin and were obsessed with outlawing condoms. And yet, even with that in mind, in almost everything I read I found myself naturally sympathising with the Catholic position, and having to mentally “correct” myself via mental gymnastics. More and more, I started to identify with the Catholic Church; more and more, while of course I’d never be going to church (I was only reading all this because I wanted to know about the world we’re living in, in much the same way I’d read up on, say, extremist politics or Islamic fundamentalism), if I ever was going to go to church, it’d be the Catholic Church I’d head for, because at least they had the right ideas.

(Here’s where I really miss the draft that got deleted, because that bit made a lot more sense the first time round.)

And this went on for the best part of a decade. I carried on with the sense that something was missing in my life, that I was missing out on a deeper experience, that I wanted to belong. Of course, with hindsight, it’s obvious where this was heading, but I didn’t put the pieces together, didn’t sit up and go “Wow, I want to be a Catholic!”… because I didn’t.

The one thing that ever gave me pause for thought was that one of my friends - who I’d never talked to about faith (it’s never been the done thing in any circle of friends I’ve ever had), and whom I’d had pegged as a typical “trendy” atheist - published a blog post explaining that she was converting to Judaism. She wasn’t going to shove it down our throats, but equally she didn’t want our friendship to be soured by a bunch of people mocking her for her belief. The responses were all along the lines of “Good, we’re really happy for you. Are you watching the Everton game tomorrow?”. This was a big deal, as I’d expected pages of patronising and pitying shrugs and quotes from Richard Dawkins, but no: the consensus position was very much that faith has a role to play in people’s lives, that it was to be respected and admired rather than mocked, that the peace religion could bring was to be envied rather than denigrated, and that so long as that faith doesn’t lead one to try and harm others, so long as you don’t try to convert me, well, believe what you want.

An eye-opener, for sure, but not a life-changing moment for me, other than wishing I could have that kind of confidence, that it must be wonderful to have enough faith to go through with something like that and make it public. Says the man who was still talking to God during quiet moments. It didn’t seem contradictory at the time.

 

[Euphon]

AND NOW PART 4, IN WHICH WE REACH THE EXCITING CONCLUSION

So, fast forward to 2013. During the media coverage of the resignation of Pope Benedict and the conclave which would eventually elect Pope Francis, I started reading up on the various candidates and their positions, and I went down a rabbit hole. I ended up trawling the Internet on a reading the new Catechism, the new Mass, the reactions to both, the huge spread of opinions on things within the Church, the rantings of atheists and the calmer, more rational apologetics… things I’d never experienced before. I found myself picking holes in the more empty-headed of both the atheist and Young Earth creationist arguments, found a lot of material that really struck a chord with me. Over the next weeks, seeing what Pope Francis was saying and doing (and he struck me, as an ostensibly Protestant layman, as being an example of exactly what a Pope should be saying and doing), this became an ongoing process - during which time my youngest daughter was born, which rather focused the mind - and watching the crowds at Pope Francis’ inauguration in particular, I realised that I felt like I wanted to be a part of it, that I could reconcile my personality and character and rational mind with being a good Christian and a good Catholic. I didn’t feel like rushing out and signing up, but for the first time, it felt like - as another poster already put it above - coming home.

And still I did nothing.

So, do you remember me saying I loved music? I really, really do love music. I have many tens of thousands of records by now; along with my wife and children, music has been the great love of my life to date. But each step on my ongoing musical journey of discovery has always followed the same pattern: being daunted by lack of knowledge on a composer/artist/genre/label/instrument; being embarrassed about being seen listening to anything new, because (a) I don’t know enough about it to know if I’m supposed to like it like this and (b) I don’t want people knowing I didn’t already know everything about it; researching, researching, researching; finding a proper starting point; learning as much as I can about it; appreciation; enjoyment; love; evangelisation. And so it is with every piece of music I’ve ever truly loved. The journey from tentative, sheepish inquirer to full-blown advocate always follows those same steps.

Can you see where this is heading?

But there’s more to it than that. I’m lucky enough to “suffer” from a condition called synaesthesia; on its most basic level, when I’m truly, genuinely moved by a piece of music (goosebumps, tears, the works), I experience visible artefacts: I physically see the music. Just for a few seconds, but unmistakeably there; stripes and clouds dancing before my eyes. The best description I can give is that it’s like brightly coloured ribbons (all the same colour) fluttering from a fencepost that’s just out of your field of vision, while a cloud of coloured smoke (the same colour) starts billowing from somewhere behind you. It’s quite rare for me - it happens once or twice a year, at most - and it’s got a completely rational medical explanation, it’s entirely benign and harmless, but I’ve always been grateful for it, feeling it lets me experience and enjoy music on an extra, secret “bonus” level.

So, lying in bed one night, having been up for hours and with the words of atheists and apologetics and Scripture and the Catechism and Pope Francis all bouncing around in my head, and confused as to what I was meant to be doing with all of this newly-acquired stuff, I thought about what it all meant, and whether God was really calling me to the church… and for the first time in my life, I had a synaesthetic response to something other than a piece of music. Ribbons streaking across a flashing cloud of colour, and a voice in my head. (I don’t think this was God speaking to me - I didn’t “hear” this in the same way you’d hear me if I was speaking to you, it was more of a cross between the way I’d think something to myself (did I leave the oven on?) and a memory of a conversation I’ve never actually had.) But it felt loud, and the message was crystal clear:

“(Euphon’s full name), what’s stopping you? You know this is the right thing to do. Go and do it.”

Was it my voice? I honestly can’t remember. What I do remember was that I was so moved I cried tears of joy.

Purple, if you were wondering. (The priest had a chuckle at this, saying “Well, it was Lent, I suppose.”)

So I went and did it.

The next day, I looked up my nearest Catholic church, and e-mailed the address on their website saying I wanted to convert and what should I do?

And here I am.