Just can't do it anymore

[KimberlyAnn0218]

I won’t give my long conversion story, suffice it to say that 2 1/2 years ago my husband and I had to meet with our priest about baptizing our 7 year old. The priest did not go easy on us about the delay. We both were at the same meeting and both walked away with different impressions. I couldn’t lose the conversations and it made a huge impact in my life and still does. We together committed to going to church every week. Looking back on it now, that is where my husband’s commitment to our family’s faith formation ended. I took off on a whirlwind of self-discovery, faith discovering and growth. Bottom line is I am not supported in anything other than “good-faith” attempts at getting to church every week. “good faith” means “eh, you can skip when it is inconvenient.” Encouraging my family to go to mass, go to confession, go to religious ed has resulted in a division. I really wanted to make a go at living how I thought we were being encouraged to live. Maybe I was too harsh and pushed too much. Again, I had good intentions. Our attendance as a whole family has rapidly deteriorated, we pulled one son from RE on Weds for sports. I am supposed to be homeschooling him the remainder of the year–yeah, I knew that wouldn’t work and it isn’t. I feel like just letting it go. Backing off cold turkey. I will continue to do what I feel I need to do. Smile and just be an example of faithful living, always open to talking and others joining me at Mass. Is that wrong?

 

[Em_in_FL]

Yeah… sounds like you’re using your husband as an excuse, to be honest.
YOU know what’s right… that’s why you’re here asking.

You’re not going to feel on fire for the faith at all times in your life. Many Saints have major doubts… but they still go through the actions and follow God’s will in their lives.

When you had your son baptized you *promised *to raise him in the faith. Now, you’re slacking and not living up to that promise.

GO TO MASS - with our without your husband.
EDUCATE YOUR CHILD IN THE FAITH - at RE at church or through homeschooling.

No excuses.

 

[Polycarp1]

Get your husband to read “Be a Man” by Father Larry Richard.

 

[dailey]

My husband is not catholic so I can relate. But don’t let that stop you from doing what is right for you and your son! And as Em-In-Fl has said, even saints have gone through dry spells. I know I have.

I will be checking out that book for my husband, thanks Polycarp1!

 

[KimberlyAnn0218]

Get your husband to read “Be a Man” by Father Larry Richard.

I DID buy it, but feel like this is not the right time to ask him to read it. Originally I was trying to challenge him to take up a lenten sacrifice this year and I was going to give him the book. When I approached him about my idea, it was not well received. So I backed off. I firmly believe the timing has to be right to evangelize in certain ways.

 

[Em_in_FL]

I DID buy it, but feel like this is not the right time to ask him to read it. Originally I was trying to challenge him to take up a lenten sacrifice this year and I was going to give him the book. When I approached him about my idea, it was not well received. So I backed off. I firmly believe the timing has to be right to evangelize in certain ways.

Turn to St. Monica…

You will probably never be able to force the issue, regardless of “timing”. Only the Holy Spirit can spark his heart. Pray for him… it DOES work.

 

[The_Bucket]

I DID buy it, but feel like this is not the right time to ask him to read it. Originally I was trying to challenge him to take up a lenten sacrifice this year and I was going to give him the book. When I approached him about my idea, it was not well received. So I backed off. I firmly believe the timing has to be right to evangelize in certain ways.

Ask him to read it anyway. It’s an extremely easy read. If he can get past possibly being offended by the title, I think he’ll actually enjoy it. It doesn’t mean he’ll do all or even any of the “challenges” found therein, but it might shift his perspective a little bit.

Fr. Larry does well to challenge men to be, well, men. But not in a way that says “you weren’t being a man before, you suck, now turn it around.” It’s more of a “come on dude, you can handle this! You know this is what God wants and you definitely can do it!” kind of thing.

 

[KimberlyAnn0218]

Yeah… sounds like you’re using your husband as an excuse, to be honest.
YOU know what’s right… that’s why you’re here asking.

You’re not going to feel on fire for the faith at all times in your life. Many Saints have major doubts… but they still go through the actions and follow God’s will in their lives.

When you had your son baptized you *promised *to raise him in the faith. Now, you’re slacking and not living up to that promise.

GO TO MASS - with our without your husband.
EDUCATE YOUR CHILD IN THE FAITH - at RE at church or through homeschooling.

No excuses.

That is certainly a reasonable conclusion that I am using his lack of effort as an excuse, maybe there is a small element of truth to it, but I am honestly at the point where I feel like I am doing more harm than good. It is not good for parents to not be seen as a team–especially where faith is concerned. Maybe I need to tone it down–I don’t want to, but maybe there are things that I can do to not be so visually expressive about my faith.

 

[hotdiggity]

i zeroed in on your home-school reference…we have been homeschooling our three children for 5 years (not religious ed tho, they do that at church) and if you are just beginning the process with your son cut yourself a little slack…it’s a change and takes time before you find your rhythm and what works best for you both…

hang in there, go to Mass, set the example, pray.

 

[dailey]

That is certainly a reasonable conclusion that I am using his lack of effort as an excuse, maybe there is a small element of truth to it, but I am honestly at the point where I feel like I am doing more harm than good. It is not good for parents to not be seen as a team–especially where faith is concerned. Maybe I need to tone it down–I don’t want to, but maybe there are things that I can do to not be so visually expressive about my faith.

Bad idea. It is much better for your children to see you as a faithful catholic as opposed to seeing both parents as lukewarm. Stay strong! Prayers coming your way…

 

[KimberlyAnn0218]

Thanks to everyone. I wish there was a rule book for life that had examples for every scenario!

 

[Chantal25]

If you haven’t start the rosary and meditated on mystery, start now. It has changed my family.

All the best, don’t give up!

 

[Em_in_FL]

That is certainly a reasonable conclusion that I am using his lack of effort as an excuse, maybe there is a small element of truth to it, but I am honestly at the point where I feel like I am doing more harm than good. It is not good for parents to not be seen as a team–especially where faith is concerned. Maybe I need to tone it down–I don’t want to, but** maybe there are things that I can do to not be so visually expressive about my faith.**

I think it would be FAR worse to avoid the faith than to not be seen as a “team”.
There are MANY mixed-marriages where only one spouse is Catholic and ends up bringing the children to Mass… I don’t see this as any different, even if your husband hasn’t “left” the faith, per se.

What do you mean by “visually expressive” about your faith?
I don’t think that is necessary at all. I think the *necessities *are going to Mass and teaching your children about the faith…

 

[KimberlyAnn0218]

I think it would be FAR worse to avoid the faith than to not be seen as a “team”.
There are MANY mixed-marriages where only one spouse is Catholic and ends up bringing the children to Mass… I don’t see this as any different, even if your husband hasn’t “left” the faith, per se.

What do you mean by “visually expressive” about your faith?
I don’t think that is necessary at all. I think the *necessities *are going to Mass and teaching your children about the faith…

By visually expressive I mean the art in our home, the sacramentals I wear, the banner on my Facebook page, the auto rosary in my car…those things that can visually signal a Catholic. Those really aren’t necessary and while I appreciate them that may be salt in the wound.

I never meant that I would stop going to Mass, perhaps ease up on the harping that the kids go. Sort of a absence makes the heart grow fonder guide them to make the choice kind of thing.I know it sounds backwards, but sometimes backing off helps someone realize how important something really is. I don’t know…

 

[Mrs_Sally]

I wouldn’t worry too much about changing what is already there in terms of sacramentals, art, etc. Just maybe don’t add any.

We went through a time years ago when my husband was not consistently going to church. It was very hard. Here are a few things I did that helped. One I stopped asking, begging, demanding. He either came along or he didn’t, but the kids and I went anyway.

Second thing was to “sweeten the pot”. This started as a way to make things easier for me - keep the kids well-behaved, etc. It turned out to be a GREAT plan! I started coupling Mass with a special event - TEA TIME. Around the same time we started going to evening Mass. (This also helped avoid the “read the paper and drink coffee” issue.) So in the late afternoon I would serve “tea” -a cup of tea and a snack. Then everyone would be gathered up, already disengaged from whatever else, and I’d announce that it was time to go to Mass. Suddenly we’d all be in the car and headed to church.

I an grateful that this slump didn’t last too long and in less than a year we were back toregular Mass attendance.